Hi and Merry Christmas everyone,
I've discussed HRT and T blockers with my therapist. My life situation doesn't permit me to go full time, or all out in transition mode yet, nor am I sure if that is the route I will end up. If it was that simple I would no doubts go full girl mode and live happily ever after.
I know miles may vary, but what I am wondering is how long I would be able to go stealth or be not totally outing myself with visible changes until the time is right. I have read some of the topics regarding low dose and using just T blockers, but would like a little input from others who gradually changed over say a year or two. Truly I don't think I would be able to keep the brakes on once I started, nor do I want to, but reality and life situations just don't yet permit that.
I understand only I can make the decision to begin HRT, so I'm not looking for approval. I just want to know from others some info that might help guide me and my choices.
Thank you for any suggestions and sharing personal experiences.
Amelia
I've been on for a month and don't look much different. I've heard of people that saw drastic changes by now but it seems to be uncommon. I've heard of others with minimal changes 2 years later. I think the average for full stealth is about 6 months. I've seen a lot of other girls here that stealthed as much as possible until they got mammed a lot then they went full time. From what I can tell if you're starting to pass, you're less likely to encounter hate. I'm lucky as I'm in Alabama and have met a lot of acceptance. I expected to encounter a lot of hate.
Low dose for 7 months. Changes are minimal, nothing that can't be hidden.
But...
It's like cocaine. Once you get a taste, you may well want to step it up to an increasingly-higher dose each time you meet with your dealer endocrinologist. Not that I'd know anything about cocaine - I, er, read about that in like a book or something...
Keeping the changes hidden on low dose is fairly simple. It's staying on low dose that's the hard part.
Quote from: Brenda E on December 24, 2014, 12:12:58 PM
Low dose for 7 months. Changes are minimal, nothing that can't be hidden.
But...
It's like cocaine. Once you get a taste, you may well want to step it up to an increasingly-higher dose each time you meet with your dealer endocrinologist. Not that I'd know anything about cocaine - I, er, read about that in like a book or something...
Keeping the changes hidden on low dose is fairly simple. It's staying on low dose that's the hard part.
Quoted for truth.
Everytime I see my PCP I ask for MOAR!!! Must...have...more....
That is where I struggle. I know I will most likely want more. I would go full out if I could and keep asking myself "why am I holding back even?" Then reality sets in and I remember this isn't like changing a shirt, and I will suffer many many losses, but ultimately gain myself.
Thank you ladies.
Amelia
The main thing that will define how well you can hide it is boob growth. At this point despite only being an A after about a year, due to my slender frame I will have trouble hiding it when it comes to summer. Unless I keep wearing layered tops, or started binding. Which I wont.
I've been on HRT for 6 months and its kinda hard to hide now
But I'm also only 20 years old so my age may have a factor in that.
I'd say guy mode is going to start being difficult around the 1 year mark, especially if you choose to do laser and or electrolysis.
I've been on HRT since 8-31-14 and have had trouble hiding the girls since about two months in. Being intersex it looks like my body is just soaking in the estrogen and responding very quickly. I have on a tight sports bra, undershirt, and scrub top and I'm still getting second and third looks at my chest. The only thing keeping me from passing these days is my voice.
I imagine the waist length hair and three earrings in each ear kind of add to the effect. ;D
Yea I have like almost 0 bodyfat. Or rather I did until very recently. I started eating properly and by properly I mean excessively about three weeks ago. I have put on 8lb in 3 weeks. Boobs have doubled ;D
So yea that ought be taken in consideration with the time frame I said.
Quote from: Seras on December 24, 2014, 01:56:30 PM
Yea I have like almost 0 bodyfat. Or rather I did until very recently. I started eating properly and by properly I mean excessively about three weeks ago. I have put on 8lb in 3 weeks. Boobs have doubled ;D
So yea that ought be taken in consideration with the time frame I said.
I'm a little worried about that since I'm 10 lbs from my goal weight. I'm wondering if getting to 145 is a good idea or will I lose some of my development.
Ugh, answering OP's concerns, it all really depends. Depends on many facets which may or may not work in Your favour. I am 19 months in and still most of co-workers have no idea (I am out to several most trusted ones). I have noticed that once You start changing - and those changes are indeed very subtle and often very slow - people would simply adjust their mental image of Yours and while You will be still changing right before their eyes, they wont notice a thing. They will pick out something subconsciously but if You wont push it and wont force them starting to think deeper, they will never have a clue. In general, people are very much self-centered and that is truly a blessing.
And yeah, this stuff becomes addicting - and I am by no means on low dosage HRT either ;).
P.S. Oh, and what might cause trouble? Those who have not seen You for certain period of time (not years, because in that case they wont even recognise You anymore - I have seen that happening... but those who return into Your life might cause questions to be asked. And also completely random peeps can create funny situations which may make other people start thinking about You. So... lead a lonely life, drop acquaintances from former life and try not to bump into them, and You will be relatively safe!
Merry Christmas :).
Quote from: Brenda E on December 24, 2014, 12:12:58 PM
Low dose for 7 months. Changes are minimal, nothing that can't be hidden.
But...
It's like cocaine. Once you get a taste, you may well want to step it up to an increasingly-higher dose each time you meet with your dealer endocrinologist. Not that I'd know anything about cocaine - I, er, read about that in like a book or something...
Keeping the changes hidden on low dose is fairly simple. It's staying on low dose that's the hard part.
I agree. I've been on/off low dose several times over 30 years for a much needed brain reset. I always stopped as soon as I sensed 'changes' as they were diametrically opposed to by strong desire to tough out "Normal" male.
Six years ago I started HRT again. I was a total mess and knew I needed to fix how I was not dealing with being trans. Some personal growth later low went to medium to high. I cannot even imagine myself stopping. And I have tried several times after the "WTF am I DOING????" meltdowns. Thank God I am almost over that!
Male-Fail, IMHO, is due to secondary issues. I have a full A to a B cup. No-prob. I always wore none form fitting clothing thanks to a horrible body image as a former fatty. My immediate need is to remain male due to life circumstances. All of my support group member that I've seen start HRT also start the total feminization trip. Growing out your hair, hair removal, shift to andro or even more fem. All those are total clues that 'something is up'.
In real life I am 6ft tall, balding since I was 12, always wore baggy clothes. It would take a very sharp eye to recognize me in fem mode. If I wore a fight Tee shirt no doubt everyone would see something was up. Otherwise things are practically unnoticeable. I've seen others say no-prob with even a C cup. I can believe it. I wouldn't want to push it with a D
I been on HRT for over a year and barely notice any facial changes. However, my neck has gotten smaller, breasts are small but noticeable, and my butt has gotten a bit bigger. I do go to work and out / about in ladies clothing but if I needed to I could go stealth. But personally, it was getting to the point that I couldn't hold it in any longer and began dressing up more lady like. This also depends on how old you are when you start HRT. Generally, the younger you are, the more noticeable the results.
I'm 6'2, 190 lbs muscle, size 13 feet and balding since early 20's, not so bad but would require wig/other action to fix long term. I have what anyone else would consider to be a quite healthy and productive life. Educated, married to a great woman, beautiful son under 1 year old.
Dysphoria is such a #$%^* and so out of controls some days. Every woman I see, real, TV, ads in magazines, driving past a salon triggers it. I get so jealous of what I can't have and what I so much want to be. It used to be just a pain, but now has become so intense that I feel so overwhelmed and broken. In a perfect world I would be able to keep everything I have and transition, but realize this is most likely not reality.
The desire to transition full out occupies my life to the point where I seem to not be able to think of anything else anymore. HRT seems the only option at times, but as mentioned this is not something I think will be half way, mentally or physically for myself or visually to the world. Changes will occur that I want to occur and people will notice. I fear losing everything I have built to get to this point I am at in life. Stupid transphobia. Stupid dysphoria. :D
Thank you all for sharing experiences, suggestions.
Amelia
I believe what you're going through is normal and valid. I also just want to add that HRT will also change the way you think and your personality. I was just talking to my best friend last night and made a note at the end of the call - that our conversation and the way I was reacting to her stories were completely 100% feminine LOL. So get ready to eat more chocolates :D
I don't only want to eat chocolates. :D I want to pierce my ears, go to the salon and get long french gel nails, wear bras, dresses, skirts, cry at chick flicks and be the woman I was meant to be. When I went to the therapist for the first time and said "I'm transgender, I want to go all the way with this, and be known as Amelia to the rest of the world" it was the most liberating and awesome experience. Hearing her call me Amelia and not by my birth/male name makes me feel so alive. This is a state of mind I think there is no going back from. ;)
Amelia
Amelia, you've chosen a beautiful name.