So as of a few days ago, I started wearing lipstick at work for a few hours at a time. I work at a Starbucks so its a retail store that gets a good amount of traffic. Now being a coffee place we do have our regulars and while I was lucky to have a balls-to-the-wall (<-- the irony) attitude about the stares I got, I'm a bit more reluctant with people who normally come in and know me on a bit more of a level then people coming in and out whom I don't have the dis/pleasure of seeing again. More so because they know me as a metal headed, rough looking person. I did have most my time at this job running up on 2 years now, a "serial-killer" beard as someone put it, but is now shaven clean. I just don't know how when I run into them to explain it. I feel more of a need to because I'll be seeing them on a constant basis, and the one time excuse which I already used "I lost a bet", isn't going to continually cut it.
I know in the end, they don't matter to how I make myself happy only because I can do that myself, but I feel I can try to make myself more comfortable if I'm allowed to. Luckily I do have the full support of many of my coworkers whom I disclosed how I feel, one of which is gender queer and were going to be "lipstick twins" coming sunday, but if anyone has any idea/experience on how to deal with any curious customers or such I would greatly appreciate it.
There is a way.
It may sound nuts but it worked for me.
"I'm transgender and I'm finally being me."
Sometimes as Aussies say you just have to tell the truth and bugga off to anyone who disagrees.
I work in gambiling. My regulars don't say boo to how I present. Be it cloathing, if I'm in make up or when I've done my nails and hair. I have had to correct them slowly at night when it is quiet and I have a time to talk. So far they have all been accepting.
For people who come in occasionally they have been gendering me as female. If on the odd occasion I am asked (and have been twice).
"Are you male or female?" I tell them female of course
Just be honest. Most people won't care. I recently transitioned from waiter to waitress at the place I work and have yet to have a negative experience. As far as regulars, I haven't really had to say much. Usually it's just, "btw, I go by Sarah now," and I usually get a congratulations or good for you in response and everyone moves on.
Quote from: skin on January 21, 2015, 01:39:35 AM
Just be honest. Most people won't care. I recently transitioned from waiter to waitress at the place I work and have yet to have a negative experience. As far as regulars, I haven't really had to say much. Usually it's just, "btw, I go by Sarah now," and I usually get a congratulations or good for you in response and everyone moves on.
I'm surprised that they didn't miss-gender when you were trying to be a waiter! You are lovely :-*
Awww, that's sweet of you. I did get gendered female a few times while still working in boymode, but they all seemed to have sight problems. Though that didn't me from taking it as a victory ;-)
Quote from: skin on January 21, 2015, 01:39:35 AM
Just be honest. Most people won't care.
My coworker said something along those lines. He said "Most people are selfish nowadays. All they care about are themselves, and they would be to busy worrying about them to pay attention much to anyone else"
Granted he was probably thinking about how some customers act when they come in, but you guys are right. I guess I'm just over worrying due to the fact the only makeup I ever wear is smudged eyeliner, and going to lipstick is a quick jump for me, look-wise I think anyway. Apologies if the question was a bit simple, i'm the type of person to freak out over how my hair lies down over my visor.
Quote from: Darylik on January 21, 2015, 01:57:54 AM
Apologies if the question was a bit simple, i'm the type of person to freak out over how my hair lies down over my visor.
No need to apologize. It's really easy to say don't worry no one will care, but I still get nervous everytime I approach a table. And I was nearly having a panic attack in my car just before my first shift after going full time. We all could use some reassurance sometimes.
Quote from: Darylik on January 21, 2015, 01:57:54 AM
My coworker said something along those lines. He said "Most people are selfish nowadays. All they care about are themselves, and they would be to busy worrying about them to pay attention much to anyone else"
Granted he was probably thinking about how some customers act when they come in, but you guys are right. I guess I'm just over worrying due to the fact the only makeup I ever wear is smudged eyeliner, and going to lipstick is a quick jump for me, look-wise I think anyway. Apologies if the question was a bit simple, i'm the type of person to freak out over how my hair lies down over my visor.
Quote from: skin on January 21, 2015, 02:08:21 AM
No need to apologize. It's really easy to say don't worry no one will care, but I still get nervous everytime I approach a table. And I was nearly having a panic attack in my car just before my first shift after going full time. We all could use some reassurance sometimes.
Just remember to smile and breathe deeply. Once the initial suprise is over everybody moves on if they have noticed at all. I was told by my gender therapist.
"The advantage of working around people all the time is you develope confidence, and a thick skin very quickly. The disadvantage is you have nowhere to hide." The nerves are natural. Breathing helps and if you don't care others generally wont either. Easier said then done I know
I am pretty much still in male mode so I occasionally get questions about my finger nail polish from people I am not out to. I just say "I had them done for my Halloween costume. I really liked it so I have continued having it done." No one has questioned it, at least not directly to me.
Quote from: Jenelle on January 21, 2015, 05:31:35 PM
I am pretty much still in male mode so I occasionally get questions about my finger nail polish from people I am not out.
Oh I'm jealous. I'm can't wear any nail polish because it work with food but before hand in would always wear black polish. If loved it so much. It wasn't much in a feminine way but it never went without it.
Does the lipstick change how well you can get them their coffee or take their order? As long as it's not the color, clown-red, then you'll probably be fine. If someone asks, the truth usually works. "I like wearing lipstick," with a friendly smile is probably enough for most people.
If someone has a problem and harasses you, check with your boss first but I'm pretty sure you can refuse to serve them. Then maybe make a sign saying, "we reserve the right to refuse service, especially to bigots." [emoji36]