I started HRT a month ago. I'm wondering if I should see a gender therapist? Talk therapy has been ineffective in the past with me...I guess that I was good at hiding things from even myself.
This path of physical changes can be so scary. There are huge, irreversible decisions. I Don't know if I'll ever be sure
of these decisions. But I keep going forward with this...
If it was free, I'd go...
Do you see a gender therapist to get you through this?
Hi Stellarj1,
I would certainly recommend seeing a therapist. If you haven't see one by now and are starting HRT, than it sounds to me that you might be self medicating. This isn't necessarily bad but It could cause problems if you don't know exactly what type of E to be on and such.
You sound kind of like me. You want to tell what you feel, but the words just don't come out. I was trying to talk about some sensitive topics with the only person I've come out to, and I only managed doing about half and mumbled through it. It's hard to hear our own problems as they sound worse than everyone else's problems.
Now I haven't personally seen a therapist yet but I intend to. I have so much on my mind that'd it'd be good to get off the chest. The same probably applies to you as well. If you can't be honest with yourself than who can you trust. A few sessions will open you up and finally get it all out. I'm sure of it.
Best of luck
Marty (Sammi)
well, not quite sure if I can answer this, I've been seeing the same therapist for two years. She works in a hospital setting with a team of psychiatrists. She's told me I was her first transgender, but on the hospital web site she's listed as treating transgenders. I like her a lot so it really doesn't matter to me one way or the other but given the fact it's a hospital setting and all the psychiatrists around I'm guessing she knows more then she's letting on.
I stopped seeing my gender psychologist 2 years ago as she went on maternity leave. She was the only person I knew who truely understood my issues and who could offer propper advice. I don't know if you are self medicating but if you are, then see your doctor about it. It is just safer.
Our friends are our best therapist for me. I have lots of women friends & we talk about most everything openly.
I have my first appointment this weekend. I was told to come as the real me. I have only been me in public once before. I really felt great but I'm not sure what the folks next door will think when they see me getting in the car and heading out. :o
I see my gender therapist on a as needed basis and if I have the available funds. I may make an appointment once every 3 months, and she hosts a transgender group every week on Thursday, which I got to about every other week. So in the sense of is it nessasary, no..but is recommended as you will be needing letter eventually if you wish to progress further in your transition. Such as future SRS or a letter of recommendation for hormones and it stating you are transitioning. These letters are needed for things such as license changes to have your correct gender marker changed and surgery as well as assists in helping to cope and learn about your new chosen gender.
I stopped going soon as I got my letter. My therapist did talk therapy too, and I didn't feel like it did me any good either. I wanted her to, like, tell me what to do, I didn't want to blabber on and on while she nodded. Anyway, HRT kinda fixed my mood, so there is no need for it anymore for now.
My endo is good for any more letters needed in the future, so that's good too.
I see a gender specialist twice a month for a one hour session. Regina transitioned over a decade ago, and continues to polish her credentials. That we have walked similar paths is helpful for me. That she is insightful and bloody smart is even more important. I have no burning issues these days, but I take comfort in knowing that there is someone who knows me well, tells me the truth, and is unafraid of the challenges of life as a woman. A woman with the unique experience of having transitioned.
Peace,
Julie
I self medicated and then got a physician to prescribe for me long before I ever sought out a therapist. I knew what I wanted, researched endlessly and felt confident in my own judgement. I went to the therapist when I needed my letters for SRS. When I first contacted her on the phone and went through my story, she even told me that I don't need her for anything more than satisfying the requirements. I naively agreed. So, I started seeing her to get my letters and ended up gaining a lot of much needed insight to take care of some loose ends with my transition. After I got my letters and tied up my loose ends, which took only 5 sessions with her and one session with a PhD, she and I agreed that I would not come back until a month or two before my surg. date.
So, IMHO, you may not need them now, nor ever, but you likely would benefit from them in the long run.
My 2 cents. :)
I saw a gender therapist for awhile before I transitioned, but she was kind of flakey and I decided I was OK without her.
During transition (the last two years), reading this board has been an unofficial therapy - so many stories and such good advice. :)
In a couple of months, I'm planning to see a local psychologist who is familiar with trans issues, pretty much just to get my GRS letter...
I see a therapist but she does not specialize in gender issues. We are working towards getting me hooked up with one who can. Unlike Ainsley two posts up, I don't feel confident in my own judgement. I would feel much more comfortable if a professional confirmed what I believe to be Gender Disorders. I cannot afford to make any mistakes with respect to fully knowing how I tick.
When you said, "There are huge, irreversible decisions. I Don't know if I'll ever be sure of these decisions" I feel the same way. I need to be what I feel is absolutely 100% sure. Please do understand I have been formally diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, and my reluctance here is based on the fact that I feel my Gender Issues may be attributed to bi-polar. I don't want to take hormones, socially transition, maybe even get SRS and one day snap out of it saying to myself "holy hell what happened."
I must be certain, and a therapist gets me closer to that certainty.
I have gone to two therapists. The first for a year and it saved my life. I had a lot of issues to deal with that I carried with me from childhood then add being trans and getting hrt. My present therapist I have seen for a little more than a year and we focus on improving on my gaps, enabling and empowering.
My therapy is covered by insurance now but the first 6 month it was not.
I do not see a gender therapist to "get through this". I see a gender therapist so I can find internal peace and to express externally how I am internally. Along the way I have a lot of hurdles and some I trip over and some I have difficulty getting over. My therapist helps me to see the path when I can not.
The absolute best therapy I have gotten has been from my TG support group and especially a couple of angels there for me when I needed them. I spent over 50 years going it alone, been on/off low dose HRT several times, experimented with transitioning twice in my early 20's. Thought I knew everything there was about being a transsexual. Yet I was totally floored my first ever group meeting being in a room filled with people whose life stories and feelings were almost identical to my own.
Several moths later I began seeing a general therapist. He helped with the healing process helping me unlearn decades of unhealthy thinking. Almost 2 years ago the opportunity came to me to begin seeing a for real Gender Therapist. By then I had already been living part-time, on HRT for several years. Yet I still had tons of shame and guilt I carried around. She has helped too.
I spent a good 50 years of my life not being a talker. I was a target of ridicule as a kid, became a loner, a geek, a natural introvert. One on one I am nervous, groups forget it. Total lock up. To be clear it's talking about personal feelings. Thanks to my job when needed on a sales call this introvert engineer can channel my inner salesperson. Part of what I call being a chameleon, something that comes naturally to a trans person.
During group and with a therapist I knew, for my own good, I need to talk. To open up. To say things I didn't allow myself to think or feel. I needed to call upon that inner salesperson for help. Today, I see that inner salesperson as a sneaky way Joanne tried to see daylight.
I see one twice a month. I may reduce the frequency sooner or later as I progress.
She is very helpful though.
I have seen several over that past few years. I don't need to go, but I do anyways because I am so close to getting FFS and feel I need as much support as I can get.
I see a gender therapist but i've really only started seeing her to get a recommendation for a doctor to start HRT. I had a different before that i would see about different issues. When i came out to first therapist see had no knowledge about transgender people. Once I've start HRT i plan on returning my first therapist again.
I saw a gender therapist for about 4 years.. With a close to 1 year gap between the last 2 appointments. I found it enormously handy, even though I was quite clear about what I wanted and who I was.. The opportunity to offload some/most of the baggage I'd acquired in life was very handy - didn't really need to be carrying that crap forward in to my transition.
Quote from: BunnyBee on February 05, 2015, 11:05:02 PM
My endo is good for any more letters needed in the future, so that's good too.
You, and others in this thread, might want to check the surgeons requirements for the letters.. For example, Brassard requires the letter(s) be written by a mental health professional..
You should most definitely see a gender therapist if you have questions. That individual will help you figure out what's going on. For example, my therapist helped determine that I in fact do have gender dysphoria which I have had since childhood and helped me come to terms with it. My recommendation is to give it a try with an open mind.
I just started seeing a therapist; just a hour of conversation made me feel a lot better. Try not to self medicate as the risks can be very dangerous.
I'm still a skeptic when it comes to speaking with someone about my issues and them being resolved from it, but I hold nothing back which in itself is a way to vent and express yourself openly in a protected environment. Ive been through 3 sessions, one hour per week (Sunday evenings, great start to the week), and I honestly don't ever want them to end.
Why do I see a gender therapist? I want and need to transition.
As far as how she's been useful to me, she (they, actually) has helped me to:
Work through this with my wife, who isn't fully on board but understands that we still need to co-parent and that I need to be alive and well.
Come out to my parents and siblings.
Ease into workplace transition. The first therapist early on suggested I talk to HR.
Talk to my kids. They are 4 but they need to know how to cope with what daddy is doing.
Go out as myself. The fact that I present female for the sessions has helped me push myself to present outside of home. Yes I do get clocked/sir'ed but that will get less and less hopefully. And it will help me deal with it. But if I do it right I do pass, at least I think so. I use the women's bathrooms with no problems either.
Also:
"Do you have a therapist?" was a question I was asked for informed consent HRT. My therapist knows and works with my nurse practitioner and doctor so I was able to get my HRT pretty painlessly.
My therapist can help with the NJ form for driver license changes, but I can also get the form signed by the doctor. I might just end up doing it there as they can do the letter for the passport and naturalization certificate changes too.
My therapist can write one letter for SRS, and she can refer me to someone else who can write the second letter. SRS is at least a couple of years away though.
All in all extremely helpful. I initially went because I needed to sort myself out but I found that she has been indispensable.
Now, my therapist is just one part of my own health and well being. The clinic I go to for my HRT is another. They closely monitor me. This place (Susan's) is also important. I can come here anytime for a shoulder to cry on or to get support. I also made a couple of friends here who have been absolutely helpful and supportive on my journey. I have been meaning to go to a local support group which may be helpful but honestly I just don't have the time for them.
If it wasn't for my year in therapy back in 2008, 99.9% chance I wouldn't have transitioned.
For me, only when I need something that needs letters or signatures from mental health person do I see a gender therapist. I probably could have really used it like years ago, but these days, I am very secure in my gender identity and transition, though I don't doubt seeing a therapist generally could benefit me (and most people).
I am not self-medicating with HRT; I see an endocrinologist.
Its just so damn confusing at times. Or maybe its just fear and I switch back into my dude identity?
Moving forward for me, at this point, means beginning Laser on my beard. This is my first irreversible step.
Quote from: kelly_aus on February 09, 2015, 06:51:14 PM
You, and others in this thread, might want to check the surgeons requirements for the letters.. For example, Brassard requires the letter(s) be written by a mental health professional..
Prob will worry about that more when it is remotely in the cards :)
A couple points.
First, I see a therapist who also specializes in gender identity issues. For the first six months, I saw her almost weekly, which added up in terms of cost but turned out to be completely worth it. Then we dropped to once a month, then every two months, now it's about every three months, unless I find an issue I want to discuss with her. She's getting me a referral for a second therapist, in this case a licensed psychiatrist, who can also sign off on my GCS letters. I do not regret seeing Micki Washburn one bit over the last 35 months.
Second, depending on which surgeon you choose, you are likely to need one or more letters from a mental health professional stating they believe you are ready for GCS. In Dr. Chettawutt's case, I've been informed I can do one letter, if both mental health professionals sign it so my therapist is planning to do the letter and get that signature before I need to depart. You may want to give yourself six to twelve months lead time with a therapist and then a second therapist in order to get your letter(s) if and when you choose to do that.
Third, I've commented about this once before but transgender children who have accepting parents are as secure in their gender identities as cisgender children. It's when families are not accepting that we begin to doubt, to question, etc. It's when families browbeat us into submission that we wonder if we're the ones that are wrong. There are two corollaries to what I am writing about here. First is that cultural conditioning can harm people like us very greatly. Second is an effect of hormones. One therapist has written extensively about her observations and she has confirmed these observations with other therapists - to wit, trans women get on estrogen, start to feel fine, mistakenly believe themselves "cured" or that their GID is gone, so they detransition, stop taking hormones, and then after a few months as testosterone comes back, they fall back into GID and depression. You may want to ask yourself if this is happening to you.
Frankly, I've felt so wonderful early on with estrogen that I too questioned this but forearmed with this knowledge and my therapist (who also was aware of this) I was able to avoid doing the wrong thing and assuming I was "cured".
Stellarj1, I have been seeing one gender therapist now for 8 months and the second therapist I start see in March. Both are able to right the letters need for SRS. A gender therapist is extremely helpful and beneficial for me. All of us were good at hiding things from ourselves over the years. In my case it was my sexual orientation and just how feminine a lot of my mannerisms were coming in.
Mariah
As of last week, I am officially here. Going again Thursday and honestly...I can't wait. I wish I had more time and money to go more since it made things more concrete in myself. I've had a rough go if it so far this week, and despite high performance at work, I'm utterly miserable because it is all I can do to keep working to distract from how wrong I've started to feel in boy mode. I love that I get a place to start the process of breaking down the walls that I've hidden behind for so long.
I would consider seeing a therapist before beginning hrt. As silly as it may sound sometimes confirming our idendity with a therapist can be helpful. I chose a transgender friendly therapist. Needless to say health first! Going on Hormones is life changing but so is the grave. A therapists blessing and a doctor doing necessary test and blood work will at least ensure safety.ll
I did see a therapist and a psychiatrist for over 7 years. The therapist was just a general therapist, not specific in gender issues. Then, my psychiatrist had not a clue what to do with me. I pretty much fought with him on my desire to be female whilst he was so caught up in everything BUT my need to transition.
Neither of them were significantly helpful as they were more of a pain for me than anything else, though I did have one goal in mind. I made sure that goal was reached.
I would recommend a gender therapist from the get go. You won't have to jump through the hoops, though it may depend on the doctor's personality...
I NEVER went to a therapist for anything trans related EVER. That was me. I just knew exactly what I was and executed whatever I needed to do to be the person I am today.
There are a whole host of physical and psychological reasons a person may feel the need to express themself as their gender not assigned at birth that have nothing to do with being transgender. I see starting therapy with a gender therapist much like going to a neurosurgeon to remove a tumor because you have a headache. There is enough awareness of gender dysphoria in the psychological community to start with a general therapist and switch to a gender therapist if needed down the line.
My first therapist was a GT. She pegged me as late onset transsexual in denial at my first session. Three years of therapy later what my gender therapist had misdiagnosed a gender dyphoria was correctly diagnosed as Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder (DID/MPD). When the only tool you have is a hammer, the whole world looks like a nail. Given the rarity of transsexualism, I think a general therapist would have been more open to other options.
We don't have any gender specialists or gender therapists in our country. If I wanted to go to a therapist I could only go to the psychologists who write the letters for gender change but I wouldn't consider them experts on the topic and they are not really affordable for me. The 1.5 hours(and $75) I spent there to get my letter was enough for me.
I guess a really good therapists who really understands transgender issues can be helpful, but in the end they cannot confirm your gender, nobody can, but you.
They can help you by asking good questions, listening to you, helping you through rough times and directing you to other doctors if you need it.
I have never been to any psychologists or psychiatrists in my life besides the one time when I needed to see each of them once for 1.5 hours to get my letters for gender change and I don't plan to visit any of them in the future.
If there were better therapists in the area who I could trust and afford I would maybe consider it but right know the problems I'm having can't be solved by a therapist.
Yeah, I have been seeing a very experienced gender therapist for like four months now. I plan to go for at least a few more months, maybe up to another year depending on circumstances.
I sometimes hate going to therapy. I'm not even sure what the real benefit of therapy is or what I hope to get out of it anymore now that I've decided to transition and am on HRT. But I realize that I'm lucky for being able to go at all, so I'm taking the opportunity and giving it my best effort. But at this point, I'm mostly doing it because I may need their help when seeing new doctors, getting my legal gender changed, etc.
I have been seening a therapist for a few months. I go every two weeks. She has experience with trans issues. Therapy is something I needed. I have meet other that dont need to see any one. It is something that works for me. I look foward to seeing her. She is helping me set my time line and with all the other steps that I didnt know about. The only bad part for me is that i have to pay out of my pocket. I see it as an investment to my happiness.
Ashley
Seeing a therapist is always a good idea. They can help you understand what you're going through.
I have never seen a gender therapist, but I have had general therapy with the same psychologist for about 2.5 years. Initially this was to treat mild depression, and it worked really well for me. It was after a bit more than two years that I realized that I was in fact transgender, but that happened on my own---it was an interesting session when I came out to him. The therapy was unquestionably helpful in my understanding myself, but we never talked about gender issues prior to that, and barely talked about sex. (This was partly because I was holding back on a few topics because I feared something abstractly "bad" happening if I let them out.)
I think seeing a therapist is important, but I don't feel that I need someone specializing in gender identity issues. I am completely at ease with my identity, but there are things I need to talk about. The most important thing to me is that I have a phenomenal relationship with my therapist. For that reason, I think it would be well advised for someone who is facing transition to start therapy whether gender-specific or otherwise. I was lucky, my therapist was a perfect match on my first try. But that doesn't always happen---e.g., I also see a psychiatrist who is ok, but whom I would not be comfortable deeply discussing personal issues with. She basically supervises some medications and that's about it. If I had the same relationship with my therapist, it'd be a worthless experience. Even with a match, it took me a while to feel comfortable opening up.
As I said, I'm comfortable with my identity and the future transition, but I am aware that I am still likely to experience difficulties related to the reality. Having an established relationship with a therapist in advance means that I have that support in place as soon as I need it. If I never need it, great, it still helps me with other stresses in my life. I think when setting out on as potentially triggering a process as gender transition, putting a support network in place before an emergency arises is very important.
I started seeing my therapist last October every two weeks, started Laser Hair removal in Dec (Had my 3rd one so far), came out to Family and Friends at Xmas, didn't get my Letter until Jan 30th. Awaiting my Endo appointment to start HRT now.
I was supposed to see my Therapist today in about an hour from now, she has a Doctors appointment thou so I'll see her next week. I see her once a month now as time goes on. But seeing her less often does build up lots to talk about. :)
Jess