So... today I saw a therapist for the first time and what I though was random depression, she thinks it might be related to gender issues, so... I have decided to do more research and think that I really do have gender issues.
Now a little introduction. I am a 24 year old Male, who questions that line every day, going to college, trying to get though the process of schooling and into a full career. I am a Computer Science major, with a love for website design. I like karaoke, sports, fishing, and nail polish.
I spend my whole life with a like for girls, in a sexual way and in a jealous way. I started cross dressing at a young age, thanks to having a younger sister, and it has progressed over the years. For the longest time I thought I was weird thinking about being a girl, trying to be as masculine as possible. But when I got into high school I learned about being transgender and wondered for a long time if that is what I am. I am pansexual, and attracted to all sides, but when I look at a woman I get both excited and jealous, in that I want to sleep with her and I want to be her. I spend the past few years body building, after losing a lot of weight, but could never be happy, I felt that no matter how much I lift I was never in the body that I could like. I always felt fat and awkward, even though I really did bulk up a lot. After an injury halted my workouts, I started to get back into crossdressing.
I spend the past few months playing around with herbs and found their effects to cause things to happen that I like, such as breast development and lowered libido, but this progression was too fast and had to stop. I got really depressed, and possible the lowest I have ever been, over the past few weeks and decided to see a therapist for the first time. I am glad that I did and look forward to my next session.
I originally though it was just a fetish and that my depression was just something that always lingered from stress and genetic bs, but after talking the my therapist, she thinks that gender issues might be a the heart of the problem and that I been suppressing it so much that it has started to eat away at me.
Now im not sure what I am, but I hope with some therapy and some more research I will find who I truly am.
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Hugs,
Jill
Hey Zep, welcome to the forum and all. I just joined too.
Your story sounds familiar to me. Except I always knew I wanted to be a girl from when I was very young. I would cry myself to sleep wishing i was a girl etc...
Anyway i am 39 now but I wish i had your courage at your age by approaching a therapist. I had no idea what to do when I was your age. Later I tried to pass it off as some of crossdressing fetish but in the end that was just not it. I finally come to terms that I am transgendered(mtf), I wish I wasn't and I wish I was just a regular girl or even born a boy without this issue.
So don't worry at least you are doing something to figure out who you are and it is better you figure that out sooner rather than later!
:D
Welcome to Susan's, Zep!! :D
Hi Zep :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Thanks guys, I appreciate it!
Welcome Youngzap to Susan's family
Lots of topics to explore and posts to write
Safe passage on your path
Hugs