I'm starting T very soon & I'm going through a wave of feelings & emotions. I've always had insecurities about my short height & incorrect girl parts, but it's escalating & it's making me have some doubts about T. I know 100% that I'm a man & not transitioning would destroy me.
But I also have deep concerns that once I start passing as male, I will be harshly judged on the height/genitals standards of society.
I have growing fears that these personal issues will leave me alone & judged more in life. I feel that transitioning would bring me closer to my core but further away from society's acceptance & finding romantic partners. Of course there are women out there who don't care about height, genitals etc but let's face it, most do as this is just a biological desire. And it bothers me, I feel emasculated.
Anyone have similar fears and/or experiences?
How short do you mean? I'm 5ft2in myself, but since I don't pass I'm probably not a good example. I wish I was a bit taller, but it doesn't bother me so much.
For social aspects, probably a packer could give you the appearance of having the right genitals enough to easily pass. I have intense genital dysphoria, but not for social reasons so a packer doesn't always help me much.
In terms of general social acceptance and romantic partners, it might not be as difficult as you fear. I feared that once I started transitioning I'd be a perpetual freak to everyone. I do really struggle with this feeling of having transitioned now I'm physically no longer female but I'm not really male either and I NEVER will be and it's tearing me apart. But that's ME, not the people around me. (Well, for the most part, I dumped a guy I was dating because of his inability to accept me.) I am being fairly fussy about who I socialize with now too, which helps.
Social stuff can be worked out by finding the right people to hang out with. Not transitioning won't stop society from treating you badly, but transitioning can give you the self assurance and comfort in your own body that you'll need to live true to yourself to where social rejection doesn't matter nearly as much. That said, I am skeptical of your claim that most women would care about your height and non-standard genitals. A cock doesn't make a man, but confidence for sure does. From my experience, I would suggest that you may well be the harshest critic of your body, far more than anyone else around you. The guys I've had sex with post-transition, none of them cared even a fraction as much as I did. No idea how that would work with females, but I can't imagine it being any harder. Gay guys can be really fixated on cock.
The height thing shouldn't be an issue. Sure some insecure people out there will be jerks about it, easier to make fun of someone's height than deal with why they personally hate themselves. The thing about height is confidence. I know two cis guys and one trans guy who are five foot, if that. One cis guy worries about his height all the time and thinks he's a loser because of it, is miserable and lonely. The other cis guy just gets on with life, won't brook any height jokes and is married to a stunning six foot woman. The trans guy is happy and secure about himself and has a 6'4" tall boyfriend. If people love you and respect you they won't care about how tall or short you are, but you have to respect yourself first.
Sadly the plumbing may be a different story. But it may not be either. I'd suggest just take one day at a time, you say that you have to transition and you are starting at soon, so focus on the now rather than creating future scenarios of rejection that may never come to pass.
putting so much focus on your height or bringing attention to it will be a sure way to NOT get a girlfriend. it just brings negativity and w/e, you know? confidence goes a long way. im short, all my exes have been tall (5'7"+) and there is a (presumably) cis guy i work with who is my height. actually, at my school there is plenty of guys my height. if you show people it bothers you, they will pick up on it. height might be desirable but in the end, it doesn't matter to someone who actually wants to be with you beyond all that crap.
as for the other stuff, plenty of people get on just fine and have partners, etc. and you can too. think of it this way, if someone cares so much about these things, are they someone you really would want to be with? they'd always make you feel like crap because of what you're insecure about. you can have surgery, etc. or t might make your dysphoria go away. you never know but just think of the now and don't focus so much on the future when it comes to transitioning and dating.
Thank you friends for all the helpful advice. I'm on board with all of you & I understand confidence is ultimately a game changer, but my experiences lately have just brought me to ponder these things. And good points on focusing on my transition now & not get distracted by future scenarios.
The last few girls I've been interested in accepted me being trans but my height was the issue. I'm 5'5" which I know is short but not drastically short. But it's been an ongoing issue & I'm always the shortest one around, even when other girls are present. I know it's something I need to work on & let go of. From my experience, most girls want a man that is taller than them & I get it. I believe it will lessen the dating pool but that's just life. She will just have to be super special lol
And I have a packer which def helps. I think once I start T I will evolve beyond these fears in time. Plus I do a lot of reading & journaling which helps. All part of the journey I guess :)
Quote from: BORNTOFLY on December 26, 2014, 06:54:48 PM
I'm 5'5" which I know is short but not drastically short. But it's been an ongoing issue & I'm always the shortest one around, even when other girls are present.
5ft5in would be awesome! I could ride almost any motorcycle I wanted with those 3 extra inches. :D
Maybe try to put it into perspective? You really are not that short for a guy. The average height for adult white (cis) males in the United States, Canada, and UK is only 5ft 8 or 9in (depending on which census you use). You are taller than about 8% of adult white (cis) males in the United States. Adult white (cis) males from these countries are the tallest classes of men on the entire planet, barring a few extraordinary exceptions. At 5ft5in, you are right at the average for adult (cis) men of many other countries.
The two trans guys I know in person, one is as short as me (5ft2in) and the other is maybe 1in taller (5ft3) and neither of them has any trouble getting dates. In fact, they are both really popular. They are both shorter than you. I don't have much trouble getting dates either, but as an effeminate gay boy, my height is actually working in my favor. :)
Quote from: BORNTOFLY on December 26, 2014, 06:54:48 PM
Thank you friends for all the helpful advice. I'm on board with all of you & I understand confidence is ultimately a game changer, but my experiences lately have just brought me to ponder these things. And good points on focusing on my transition now & not get distracted by future scenarios.
The last few girls I've been interested in accepted me being trans but my height was the issue. I'm 5'5" which I know is short but not drastically short. But it's been an ongoing issue & I'm always the shortest one around, even when other girls are present. I know it's something I need to work on & let go of. From my experience, most girls want a man that is taller than them & I get it. I believe it will lessen the dating pool but that's just life. She will just have to be super special lol
And I have a packer which def helps. I think once I start T I will evolve beyond these fears in time. Plus I do a lot of reading & journaling which helps. All part of the journey I guess :)
I'm actually the same height and I've learned to live with i, T really is taking good care of my confidence. Although, of course, I wouldn't say no to an extra inch or two and I'm hoping it might happen since I heard people that started T way past puberty have grown maybe an extra inch tops somehow.
5'5"? There are heaps of guys that height and shorter with zero problem fitting into society and getting partners. I'm 5'6" and my height has never even been brought up by guys or girls - and every day I see as many, if not more, guys who are my height and shorter than guys who are way taller than me. This may be regional, but it just goes to show you that height has nothing to do with masculinity or being perceived as inferior.
If girls base their selection criteria for the ideal partner on height, then that's honestly pretty sad.
Sure, everyone has an idea of what is "sexy", but there are probably very few people out there in the world who end up with someone who is an exact duplicate of the man or woman of their dreams - because what makes a relationship isn't big muscles or a statuesque build - it's what's inside, how you treat one another and how you connect on an intellectual, emotional and spiritual level.
It seems true that the harshest judgments often come from within...
Very true! I must be meeting all the wrong women then who deem height as important. I heard once you stop puberty the growth plates fuse so T wont add any inches, but ya never know...let's keep our fingers crossed. And I'm just gonna focus on my journey let it go. The right one will come along :)
I'm only 5'2" and sometimes I worry about being teased for my height. But I also have huge feet for my height so if any guys jokingly give me a hard time, I'll just point out my feet and say well I may be short, but you know what they say about guys with big feet ;) Tease them back like that.
But in actuality, people never mention it. I haven't had anyone bring it up except for once when I was 15, it was just some random cashier telling me "oh you'll catch up to the guys in your grade, I'm sure!" Nobody in college has brought it up, and I figured that'd be the time I'd be most likely to get picked on, since I didn't go to a coed high school. I too am shorter than most girls I seem to meet, yet in just the one quarter I've been at school, I've had a surprising number of girls hit on me. Which was awesome bc as a girl nobody ever liked me. Height doesn't stop many girls at all, if they think you're cute/hot/interesting/whatever it is they look for, then your height really doesn't matter.
Hey! 5'3 here and I don't have any problems with people emasculating me because of my height. I don't worry about it and I just make jokes about taller people when they can get higher items for me. It's not detrimental to you being masculine or anything. I even flirted with someone for the first time on T and she wasn't worried about my height or anything.
Yeah, I totally get it. I think that in general women are a bit more flexible with their sexuality than men which is good for trans guys that date women. However, it's definitely true that a lot of women want tall guys. I'm 5'8" so I'm a pretty average height for a guy but I've been rejected often enough because I'm not taller. What can I say, it must be biology. All that matters is that not all women are like that, and you can absolutely make up for it by projecting confidence. Even if a woman likes tall guys, I can guarantee you she'd rather go out with a confident short guy than a sad sack beanpole.
Oh...and if the height thing is causing dysphoria, I have a secret...work boots! They're useful and comfy and depending on the sole can add an inch or two to your height. There are also inserts you can put inside your shoe under the heel that'll give you an extra boost.
Cheers, Alex
Quote from: zukhlo on December 29, 2014, 01:39:51 AMbut I've been rejected often enough because I'm not taller.
I'm just curious - I hear some guys say this, but I wonder about what the actual conversation was like, because I find it hard to believe that a girl would actually be so insulating as to say "sorry, but you're too short" unless it was some random potential hookup in a club.
Conversation:
Guy: "Hey, just wondering if you want to hang out some time. Maybe have dinner?"
Girl: "No, sorry, but you're too short".
???
I'm also short. I routinely come across short cis men. It doesn't hamper me, I don't have any insecurities around it (nothing worse than a short guy trying to compensate!). Own it, laugh it off if necessary, and just be yourself. People who are going to judge you negatively because of your height aren't worth your time.
And as far as your junk: nobody is going to know what you have in your pants except your significant other and doctors. I don't regularly pack, but sometimes I do and it is a confidence boost, as the packer I currently have is decently sized and gives me a package.
I did end up with a meta; I decided I needed that for my psyche. And I have no issues with my 1" dick. And I've dated enough cis men to know that many cis men have small dicks (true, not as small as mine but one guy had a flaccid dick that looked like a6-year-olds, so yeah, very small), and now at my advancing age (LOL) I find that many cis men have dicks that don't quite work properly any more. I own my junk, and I have a prosthetic if I need a decent size for play that will always be hard, so no performance anxiety, LOL.
And these are also things to talk out with your therapist.
I'm 5'1". I am read as male nearly 100% of the time. At my age, nobody cares. I think younger guys may be teased a bit. I find that society isn't really built for being this size, but you know there are worse things in life. Really really worse. I wouldn't think it's worth not transitioning over. I dont' have a partner but am dating a cis gal, who doesn't care. She's taller than me. :)
--Jay
I actually noticed recently that my mindset has changed drastically since before I started T. I would say I felt really similar to you. I was worried that my height, amongst other things, would be a big issue for me. I found myself watching TV, and seeing guys thinking "OK I kinda look like him...oh, Daniel Radcliffe is my height and people think he is attractive, Seth Green is my height...that guy has a face like mine...oh look at these guys walking about, they are my height." Now, 3 years on T, I see these guys and those thoughts don't even cross my mind anymore. I'm comfortable with myself and I never feel jealous of other guys anymore. No one sees me as a woman. I have all the changes I can possibly get from T - I have a full beard, I'm hairy, fat changes, voice is deep. The guys see me as just another dude, and I see them as just another dude. If a girl rejects me for my height, so be it, I'll find one shorter than me lol. Sometimes I do feel frustrated about my pre-op condition, but I just view it as something I have to be more private and guarded about. For example, when I use the men's changing room, I can't be out in the open. The guys I work with just think I'm embarrassed because I'm sort of fat. And hey it sucks, but one of the girls I support needs me to be there in the changing room with her to help her change into her bathing suit. So what's the big deal if I have to find a private stall to change in? At least I don't have some dude I barely know taking my clothes off in the family room because I can't do it myself. It's just a temporary accommodation I need to make into my life.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that it does get easier. Once you're on T long enough, and you no longer need to tell people you are trans, you're accepted into the guy's circle and you reach a point where you don't have to compare yourself anymore. Being short, and being pre-op (which isn't forever) become just a part of the guy you are.
One of the reasons I'm using Asami as my avatar is because she is the same height as I am, just over 5'10. I wish I were a lot smaller, but it makes me feel a lot better to relate with women of my stature, and am thrilled to see women that are taller than me.
Tom Cruise is your height, and he is a sex symbol. Many protagonists, and heroes of this younger generation are your height. Harry Potter, Frodo.
I'm not super tall though, and know someone that transitioned that is over six foot, and is, and has more reason to be self-conscious than I do. I should count my blessings.
Argh dude don't let your height bum you out. I'm 5'4. you've just got to carry yourself with confidence.
I used to have major insecurities with my height (5'4), but I realized that there are awesome cis male MMA fighters that are 5'4 or shorter (one even being 5'0 I believe), and they are as manly as they can be. Even Vegeta from Dragonball Z was 5'3 initially and he is very manly. I figured it would be more productive to work on the things I could change , like my weight instead. When I would work out, that greatly build my confidence, as well as carrying myself proudly.
If someone rejects you for being 5'8", I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think they were worth your time of day anyway. That's the most ridiculous reason to reject someone. (5'8" isn't even short for a guy, it's in the average range.)
--Jay
Quote from: zukhlo on December 29, 2014, 01:39:51 AM
Yeah, I totally get it. I think that in general women are a bit more flexible with their sexuality than men which is good for trans guys that date women. However, it's definitely true that a lot of women want tall guys. I'm 5'8" so I'm a pretty average height for a guy but I've been rejected often enough because I'm not taller. What can I say, it must be biology. All that matters is that not all women are like that, and you can absolutely make up for it by projecting confidence. Even if a woman likes tall guys, I can guarantee you she'd rather go out with a confident short guy than a sad sack beanpole.
Cheers, Alex
Yanno... just sayin, but anyone who rejects you SOLELY based on height... yeah, not worth the time! You should be judged on who you are, not any one attribute (unless it's for a sports team, then physical attributes should play into it for having the right skills, etc).
As to being judged as male based on height, if you present as male, you present as male - no matter your height. I am 5'2" and passed withOUT trying, and been outed when TRYING to pass. Just be yourself as 100% male and be confident in that. :)