um... hey uh..
My name is Jeff. At least it's still Jeff for now.
( I'm from an asian country and I don't have an exact, official english name.
My elementary school teacher gave us english name to teach us english and she called me Jeff. )
I'm male and I'm 17 years old now. 4 months left until I'm 18.
I just found this forum when I was searching for imformation about transsexual.
I'm the only son in my family.
But I've been wanting to be a girl since I was young.
Girls are so beautiful and gentle.
And of course there are a lot reasons but I can't think of them right now.
I just hide this as a secret which can't be known by anyone.
And now I'm in love with a guy I met on the internet.
He's about 18.
We play games and he knows I'm a boy.
And we've been talking about this for long
Now I'm planning to tell my family this but I don't know how to say it.
1.
My mom had been worry about if I'm a gay since I was young.
And I haven't contected to her for almost 3 years because of some things...
She got cancer in 2011 or 2012.
And I'm her only son. I'm going to need to keep being a male if I want to keep the bloodline going.
(Sorry I don't know much about her because I wasn't living with my mom.
I'm living with my dad and grandparents.
My dad often took me to see her when he's free. But we don't now.
I miss her but I'm worry about how she will think.
I was born when they're both 17 years old(about the age in high school).)
2.
I don't know much about transsexual and I don't know what's the side effect.
Does it kill me or make me die earlier than not doing it?
And how will people think me. A normal girl? or a pervert who want to be a girl?
Should I hide well and act like playing a game with a disguise which can't be identified?
3.
I'm a little worry about how I will look like.
When I'm searching for MtF transsexual,
I often see many beauties and I want to become one.
But I'm worry about that I may be too tall.
I'm already 172 cm tall and my shoulder is about 45 cm wide. (It seems height and shoulder width are ways to identify transsexual)
Though my classmates (most of them are male) said I'm cute.
And once before they even talked about my butt and slapped on it because it looks like girls'.( I was happy to hear that )
4.
Will I find someone who loves me and is willing to marry me?
(I know it sounds a little silly and crazy
but I would like to buy a ticket and travel to where the guy I'm playing with when I'm old enough
At least he said he loves me and he can wait.)
I don't think my life will be fulfilled if I can't find one.
So... Can I ask some questions?
Do you MtF transsexuals have husband now?
What's the reason you want to be a female?
Does it worth?
Anything regretable?
(I'm sorry that I'm asking so straightly but I don't know many ways to ask.
Please don't hate me for this.)
These are all the things I'm worry about. Maybe there are more but I can't think of right now.
And I'm sorry that I'm here just for asking questions.
I really need help.
Jeff
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I'm so sorry that I forgot to read the rules first and posted it in where it shouldn't be.
And thank you for answering and your help :)
It's all good.
I still don't know what to do.
I always want to dress like a real girl, serve my boyfriend/husband,
and get pretty so everyone can tell my boyfriend/husband "Hey! You really got a beautiful girlfriend/wife."
Today one of my classmate(he's a male) said I smell as good as girls do.
I'm trying to become pretty and care about how I look.
But I'm scared of that my family will think I'm just a pervert who wants to be a girl.
How will the society think about me?
How will people look at me if they know this?
Will I even get a job? I don't want to work in the bar or do something dirty.
I just want them to think I'm normal.
I'm planning to tell my family after I'm accepted in college and it's probably going to be in 1~2 months.
I still have difficulty to say it. Because I don't have a reason, I just want to.
I don't even act/dress like a girl for now but I'm willing to after they agree and I start living like a girl.
And I still want to finish my study first.
I'm scared that people in college will bully me if I'm a transsexual.
Hi Jeff, I don't really know how it is to be trans in your country, so I can't help you on that :-\
But I believe we all have those fears, it's only normal. I found out I Was trans at your age and it was not that easy. But I got the courage to stop caring about other people and do me. Best decision ever! I started letting my hair grow , started wearing girls' skinny jeans and it all made me feel better, happier. I'm now almost 2 years on hormones and much , much happier =) I did get judged by some people who found out about me in uni, but nothing beats finally being able to be me. Plus, I pass most of the time, although before transitoning I thought I'd never pass.
Transitioning , though, is finding your inner peace and happiness, being you. You're still young and you have the advantage of being Asian. Look for a gender therapist nearby, try wearing more androgynous / unissex clothes, grow your hair out a bit and see how that makes you feel.Buy a perfume for women.. take small steps and you'll feel more confident about your decisions as you go.
Wish you the best! ;)