Maybe it's my transition that has caused this, but I've started to pay a lot more attention to the tone people use when they speak or write. I get that a lot of the people here a struggling, I struggle with being trans too. But I honestly think the happy ending is much more reachable for us than we think. For me, I have legal issues to take care of, school, and I'd like to find a reliable guy to spend my life with. All of these seem like Sisyphean tasks at times, but are actually doable. Whether or not I pass 100% of the time isn't really going to determine how well I accomplish my goals.
I'm kinda worried that too many of us are stuck thinking that we have to be a certain level of pretty to be happy, and to be considered passing. We forget that there are women all along the range of ugly to pretty. Not every outfit will look good on me, and it isn't the end of the world if someone doesn't find me attractive. But a lot of guys aren't nearly as picky as we think. If you're into girls, then there's a role you'd probably find in the lesbian community, although I don't really know the names and rules for it.
We will never get to be little girls, and thank god. I don't want to go back and be pubescent again, it was just as ->-bleeped-<-ty for everyone. Instead, we can choose to be ourselves, and live as adult women without any of the time wishing we were older so we didn't have to listen to our parents or have them criticize our outfits as we leave for school. I don't want to go back, I'm glad I made it this far, and always looking back just distracts me from the present and future.
And, does it matter if we get clocked occasionally? If I enjoy 95% of the interactions I have in a given day and one person clocks me, or if I have to use my license, it doesn't make the rest of the day suddenly bad. If that person starts acting like a jerk to me, fck him or her. I'm transitioning because I want to be me, not because I want everyone to think I'm pretty, not because I want everyone to be nice to me, although it'd be pretty neat...
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Quote from: Obfuskatie on January 20, 2015, 07:23:02 AM
I'm kinda worried that too many of us are stuck thinking that we have to be a certain level of pretty to be happy, and to be considered passing. We forget that there are women all along the range of ugly to pretty.
Soul sister!!! :)
Finally what I have been trying to tell the others the 1 1/2 years I have been here! You have a great mentality and will go so far girl. Why most cannot get past this is a mystery to me, but then I hear about who they try to compare themselves to and I can see why they will never be happy. Even most cis girls cannot come close to the level some here try to get to. It is heart breaking. :)
I did this for myself alone as well and as long as I am happy the world can get over themselves. ;D
Seems another who gets it.
Fist bump.
Stand up from my chair and give a clap.
I would honestly print this thread and will read it everyday. It's good to be reminded that we are who we are. We are doing this for ourselves and not others. But we get so caught up in the morass of looking good that causes undue suffering and defeats the purpose of transition.
Thank you for this wonderful post. So much respect and admiration to you Obfuskatie xo
For all you sisters of mine out there who try to be perfect, you already are!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8
Bravo!
I will let you all in on a secret. (shhh...)
All of us are beautiful.
Too important not to bump a few times. Take it to heart girls! :)
Push!!! Bump for this thread!
I feel just like the song and celebrate me, not an image I will never meet that belongs to someone else. I am Jessica, an original since 1965. I want all of you to realize YOU are originals and have the strength to be the master of your own lives. NO ONE has the right to say your uniqueness is wrong, ugly or any less of a person than they are. Dig down deep into those female hearts and stand up for yourself with pride and dignity because there is no one out there like you. Let your light and true selves shine. Dare to be you, that is courage and belief in one's self. We are women not objects and we are special in so many ways. So dance, sing and celebrate YOU and your inner strength. :)
Party at Jessica's house! I'll make the pina coladas.
Quote from: Jill F on January 20, 2015, 07:07:31 PM
Party at Jessica's house! I'll make the pina coladas.
Bring overnight stuff SLUMBER PARTY!!!! ;D
:icon_flower: :icon_flower: for all!
Hahaha omg...you guys are a riot. I'll bring in the karaoke machine :D
Well said sister.
Quote from: carmenkate on January 20, 2015, 09:59:43 PM
Hahaha omg...you guys are a riot. I'll bring in the karaoke machine :D
*Requests the mic for a 15 minute set of old A.C songs*
(and NO I don't mean AC/DC.) :D
Not Mr. Cooper?
Quote from: mrs izzy on January 20, 2015, 11:29:38 PM
Not Mr. Cooper?
:D No.
These guys. (Although they aren't around anymore since Seth died a few years ago.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHyw57HUOyg
Ok, cool with a fifth of Jack.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 20, 2015, 11:36:42 PM
:D No.
These guys. (Although they aren't around anymore since Seth died a few years ago.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHyw57HUOyg
Hah! Good old Seth. He was a character.
Quote from: mrs izzy on January 20, 2015, 11:44:15 PM
Ok, cool with a fifth of Jack.
Maybe for you. :D No booze for I. Just plenty of water for my vocal chords.
Quote from: Wynternight on January 20, 2015, 11:52:00 PM
Hah! Good old Seth. He was a character.
Indeed. I wish that they could have played here back in the day. I actually had two shows scheduled for them here in town on the same day: An acoustic old school blurcore set at a Country bar, and an electric set at a Blues/Rock bar down the road. I lied through my teeth to the owners about pretty much everything. :D The only bit of truth they got was " a (fill in the blank) trio from Boston". But they had broke up again. So, it didn't happen.
Wow, this blew up today while i wasn't paying attention. Thanks y'all for the positive responses, especially Jessica and Carmenkate. I'd join the slumber party, but y'all don't want my shiny new cold. Luckily I was able to score a prescription for some antibiotics from my family doctor after waiting about an hour at the healthcenter. Soooo, I should be feeling better in a few days and can go do a girls night, or shop, or get mani-pedis then.
I really like this forum, and it has helped me a lot when I needed to know I wasn't crazy imagining things. Susans seems like an online home for us where we can talk to people who really get us. I just want a bit more positivity in the conversation: to show everyone there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things aren't usually as bleak as we assume initially, especially because we transpeople have been conditioned to expect the worst out of life. This is especially important to me because I can become a bit obsessive and maudlin, when I don't have things to cheer me up or distractions. In many of those cases, a simple modulation of expectations can make the difference between being happy or disappointed.
Last December I paid for and underwent my FFS. In my analytical mind, it was merely checking off another big step in my transition. I finished my hospital stay and was able to look at my face in the mirror the first time after being unwrapped in my surgeons office the following morning. My first impression was not a good one. Yeah my face was swollen and would take time to heal up properly; but a part of me had grown so used to hating what I saw in the mirror that I nearly cried. It's taken me a while to accept the more delicate version of my face. To begin to like what I see in the mirror. It's a weird, new feeling: confidence.
Now that I've been busy recovering, I'm not as focused on each subsequent step anymore. And I realized that I don't really have the same sense of urgency as I used to. I kept putting off presenting 100%, because I always felt like I couldn't pull it off. But now I'm not so sure I did the right thing. Presenting has made me happy to be me. FFS was useful, because of how self-conscious I was, but it didn't fix the inner part of me. I just don't have the energy to care as much as I did before about how everyone else sees me. And that is one of the most freeing things I've experienced, allowing myself to not care as hard.
In all honesty, what's worse than being born in a body alien to you, with the wrong fun parts? What's harder than coming out to your family as trans? What's harder than that first step out the door dressed to the nines in your chosen gender? I can't always be scared, and neither should anyone else. While I know I wouldn't be able to convince myself of any of this, because I'm an idiot about some things, I hope I can help others with my experience. I'm still not at the Disney ending, but now I can Let It Go.
QuoteSoooo, I should be feeling better in a few days and can go do a girls night, or shop, or get mani-pedis then
Sounds like a plan. Hmm!
Logistics? :embarrassed:
Quote from: mrs izzy on January 21, 2015, 02:41:54 AM
Sounds like a plan. Hmm!
Logistics? :embarrassed:
We could get mani-pedis separately together this weekend, and change our avatars to pictures of either swag from shopping or our awesome nails :-*
Unless there's a way to post the pictures mid-thread... :-\