So, my SO is coming out to parents tonight. Actually he accidentally did last night, started a Pinterest board without making it secret, and his mom saw. She texted to ask if there was something he was trying to tell her.
We actually had a great day yesterday. I called him 'her' new name, saw her dressed, and actually could see myself still with her, married to her. He let him think for the first time about what he wanted and decided he wanted to wear a wedding dress. That's what the board was about, he'd found some dresses he liked. He smiled. She smiled. And attacked me with hugs and kisses when I called him his new name.
I'm worried. We are driving after work at 7 pm, 2 hours to see his parents because he wants to do it in person. Then we're driving back tonight, and getting up early for work. I don't know how they'll take it, how helpful I will be, anything. I'm trying to remind myself it's just about letting it out, not too many specific details or they could overload. I called his mom to ask if it was okay we come by, and to let us know if it's not.
Any advice? Words of wisdom or encouragement? I'm still processing it all too, so it's hard to have this conversation so early on.
JQPAVUHV
JQ,
it's wonderful that you're supportive of your spouse -- that requires lots of strength, especially if you're still processing everything. In my mind, if you're doing the coming out together it be good if you and your spouse were on the same page so to speak. Because that could help when a difficult situation with your in-laws arises. But since your mil already found out it's probably better to do damage control. The thing is, maybe talking to your in-laws, witnessing your spouse come out to them, could help you to process things further. I often find that's the case (mind you, I'm on the other side of that "divide", realizing I was trans only recently).
All the best for you and your spouse -- fingers crossed the coming-out will be as smooth as possible!
Good luck!!!
(My own coming out to my parents went so badly that I don't want to share any suggestions! But please come back and update us on how it went.)
Hi everyone. So we did it. I had done some reading and suggested that he just be honest and straightforward, and that's what he did. His mom's response was "Wow" initially, because she thought he was going to say he was gay and that's why our wedding was off. Both parents had lots of questions and fears, but his father clearly stated "Well you know we love you, no matter what you do".
They had a lot of questions about us, too. I didn't say I would stay with him, I said that I don't know what will happen in the future, that I'm afraid he will take hormones and no longer be attracted, as I've heard that happens. I said I didn't run away screaming, that I'm reading and trying to understand things.
I also gave his mom a big hug and told her that everything is going to be okay, which she appreciated. And I meant it.
It went very well, all told. I am very grateful I was able to be a part of the experience, even though it meant having a very long work day today.
I am so very grateful that his parents were supportive. They had tons of questions, but care about him so much that there's no way he will feel like an outsider. Thank God for that.
JQ
This is great! Thanks for the update.
Hugs, Devlyn
Thanks for the update! I think you handled this really well!