Hi everyone,
I am looking for experience and advice from those of you who have older kids and transitioned. I am 45 and have a 22 yo, 19yo and 10yo. They know I am going to transition and are accepting of this. My concern is what they will go through once I come out to the larger community. I live in a small town (where gossip is rampant and diversity scarce). I grew up in this area and have lived here my entire life. I am not connected with the community much. I work about an hour away and pretty much stay home and go to work. But my kids are connected.
My youngest goes to a small local catholic school (K-8) and plays local sports. The issue here may or may not be with the school - they invite all people to attend - any religion, beliefs etc and for a catholic school are very open minded. I plan to meet with the principle soon. I possibly see parents being a larger issue. My daughter has gone to this school for 6 years and has friends she's had since starting there. My oldest children live, work and socialize in the area and with the proliferation of FB and local gossip boards information travels fast.
I know I will face people's attitudes towards what I am doing and am ready to deal with negativity, but my fears where my children are concerned are growing as I come closer to my T start date (next month). I am coming out only to my closer circle of family soon. I know many will take it well but some will not (and that is okay with me). From there the community knowledge of my intentions will explode.
I've read tons of stuff online. I have some plans in place to teach my kids what they may experience and how to deal with it. Here I am hoping to get some perspective from other who have transitioned with older children and how you dealt with it.
What I've been thinking about:
- possible issues at my daughters school - educators, parents, students - how did people mediate this social nightmare?
- people in the community contacting my kids (and family) for information and not me (this already happened in the past)
- people I know and don't know being unaccepting, rude, inappropriate, hateful, religious etc. with my kids
- when I start to look more like a man - how should me and my 10yo deal with this in public and with her friends, etc.
The list can go on and on. If you have other areas you found difficult please let me know. I believe that what I'm doing will make me a better parent for my children but there's that niggling thought in the back of my head that in this hate filled world I may be doing them more harm than good. Thanks ahead of time for any responses.
Camron
Hey Camron,
No advice to give. I live in the same type of area but don't have the children concerns you have. I'm hoping you'll be pleasantly surprised at the attitudes. Either way, just wishing you and your family strength and fortitude.
Chris
I wish I could give you more advice. I, too, am going through this as mtf. I have a 14 year old daughter who knows about me, but is scared. I think the best is to take it one day at a time. Talk to your kids openly and ask them these same questions. For a lot of these issues, they will be on the front line. Hopefully the older ones can help guide the youngest. It sounds like you have some great kids.
Good luck and hugs. Remember you are not alone.