Over the years I have found Christmas card giving/exchanging, not to mention writing, to be an odious task. I'm not overly fond of it for birthdays or other celebrations either but this year that all changed. I was suddenly seized with the powerful need to send cards to friends and family and when I say friends, I mean people I have never sent cards to. So I went out and spent a silly amount of money getting very nice cards, stamps, an address book and set about mailing out some dozen cards. Not only that but I've made cards for coworkers, my electrologist, therapist, and PCP.
I have to wonder if this is the hormones working on my brain. I've been a misanthrope and a severe introvert since I was a teen but lately I've found myself enjoying the company of people and the kind of little interactions I normally scorned. Little touches, hugs, smiles, etc. I still find it kind of exhausting and need time to myself to decompress but I'm not actively avoiding people as I did even a month ago.
It wouldn't surprise me if estrogen was the culprit. Getting out of the depression that was always there pre HRT has made me feel better about doing things
This whole process does change you profoundly, I have found. Changing social roles, hormones, shedding pretense, even just the effect not being unhappy has on you. You come out on the other side different. Liking things you used to hate and vice versa. Sometimes I feel like more has changed than stayed the same. I do not even recognize the person i used to be anymore. Ofc, plenty has stayed the same too. It's kind of complicated, but best thing is to just accept yourself however you turn out.
I agree it is a mix of new and old. Some of that is the drawing out of what was already there, but I hadn't taken the time to notice or care. Then you have the aspects that sometimes even surprise me. I wasn't even planning on making something for my brother for Christmas yet in the end I decided to. I had the drive and will too and that was on top everything else I had bought even though he says he wants nothing for Christmas. Then you have the aspect that as I move forward and grow as a person that even though I was always a kind, helpful, and outgoing person yet part of my heart seemed frozen and unavailable to everyone including myself. I didn't realize that last part tell very recently. Being able to be the true authentic me has allowed me to un-thaw it and allow the love and caring to show through from my heart. So in the end it's removing the obstacles and freeing ourselves from the anxiety and depression more than the hormones. Hormones are just one factor that brings about the changes.
Mariah
I'm liking it and looking forward to seeing what the me unburdened by years of self-hatred is like.
The affectionate hug my electrolysis tech gave me was wonderful. I love being free to express myself the way I want to.