So before I begin. I must admit that I'm very new to all of this, so if I use incorrect terms or language, I apologize.
All of my life I've been labeled the tomboy of the family. As a little kid I can remember getting upset when I reached the age that I had to wear a shirt during the hot summer days unlike my brothers. I hated anything pink or girly, always cried and threw a fit whenever I had to wear a dress or anything like that. I always preferred wearing my older brother's hand-me-downs to anything that my mother would buy for me. And eventually she just gave up.
I've always been more comfortable being one of the guys. I shop in the men's department. I play rough. But I just never really thought to hard about it. I just figured it was part of growing up with brothers. But when people would get confused about my gender or just assume I was a boy, it always made me smile. I just never really put two and two together.
That was until a few months ago. I was taking a poetry class and our assignment was to write a poem about our age and gender and title it such. For example, if you were a 19 year old male, your poem would be called "Men at 19". If you were a 30 year old female, your poem would be called "Women at 30".
So I sat down to start working on the poem...and I HATED it. I didn't like having to title it with "Women". I guess I've always been okay-ish with being a "girl" because it's what I grew up with. But making that step and calling myself a "women" just set off all of these red flags and uncomfortable feelings. So I started to really think about things.
And so I did some research. I watched youtube videos. I wandered around this site and other similar forums. I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning. And I've come to a conclusion. I couldn't stand calling myself a woman, because...I'm not one. I may have all the female parts but the similarities stop there.
I am...(deep breath) transgender.
But I haven't told anyone this yet. In my head I think of myself as a boy. And I'm starting to think of myself as Abram (Abe for short). I've always dressed masculine and keep my hair short, but I find myself more and more trying to make my physical appearance match what I feel inside (i.e. cutting my hair shorter).
But I'm not sure where to go from here...
Hey Abe
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
There are many ways forward. Best option is to talk to a counselor and see what might be going on for you and how you might want to change your current situation.
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Cheers
Grace
Hello, my name will be James for now :)
I want to say Welcome but i am just as new here as you are.
It was intressting reading a story from a girl wanting to be a guy, me myself i have always been a girl on the inside, but i maleifyed myself to fit in (U can read my thread if u'd like to know more about that)
I am so jealous of girls cus girls can act mostly how they want, my dad didn't beat an eye when my sisster acted and dressed like a guy in her teenage years, but he would go insane if i told them i was attracted to guys and feelt out of place in my male body.
Welcome to Susan's!
Welcome Abe to Susan's family
Lots of topics to explore and posts to write
Safe passage on the path you walk in life
Hugs
Welcome, Abram! I'm new here too, I wish you luck in fitting in here. :)
Thanks for the links Grace! And yeah I've been considering a therapist, but I'm nervous about making that first step, ya know?
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Hey James. I get what ya mean. It's interesting for me to see the other side too (too bad we can't all just body swap?). My dad didn't really care about me being boy-ish. But my mom would freak. And nowadays sometimes my friends will be all "but you NOT a boy" when I mention not liking girl stuff. So yeah, it's rough on all sides. Which is why I was glad to find this place and get to have others who understood what it's like to not feel right in your body.
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Thanks Matthew!
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Thanks Mrs Izzy! -Hugs-
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Thanks Clara! It's nice to meet some other newbs. :) I wish us both luck.