This is what 3 trans friend have told me. They are stealth and 100% passable and COMPLETE. They all told me life becomes boring once all transition is over. Me I got some stuffs more to do and I am wondering if it's gonna happen the same to me.
What about others here who are COMPLETE? Does life really become boring?
EB, life is amazing. The world is a miraculous place with billions of fascinating people. Our special gift is the joy of navigating that wonderful world finally being fully ourselves.
Life is only as boring as you make it.
I don't know about boring but life would become more normal and likely less stressful. Not constantly having to worry about how to get surgery money or passability or correcting pronouns. People like goals, and transition is obviously a big one, so I could see something of a void left behind when you finally were out of things to do for transitioning. But just means your time and money can be spent on other things. ^_^
Standing on the brink of my transition, I can't answer the question, but I have thought a lot about what to expect. I do think that, for a time, life will seem boring and I'll feel a bit directionless. Right now, there is an exciting goal and a lot of changes, plans, things to do, etc. Other parts of life go on, but in what's looking like they'll be a back seat kind of way---the main focus is on this transition. Once it's done, you have to start another transition: back to living, not just changing your gender. It's common to feel empty or depressed for a bit after achieving a major long-term goal, and I don't think gender transition will be an exception to that.
I am trying to keep in mind that the transition itself is not my goal. My goal is to live my life happily, just as a woman. For me, that means trying to focus as little as I can on the technical aspects---the various steps. Those are a means to an end, not an end in themselves. For example, I expect I will want to have GRS eventually, but I am not trying to make up my mind at this point. It's a long way off, and when I get to the point that I currently expect it will make sense, I think it's distinctly possible that I'll be happy as I am and not feel the need. I'm trying to treat the whole process that way: each step needs to be done for a reason, not just because it's what I'm "supposed" to do. After all, that's the whole mindset I'm trying to escape!
I'm assuming you have to find other ways to make it interesting, though I don't really know, my transition is not yet totally over though I just hit my three year mark for being "out". Personally, my "normal" is long nights in the studio, 18 hour work days on shows during tech week, so once my transition (if I can ever manage to pass completely, I hope so) is over I can hardly say my life will be "boring". You just have to find other things to occupy your time and energy. You're going to be spending year of your life where this rules everything; you'll need to find something else to throw yourself into if you don't want a dull life.
I wouldn't say boring as much as I would say uneventful. The trans stuff fades away along with the transition tornado and life goes back to normal. The key thing is exploration. I choose to enjoy my new gender and put myself "out there" so that I can have a fulfilling and interesting life. Very few people will get to do what we do so I enjoy every breath of life :)
most people think my life right now is boring. i go to work 40 hours a week, every day i get home, play a little video games, play some music, go to sleep. weekends, a ton of music practice, go to dinner with family, nice quiet time. every other week or so i go out with a friend to do something small.
but i enjoy it. just because your not running around constantly doing something doesnt mean that life becomes boring. pick up a hobby. i spend most of my free time practicing music.
I wouldn't call it "boring," it's just life. NORMAL life, where there isn't a constant source of obsession and pain holding you back. It's just what every single other person experiences... a void where you need to somehow find out what your purpose in life is, what it is that gets you through the day, and what you need to be happy.
In a way it is boring, because there's nothing to obsess about anymore that occupies your every thought, things to constantly worry about, it's just going about life.
Take that for what you will.
(And technically I'm not "complete" yet, I still have SRS to go, but honestly I don't dwell on it. I ignore it during all but the few times a day that I'm changing clothes or going to the bathroom.)
I personally found that once I'd been full-time for a few months, and finally got confidence in my passability, and being female no longer became a goal but just who I am, something that I take for granted, I definitely felt a void there. And I was like "shoot... now what the heck did I used to do for fun before this whole thing started?" And I picked back up on my anime-watching, and picked back up on my Disney film review project, and playing Age of Empires, and I decided to start a Youtube channel, and I'm considering getting back into dating... other boring normal stuff again.
Bored? Heck there's dishes in the sink, lawn needs to be mowed, feed the horses, clean your room
...when *I* was a kid I had to clean the house with a bag of dirt, because buckets and soap hadn't been invented yet!!!
Sheesh, the kids nowadays...don't know a good thing when it stares 'em in the face!![ /elderly relative voice]
>:( <--dear ol' grampa)
I can hardly wait until life gets "boring"...it'll free up my time and energy to actually DO something about it.
Boredom is a choice. Period.
I choose to live a life of fun, passion and gratitude. I make every effort to keep my inner radar attuned for the next adventure, the next passion, the next path of joyous expansion.
Joseph Campbell said it best: "Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."
Quote from: Miharu Barbie on January 23, 2015, 01:40:26 PM
Boredom is a choice. Period.
I choose to live a life of fun, passion and gratitude. I make every effort to keep my inner radar attuned for the next adventure, the next passion, the next path of joyous expansion.
Joseph Campbell said it best: "Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."
Miharu, I could not have said it better myself. I feel my life is complete regardless of whatever medical procedure I am contemplating. The procedure does not make my life -- "I" make my life :-)
Heavens, after a brilliantly interesting year of exploration and transition, it's just so nice now to arrive at home and know that I'm simply a normal girl who wants to get into her pyjamas and eat chocolate.
But yes, I made my first ever new year resolutions. Not because I'm scared of being bored, but because I really wanted to return to some of my interests, like reading, cooking and languages, which all took a back seat during a year long whirlwind of therapists, medics, electrolysis and social validation.
To me it did not become boring. I am getting a chance many do not get for a do over in life! I was just born last year and have a big world to explore and things to learn and experience. Boring? No. Exciting and new? BIG YES!! Life is what YOU make it. :)
Life is never boring if you have a guitar.
For me it seems to be about phases and cycles. Sometimes I'll be rapidly creating, learning, contributing like there is no tomorrow. Sometimes I'll be recharging, rebuilding, and enjoying the simple things.. Almost like phases of the moon. I have learned to be aware where I am mood wise as to not make obligations that push me too far outside of what I need/want from life at that time.
I could not be productive day in and day out, I think at some point I would feel "juiced" and likely crash into depression. I have always thought a big reason why I am generally a happy person is that I do not force myself in any direction. I have to want to go that direction first. This of course in moderation, because sometimes it is necessary to push the envelope a little bit... just not too much, or I become overloaded, stifled, and eventually bored.
And sorry to get all hippie up in here, but strangely enough it does frequently relate to the phase of the moon ;)
Depends on what you mean by "boring," I guess. I say my life is boring now, but in a good way. :) I have all sorts of mundane things to focus on (my job, my hobbies, our cats that I love, hockey games, etc.) and that's exactly what I hoped for - that I'd get back to having a normal life post-transition.
I think life is as exciting as you make it, and as you want. Me personally, I like quiet, but there's no reason someone who wanted to be a party girl or world traveler after transition couldn't be.
Quote from: Beth Andrea on January 23, 2015, 01:30:24 PM
Bored? Heck there's dishes in the sink, lawn needs to be mowed, feed the horses, clean your room
...when *I* was a kid I had to clean the house with a bag of dirt, because buckets and soap hadn't been invented yet!!!
I can hardly wait until life gets "boring"...it'll free up my time and energy to actually DO something about it.
That's my thoughts, I'm a housewife, don't get time to be bored, preparing and cooking meals, cleaning, dusting and polishing, laundry basket keeping filling up with my husband's shirts and socks, then ironing, grocery shopping etc a woman's work is never done, not boring, just uneventful, mundane side of a woman's life.
I sure hope transition ends and I have more resources to devote to thriving as a ordinary human being... I've got things to build, people to love and places to go. Transition is necessary but kind of in the way of all of that right now.
Transition is a pain. I would rather devote my time to things I enjoy rather than dealing with the problems and fallout associated with transition.
Maybe the drama queen type gets pleasure out of running around telling everyone that she is trans, but I suspect that fir most of us it is not something to be desired
There are simply too many things to do, too much fun to be had without getting stuck in the trans ghetto
Quote from: ashley_thomas on January 24, 2015, 08:48:39 AM
I sure hope transition ends and I have more resources to devote to thriving as a ordinary human being... I've got things to build, people to love and places to go. Transition is necessary but kind of in the way of all of that right now.
Yeah this.
I just want it to be over with and live my life.
Quote from: bbepgy on January 24, 2015, 09:45:59 AM
Transition is a pain. I would rather devote my time to things I enjoy rather than dealing with the problems and fallout associated with transition.
Maybe the drama queen type gets pleasure out of running around telling everyone that she is trans, but I suspect that fir most of us it is not something to be desired
There are simply too many things to do, too much fun to be had without getting stuck in the trans ghetto
I think there are factors that play heavily into this, such as the culture at one's geographic location as well as the level of inner circle support.
I grew up in Ohio, and I know it was one of the bigger reasons that subconsciously told me to bottle up / hide my gender variant tendencies. The city of Los Angeles cracked my shell for sure. I feel so blessed to have ignored my family's desire to stay in Ohio and instead took the leap of faith I did to move out here. It still took me 3 years of living in this city and being friends with incredibly open minded people for me to let my guard down enough and give up the shame I had built up over my lifetime so far. I think those layers of shame were in place largely due to living in a rather transphobic area of the country.
Sure it was still a little scary transitioning in Los Angeles, it's never an easy thing. But I know it made it about 1000% easier. I am glad I held out :)
They say it for tons of things in life, location is everything. Live where you can be happy, around people that support you for who you are, and thrive.
I live in a college town never a boring life
To be honest, I'd kill for a boring life at the moment [emoji16]
Personal opinion follows (based on 30 hours psych minor a few decades ago :P). Take all this with a large grain of salt, and maybe a glass of wine. :)
Many of us aren't "living" in the first place, just existing. We finally crack and have to face ourselves. In that process, we discover that to get to where we want to be, we have to set goals, lot and lots of goals. And then we begin to meet and accomplish serious goals, often for the first time in our lives, goals that we set for ourselves and do ourselves. Not for others, not set by others, but that we set for ourselves and do ourselves.
That's an immensely satisfying thing. And when transition is done and there are no more transition related goals, what do you do?
My advice is to set new goals. Not transition related but related to your own life. Go visit that faraway country. Go climb that mountain. Go skydiving if that's what you want.
But set goals. Keep setting goals. And keep reaching for those goals. Keep your life full, active, and aimed at making yourself happier. It's the lack of goals that can make you bored, not being post-transition. So give yourself a purpose in life. Travel, education, career, family, whatever, or some mix, give yourself purpose, goals, and then move to achieve them.
That's what I often tell people who tell me they are bored after transitioning. :)
For me no...
The change in me, since starting hrt has been amazing... and i am not talking about the physical change.. which also has been great
But the mental change... My brain clicked to female.. and I love girly things (clothes, shoes, makeup, nail polish and grooming myself)...... but the biggest change was my attitude.. I went from shy and withdrawn to an outgoing... center of the party type of girl.. and I am now a go getter.. so no life is not boring for me as a post-op completed transition girl.. I am finally living my life.
As someone who is full-time and very happily passing, I'll say that from personal experience, yes life gets very boring.
That said, that's exactly what I was hoping for all along :) my dream was that one day, my transness would be such a non-event/such a non-part of my life, that life as a woman would be as dull as it would of been had I been born cis.
I WILL say that, though boring (in the best possible way), life is definitely happier :D. I don't even really think about my trans-status; there's no more stress with 'going out as myself', no more stress using the women's restroom, no more stress meeting with strangers for the first time (well, no more trans-related stress :)), just a very typical girl living her life!
well lets see.
in transition, we deal with hormones, counsling appointments, doctor visits, , then we worry about clohing, coming out, our family and jobs. we seek out like minded people, advise and wisdom, attend support groups and web site chats.
we practice how to walk, talk, eat, put on makeup, and how to set. remember girls, no more setting there with your legs spread apart at a business meeting.
then, one day. we emerge from some hospital, and all of that stuff, ends.
we learned it all, made the grade, and now .???? . . there in lies the holey crap moment.
the crossroads of transition.
personaly, I an glad that I continued counsling for another year.
the pivatol question i was asked in that year, translates out like this.
" prior to transition, you felt the gender issue. though your life had certain things that you enjoyed, or had a passion for, this issue of gender smothered the other pleasureable things in your life.
so a few years off, you fought the fight, and now, you have won. the fight is over. the transition wasnt a career, it was a step,
now, what do you plan to do? "
That question made me realise, that in my case, hunting, shooting sports, fishing, camping, were not the issue./ they had nothing to do with my transition, and had beed placed on hold so I could afford both the costs and time requirements of transition.
thats the point for me, that life began again.
realizing that trransition is a step, not a parking space or permanant home, is key, and as with any step, there should be a " next step" a place to move forward to, to continue on.
my advise to anyone 'finishing the transition step', is to start at the most logical place, and thats back where you were before you took your 'time out' from life to transition.
remember what you did enjoy, and go back there. pick up where you left off.
girls can do what ever guys do, we hunt, fish, race and build cars, we are into sports, we tailgate at the football game, there are really no limits. dont steriotype yourself to panties, makeup, and transition. graduate to the next step of life, and it will never be boring.
lilredneckgirl : That's good advice, and in many ways it's also what I did.
I was reminded, though, that I forgot to clarify one detail - for me, transition was over years before I had GRS. :) That surgery at last was a final touch to fix my body for myself, since by then it had been years since anyone around me (but my doctors or wife) knew what was in my pants.
I totally agree I also moved to a different city, but in this case stayed in the same state despite people in my family saying that I should stay in Spokane. Even though Spokane has the resources to many around me in the community were flat out against it and were not supportive. I used my mom's health, who I take care of, as an excuse for moving to Kennewick for which I was called out upon by the one other relative who has transitioned too. It's true other than my primary care doctor being trans friendly every other resource I need is out of town, but actually I don't mind that anymore. Other than the fact that I still have some hair removal to do and I'm just mining my time tell the period of time is up so the SRS letters can be wrote things have gotten to appoint where I have been able to move on to other things. One of those things was reintegrating some things I cut out when I first started my transition. Those things that I enjoyed doing when I had the downtime so I didn't get bored. It was something I had to sort out and figure out for myself, but I'm happier for having done that. It's to work still takes up the majority of my time and so it's hard to get bored as a result. Even though a few things are still left to do my transition isn't the focus of my time anymore.
Mariah
Quote from: Jennygirl on January 24, 2015, 12:45:09 PM
I think there are factors that play heavily into this, such as the culture at one's geographic location as well as the level of inner circle support.
I grew up in Ohio, and I know it was one of the bigger reasons that subconsciously told me to bottle up / hide my gender variant tendencies. The city of Los Angeles cracked my shell for sure. I feel so blessed to have ignored my family's desire to stay in Ohio and instead took the leap of faith I did to move out here. It still took me 3 years of living in this city and being friends with incredibly open minded people for me to let my guard down enough and give up the shame I had built up over my lifetime so far. I think those layers of shame were in place largely due to living in a rather transphobic area of the country.
Sure it was still a little scary transitioning in Los Angeles, it's never an easy thing. But I know it made it about 1000% easier. I am glad I held out :)
They say it for tons of things in life, location is everything. Live where you can be happy, around people that support you for who you are, and thrive.
I've not reached the end result yet, but if I have anything to say about it, I'm going to have a blast the rest of my life! Lol.
I would like to be bored