Hello soon to be Friends,
My name is Marty. I have joined your forums in hopes to be guided on a path to my future and my eventual journey into the LGBT world.
I'd like to first take a moment to tell how I've come to this place. I have lived my whole life as a regular male guy up until this point of my life. I can say I've lived a fairly normal life as far as it goes. I played football in high school, ran track, hung out with friends, went to college and eventually got my associate's in Digital Media and Design. I can say that while it may have been fun, I felt like my life was just spiraling out of control. I always feel lost, my weight was getting out of hand (I'm 255 right now), my friends all talk down on me, I can't find a job better than retail, and I simply feel like my purpose on this earth is meaningless. Now I'm not the suicidal kind and really hate that people would stoop to a level so low to end the pain. I understand the pain. I've been made fun of my whole life (Farty Marty is what they would call me); but you have to push through. Never give up, and that's where we are now.
I feel like there has to be another path. I've always been told there's 2 paths down every road, but you don't have to follow it forever. so I started looking inside my self to see what the answer is. The answer for me comes from a girl named Samantha. I feel like the path and journey for Marty has been nothing but disappointment, failure, Ugliness and the cruel reality of the world. I figured maybe Samantha could give me a more positive outlook on my future. I've always secretly wanted to be beautiful or at least halfway decent, but unfortunately not the case. I know even if I do become a woman, the harassment will never stop. If I love myself than it shouldn't be that bad.
Here's where the tricky part comes for me. Do I let Samantha be free and change my life forever, or stick with the old ways. Personally I'm leaning towards Samantha. I can honestly say that I've had little thoughts throughout my life that told me being a guy is wrong. I know when I was little in elementary school, I simply loved playing with my lil sisters barbie dolls. Ken was so fashionable and had a lot of cool accessories. My mom let it happen for a while but ultimately convinced me that it was time to play with my own stuff. I was in Boy Scouts for most of my life and met one of my friends (who possibly made me like men). We kissed once when camping to see what it was like. I guess it was enjoyable don't really remember the details other than the fact it happened. One time later on in our years we eventually made love in our tent. I really thought it was cool and I simply loved touching his skin (As he hit puberty way late so he had silky skin). I didn't that we were doing anything wrong as scouting is a male dominated activity (hate to throw scouts under the bus for this unfortunate stereotype). For whatever reason though he didn't really enjoy how it all worked out. I offered again another time we camped but he refused. So now I'm left confused on my sexual desires as I enjoyed being that close to him. I usually went back my sexual desires of being a woman so it felt NORMAL. One day or another I came across an interesting photo of a really sexy woman, but she had a penis. This really changed my life after this moment. Having never actually been with a girl, I can say that vagina's just really seem like a mystery to me. Living in my community being gay is very frowned upon, so I couldn't possibly be with a guy otherwise it'd be worse hell; and I was nowhere close to being desired by any girl that I knew. So seeing this attractive woman with a larger than life perspective down below really excited me. I feel like I can get the best of both worlds from a woman like here. so I came to "study" them for a while until all of the previous life came to a halt. so once I heard Samantha speak to me, I could see that she appeared to be a mtf transgender girl.
I have now really started looking up as much info as possible to make Samantha into me. I still have a lot to learn in my hopeful transition into a beautiful woman. I just order some make up, a bra and panties, and a beautiful wig. So I'm going to finally spend some in the closet and I personally can't wait. Now that I've been thinking about this much my desires have begun to change. I go in public and watch other ladies and see how they behave or how pretty they look. I recently picked my sister's new Gucci purse and tried on and fell in love with it. It make my spider senses tingle like crazy.
i'm sorry if I rambled on for a long while but I couldn't wait to finally get this off my chest. I hope to make many friends and possibly a relationship ;) after all of this. I live in the Northern Chicago suburbs.
Sincerely,
Marty (Hopefully soon Samantha :-*)
Samantha
Welcome to Susan's family.(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femoticons%2Fbugs%2Fbutterfly-smiley-emoticon.gif&hash=55ebfb136b45eac8ba9632f37111f98067fc3aa6) (http://www.sherv.net/)
There are a many here that should have information to help.
So many topics to explore and posts to write.
Pull up a chair and give a look over the following links for site info...(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femoticons%2Fobject%2Fchair-3-smiley-emoticon-emoji.png&hash=f6de189a088518c5de131e0c9ce29661e7a52a55) (http://www.sherv.net/)
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Stay safe and healthy passage on your path, popcorn?
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Izzy
Forum News: new for our members under 18 a new safe place just for you. Youth talk.
Welcome. I just joined here myself so I'm in a similar boat. The important thing is to remember it's a journey; a marathon, not a sprint. Find a good therapist. Don't be afraid to change if you're not comfortable. At 40, I feel ready to burst out of this closet, but it takes time. Explore your feelings and be honest with yourself and your therapist.
Good luck, Samantha
Thanks folks. I just wanna do the best I can to be a part of this fine community. Small steps lead to bigger improvements of a happier you
Hi :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi Samantha ,
A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.
There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.
Congratulations on coming this far. Lots more to learn as time goes on, of course. Lesson1, don't get hung up on labels. They're for lolly jars. LGBT is a trap. LGB is all about sex. Wo you go to bed with, so to speak. T is about gender. Who you are between the ears. Transition is all about you becoming a genuine, authentic and real YOU. nothing more, nothing less. Once you're there, you can then work out whether you're LGB or for that matter, straight.
Keep up the good work. You're doing well so far.
Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
Hey saw your in Chicago, me too Nice To Meet You.
Hey, I missed this one! Welcome to Susan's Place!
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 07, 2015, 07:54:41 AM
Hey, I missed this one! Welcome to Susan's Place!
Hugs, Devlyn
Whaat? nonsense. lol you never miss.