Hi all,
I'm wondering if anyone would like to share some of their best experiences during/after transitioning, things people may have said or done to support you that have really made an impact.
My experience was only a couple of days ago, I've been out as transgendered for about 2.5 years now and living as a male for almost 2 years, most of this has been spent out of home and I've never really known how to speak to my parents about everything. A couple of days ago, my mother and I were having a rather in-depth discussion and the topic came up about how I identify, Mum said something about not minding if I was just a gay woman (I live with my female partner) and I explained the way I felt and that I had spent a long time figuring myself out before coming out. After my explanation she was more than happy to accept who I am, what came next was the part that pulled at my heart strings.
Mum said that she didn't like "Charlie" the name I had chosen to use as a male, and at first I felt quite hurt but she went on to explain.
"I've been thinking about it a lot, and you're my baby, so I want to name you. When I was pregnant with you, I chose a girl's name and a boy's name, its not your fault that you were born a baby girl and if you had been born the baby boy you were supposed to be, it would have been your name."
I cried when she said that, I was so happy that it had been something she had thought about and that she cared enough to want to say something, it's definitely the most heartwarming thing that has happened since I started transitioning.
Ahh, that is so sweet!
I've had a few, but one that still lingers is when I dropped my car off for a service. It was filed in my male name so I had to tell them to change my name and I told them I was a TG female. When I collected the car there was a bunch of flowers inside and the card said "congratulations, regards the service team"
That's wonderful to hear, people can be surprisingly nice sometimes :)
My first piece of mail with my new name on it! :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 25, 2015, 12:19:20 AM
My first piece of mail with my new name on it! :)
Only time you have been happy to receive a bill?
Quote from: Cindy on February 25, 2015, 12:22:36 AM
Only time you have been happy to receive a bill?
Actually it was a refund on car insurance for becoming a lower risk female driver. Lol :)
It took me a long time to get around to changing the information on my passport.
When I finally went to do it, the woman who helped me at the post office was so good to me. At first she wanted to rush through everything so that she could help the next customer and get through the long line, but when I explained that I needed to change the name and gender on my passport her attitude completely transformed.
She spent the next hour painstakingly going over every part of the application with me to make sure it was done correctly and when we had questions she personally went to the phone and called the local state department office to check.
As she pulled me aside to take my photo, she squeezed my hand and told me that she was a lesbian and that she could relate to the struggle that I must go through. She was probably in her sixties, and I really felt that she did understand the hardships of coming out and being different.
And as soon as I was out the door I was bawling. I think that's the nicest a stranger has ever been to me.
A couple on months after I came out to my family I sent my mom a picture, at this point she was still in denial and struggling with pronouns, name, etc.
She replied to my email and told me she was quite taken aback, that it was like seeing a 20 year old picture of herself and after this she's never gotten a pronoun wrong.
What great stories -- both the big moments, and the not-so-big. (None of them are small! (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fsmile.gif&hash=2c5a4907e2673dfa63557696254abe82f5c9641e))
I posted this in another thread, but I'll re-post it here. Over the past year, I've come out to all my friends except one couple, whom I've seen at family and group events, but not one-on-one. We had them to dinner the other Sunday, and I came out to them then. Mary looked at me with wonder and joy on her face (she's Irish, she does big emotions...) and said "THAT'S why you've been looking so good lately! I haven't been able to figure out what's changed, but now I know -- this is the real you!"
I knew I loved that woman...
I was chatting up this woman, complete stranger following a movie. She asked if I had kids, and I said one daughter. I said she wasn't living with me to which she said "oh, she's with her dad then."
Was at a winery in Niagara-on-the-Lake and went to use the washroom. I stood and stared at the pictures on the bathroom doors and couldn't tell which was male and which was female as it was artsy fartsy. As I was about to push door #1, a teenager said "that's the wrong door, the ladies is the other one."
Going for my first bra sizing at a high end lingerie shop. I quietly chatted up the store employee and admitted I think I'm wearing the wrong size. She said what do I think I am. I thought I was 38a. She came into the dressing room, measured me properly, and said "you're 36B!" She was awesomely helpful, even if I was a bit red faced.
I could mention many more, but those are a few that stand out
Quote from: Muffinheart on February 25, 2015, 10:08:55 AM
I was chatting up this woman, complete stranger following a movie. She asked if I had kids, and I said one daughter. I said she wasn't living with me to which she said "oh, she's with her dad then."
Was at a winery in Niagara-on-the-Lake and went to use the washroom. I stood and stared at the pictures on the bathroom doors and couldn't tell which was male and which was female as it was artsy fartsy. As I was about to push door #1, a teenager said "that's the wrong door, the ladies is the other one."
Going for my first bra sizing at a high end lingerie shop. I quietly chatted up the store employee and admitted I think I'm wearing the wrong size. She said what do I think I am. I thought I was 38a. She came into the dressing room, measured me properly, and said "you're 36B!" She was awesomely helpful, even if I was a bit red faced.
I found reading those so-very uplifting :angel:..........thank you for sharing them. :-*
Deb.
Late last year I had some verbal abuse from some hoodie wearing oik, he waited until he'd crossed a busy road before shouting the abuse, a woman walking past him didn't even break her stride as she gave him a swift slap round the back of the head, it almost knocked him off his feet, I don't encourage violence but it was funny to see, whoever she is I owe her a big thank you.
Quote from: Jayne on February 25, 2015, 03:38:51 PM
Late last year I had some verbal abuse from some hoodie wearing oik, he waited until he'd crossed a busy road before shouting the abuse, a woman walking past him didn't even break her stride as she gave him a swift slap round the back of the head, it almost knocked him off his feet, I don't encourage violence but it was funny to see, whoever she is I owe her a big thank you.
:laugh: Jayne, I think they`d call that
"instant payback!" >:-)
Deb.
Quote from: CollieLass on February 25, 2015, 04:21:08 PM
:laugh: Jayne, I think they`d call that "instant payback!" >:-)
Deb.
Yup, it's one of those very rare occasions when you get to see karma in action.
I've had a few, I think my favorite would actually be one that happened today.
I got a new book in my drama class and wrote Matthew on it (it hasn't been changed yet, but it's not like I follow the rules anyway) and when I checked back the next lesson, there was a post it note from my teacher saying
" Matthew, your name really suits you :) "
Smiled for half an hour
So much great stuff, love to hear about all the happy moments in everyone's lives :D
OK, I'll post another. I'm Australian, I married a USA women and her family are all in Aus. My wife knew about me being TG before we married, her family didn't.
When I came out I had to confront my very religious mother in law. A baptist? Don't know much about religion.
She was 90. She just said Cindy, God made you who you are, as long as you love and care for my daughter, you will always be my daughter in law and my daughter's partner.
She occasionally slips on pronouns, but she is now 94.
Cindy, that's wonderful. Your wife chose her mother well!
I came out to my mom as trans years ago. One of her biggest fears about me coming out was my grandmother. My grandmother is in her 80s, and is very conservative. Whenever the topic of gay people would come up, my grandmother would get a very defensive look, and sometimes she would quote Fox News. Out of all of my family members, my grandmother was the one we were the most worried about. My mom was so afraid of my grandmother's reaction that she used to ask me to wait to come out until my grandmother was gone.
Last year during the holidays, I came out to people one at a time. When it came time to tell my grandmother, my mom was ready for a knock down, drag out fight. She was standing there, practically between my grandmother and me, with a stance like she was gonna have a fist fight with my grandma. I told my grandma that I had identified as female for many years, and that I was going to start living as a woman. I had only been on hormones for a week at this point, and still looked very masculine. My grandmother's eyes got a little teary, and she looked at me with one of the most loving looks she has ever given me. She said: "Life must be very hard for you, having been born in a body that's not right for you. I've always suspected that you were different. There was always something so sweet about you, not like other boys. If you're a woman, then I will accept you and love you that way." The way she said that was effortless and genuine. I looked at my mom, and I could see that she was barely holding back her tears. I could see amazement and gratitude written all over her face. She looked like she couldn't decide which of us she wanted to hug more.
Since that day, my grandmother has been nothing but positive about my transition. She compliments me on my dresses, tells me my makeup looks good, and says that she thinks I look pretty. She has barely struggled with pronouns at all from day one. She never tries to talk me out of transitioning, and I only ever see love on her face when she sees me come into the room. It's very clear that she sees me as her granddaughter now. She doesn't seem to have any problem doing that. No matter how conservative she is, her love for me is stronger than anything anyone else says, or any political opinion she holds.
From my earliest memory I really struggled to have a good relationship with my elder sister. We almost always seemed to be in a state of conflict. Which is strange because I always desperately wanted her to like me. Don't think anyone was really to blame, just maybe sibling rivalry, an age gap of 4 years and being young.
When I came out to my family 6 months ago it had been 20+ years since I had seen my sister (she lives abroad now) and we had only talked a handful of times on the phone in that interval. However, all that changed when I told her I was MTF transsexual about six months ago. Since then she has been so amazingly supportive. We now Skype regularly, at least once a week. Then, best of all, last weekend I got on a plane and went to spend a few days with her and her husband. Meeting up with her in person at the airport was an incredibly emotional experience. Then had the most amazing time with her going round the shops, eating out, seeing all the sites, chatting and even getting some of her stuff she was throwing out (she has amazing scarf collection!). We are now planning to meet up again in the summer.
So often transition can be a hard time of loss but this has been an amazing gain that I was not expecting.
I now have a fantastic loving sister and no longer feel like an only child. :)
The happy tears are flowing
Before transitioning I was only used to getting hit on in gays bars, gay gyms etc usually only areas where a lot of gay guys were around.
But now straight guys are nice to me. I'm not used to it and I love it. Sometimes I get the door held for me and called words like
"sweetheart". :icon_redface:
When I first came out I was worried about what one deeply religious friend of over 25 years would say. She asked
"Do you prefer Allison or Allie?". That was over a year ago and still the only question she has asked about my transition. She has never gotten my name or pronouns wrong once. She accepted me as me without batting an eye.
Such good stories/experiences.
One of my friends, whom I've never really straight out discussed my transition with, randomly messaged me something nice the other day. We had just hung out, but nothing went wrong or happened that I think would spur this on. But anyway, he messaged me saying something along the lines of, "I'm sorry you get misgendered and people use the wrong name and stuff, like your mom. You don't deserve that." It really blew me away because nobody has ever straight out told me that I deserve better than I so often get, and it was even more special because it came from somebody who has never really said anything about my transition. He supports me and all that, but we've never brought it up in conversation. So anyway, that was really nice. Probably in the top 3 best moments of my transition so far.