today marks four months on t for me. when i look at old pictures of myself or listen to a clip of my voice pre-t, i'm blown away by how much i've changed in such little time.
What gets me is how much more I like my pictures since I recognized myself as trans*. I'm pre-t, and used to hate all pics of me. Now I look and recognize what was wrong and go, hey that person was never a girl, and knowing that is cool. :)
I'm amazed actually. Didn't think I'd be passing within 3 months consistently with this androgynous baby face that has only subtle changes. Thank you deep baritone voice <3
I'm six months on E and found even early on that I was happier with pictures. I hadn't realized I was trans until a little over a year ago. Many of my facial and physical features that disturbed me prior I now recognize as feminine and the throat I hated does an excellent job of hiding my adam's apple. Now I see a woman most of the time. I truly believe my face would pass if I could get rid of the beard shadow.
I've spent a lifetime defining my identity in negative terms: "not this" and "not that." When I've looked in mirrors I've not seen much of anything, just a face. After a year on T, I look in the mirror now and I see this quite pleasant-looking older guy. I'm not sure how much is the T and how much is finding an identity I'm comfortable with, but I like it.
I agree with LoriLorenz. Even pre-T since I've accepted myself for who I really am (and cut all of my hair off) I don't focus so much on the negative. I know I will get where I want to be.
Not too much, I mean sure the voice some and some facial hair but I started with low doze and I sort of let myself go so I gained some weight- I always had a baby face which only makes it worse when you gain weight. Time to hit the gym again.
5.5 months and I am disappointed with how little changes I'm seeing. Especially voice.
Transition has been an eventful journey for sure and the changes have never seized to amaze me.
Sure, at first, the changes felt like they were not coming fast enough or what not, but when I look back, 12 years after the beginning of my transition, I can say that even the first year, although frustrating, brought changes that made me smile and helped me hang on.
I can also say that often we are the worse judge of these things, because we are stuck with ourselves 24/7. Having others (that are in the know), point out what they notice, as well as taking pictures and voice recording, can really help put things in perspective and see what we would otherwise have perhaps dismissed.
Very much so. I don't think it's all the physical. I'm surprised at how much inner peace I have. I had no idea I could feel at home in my own skin.
--Jay
I've looked at my old pictures a lot since transition and I found that I can actually look at myself and laugh and not feel weird. Like my clone brother Jay, that inner peace has made a world of difference.
Quote from: CursedFireDean on February 28, 2015, 09:15:42 PM
5.5 months and I am disappointed with how little changes I'm seeing. Especially voice.
Did your T provider ever put you up to full dose (whatever that is according to your T levels). I know she started you on low dose and I think was going to keep you there for the first 3 months?
Quote from: Brett on March 01, 2015, 08:01:09 PM
Did your T provider ever put you up to full dose (whatever that is according to your T levels). I know she started you on low dose and I think was going to keep you there for the first 3 months?
There's such a thing as you "T" level?? mine never actually mentioned that. He kept me on a really low doze for 3month and wanted to keep me there but I told him I wanted to go up so I went double that dose for 3 more months then he just kept asking if I was happy with that dose, ofc not my voice didn't change much so up we went. I'm still doing biweekly, I tried to talk to him about my ups and downs- how I get really moody and irritated more often in my second week and I read somewhere about the highs and lows yet when mentioned that to him at the 3 months, he said "biweekly should help with that"
Sometimes I feel like my doc is a moron..maybe I should go find a new one for my year appointment.
My voice actually didn't "change" much around 5 months either.
Quote from: Brett on March 01, 2015, 08:01:09 PM
Did your T provider ever put you up to full dose (whatever that is according to your T levels). I know she started you on low dose and I think was going to keep you there for the first 3 months?
Its complicated, I should hopefully be on the full dose when I go home for Spring break in two weeks. I'm probably switching doctors soon too. She doesn't seem to care much.
honestly she doesnt even check my levels which seems so messed up to me but I know I'm not seeing the changes I'm supposed to anymore. Which she said should be reason to raise my dose.
Quote from: M a t t on March 01, 2015, 08:39:47 PM
There's such a thing as you "T" level?? mine never actually mentioned that. He kept me on a really low doze for 3month and wanted to keep me there but I told him I wanted to go up so I went double that dose for 3 more months then he just kept asking if I was happy with that dose, ofc not my voice didn't change much so up we went. I'm still doing biweekly, I tried to talk to him about my ups and downs- how I get really moody and irritated more often in my second week and I read somewhere about the highs and lows yet when mentioned that to him at the 3 months, he said "biweekly should help with that"
Sometimes I feel like my doc is a moron..maybe I should go find a new one for my year appointment.
My voice actually didn't "change" much around 5 months either.
If your doctor isn't checking your blood levels then there's a problem. He shouldn't just be upping your dose without checking your T level (the amount of testosterone in your blood system on average at any given time; my doctor wants to check mine near the end of my shot cycle, to see what it is at its lowest). If your dose gets too high and your body can't use all of the testosterone you're giving it, it can actually convert it back to estrogen and slow/reverse your transition, which is why overdosing or giving yourself more doses than prescribed is pointless and actually counter-productive.
On the subject of amazing transitions, I'm now 60 days on T and already have experienced long, blonde sideburns & chin fluff, and a deeper voice, so I'm feeling pretty good :)
I have to second AndrewB on that one. If your doctor is not checking your T level in your blood regularly, then you need to get another doctor. There is no way other then by bloodwork to know what is your level. Too low and too high can both have negative side effects, especially too high, as it WILL slow down your transition. (Think of the people that use hormones as a performance enhancing drug and end up with "small boobs and shrunked testicules", that is because there is more T being put in the body then what can be processed and the overflow was converted back to estrogen...)
Third for having a doctor monitor you T levels. My dose has been adjusted several times due to having high or low T. Both can really mess up your system, but with high T I felt pretty miserable. I gained a lot of weight, had an insane amount of sweating, acne and really thick blood.
Quote from: aleon515 on March 01, 2015, 02:07:07 AM
Very much so. I don't think it's all the physical. I'm surprised at how much inner peace I have. I had no idea I could feel at home in my own skin.
--Jay
I agree with Jay. For me the the biggest thing was how I felt about myself and those around me. The physical things are visible, and it makes sense that changes there would hit you first, but its the overall quality of life that blows me away. I don't look at pictures of myself before or try to think about my life before.
sam1234
I'm amazed by my transition, and I'm still living as a female! I have came so far mentally, emotionally, and spiritually once I have accepted myself as a man. I just excited to see how I will turn out once I do transition. It is going to be interesting.
Quote from: CursedFireDean on February 28, 2015, 09:15:42 PM
5.5 months and I am disappointed with how little changes I'm seeing. Especially voice.
Changes vary for everyone. It's basically puberty. Sorry to hear, but it also isn't a miracle drug. I would get your levels tested to verify you are at where you need to be though.
In regards to my transition, I'm not as amazed as much as I've finally blurred the past and am happier than I've ever been. It's nice to be able to identify with my mind & body together.
I have not gotten on T yet, but I am looking forward to the voice change the most! Sideburns is a close second though. :P isn't it funny how such simple things could make us so happy?
5.5 months may not be that much for some guys, esp on those on a lowish dose. I saw subtle changes and then about 10 months, i my voice really went down.
But make sure you blood levels are correct, btw, TOO MUCH T can also be a problem and make your body convert the T to estrogen. I know someone who this happened to and he actually got more changes going down in dose.
--Jay
Quote from: CursedFireDean on February 28, 2015, 09:15:42 PM
5.5 months and I am disappointed with how little changes I'm seeing. Especially voice.