Not trying to compare who's better, but I was curious how others felt about this. I started working with a male gender specialist, and I was a little concerned as I thought I would be working with a female therapist. Ultimately it was my decision as she was almost an hour drive and he was 20 minutes tops even in traffic.
I really do like him and feel very comfortable with him. However I sometimes think that having a female prospective would be better during transition and helping me live as a woman. Because let's face it, we may know we're women, but we didn't that growing up as girls and learning from adults, peers, and trial and error.
Anyone else feel this way or have a personal preference?
Hi ChiGirl,
I just selected a therapist for the first time and part of my selection criteria was that it had to be a female. Now I haven't met her yet other than by phone as I have the first appointment next tuesday the 20th. I will let you know how it works out!
Emily
My choice would be female for a number of reasons.
1) Women tend to be more compassionate as a whole
2) Men grow up with anything unusual being a challenge to their own manhood even though they have been trained out of it, this bias was still apart of what made them and it is hard to totally erase those feelings.
3) Women are still discouraged from most higher education so a female therapist likely had to work harder to be where she is making her better over all
These are my opinions that will likely cloud my choice if/when I am able to make this decision.
Ah, Rabbit, that last point is not true. There are more women than men in LMHC and LCSW programs, so more therapists are female to begin with. Anyway, how would you know that a "male" therapist wasn't a transwoman? If you think you might be comfortable with the male therapist, go for it. No rule says you have to stick with him if it doesn't work.
Dee (knows plenty of pushy female therapists.)
I've been to 3 different therapists and my current one is the best. He's FTM and transitioned 14 years ago. (I'm MTF.) I think that he has a better grasp of transitioning than even the "experienced" one that I went to for some time. Does their current gender matter? Not so much. But their background sure does.
My current and former therapists are female. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's for the reasons you specify basically.
my therapist is a women, I couldn't do it talkin to a male about my problems......hell no!!
For me, personally, it isn't so much that I think female therapists are "better". It's that I've never been able open up beyond a certain point to men. I have serious trust issues to begin with, because virtually every person I've ever trusted with anything real has either betrayed or essentially abandoned me. It's even worse when it comes to men. A lot of it stems from issues with my dad, but it also stems from issues I've had with male counselors who never seemed to really listen and even tried to bully me in sessions. It certainly felt that way, like they were being paid by my parents to push an agenda on me rather than to listen to me and let me work through my actual problems.
I'm not even saying all male therapists are like this. I'm aware I just had bad experiences. But it's likely to be a much harder go for me in therapy with a male therapist, because I just don't know how to open up. It's not going to be much easier with a woman, given my severe trust issues, but it's one less barrier I have to work my way through just to be able to open up.
Honestly, the only reason I can open up here is because no one here actually knows who I am beyond a screen name and my posts. No one here knows me well enough to actually hurt me. So, here, I can open up a bit. But even then, it's limited. That's how bad the trust issues are.
Given a choice, I'd almost have to go with a female therapist, just to have even a sliver's chance of being able to open up enough to actually get any real help. And even then, I don't really know if it'll help me that much.
I would ideally like to find a trans women, I don't know if I will be able to in my area though.
I don not think I would be comfortable talking to a male about this. I feel simply being educated on the matter, does not 100% qualify you to deal with all of the problems we will ultimately face. Those problems being almost all female problems especially toward the end.
Personally, I would be a bit taken back by an attractive women since I am still attracted to women, I noticed even in the circumstances where I am androgynous or dressed I still mostly sub consciously talk, act, and present my self different as far as body language and everything.
I just really need to find someone I can talk with and feel free to open up. I suppose gender is less of an issue, and comparability is primary concearn.
With all that being said a trans women would be preferable and then a cis women that could get passed the initial awkwardness that may happen, and then a man that was well educated. Honestly though I think as long as the person is right for you gender wouldn't mean much.
I am still looking though so I am not entirely certain. Just my opinion
The first I ever saw re: gender issues was male, but he proved to be unreliable (in regards to appointments) and I never entirely trusted him.... Whether that was down to trust issues in me or something I picked up about his character, I'm uncertain.... I was surprisingly comfortable (given my general distrust of cisguys that I've never met before) to begin w/, until I started to feel like I was being manipulated. I did not like that, and that + the appointment issues caused me to pull the plug.
My doc ended up referring me to a female therapist and she's been absolutely terrific, wouldn't trade her for the world! :)
Those experiences, as well as the fact that I've always felt more comfortable talking w/ girls anyway, my vote is going to have to go w/ female therapists. If me or my therapist was ever to move away from the area, you can bet I'd be looking for another female therapist, whether cis or trans.
My ultimate personal preference is the one that is the cheapest. I had to choose from three therapist....one being a man and the other two were woman. I initially chose the man first, because he was the cheapest, but he never responded to my email, so I had to choose from the one of the ladies The second cheapest lady never responded so I had to go with the most expensive therapist ironically. However, she is amazing. If cost were not a factor, I would have preferred a female therapist anyways as I believe that females in general (not all) are more nurturing, and that is something that I feel like I would need extra of in a discussion.
With any therapist/counsellor, it is the relationship that is important. Finding a qualified counsellor, feeling comfortable with the person, being able to feel a trust being build, are very important. I personally have always found it easier to speak with women than men, in almost all settings. As a result, I chose a woman as a counsellor. I don't know if I agree that a male would not be as 'good' as a woman. It really depends on the person. As it happens, my counsellor has the same post grad degree that I have. One of the most interesting thing for me going into counselling, 2 sessions so far, was sitting in the 'other' chair.
I'm looking right now at therapists in my current area. The two who seem to be most qualified (or qualified at all) are also in my insurance network. (I need my insurance to pay for this because I cant afford it!) One is a gay man. Middle age. His website states he is gay and also states specifically that he works with gender issues and even has links to positive current news items about trans* issues. The other is woman. Probably late middle age. She lists transgender concerns on her website, but just in a bullet list with a bunch of other stuff....I don't know. I always wanted to see a woman, but just from their online presence it seems that the male one may be more experienced. Ugh, not sure what to do. Wish I had more options.
I am seeing a female therapist. During my first appointment, while I was telling her my life story, she started crying and was just so incredibly compassionate and understanding. I just knew inside that I had found the right therapist for me. Looking back, if that had been a male therapist crying, I probably would have felt very awkward and weird. Nothing against male therapists, but I've always been more comfortable opening up to females.
When I first came out to myself and started to look for help I went to a transsexual support group. That particular night about a year ago, I was the only one to show up and basically got a free 2hr therapy session with a wonderful gender therapist who is a trans woman. She truly made me feel at ease.
I've always found it easier to talk to women than to men about personal stuff. Taking to men in that way has never felt comfortable...
Anyway the therapist was very nice however she wasn't locale to me and i truly wanted a therapist who is easy to get to. So, I asked her for some recommendations and went with a wonderful cis female therapist who specializes in treating people with GID.
I see my local therapist at least twice a month and attend the transsexual support group monthly.
For me I know I never could have opened up to a man. I tried a few times to get some help from my male urologist (no bed side manner) and male pcp. Neither understood what I was asking or feeling and both made me uncomfortable trying to go down that path. Neither showed any compassion toward my plight.
I just recently switched to a female pcp and gained a female endocrinologist. Both are very easy to talk to and take the time to listen to me.
Anyway for me it's so much easier to talk to women.
I was in therapy three times in my life (and before I had figured out I had gender issues) and I just could never have worked with a female therapist -- it was never an option for me. Only now is this beginning to make sense. I identify as male and I mostly relate better to guys. On top of that my relationship with my mother is a huge issue (it's something I'm only beginning to grasp now, as a result of work with my current therapist). So I think this has had a major impact on my choice of therapists.
I think that once we have built a relationship with our therapists, it probably doesn't matter much anymore what their gender is -- what matters is the way they provide care and advice. But for me the thing has always been to get to that point and to even start building the relationship. So while I think that ultimately, the therapist's gender doesn't matter (because a male t can be as motherly or nurturing as a female one), I think that gender and what we associate with it can be a barrier to building a good working relationship with a therapist.
I started with a female therapist and ended up switching to a male one after 3 sessions for a lot of reasons (if you look in my thread history you'll find them). As far as discussing things/opening up, I didn't have an issue doing that with either of them, but I did feel like the female therapist was more skeptical? Don't get me wrong, she's very well known in the trans community and generally very respected when she has time to respond to emails for appointment requests, but I felt like I was making no progress with her whatsoever because she wanted to dig so deep into my background and question every part of my life.
I'm not really sure her gender had anything to do with the way we interacted, but I have had a much better experience with my male therapist.
The gender of my medical professional was not something I ever considered - I simply wanted someone trained and experienced with the issues I had. Which is the same way I pick all my professionals. There's an awful lot of gender stereotyping going on in here too.. Have a think about that..
To be fair, I was going to write an elaborate post about how the sex of your therapist shouldn't matter, but in the end, I guess that would make me a hypocrite.
I've had a male counselor in high school, and a female counselor through my transition, and I've found that I was a lot more comfortable opening up to the female counselor. It wasn't about which one knew more, or which one was "better," or which one had more insight into female life experience, it's just that I've always personally felt more comfortable talking to women. I've always had issues talking with my dad, where I feel like he's standing off at a distance judging me and waiting for me to screw up, so I kind of channeled that feeling into talking to the male counselor. I just didn't feel as relaxed or safe with him, and I felt more of a sense of "trying to make him proud" or "trying to live up to a standard" with him, which is probably none of his fault, it's mine, but nonetheless, I just felt more relaxed and more free to be honest and open with a female counselor.
It's your preference. Go with whoever you feel comfortable talking to. That is the key to having a good experience in therapy, is feeling comfortable opening up to the counselor, which allows them to give you better and more honest advice. (And experience on their part, but again, I think both of my counselors probably both had plenty of experience.)
I would have been very uncomfortable opening up to a male therapist. I was very lucky and had an excellent no-nonsense female therapist recommended to me by a friend. I couldn't have found myself without her.
My therapist is male, and he is fantastic. It did take me a long time to open up entirely, but I don't think that had anything to do with gender. It was mostly because I was not yet aware of what it was that I was hiding, and I was not yet ready to face them with anyone.
Unlike many of the girls here, I think I have an easier time talking to a male than I would with a female. I am not sure why, though.
My therapist is also male, and he is gay and works with LGBT issues. Personally, I would prefer to see a female therapist, but gay men are okay with me, I would probably feel uncomfortable with a straight male though.
My therapist is male. The very few female therapists I've seen in my life just weren't a good fit and I never felt like I could really talk to them. Then again I'm FtM so that might have something to do with it.
My therapist is BI and we get along great. I have never been uncomfortable with him at all. My primary Psychologist is female and is in charge of the whole Psychology Department at the University. :)
I really don't see much of a difference. Mostly because of moving, I've had 4 female and one male therapist. One of the females was and the male were particularly useless. One was just a terrible person who was in it for the money and getting you on antidepressants as soon as you walked into her office while the other subscribed to that useless Freudian BS where everything you do in life can be related to your secret desire have sex with your parents. The other 3 women are very nice people. In my opinion the therapy sessions are all about the same. I've had doctors and social workers. In the end it's all just as useless. One way or another we, as patients in a world with limited options, have to accept things as they are and do what we can to advance them. Therapy is just a rite of passage wher you pay to have your burden documented.
Before I began transition, I absolutely could not connect with a female therapist. I would tolerate it if I had to but it was mostly not useful. After I changed my name and started hormones I became more open to therapists of any gender.
My current therapist is a guy, and I have trouble with him because he is overtly "stereotypically" gay and I don't feel like he understands or accepts or has much empathy for a gay transman. Half of what he says seems to be just reassurances that it's okay to be trans, which is not at all what I'm even seeing him for. Bringing it up all the time makes me self-conscious about stuff I wasn't worried about to begin with.
I didn't even bother look for male therapist. I found a older lady and felt completely comfortable talking to her.