So this is my first actual question on the forum and it is really one of my number one worries.
My beautiful girlfriend Jenna is right now just my boyfriend Alex as far as our parent's are concerned. However; in the future when the time comes if Jenna still decides to take the hormones or even if she decides to do surgery, how could I tell my parents? I love Jenna with all of my being and will be by her side no matter what she chooses, but I also love my family. Disappointing them just about kills me. My parent's had me really young and I am the first born out of 15 cousin's that I helped take care of as we grew up and I have a little sister everyone depends on me and looks up to me and I am always there for everyone often neglecting my needs (this coming from Jenna and our friends observation of me).
Then there is the fact that my dad (mom sorta already knows and she is more open-minded than my dad) is not a hundred percent open to things. My aunt and one of my cousins are lesbians and he handles that pretty well (his family so obviously he still loves his sister and niece), but he has always been I'd say rude or mean in the way he talks about other people that are different from him. He has always told me that whatever makes me happy is all that matters when choosing who I want to be with, but I don't truly feel he means it. I feel like I am really going to disappoint him and he won't be happy with me anymore.
In the end I hope it wouldn't come to me being kicked out of the family, because I love an amazing woman that he thought was just some white boy (my family is hispanic and mixed) that he is trying to get used to, because he already knows we plan to get married eventually.
Just if anyone could help provide me with some advice on how to tell a controlling father about his future son-in-law actually being a daughter-in-law I would greatly appreciate it. Again I love both my family and my girlfriend truly and deeply with all of my being, and just thinking about having to tell my dad one day tortures my heart to think things will end badly.
Thank you everyone for any advice
Sometimes you have to take a risk and remember that the only actions you are responsible for are your own, not your parents or anyone elses, (except maybe your children).
You could start by bringing up transgender issues as the appear in tv shows or movies, and asking what their thoughts are. Based on that reaction, you can teach them more fact to replace and fictions they hold. Suzi is right in that education often dispels fear and/or hatred.
You can do much of this now without outing anyone just yet. This may help prepare them for a more accepting reaction when you do tell them.
Can I say something that may not be easy to understand or accept.
If I have a man who loves me, I love him totally with all of my heart and commitment.
I would expect my man to do the same.
My man's commitment is to me. Not to his family. I am not family I am his partner.
There is a difference.
Until you can get your head around that, is she your partner who will walk through life side by side forever?
Or is she a distraction from your family?
Sorry if this is a triggering post. My man said something to me last night that makes him part of my soul and not just part of my life. Women are like that, a few words can change the world for us.
Saying, I love you means something, we believe you.
Right on with that. I was pussy footing around that point.
See what happens when you are a KAT.
Cindy = Genius! Agree.
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Thank you Lord Kat, Cindy and Vanny for your advice so far. I will work on bringing up information and trying to help my parents better understand. I guess I could start soon since my dad enjoys watching the Kardashian's and talks about Bruce Jenner mostly making jokes with his work friends. I sometimes want to interrupt and teach them how wrong they are, but I don't out of respect for my father and elders and for other reason's.
Jenna (Alex) and I have been through a lot in just the two years and 4 months that we have been together. Our love for each other has grown and blossomed. We are there for each other for the good times and bad (sickness, family death's and more) we are still and forever will be each other's life partner. I understand what you were saying, but I also know how deeply Jenna and I care for each other. Even if she eventually desires to be with a man and not me (I'd be heart broken and beyond devastated) I'd still support her and love her and be a friend for her.
since she does not want to tell her parents about her being transgender (because of their age and health problems and not wanting them to question their parenting skills) my family is her family. They all care for Alex and are beginning to really love Alex and I just want them to love Jenna and I one day not just Alex and I.
Hi,
Hard to take on board but it's not your duty to please your parents or your family.
I was worried to tell my family. I worried what they would think of me, her, whether they would ostracise us and so on.
However they were ok with it. Not understanding or supportive, exactly but what they did understand was that I was happy. I made it clear that if they didn't 'agree' with it, then keep it to themselves, because we didn't want to hear it. It's not their choice to make and we could do without catty and hurtful comments.
Most of them did though. At first, my stepdad and uncle didn't really respect it, but now my stepdad - seeing how normal and happy we are - isn't fazed anymore. My uncle is still a bellend but that's ok, because everyone lets him know it ;D
But yes what I'm trying to say, for me, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
I told people I'm closest to in person first - to give them a chance to ask all the questions they wouldn't want to say in front of my girlfriend in case of offending her etc. There were some awkward ones but I just made it clear I was happy and fine with it all, and they were ok after that.