I know this can be a loaded question but I have had a few instances of friends/co workers saying things that made me think hey I want to be or that I am not what I appear to be. I will give some examples iof what I mean.
One co worker mentioned that he could spot a gay by the tone of their voice then later asked if I was. One I have worked with a gay and I do not have that tone for one and I do not perceive myself as gay either yet I am male and would like to have sex with a male.
Just sitting around talking on a break and a female co worker mentioned that omg you do not want to be wearing a bra and here I am thinking well actually yes I do. She was the only female present btw.
Yet again at work someone asked if we lived together would you stay out of my panty drawer and I said well of course.
Just add had openly stated yes I am a virgin even though I am not young at all mid 40s.
Actually when I cam out to my mom she did mention that when I was very young (Preschool) that someone pointed at me and said you have a cute girl. Yet DMAB and tbh I did not recall that one at all.
Hell the first friend I came out to was weird in the sense that instead of me asking it was him asking me if I was gay/transgender. Talk about being shocked in reverse lol.
Things like that I guess are part of my thoughts that I am not CIS. By all means not the only thing but just wondering if anyone else has had some experiences like that in their past. It might be one of those things that help considering to or not to transition:) After all in the end we really are who we are no matter what:)
Oh sure, bunches of teasing, bad jokes, and innuendo most of my life. Usually it was conflated with those familiar references to being gay even while I have been happily out as Bi most of my adult life. The sad truth is that I was the one who was clueless too long and did not connect the clues and dots for a long time. Happy to have moved on and feel like, OK i get it now. :D
Well, can't really say for my parents or siblings yet on if they thought anything(hopefully coming out to my mom tonight)...
But, when I came out to one of my friends in 2013, he said that he always suspected I may be gay..
My 2 cousins out of nowhere at a wedding asked me if I was gay or bi, another cousin before that asked if I was a girl in a boy's body(I totally would have come out to him at that moment, if I wasn't at his house, and if my brother wasn't there).
Probably more things that I can't think of right now.. But it is weird how much people pick up on, which I didn't really pick up on myself.
When I was 12, a surgeon told me that he removed undeveloped girl parts from a testicle.
My go-to 8th grade bully was doling out his usual beating, and as he was throttling me he exclaimed, "You're such a f***ing WOMAN!" (He HAS to know by now.)
Lots of people assumed I was gay or bi. I am, mind you, but just not in the way they thought.
I fooled around with more than my share of lesbians and bisexual girls in high school and college that thought I was "different" than most guys.
One of my close female friends in college put makeup on me one Halloween (I went as Robert Smith) and told me that I'd actually make a decent looking girl.
My therapist flat out told me, "You're transgender."
I've been growing my hair out for about a year (which is strange because my TG switch didn't get kicked back on until later in the year) and it is getting pretty long. Last week one of the secretaries at work dropped something off at my office and said "Hola - Lola"
A couple months ago I gave a presentation on a very controversial issue and in some public message board comments it was noted that I "looked weird."
A couple years ago my ex-wife said I needed to have a talk with our kids about my sexual orientation because it was obvious that I was gay.
Maybe I'm starting to show????
Does a computer count ? :P
For many years now I have worked with many companies on software development, from video games and toys to interactive advertisement displays. I have had the opportunity to use many types of "human tracking" algorithms. Things like evaluating the mood of a person looking at a kiosk using camera images or studying users gait or mannerisms using Kinect tracking or also voice cues. For years now the computer reports back that I am female a high percent of the time. Sometimes the companies I am working for think that the software i made for them is not working correct when I demo it but then I have to explain to them that it works fine just not on me because it thinks I am female. I have been laughed at about it or teased a little but when I show them it works 99% accurate on other users they usually say something to the effect of "Well, I guess I can see why it would think you are female now that you say that, you do appear female"
The computer always gendering me female is part of what made me face my transgender identity , or possible intersex condition. (Still waiting on taking tests) The computer can not be wrong that many times!
Some friends and family I have come out to have said something to the effect of "Duh, yeah I have know that for a long time" my response to that is usually, "Well... why did you not tell me!! I only just figured it out!" :P
And yeah, lots of people have questioned if I am gay, or just assume I am. It always bugged me especially when they just assume it and then tell others without asking me. I am not gay and would rather answer the question than just be labeled it. I swear the computer is much much nicer than most people ::)
There has probably been so many more instances of other people knowing before I did , I was just clueless and never really dealt with who I am until recently. I just brushed it off and still pretended to be male.. :o
-Jade
:-*
Well... as an FTM...
As a kid I was a tomboy and was called that to my face. It never bothered me and I liked the idea. I have pictures of myself when little, and people have told me I would have been one of "those" rough and tumble boys if I could have been. Such as being completely frustrated the year I wanted to go in the Chuck E. Cheese's ball pit, but was prevented by my parents because I had a war-wound style head bandage after reconstructive surgery on my ear. I would have gone in absolutely!!! Or the kid with rumbled hair and a grin so wide you can see the uvula through the gap where my two front teeth hadn't come in yet.
As a teen, my dad (he told me this a while back) would stop my mother from correcting my MANerrisms. His PoV was that they were my behaviours, and they made me unique. Mom's was that I behaved too much like a boy! I also ran away screaming from any sort of skirt/dress (figuratively) unless it was a requirement to "dress up" for a fancy or important occasion.
As a young adult, I had respected female friends/elders who literally taught me to wear skirts and be more feminine, one even exclaimed "You think like a guy!" and I didn't know why that was so bad. "I think the way I've always thought" They also had to make me aware that the milk sacks were visible beneath the thin fabric of my pyjama top (I wore pants too) and it was making the the other guy at the common table uncomfortable. Ooops, I try not to pay attention to the moobs, but as a cis-guy I could have been barechested and no one would care!
Now, hardly anyone I've revealed myself to as trans is at all surprised, except the one person who's never met me in person and to whom I revealed myself as FTM rather than the cis-male that I had presented (in chat rooms). I am asking for critical and friendly eyes to help me present more male and been told "you already dress pretty andro, so just a few small things will probably help".
Does all that count? ;D
I doubt most cis people really know let alone get to the point of dropping hints. If they say something it seems it's usually from a misunderstanding or from a desire to denigrate (calling people the opposite gender to what they're presenting as is usually intended as hilarious/an insult in the cis mind...sigh).
Anyway, I did have a female friend tell me when I was at university that I wasn't like other guys and that I was an honary woman. She didn't mean it as an insult...I couldn't have been happier!
Sounds like am not alone on this one.
Ms. Grace you brought up a great point as yes some do say it in jest but when its not in jest sure does make ya think they know more then you. Funny how that works and ya have a few other instances now that I look back they were not in jest they were sincere but not outright hey your gay/trans. Such as:
Jade-404 of course computers count its a lot like kids saying something they only know what they see and they speak the truth.
Jill F. what can I say to that nothen really I was bullied when I was a kid too but don't recall being called a girl. As I got older I got bigger so I finally got left alone now I wish I didn't get that damn growth spurt eh such is life aint it.
Tessa I think you hit the nail on the head really. Really somehow its like animals sense a storm or something as other people sense things in other people ya a little different but sometimes we are just dumb to our surroundings or ourselves.
I was told a proverbial type story ok boss was old greek told stories which usually pertained to work in some way. But one time he spoke of this story and bad at it by try to get gist of it.
There was a man who had to marry and he had two choices one was the most beautiful woman in the town the other was the ugliest. Well the man thought of course I will marry the most beautiful woman. Time passed by and he found the woman to be very unpleasant to live with so he decided to leave her. He gave the ugliest woman a try and fell in love with her. Morale of the story beauty that is on the inside is more important then the outside.
After that night I kinda put it to one side and only till recently that I clued in that hey he was trying to tell me something perhaps ya know the old wise greek guy thing lol. Never truly know he passed away few years back.
I am sure many of us just ignored or pushed aside these hints till somewhere we had a 2x4 hit us on the head or something and finally realised hey wait a sec:)
Personally myself still accepting all of this but I have accepted it a lot more due to a lot of the way to common thoughts/ideas/experiences that I have seen on this forum to the point that its like could write this stuff. Yet I understand of course we cant all be the same but there sure seems to be a relative commonality to concepts or maybe I am just reading into things the wrong way.
Just to clarify yup I found the 2x4 that hit my dumb head:) Still dazed a bit but its clearing up:)
Dunno if this counts since it wasn't originally said straight to me, I heard about it couple years ago. Anywho, I don't think I was much older than five or so when my mom had said to her friend that she wouldn't be surprised if one day I came to her and introduced myself with a male name (and she used the name I ended up taking in the end lol). She told me about that when we were talking about my transition when it was in the early stages most likely to show that yes, she had seen the signs very early on. :D
One of the girls at work always calls me "Princess", and although I occasionally get sir'd by her, she usually uses ma'am. I'm not out at work for fear of potential backlash, so you can just imagine the discomfort!
Quote from: Jen72 on February 12, 2015, 11:29:01 PM
Sounds like am not alone on this one.
Jade-404 of course computers count its a lot like kids saying something they only know what they see and they speak the truth.
Oh yeah I forgot about kids!
On the beach little girls saying "Mommy that girl has no shirt on", this has happened a few times. I had pecs not breasts then, so um yeah...
In the store around christmas time a few years back a little boy was shooting a toy nerf gun at me. I grabbed one and shot back, diving behind some boxes. We laughed, had a fun time for a bit. His mom was nice she was laughing too. The boy asks, are you a girl? or a boy? I did not answer because his mom answered quickly "Boy!" she got red faced looked at me and said "Sorry" and then took his hand and hurried away. The boy looked back, he had the biggest smile on his face, and he waved bye. He didn't care if I was Boy or Girl, he just couldn't tell so he asked. I was not bothered by that at all.
In a restaurant I over heard a brother and sister arguing if I was a boy or a girl. They were sitting behind me, I think they thought I could not hear them. I turned around and said "Boy"... they were shocked silent. A minute passed and the older brother said "See I told you it is a boy!" the girl says "Shut up... shhhh!" I laughed. :laugh:
My friend has a son who has developmental issues. Every time I see them he says weird stuff like "Oh this lady again, mom she is crazy" or "OMG lady just shut up" and "Don't talk to me I don't like girls" Admittedly I do like to talk to him and joke with him, he does not interact with others well, usually won't talk to people. I get him talking haha!
So yeah kids, they just know somehow. Like the computer does. its cute lol
-Jade
:-*
Well there were those many time as a child where my mother, aunt and grandmother kept reminding me I was too pretty to be a boy.......I only wish I could tell my mom that she had the daughter she always wanted.
Oh, I didn't even think about childhood stuff! My parents always told me people thought I was a girl when I was a baby, despite all the blue they'd invested in to avoid that exact situation. Maybe it's just more obvious when we're young?
Nope - I flew totally under the radar until I told HR at work what I was about to do. When I came out to my boss he was literally speechless - he finally got out "you wear MAKEUP?!?!" Yep, I do! :)
I was your the average, boring, unremarkable, slighty femme looking male flying under the radar, doing what was expected of him, and holding a little secret that no one knew about and no one guessed >:-)
Quote from: Eva Marie on February 13, 2015, 02:57:21 AM
I was your the average, boring, unremarkable, slighty femme looking male flying under the radar, doing what was expected of him, and holding a little secret that no one knew about and no one guessed >:-)
And just look at you now! ;D
Let me count the ways
* Doctors and Nurses having debates about my gender when I'm on a hospital bed
* A friends mother introducing me to the entire family via a girls name
* One job I was known as princess
* In TAFE I was called a girls version of my name, and we use to introduce myself to teachers in my class that way. I was even asked on numerous occasions if I was wearing girls jeans
* Little kids 5yr olds where always comming up and saying hello lady.
* Ex girlfriend's female friends would include me in their girls nights
* Another job would call me a girls version of my name.
Somehow if I meet these people in the future and tell them. I doubt they would be surprised (Well my friend's mother knows and she wasn't at all)
My wife thought I was gay when we first started dating. To the point where she brought her gay friend with to a party to "gaydar" me. He cleared me.
I didn't find this out until I was 19, but when I was very little, my paternal grandmother dressed me up in girls clothes and paraded me around saying how much cuter I was as a girl. My dad told me he blamed that for my GD. Nonsense. Grandmas just know better. [emoji1]
It's strange how sometimes the most uninformed cis persons can be just right...
Like, I remember, after an exhausting shoes-hunt where I would refuse any pair my mom proposed, she told me in the car something like "on day you will be forced to accept you are a girl" (thought "never !!!");
When I asked for learning double bass she told me no because it was "not feminine enough"
... so it seems that my mother was afraid to know... (didn't tell her yet... I a little bit anxious about it...)
And of course, many of my friends not counting me in the girls' camp or saying things like "you are not really a girl" (especially boys).
I have a friend who likes to play with people and once, we knew each other for only some weeks and we were skating together with a very good friend of him. And suddenly he told her "ho ! do you remember the talk we had with X, that's a soooo good question for [my birth name] !" And the question was "how would you define masculinity and femininity ?"...
But I must say what I like the most is that if I am the only non-boy in a group, quite often nobody seems to consider there's a girl.
I got lots of comments from my classmates in high school that I acted like a guy/butch. That was before I ever thought I might be gay, about a year later I started identifying as butch.
In my junior year my closest friend at the time was pretty upset one day, so I gave her a hug when I saw her, and what did she say? "Only now do I feel like you're a girl." (Does this imply that she feels like I'm a guy? Still not sure)
My mom always asked me why I lowered my voice and tried to sound like a guy, usually when I wasn't even trying to do anything. Mom often asked me whether I was butch, more recently she started asking me if I was a boy.
My closest friend recently told me that she never saw me as a girl. My classmates always kept some sort of distance between me and then which was never there between themselves.. Dunno
My family members (some pretty conservative) sometimes made comments of the sort "are you a boy" but I don't recall any context.
My wife and I had intimacy issues throughout our marriage. She never confronted me about it, but when I came out she told me she always wondered if I was gay, but never this. :P
Quote from: ChiGirl on February 13, 2015, 04:28:07 AM
My wife thought I was gay when we first started dating. To the point where she brought her gay friend with to a party to "gaydar" me. He cleared me.
My wife thought the same thing. Then the first time we got intimate when we dated 20 years ago, as always I was more interested in giving pleasure than anything else. Afterwards, she then started to closely inspect my genitals. I ask her what she was doing. Her response: "I'm looking for your vagina, there has to be one in there somewhere!"
Sure. When I was little I had cousins who would help me cross dress. They also pretended I was a girl and I liked it.
Quote from: LizMarie on February 13, 2015, 09:35:21 AM
My wife and I had intimacy issues throughout our marriage. She never confronted me about it, but when I came out she told me she always wondered if I was gay, but never this. :P
My wife and I have had intimacy issues but she never once suspected I was trans. It was quite a shock to me as I thought I was sending signals.
My last girlfriend actually said that it felt like she was dating a woman when she was with me. She has dated women, and this was 6 years after we broke up, so I found it pretty interesting. It must have been something she thought about for it to stick with her. We are friends, so it wasn't said in an insulting manner. I took it as compliment. I too, have had a suspicious amount of girlfriends who turned out to lesbian. Maybe they saw something, who knows.
Yes. Everyone who knew me well were saying things like "you think and act like a guy", "you're like a man in a women's body", "you're better suited for a boy". A lot of men who knew me said that I lacked that "girl logic". For some reason I liked these comments. Also, when I was younger my mother was always trying to fix my male mannemarisms and teach me how to walk and sit like a lady, but I never managed to learn it, being a girl never felt natural to me.
My mom used to tell me when I was growing out my hair that she was hoping for a girl (but she didn't like that I was growing my hair out, lol) she also used to ask me if I was starving myself, or throwing up since I was so thin (which I was not, I had high metabolism).
I didn't mind people saying I was girly, but at the time I didn't think anything of it.
One day an old man Ma'am'd me once when I was working, which I thought was cute, but I think he was trying to be a jerk. Little did he know.
I haven't undergone any kind of treatment, but I find it funny when people call me Ma'am on the phone, and then I deepen my voice a bit to throw them through a loop (I never correct them though). That's always been a favorite characteristic of mine, a soft voice. :3
well, my first girlfriend after dating for a few weeks thaught i was way too feminine to be a guy and thaught i was actually gay, and she ended up wanting to change me around to be more "manly" which i stupidly allowed till we broke up.
2 of my oldest online friends from a mmo i was playing, were 100% convinced that i was a girl, they just never asked. anyone that asked, i told i was male, but even after i told them i was a guy they made me get on voice chat and still didnt believe me (voice hadnt really gotten low at that point). i had to get a webcam going before they believed it. mmmm, well, silly me. they are the 2 people i ended up coming out to first and was filled with "we knew you were really a girl" related comments.
I have this pair of pants that I bought from a thriftstore workwear department. When I found them I thought they were amazing and they fast became my favorite pair. I wore them to work and everyone started to comment on them. Especially the women, one of whom mentioned that she had a pair just like them. It took me a while, I even had to look up the manufacturer on line before I accepted that yup, these were for a lady EMT. They were the first peice of women's clothing that I put back on after reaching self acceptance.
I have had many people in my life ask if I liked girls. And of course my parents have been asking me subtle questions for decades. And my brother outright asked me what the clothing stash he found when I was a teen meant. My ex girlfriend of a decade tried to make sense of it when she caught me. But I think she just thought it was a kink as she tried to incorporate it into the bedroom. That just made things worse. For the most part I just denied and hid.
I think for the most part though, my faux male presentation was overtly macho enough to hide everything. My best friends were shocked when I came out to them. I don't know what to expect as I step further into the light of day...
Oh, and often when people can't see my face, in print etc. I'm refered to as she/he or "this person"...
I never needed hints that I'm trans, however I did have hints that I wasn't passing as male.
One day at work 20yrs ago a co worker stormed up to me and came out with "if you ever tell me you're going to be a woman then I'll drag you outside and kick your ******* head in, now stop mincing around!!"
This person was more than capable of carrying out the threat, so I made more of an effort to "man up"
Hmm... I dunno. No one ever asked me if I was gay or trans, or mistook me for a girl, that I can remember, but now that I think about it, girls/women have always been exceptionally sweet and friendly towards me. I've always had far more female friends than male. So maybe that says something.
I've had a lifetime of appearing as some sort of "other" and generally being pegged as a bull dyke, butch, maybe a guy, sir, whatever. In my working life I've always been one of the guys in all male industries. Most of it I don't care or am fine with. The ones I get a kick out of are little kids who will walk right up to me and ask "Are you a boy or a girl?" I usually answer with some version of "Kinda both, what are you?" They are fine with it, and I enjoy watching the parent squirm and their relief when I get them off the hook.
I've had a new twist now. A couple of weeks ago I had to put my father in a nursing home due to a stroke and I'm finding that some of the elderly residents who have seemingly regressed and no longer filter themselves are coming up to me with the same question: "Are you a boy or a girl?" It's a bit different now coming out of the mouths of 90 year olds. ???
But yeah, you could say I garner more than a fair share of curiosity. :)
I always appeared and acted fully straight and masculine, I am pansexual btw, but sometimes I would drop the ball and my girly side would come out and I would have to kill the subject. But people I work with, and including my dad, think I'm gay, or have dropped hints that they think I am; Probably because I refuse to go to country dance halls, I HATE country music and I rather go out singing instead of dancing.
My Grandmother would often give me girls books.2 teachers told me I wasn't like other boys.The deputy headmaster said I was a yob,the headmaster said I was a nancy boy,they were both right.
Before I came out/know I was trans, i had a period when I wore men's clothing from Victorian period :) (completely with top hat). I had shorter girly haircut, but many kids in the park used to shout aloud "Mom, there is a weird guy!" just to be promptly corrected by their mother.
Ive been transitioning for 10 and a half months now and its been winter during most of the bigger changes and i hide them well. Due to me working construction. But yeah my mom makes comments like "you need to eat more so you dont look like an hourglass or that i need guy liner to go with my new hair cut. I just feel like im on the verge of being outed before i actually come out as trans. Ive told a few people and i know its inevitable but yeah its all just gonna be more obvious further down the line so buckle up for the ride :)
Even before transitioning people have often assumed me as female. Back in year two at school I was playing with my twin and this year 9er from the high school beside us said " I know he (my twin) is a boy.... Are you a girl?" And at work experience in year 11 I was at an old folks home were the oldies were convinced I was a young lady the whole time I was there. Hehehe ;D
When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time with my older brother. I still remember the day when we were outside of my grandma's house, and he was teaching me how to throw a spiral when he randomly commented, "You're a boy trapped in a girl's body, you know." I still haven't forgotten that even though I was around age 8 when he said it, maybe younger. He doesn't know how right he was.
I was bullied, picked on, beat up for most of my childhood because other kids thought I was effeminate and gay.
My Sister-In-Law told my wife when she first met me 15 years ago that I seemed pretty feminine.
When I Moved to the US, people would ask my wife if I was gay. My Mum told me I have been dressing as a girl since I was 11 yrs old and when I was 5, a guess I threw a huge tantrum because she wouldn't let me wear a dress. And a girl I knew in High School, once she found me on FB, said that my being a girl now made sense. Then there was the many other times I've been seen as female over the yrs before transition.
My favorite one though was when my mother-in-law pointed to me in a group photo of me with my college buddies and asking my wife, "So who is this girl?"
Given how short I am, my small hands and feet, no Adams apple and my androgynous voice in pretty sure my own body was trying to tell me I was a girl.
One time at a former employer, I told a friend I was transgender. I hadn't started transition yet and she replied with, "so you used to be a girl, right?" O.o
And I get called ma'am on the phone every time. I haven't changed my voice or anything.
Many memories form childhood....
- My cousins and I used to play pretend a lot and when picking up characters I always was a boy. I don't remember how it started because I was very little but I just was and noone questioned it. One time my mom catched my sister and I and she was calling me sir while playing (she was on a carousel and I was the owner) and my mother got reeeaally angry about this, she prohibited me to play as a boy again :< next time I went playing with my cousins they said "and you're going to be a boy, right?" with all the pain in my heart I said that no, I was going to be a girl this time...
- My sister is not even a full year older than me, so in pictures from our childhood we look almost the same age. We always had long hair but my mother dressed us differently, I don't know if she picked the clothes for us but she almost always dressed me in boy clothes when I was 5 to 7, aprox. Like if my sister had the Mimmie mouse blouse and skirt I had the Mickey mouse shirt and shorts, if she had a pink dolphins jumper from the beach I had the blue dolphins jumper... We had the same mulan comforter and it featured geisha Mulan on one face of the bedcover and warrior Mulan on the other side... guess who had wich facing up on their bed?
- I always played with toys stereotipical for boys and before hitting 7 I was used to other kids saying "you're a boy because you like things that are for boys" It made me really angry. Not being called a boy but the fact that I couldn't enjoy the things I liked because those sh*t heads thought so... They said it in a very negative way and sometimes I felt very ashamed of this fact.
- My niece is 2 years old, my brother and his family live in another state so the last time I saw her she was just learning how to walk. This chirstmass they came to visit and the girl already speaks and everything. The first thing she says when she sees me is "dad, who's that boy?". My brother told him I was a girl and that I was her aunt and ever since the girl just doesn't get near me... It may be because she doesn't know me but I actually think she's afraid of this andro creature his daddy says is her aunt...
- A lot of kids stare at me at malls and when I'm grocery shopping... most people do but kids don't even try to be subtle. I never say anything
- I came out to an old friend of mine last week and one of the first things he said was "honestly I saw it comming long time ago. I hope other people will react the same as him.
eh, for me, I was the elephant in the room but everyone just kept asking me if I was gay. I kept saying I play for neither team so I guess basically since Icould talk. I even had people ask me to talk in my actually voice. I was one big question mark
When my kids were younger I would pick them up at school, they would tell me that their friends thought I was their mother, this happened a few times when they were in grammar school and high school. My wife asked a few times in the past if I was fruity(her words).