Well my friends boyfriend broke up with her and really hurt her, and way before any of that back in Janurary I seen him walking with some other chick while I am assuming they were still dating, fast forward alittle he broke up with my friend and more frequently after walking with the other girl, he gave the other girl a teddy bear to alittle after V day, when when I was talking to my friend she was really hurt and told me she has trust issues, not only that but she doesn't know her worth or appreciate herself and I don't wanna see her get hurt again should I tell her?
IMO, if she plans on getting with him again, tell her. If not, I wouldn't simply because whilst she already feels that way, it may make those feelings worse.
Quote from: Tripdistrans on February 19, 2015, 06:12:22 PM
IMO, if she plans on getting with him again, tell her. If not, I wouldn't simply because whilst she already feels that way, it may make those feelings worse.
She got back with him, which is why I asked.
Ah, in which case I would tell her to avoid possibility of it happening again, but make sure you're there to support her through the aftermath.
Quote from: Tripdistrans on February 19, 2015, 06:15:49 PM
Ah, in which case I would tell her to avoid possibility of it happening again, but make sure you're there to support her through the aftermath.
Yea your right thanks for the advice.
It's no problem, I hope everything turns out well. :)
Quote from: Tripdistrans on February 19, 2015, 06:23:41 PM
It's no problem, I hope everything turns out well. :)
Me to.
Brandon, you should also be aware that if this girl is back together with this guy and she's really into him, she probably won't thank you for being the bearer of bad news -- she could be pretty mad at you. (I know it makes no sense, but people are like that.)
You might just want to let her know you're there for her if she needs a friend, and leave it at that.
Quote from: Tysilio on February 19, 2015, 07:01:13 PM
Brandon, you should also be aware that if this girl is back together with this guy and she's really into him, she probably won't thank you for being the bearer of bad news -- she could be pretty mad at you. (I know it makes no sense, but people are like that.)
You might just want to let her know you're there for her if she needs a friend, and leave it at that.
I really don't care man, she's being dumb by taking him back in. Thats her problem.
i would definitely tell her, regardless of the repercussions. in a way it might help her get over him
Quote from: Brandon on February 19, 2015, 07:06:07 PM
I really don't care man, she's being dumb by taking him back in. Thats her problem.
she may be but you have to let your friends make their own mistakes even if you see the wrong in those choices. if she doesn't like that you told her, it could end a friendship for you and i've seen that happen. the most i think you should do is let her know you're there for her because that's all you can really do or give her a hypothetical question, something like "if you saw your friends boyfriend with another girl, would you want to know?" and see her reaction/answer. personally if my girlfriend was with some guy and all that went down, i'd want to know but others don't.
Quote from: invisiblemonsters on February 19, 2015, 08:00:24 PM
she may be but you have to let your friends make their own mistakes even if you see the wrong in those choices. if she doesn't like that you told her, it could end a friendship for you and i've seen that happen. the most i think you should do is let her know you're there for her because that's all you can really do or give her a hypothetical question, something like "if you saw your friends boyfriend with another girl, would you want to know?" and see her reaction/answer. personally if my girlfriend was with some guy and all that went down, i'd want to know but others don't.
Yea I'd wanna know, why keep wasting my love on someone who doesn't give a damn and keeps playing, hecks nah I'd tell her to get out my face with that.
Watch your replies Brandon.
You asked a question.
Others answer with what they feel.
Take there responses and keep the "I really don't care man" comments to your self.
You must care being you asked a question.
Calm down and think a few seconds before you post
Thank you for your cooperation.
If she's going to make the decision to be with him, she at least deserves to be making an informed decision. Let her know, and if she ignores your advice, then she will learn from her mistakes, and your conscience is clear. However, she may not ignore it, and it may be a lot better for her.
Brandon,
Just a reflection from a woman. Most girls really don't like guys telling them stuff about their relationships. It creeps us out. We react differently to what we are told by girl friends from what we hear from guys.
I would suggest you maintain 'male ignorance', that is keep your info to yourself and just be a strong male friend for her. Obviously if she is some sort of physical danger from this man, well that is different.
Just my 5 cents worth
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy on February 20, 2015, 12:28:48 AM
Brandon,
Just a reflection from a woman. Most girls really don't like guys telling them stuff about their relationships. It creeps us out. We react differently to what we are told by girl friends from what we hear from guys.
I would suggest you maintain 'male ignorance', that is keep your info to yourself and just be a strong male friend for her. Obviously if she is some sort of physical danger from this man, well that is different.
Just my 5 cents worth
Cindy
I completely agree with this point, and It makes me ask, how long have you been friends with her?
I can't speak for all transguys, but from what I've experienced myself and some observation, if we've been friends with a girl since before transition, we've usually already got ourselves that 'girl-friends' sort of friendship aligned. Also, again mainly from experience, if you're a bit open about the fact that you're AFAB, or you're still in touch with the feminine side of your personality, you also get those kind of friendships.
I'm not disregarding your point, Cindy, It's a very important one. These are just things I feel may factor in.
So yeah, do you have the gossip-and-talk-emotions kind of friendship with her? Or is it more of a typical girl/guy friendship?
Personally, I think it is admirable when we put our friend first and let them know something like Brandon knows, rather than not telling our friend because we are afraid that the person would be angry with us. I would have a hard time interacting with my friend, being in their life with their partner, and being genuine in that relationship and supporting her being with him, when I knew he had something happening with someone else/cheated.
If it were a close friend, there is not way I couldn't say anything. It would eat me up inside. I would be so hurt if my friend knew something like that and never told me. I would say, hey, I saw this...I don't know what this means, but I think you should know this. I would then leave it at that and not push her to end with him. Just give her the information and then it is up to her. I would support her after that, whatever she would decide. If she wanted to stay with the guy and want me to support that relationship, I would.
Just my opinion.
Quote from: mrs izzy on February 19, 2015, 09:35:52 PM
Watch your replies Brandon.
You asked a question.
Others answer with what they feel.
Take there responses and keep the "I really don't care man" comments to your self.
You must care being you asked a question.
Calm down and think a few seconds before you post
Thank you for your cooperation.
I said I didn't care about her being mad at me thats what I meant.
Quote from: Tripdistrans on February 20, 2015, 05:28:45 AM
I completely agree with this point, and It makes me ask, how long have you been friends with her?
I can't speak for all transguys, but from what I've experienced myself and some observation, if we've been friends with a girl since before transition, we've usually already got ourselves that 'girl-friends' sort of friendship aligned. Also, again mainly from experience, if you're a bit open about the fact that you're AFAB, or you're still in touch with the feminine side of your personality, you also get those kind of friendships.
I'm not disregarding your point, Cindy, It's a very important one. These are just things I feel may factor in.
So yeah, do you have the gossip-and-talk-emotions kind of friendship with her? Or is it more of a typical girl/guy friendship?
She knows me as a boy and thats it, She knows I am trans.
Then It really comes down to how good of friends you are.
Don't just straight.up say it though, wait until she's questioning him, or find a way to get her to ask your opinion if you must.
She'll either listen or she won't, there's not many more options.
Quote from: Tripdistrans on February 20, 2015, 08:02:43 AM
Then It really comes down to how good of friends you are.
Don't just straight.up say it though, wait until she's questioning him, or find a way to get her to ask your opinion if you must.
She'll either listen or she won't, there's not many more options.
A year and 2 months we've been friends, I really don't like beating around the bush tho.
Quote from: Brandon on February 20, 2015, 08:07:35 AM
A year and 2 months we've been friends, I really don't like beating around the bush tho.
And its safe to assume you're close friends, yes?
Beating around the bush sucks, but often unless it is a person's idea to receive advice, they perceive it as criticism, and that's probably not quite what you're going for.
This is all IMO, realistically it comes down to how you want to tell her.
Quote from: Tripdistrans on February 20, 2015, 08:12:47 AM
And its safe to assume you're close friends, yes?
Beating around the bush sucks, but often unless it is a person's idea to receive advice, they perceive it as criticism, and that's probably not quite what you're going for.
This is all IMO, realistically it comes down to how you want to tell her.
Yea were close, you could say, I just don't wanna see her get hurt again when she already has trust issues.
I fully support the idea of telling her, I agree that it's worth at least a shot at stopping her ending up worse off. Just remember what Cindy said about it being a bit weird for guys to say those sorts of things, and think carefully about what you'll say to her.
Quote from: Tripdistrans on February 20, 2015, 08:23:13 AM
I fully support the idea of telling her, I agree that it's worth at least a shot at stopping her ending up worse off. Just remember what Cindy said about it being a bit weird for guys to say those sorts of things, and think carefully about what you'll say to her.
I agree 100%
UPDATE: she didn't get mad at me she actually said I was being a good friend by telling her.
Woohoo!
Quote from: Tysilio on February 19, 2015, 07:01:13 PM
Brandon, you should also be aware that if this girl is back together with this guy and she's really into him, she probably won't thank you for being the bearer of bad news -- she could be pretty mad at you. (I know it makes no sense, but people are like that.)
You might just want to let her know you're there for her if she needs a friend, and leave it at that.
She responded fine man.
I'm glad.
Quote from: Brandon on February 20, 2015, 07:49:48 AM
Quote from: mrs izzy on February 19, 2015, 09:35:52 PM
Watch your replies Brandon.
You asked a question.
Others answer with what they feel.
Take there responses and keep the "I really don't care man" comments to your self.
You must care being you asked a question.
Calm down and think a few seconds before you post
Thank you for your cooperation.
I said I didn't care about her being mad at me thats what I meant.
Not the way it came across. When you add a quote to a topic it is the reference that the reader uses.
You do have 24 hrs after a post to edit it. I know you can be polite and a gentleman.
Write, Look, Read then post. Edit when need.
Thanks.