Hey all, I hope everyone is having a good day. :) I'm doing a project for school and I need to get a list of the most common and ridiculous things that are said are asked to trans people. So, lay it on me!!
<3
I don't think I pay much attention to dumb assumptions and ideas about being trans at this point, it's become such a common experience, but let me think...
I remember back when I was first coming out and immersing myself in the trans community, I got a lot of pushback from some people for being attracted to women and having zero interest in men. One girl gave me this big diatribe about how awful trans lesbians were and made us out to be creepy predators who went to support groups to mack on ladies, lol. It was so over the top, it made me laugh, and is probably why it still sticks out in my mind.
By the way, Preston, I like your avatar pic. You look pretty badass. I've always wanted to tattoo my arms.
Thanks Sunderland! You should do it!
I have gotten so many stupid questions I'd have to write a book to get them all on paper haha, I cant pick the most stupid one either so ill just tell a few, and my answers to them.
- oh so you're becoming a woman? (I'm ftm) my answer: Lol
- how do you have sex? My answer: Super awesome
- do you have a penis? My answer: Oh I didn't realize you wanted to have sex with me, lets get down to business then and you'll find out
Are you still called Jimmy?
Red hair down to my***s,red nail polish,eyeliner, not very likely Einstein!
Question like:
"Why are you trans?"
"You could just remain gay, why did you become trans?"
"God created you a man, why do you wanna become a woman?"
"Are you mentally sane?"
And many more craps pffft
***Top 10***
"So you cut it off?"
"Are those like implants?"
"So you like men now? I always suspected you might be gay."
"Can't you just take antidepressants?"
"Why would you set yourself up to be beaten, raped or killed?"
"It's the devil doing this to you." >:-)
"Why would anyone want to flush their male privilege down the toilet?"
"So do you still play guitar?"
"Do you still use your tools?"
"Do you still use your tool?"
When I came out one of the first things my mom said to me was "Please don't kill yourself." I've never had a history/diagnosis of depression and my therapist didn't pick up anything when I was looking to start T, so as you can imagine I was a little shocked. Guess they just knew the numbers/suicide risk and feared the worst? I don't know if it's really as ridiculous to others as it was in my scenario, but idk, I thought I'd share.
I was asked by my female hairdresser, "What's oestrogen?"
When I came out to my parents, my father was so upset, he said, trying desperately to come up with an argument, "Well, I'm never gonna be a major league pitcher, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cut my right arm off!"
From my mum I got
You shouldn't do it because you'll end up alone....cis people are obviously NEVER alone/single
You shouldn't do it because you'll be an ugly woman......cis women are obviously NEVER ugly
No one would want to be with you......as a man I certainly didn't want to be with me now I'm content with who I am
One conversation I had went something like this
I'm a transwoman
So you're gay
No I'm attracted to men
So you're gay
No if I was gay I'd like women
But you're a man so you're gay
I'm not a man I'm a woman
So you're gay
I eventually gave up on this conversation out of pity for the man, it looked like his brain was on the verge of a meltdown.
There have been so many stupid things said that it's hard to separate them, they just blur into one big blob of stupid.
One that was comical and dangerous in equal measure was when someone voiced their objection to me "doing the gender slip", I had to fight back the urge to laugh, the first thing that popped into my head was the tune of the timewarp from rocky horror with the words...
"Let's do the gender slip again, its just a jump to the left...and the a slip to the riiiiiiiigght, then you grow some hips, and your penis drops offfff"
I had to hide my smirk as the person was at that point threatening to smash a plate of curry in my face as my presence was apparently putting him off his food.
When I came out at work, the school system lawyer said that women would not want to be in the same restroom as I would if I had different genitals.
How would they know?
It is totally impossible to fix STUPID. I have been asked about every one of these questions especially the GAY one. DUH, I am a woman and I like some guys so I am as they say straight but I also like women too so I am a lesbian, so I guess liking both makes me bi, nothing like confusing the confused. End of conversation.
I've now come out to my family, all my friends, and several acquaintances whom I see perhaps once or twice a year. The only really stupid reaction I've had came from one of the latter, a diehard lesbian feminist whose social and political development came to a crashing halt sometime in the late 70s.
She said just about every stupid thing possible, and topped it off by asking why I couldn't just (do the politically correct thing and) live as gender-non-conforming woman. This was AFTER I had explained that I had tried to do exactly that for approximately 40 years, and that the net result had been a very near brush with suicide a few months earlier.
She also managed to offend a good friend of mine who was present, an Ojibwe woman who identifies both as a dyke and as two-spirited, by going on about the way "Native People" are so accepting of two-spirited folks. My friend had a thing or two to say about that, given the hatred and discrimination she's experienced from her band.
I'm MTF and was asked " if your attracted to woman why would you want to become one?"
All of the above.
Two recent ones when I told someone I was trans (on the phone to explain my phone account being under the wrong name). Oh that's cool, my brother is Gay (so what was my reaction! But I didn't say anything).
During a radio interview. Interviewer: When did you decide to become a woman? Me: I was born one, my gender was assigned on my genitals and not my brain. Interviewer: 20 second pause (a long time on radio), Oh!
"What? You mean you don't want to get a man?"
My mother's side of the family was always very volatile about my gender identity and I learned from a very early age to try and hide it.
I recently came out to my father's side (who I recently found). My dad is gay and totally accepts me as his homoflexible son. He asked lots of questions about how the surgeries for transmen worked and my plans for the future. My sister from that side always has the most amusing questions. These were my favorites:
"You're on hormones but your looks are gonna stay the same?"
"Are you going to get surgery so you can grow a beard?"
I don't know if this counts but, "What is it like to be a ->-bleeped-<-? I'll bet fun."
I was so shocked at the thought, I never answered and just walked away.
I have to admit I haven't heard to much YET but one thing you said Jill "Why would you flush your male privilege down the toilet?" I have heard. Actually not in so many words but my sister said something like that in an honest question so not stupid but more along the lines of:
Why would you want to wear a bra, have to wear less comfy shoes and be more careful with the clothes I wear.
Ok another one is wearing make up then she said well actually I don't wear much either.
I can understand how it can be ridiculous but then what I read from her was a bit different I guess its a matter of perceptions and where it came from. Not trying to derail anyone either a lot of those things are just over the top. Or maybe I just don't get it YET most likely find out when some e flows in me:)
I little fyi on my sister not trans but she was always a tomboy so maybe somethen with that??? For me actually that does make me think what it will mean to lose the male privilege but then again I would gain so much more:)
The most ridiculous thing...let's see...
"So you're an effing freak, then?"
"You've just got 'special snowflake syndrome', grow up already."
And the all time favourite...even got this from my SO's family at first...
"Are you sure you're not actually just gay?"
Oh, gosh, some of these... Was she actually being serious when she asked if you were going to have surgery to grow a beard? Is beard surgery a thing? If it is, I've never heard of it.
I dunno how I'd react if someone asked me why I'd want to give up "my male privilege." Is that referring to not wearing makeup and caring less about clothes? 'Cause I actually like makeup and dressing up. It's fun, and it feels good to take pride in how I present myself. I wouldn't consider that any kind of burden. I guess it depends on your personal style whether you see that as a privilege. But it's not like you have to. Plenty of girls don't wear makeup and dress casual where I live. Maybe it's a city thing.
From my mother: "so... Whose pecker are you getting?" She meant it honestly and that made it so ridiculous I just laughed myself sick.
From my grandmother: "Wait, does this mean that you like women?"
From my brothers as a unit through the elected awkward question congressman: "Are you a boy or a girl??" (I'm the oldest by a large margin)
From strangers I've been asked how I masturbate (Perfectly fine, thanks), how's my sex life (very active and better than theirs), if I have "both sets" now, (wouldn't you like to know?) and my all time favorite, so your husband is a "->-bleeped-<-"? (I hate that word).
If I think of any more I'll let you know. Edit to add, I just remembered another one. "So, do you know Laverne Cox?" Because apparently we all know each other.
My GP..........one more time, my GP (yes, doctor) said to me, "You realize that oestrogen will give you a higher voice?"
(He has since retired).
Polly's response reminds me of my pharmacist when I gave him my first HRT script.
I have to warn you that taking this will make you sterile and develop breasts.
I replied I really hope so.
He is a friend now, lovely man.
One that i've just remembered from the first time a stranger noticed I had breasts
Idiot: "Bloody hell you've got tits!!"
Me: "Oh my God, I didn't have them when I left the house, there must have been a mix up at the supermarket"
Upon informing my boss that I am a transsexual and I was coming to work as Eva on <date>:
"You wear MAKEUP?!?!"
Followed immediately by:
"Are you going to get the surgery?" with an uncomfortable look on his face ::)
He's actually a good guy and is a great person to work for albeit clueless about trans stuff :laugh:
My mom's reaction to coming out to her (her very first words): "So, you like to dress in women's clothes?"
The real facepalm happened when she told me that so long as I was not attracted to men and staying married to my wife, it was ok with her. wth??!!!
And the classic one from the lady, whom I'd never met before, giving me my first mammogram --as I stand there topless: "So, when is your surgery?"
Quote from: ainsley on March 04, 2015, 11:21:16 AM
My mom's reaction to coming out to her (her very first words): "So, you like to dress in women's clothes?"
My mums first reaction "you're old enough to do whatever you want, ooh doesnt the dog look cute"
"I believe other people are trans and I support them, but not you. I think you've just talked yourself into it."
:(
This happened today....
A lady customer asked for my name...
"It's Beth", I say with a friendly smile. :)
"YOU'RE a BETH?!" she replies, a look of incredulity on her face. ??? Then she shakes her head and says as she walks away, mumbling sarcastically "you're a Beth..." ::)
Oh well, can't please everyone! LOL I knew I should've named myself Lenore.... ;)
Beth, you've just triggered another memory, this has happened several times (or variations on the theme)
Q. What's you name?
A. Jayne
Q. I mean your real name?
A. Jayne
Q. I know what you call yourself now but what's your real name?
A. My real name is Jayne i've changed it legaly
Q. But what did your parents call you when you were born
A. It doesn't matter, I don't answer to that name
Q. But what does it say on your birth certificate
A. I've changed my name by deed poll so my birth certificate is irrelevant
Q. Yeh but. . . . what . . . . . is. . . . . your. . . . . real. . . . name?
One person did end up asking the question very slowly as if I was thick & didn't understand basic english, I normaly end up giving up & walking away long before they realise my name is Jayne
Quote from: LordKAT on March 04, 2015, 12:11:32 AM
I don't know if this counts but, "What is it like to be a ->-bleeped-<-? I'll bet fun."
*le facepalm*
Yes, it's a real barrel of monkeys, isn't it? Electrolysis, surgeries, ridicule, marginalization, subjugation... It's like the circus, Disneyland and Vegas all rolled into one.
That's one person who definitely needs beaten repeatedly with a cluebat.
I've had people ask me if I was going to get facial surgery done and then tell me what they think I need done.. without my asking. It was quite distressing.
It is someone I work with who loves his porn sites. I hear more than I care to, obviously.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2015, 04:13:04 PM
*le facepalm*
Yes, it's a real barrel of monkeys, isn't it? Electrolysis, surgeries, ridicule, marginalization, subjugation... It's like the circus, Disneyland and Vegas all rolled into one.
That's one person who definitely needs beaten repeatedly with a cluebat.
I've had two older women say something along those lines..."the best of both worlds"...
I suppose they never heard of a little thing called "dysphoria"...
And then there's the men who are OK with transitioning, but when I mention I got married they're "oh? What's his name?"
"Not a guy...I'm married to a woman."
"Wait, you transitioned, right? If you like women, why didn't you just stay a man?"
Only once did a guy figure out "oh...so you're....a...lesbian?" *watching his brain gears slowly clunking along*
"Yes, that's right."
It seems like they can wrap their head around either being gay, or being trans...but not both at the same time.
Quote from: Beth Andrea on March 04, 2015, 04:25:34 PM
It seems like they can wrap their head around either being gay, or being trans...but not both at the same time.
When I was dropping the T-bomb on my wife, I let her guess first by saying something like "Is there something about me that you've always suspected?" and she said "Are you gay?". I was personally confused as to how I should answer it. I wanted to say "You better hope I am".
Then it was me who said the dumb things. I was asking her "So... if I have a penis now but probably won't later and I stay with you... does that mean I'm straight now but won't be later?" Truth is that, since I'm really just a woman with a terrible hormone imbalance and a penis-shaped growth hiding my vagina, I've come to the conclusion that I must have
always been a lesbian. It was even better getting to tell my wife that she's also a lesbian! :D
I think nearly all of us who suppressed and buried dysphoria for most of their lives avoided topics on transgender folks. I know I did because it was like Pandora's box and I knew I wouldn't be able to shut it. But that results in many of us coming to terms with it while still having the same dumb questions that others have when we tell them. I think that reason alone will be why I will forgive just about any innocent question, no matter how dumb it sounds.
wow some great ones here.. I havent really had anything to me personally. I feel left out :-\
Closest was my mum telling a family friend about me and saying that a family member's son is gay like it was in any way comparable to this. Thats all I can think of though. People seem to have a hang up about equating being trans to being gay. I dont get why they cant tell the difference like its even remotely the same thing
Oh just remembred, the reaction at uni to my sudden name change was 'did you get married?' No one seemed to take into account my first name had also changed and to a male name, no all they thought about was surname and equating it to marriage. Cant count how many of them asked me the exact same question. I chose not to respond other than to say no. I didnt want to tell anyone as it was the last month before leaving anyway what was the point in trying to get anyone to understand what it meant
Quote from: Cindy on March 04, 2015, 04:32:38 AM
Polly's response reminds me of my pharmacist when I gave him my first HRT script.
I have to warn you that taking this will make you sterile and develop breasts.
I replied I really hope so.
He is a friend now, lovely man.
My GP also "warned" me that I would grow breasts. (Still waiting by the way. Grrrrrr). It's the fact that he told me my voice would get higher. I wish! I didn't correct him, just thought, "Dear God what else does he not know?"
Abysha I couldn't agree more on the scared to open pandaras box concept and the questions asked because of well lets face it intrigue of the unknown and what that may mean.
Pollypagan Your doctor all I can say is really on the voice thing. Then again how many of us if we had never thought of this would think something along those lines before finding out the truth/s.
Jill F Not that I have done much just laser hair removal but ya I can see this wont be a fun thing and lol love the barrel of monkeys on vaction:)
Jayne loved the omg you have tits thing actually told my sister/mom that both laughed at that one. Hmm maybe I should go to the supermarket more often lol.
The idea of being gay and transgender for me at least I don't feel I am gay yet attracted to male body but romantically just say I don't know but I can see how that can be both:)
Sorry had to comment on those in a way this is funny how peoples perceptions are way off reality I mean like the world is still flat. The way I look at it though in all those cases I am sure well some at least may have learned something that day they didn't even realize before. I admit what barrel of monkeys put in the pandoras box I have gotten myself into:)
Anyway thank you all for the funny things that has happened (not always funny to you when it happens of course) and all the info on what this is all about. Perhaps one day this will be more common knowledge and we can get out of the dark ages only to find out the earth isn't flat neither are our chests har har.
I can't really think of any really stupid things that have been said to me but I've had my share of deliberately cruel things. I won't mention them here though. I guess in one regard (lack of stupid comments or questions) that I've been fortunate.
If you'd like to see some other...interesting...things people can say, here's a thread found on page 8 of the "Arrggh!" sub-forum.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,124007.0.html
Quote from: Jayne on March 03, 2015, 06:07:24 PM
You shouldn't do it because you'll be an ugly woman......cis women are obviously NEVER ugly
That's so messed up that your own mother would tell you that! It's also kind of funny, because I've gotten the opposite. A gay friend told me I shouldn't transition, because I'm "a good-looking guy."
Well, I make an adorable lady, thankyouverymuch! :-*
"You're so lucky you get to choose"
"I have a good gaydar, I think you are one of those transgendereds"
"You'd pass really well if it weren't for *lists off hundreds of things"
"No, but what do you have... Down there...?"
"Stop pretending to be a boy, you are lying to the world and that makes you a criminal"
"If you really want a dick then *threatens you with sexual violence"
"Why can't you just choose to be a girl and make it easy for everyone"
"You're doing this on purpose"
Quote from: Jigsaw. on March 04, 2015, 05:42:43 PM
People seem to have a hang up about equating being trans to being gay. I dont get why they cant tell the difference like its even remotely the same thing
I see this a lot, including in this thread. It seems to me a little unfair to say either it's not "remotely" the same thing, or to consider it a ridiculous connection to make. It is, of course, not the same thing, but it's related in the sense that it both are deviations from the "norm" in gender-related ways. But I feel like it's a little unfair to give someone grief for not recognizing that if they've not had reason to think critically about it. It's taken society, including doctors, psychologists, and scientists, a long time to understand what we currently do about it.
I do get that it's kind of frustrating, and also that some people don't catch on even when smacked with a clue stick. But especially on coming out, I think anything anyone says to convey that they are supportive is a win, even if it's tone deaf or ignorant.
I'm not out to many people yet, so (fortunately) have not personally encountered many ridiculous comments yet. I guess the closest has been my mother, who is positive and supportive but clearly worried about the realities of transition. The last couple times I've talked to her on the phone have been "[X scary thing] is such a scary thing, you'd really have to be sure to be willing to do that. Are you really sure?" (X has included things like electrolysis, family/friends who might react badly, and probably a few other things.) I mean, I understand and appreciate that she's both personally having anxieties about it and also trying to be sure I've thought these things through, but I really need it to stop soon...
Quote from: Menoimagination on March 07, 2015, 04:11:03 PM
"You're so lucky you get to choose"
"I have a good gaydar, I think you are one of those transgendereds"
I've gotten both of these too. I always shake my head. Yep, I get to choose. My first choice was purple people eater. *eye roll*
I do enjoy the "yer one of them there transgendereds ain't ya?". It always comes from people who know I've transitioned. I feel like they deserve a special award.
I had one yesterday a man stopped in his tracks, stared at me & laughed but I wasn't in a good mood so I stopped in my tracks & got him in the crosshairs of my Paddington hard stare, I then him have both barrels
Me. What'r yous staring at?
Him. you
Me. What'r yous laughing at?
Him. Your face
Me. If you wanna 'ave a prop'r larf at someones face then look in a ing mirror!! *
I didn't wait for a reply, I turned on my heel & left him standing there with his silly little smile on his silly chubby face, I took care to put a little extra wiggle in my walk, if he wants to stare then let him stare at my arse**
* If I get really mad then I slip into prop'r Bristolian
** sorry but he kinda wound me up, it's not often i'm still simmering the next day
From a totally supportive friend, who just maybe wasn't at school the day they did reproduction :):
"So, I was thinking, if you start taking testosterone does that mean that you can grow sperm"
ok.. b4 I start, just know I'm not bashing anyone. Just voicing an opinion.
I'm a MtF transgirl. I'm honest and outgoing and most of my family/friends are supportive. that being said...
NO ONE calls me Jennifer or with the correct pronouns. It doesn't phase me though. I have 0% dysphoria. Am I happy as a man? no. Very much the opposite. I'm so depressed I'm angry at the world.
When I still get called Paul it just means that they haven't adjusted yet. Just like I have to adjust to new things in life.. I'm understanding and patient.
Getting angry over questions such as...
- Why are you trans?
- Why don't you just remain a boy?
- What name are you going to go by?
If you get angry at comments like these.. then forget your friends. Change your phone number when you change your name. Disown your family. Move to another country. Create a new life. And you'll never have to worry about people that care about you and your situation enough to ask you these things.
Communication is important. If you can't answer questions like these.. you're not helping anyone.
strangest comment I've heard was when I first came out to a certain friend. I had just told him everything. so he said "ok, don't take this the wrong way or get angry.. but can I ask you a question?" i said ask me anything.. He just started asking things like "So how long until you chop it off?" lol...
I get offended when people DONT ask me questions. I feel it means they couldn't care less about my situation. But he was so sure I'd get mad in the face about it. People don't realize that I absolutely love who I am and what I'll someday be. And I kept it bottled up for years. So now I wanna talk about it! lol
Quote from: Rotika on March 08, 2015, 06:10:47 PM
ok.. b4 I start, just know I'm not bashing anyone. Just voicing an opinion.
I'm a MtF transgirl. I'm honest and outgoing and most of my family/friends are supportive. that being said...
NO ONE calls me Jennifer or with the correct pronouns. It doesn't phase me though. I have 0% dysphoria. Am I happy as a man? no. Very much the opposite. I'm so depressed I'm angry at the world.
When I still get called Paul it just means that they haven't adjusted yet. Just like I have to adjust to new things in life.. I'm understanding and patient.
Getting angry over questions such as...
- Why are you trans?
- Why don't you just remain a boy?
- What name are you going to go by?
If you get angry at comments like these.. then forget your friends. Change your phone number when you change your name. Disown your family. Move to another country. Create a new life. And you'll never have to worry about people that care about you and your situation enough to ask you these things.
Communication is important. If you can't answer questions like these.. you're not helping anyone.
Oh man, what a good attitude! You seem to have a level head on your shoulders. And yer fuggin' adorable, too!
Quote from: Rotika on March 08, 2015, 06:10:47 PM
ok.. b4 I start, just know I'm not bashing anyone. Just voicing an opinion.
I'm a MtF transgirl. I'm honest and outgoing and most of my family/friends are supportive. that being said...
NO ONE calls me Jennifer or with the correct pronouns. It doesn't phase me though. I have 0% dysphoria. Am I happy as a man? no. Very much the opposite. I'm so depressed I'm angry at the world.
When I still get called Paul it just means that they haven't adjusted yet. Just like I have to adjust to new things in life.. I'm understanding and patient.
For me, after almost 5 years, if they didn't get my name and pronouns right, they are obviously not respecting me..
QuoteGetting angry over questions such as...
- Why are you trans?
- Why don't you just remain a boy?
- What name are you going to go by?
If you get angry at comments like these.. then forget your friends. Change your phone number when you change your name. Disown your family. Move to another country. Create a new life. And you'll never have to worry about people that care about you and your situation enough to ask you these things.
Communication is important. If you can't answer questions like these.. you're not helping anyone.
There are an awful lot of uneducated cis people and a whole bunch of very sensitive trans people and when the 2 mix it can be quite volatile.. It shouldn't be this way..
Quote from: MugwortPsychonaut on March 08, 2015, 06:24:15 PM
Oh man, what a good attitude! You seem to have a level head on your shoulders. And yer fuggin' adorable, too!
omg lol thanks hun :)
From my mother: Why can't you just live as a guy
From a former friend
Maybe if you wore a dress once and awhile I would call you a girl
God made you a guy not a girl
*in my response to he must think his girlfriend is male then when she is in pants* <Girlfriend> is a girl, you are a biy you have a penis.
That was our LAST conversation
"Are those real?"
This one is kind of a double insult - as a trans woman ("what, you think I can't grow them too?") and as woman ("get lost, jerk").
Perversely, I also enjoyed it as a backwards compliment. Go figure.
Quote from: Eveline on March 08, 2015, 08:13:42 PM
This one is kind of a double insult - as a trans woman ("what, you think I can't grow them too?") and as woman ("get lost, jerk").
FWIW, I don't think this is common knowledge. Heck, I didn't know about HRT and its effects until a few months ago...
But, yeah, talk about inappropriate...
From a close friend (who since then has come to understand): but all girls would rather be guys.
Now for context, my parents thought it would be a good idea to get a religious scholar to come over and talk to me (mainly because we wanted the religious verdict on the matter). He pissed me off, really. So I'm sitting there feeling quite uncomfortable and anxious, and after talking for a while he goes "well I don't see anything in you that's anything but feminine, you're quiet, not looking me in the eye, quite reserved.." and bla bla. Because I that's all because I'm feminine, not because it was an awfully awkward situation for me.
Another thing: I say that I feel uncomfortable when my friends throw (all-girls) parties and I just feel out of place and that I'm not supposed to be there. He says, well a guy would feel elated to be around so many girls! (and I'd implied that I was attracted to girls too..)
Right now my family is pretty much saying: if you pray enough these feelings will go away.
I'm baptist to my bones. I don't ever force it on others. I just believe in something and it's personal. At the same time I'm a MtF trans. Praying something away doesn't work. Ppl should stop acting like there's something WRONG with us.
Do you know the one in the paper last week?
No she lives 300 miles from here
Oh I thought you all knew each other!
Rotika you made me think of a instance when I was In college (long time ago) that in a way can be somewhat related to GID. Here goes I btw am not religious in the sense of I am agnostic (believe there might be a god but don't feel there is one) but do feel I am spiritual and yes I know that is weird but here went a convo I had with someone who was very catholic.
religious person: Can you believe there is a god?
My response: Can you belive there is not a god?
Keep repeating that over and over and get no where. I later figured out why and I think it relates to identity too. The reason we believe in x religion because we have faith in it and can you really describe faith. I think to the core you can not nor can you truly describe your identity.
Just my 2 bits on that one:) Sorry for being off topic too.
Quote from: Jen72 on March 09, 2015, 07:02:57 AM
Rotika you made me think of a instance when I was In college (long time ago) that in a way can be somewhat related to GID. Here goes I btw am not religious in the sense of I am agnostic (believe there might be a god but don't feel there is one) but do feel I am spiritual and yes I know that is weird but here went a convo I had with someone who was very catholic.
religious person: Can you believe there is a god?
My response: Can you belive there is not a god?
Keep repeating that over and over and get no where. I later figured out why and I think it relates to identity too. The reason we believe in x religion because we have faith in it and can you really describe faith. I think to the core you can not nor can you truly describe your identity.
Just my 2 bits on that one:) Sorry for being off topic too.
I understand where you're coming from and what you mean.. But I simply cannot agree. I think the ability to describe your own identity comes in many ways. Umm.. idk. Like maturity, experience or age. I'm a 28 year old girl in my head. I have no doubts. I don't need anyone's acceptance but my wife's. I know exactly who I am. Knowing what ppl think I look like... is a dif story. I wanna know if I messed up my makeup or should've worn a blue undershirt instead of a white one under the see-through cheetah print longsleeve lol.. sorry that's the best way I can describe it. But as far as religion. I Don't particularly want to talk about faith. I just believe. I'm happier about it when no one cares about it. So I hope you'll be happier without me talking about it. I respect everyone here. In fact I love you all and just want to get along. If you're Agnostic; I hope you live your life the way you want to and I hope being Agnostic helps you to do that in some way. :)
I see were you are coming from on faith I was just using it as a general idea in that faith is an aspect of our identity that only ourselves can truly understand much like gender not the same of course but just an aspect. As for gender yes we can portray how we feel with mannerisms and presentation as well as to how we speak but deep down it is only what we feel and think or our heart and soul if you will that is what it is but can not be easily or if at all be totally brought forth with communication via verbal/physical means.
Another way of looking at it is it is faith in one sell I will call it and compared to religion and gender is do we not also portray our religions with certain items. (cross, Punjab, etc.) much in the way some clothes portray our gender (skirt vs pants). But in the end it still comes down to the more complex way of how we are on the inside that isn't so easily put forth.
That was the point I was trying to get across not really saying religion is the same as gender just an aspect that only we only truly know.
As far as my beliefs I wasn't trying to say it was the same just similar as far as what I believe if that makes sense and do not judge others either on whatever they believe either. Was just an example of how something the way we feel/believe is not always conveyable by physical means. However after all that yes to some degree it is such as like you said your choice of clothing or makeup etc. Its that some degree part:)
Lastly sorry for being off topic and long winded hard to describe the indescribable.
this is, unfortunately, from one of the older girls in my local trans group:
"one thing i have wondered is if the only way for a MTF to be straight wouldn't they have to be only attracted to FTM. think about it with use MTF's mind is female and body is changing to female from male so as to be straight wouldn't we have to go for the opposite of our-selves?"
not only would it not be politic to try to correct her, but I wouldn't even know where to begin tackling this level of wrong.
A female co-worker: so how are you going to deal with your cycles? "um, I'm not going to have them." She then followed up with: but where will the blood come from? (she's a trainer who's mom was a doctor)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
My boss after discussing my needs: "So do you get a heavy flow now?" She is so clueless!
Quote from: marikvulpina on March 11, 2015, 12:13:04 AM
this is, unfortunately, from one of the older girls in my local trans group:
"one thing i have wondered is if the only way for a MTF to be straight wouldn't they have to be only attracted to FTM. think about it with use MTF's mind is female and body is changing to female from male so as to be straight wouldn't we have to go for the opposite of our-selves?"
not only would it not be politic to try to correct her, but I wouldn't even know where to begin tackling this level of wrong.
It's almost as though simple labels like "straight" and "gay" are inadequate to capture the complexity of human sexuality!
Quote from: jeni on March 11, 2015, 09:00:14 AM
It's almost as though simple labels like "straight" and "gay" are inadequate to capture the complexity of human sexuality!
or that adding trans people into the mix doesn't affect those labels in any way!
Quote from: marikvulpina on March 11, 2015, 10:46:49 AM
or that adding trans people into the mix doesn't affect those labels in any way!
Exactly. Someone, I think my mom, asked about gay or straightness. All I could say in response was, "It's complicated." I think it's better just to describe myself as "attracted to women." That separates the question, and doesn't trigger issues with people who may not see me as female yet. (I'm not really transitioned yet, so I don't blame them. I currently don't quite see myself as male or female at the moment, either.)
Quote from: jeni on March 11, 2015, 11:05:22 AM
Exactly. Someone, I think my mom, asked about gay or straightness. All I could say in response was, "It's complicated." I think it's better just to describe myself as "attracted to women." That separates the question, and doesn't trigger issues with people who may not see me as female yet. (I'm not really transitioned yet, so I don't blame them. I currently don't quite see myself as male or female at the moment, either.)
That's
exactly how I describe my sexuality when it comes up. I answer with "I'm attracted to women" and that answer should serve me now as well as later after I transition.
"Will you start menstruating?"
"Will HRT change your chromosomes?" (asked sincerely, not as a microagression)
"But you like women!"
The last one is the only one which actually annoys me, the first two are just entertaining. It's annoying to have to remind people, even open-minded people, that lesbian and bi women actually exist.
For brevity:
Nephew: "I feel bad for your parents" - OK.
My parents: "I feel bad for you, pathetic" - I feel bad for you missing out on a great and kind child.
My dad: "Hey, it's okay if you want to be gay... but this trans-thing? I don't know."
Doctor: "So you want to be a male?" - Not likely.
Some woman: "When do you get the two surgeries? (thinking I was FTM)" - I opted for one, thank you very much.
Waitress: "Whispering to another waitress: that's a ->-bleeped-<-!" - on the 5th day I came out, so very fragile.
A guy I dated who knew my condition and SRS: "Can you get pregnant?" - Me, no.
A lesbian friend: "You want to be a ->-bleeped-<- then?" - nevermind.
A female friend: "Who wants to become a woman?" - uhhh me?
A guy friend: "Respect for losing all your male privileges" - ... which are?
Random woman: "Are you the one that does the face paint this afternoon with the kids?" - no I wear this daily.
Random bloke: "I want to make a compliment... for your courage, you are transgender, right?" hmm okay. :-\
Edit: removed a couple non essential, added a few more I just remembered.
The best one that comes to mind is "What does the fake penis (packer/STP) look like?? I wanna see that!"
I'm sure there have been others. Mostly "Why do you want to be a BOY?"
Someone here telling me if I don't have a female voice, I'm not a woman.
My ID, having GRS last year and my friends would beg to differ.
Quote from: Muffinheart on March 25, 2015, 08:01:13 AM
Someone here telling me if I don't have a female voice, I'm not a woman.
My ID, having GRS last year and my friends would beg to differ.
Indeed! That is ridiculous. My dentist alluded to something similar last night when she asked if HRT would change my voice "because yours is kinda low". So, in her mind that is a key component to being a woman....
Quote...if I don't have a female voice, I'm not a woman.
And just what is a female voice? Tell 'em to go listen to Lauren Bacall some time -- ain't she a woman??!! (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fwink.gif&hash=fd49c1687b59c0ea097a7b4f1ed562a996fdaf5c)
Google "Lauren Bacall voice" and go to the linked video. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fbiggrin.gif&hash=fa2db8a2d15c338f95b7a2cbcb46a673a808a937)
Quote from: Tysilio on March 25, 2015, 08:19:57 AM
And just what is a female voice? Tell 'em to go listen to Lauren Bacall some time -- ain't she a woman??!! (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fwink.gif&hash=fd49c1687b59c0ea097a7b4f1ed562a996fdaf5c)
Google "Lauren Bacall voice" and go to the linked video. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fbiggrin.gif&hash=fa2db8a2d15c338f95b7a2cbcb46a673a808a937)
Lauren Bacall had a sexy voice, and I often refer to her when some one suggests you need a high pitch to pass.
Even worse, I've been told my waist to hip ratio isn't feminine.
Yeah, so I look like a pencil walking down the street...who cares? Lol
Way too many experts out there
Quote from: ainsley on March 25, 2015, 08:08:24 AM
Indeed! That is ridiculous. My dentist alluded to something similar last night when she asked if HRT would change my voice "because yours is kinda low". So, in her mind that is a key component to being a woman....
The resident in my endo's office commented that HRT hadn't affected my voice yet. I had to school her. She also told me I have a large Adam's apple. :(
Quote from: 2cherry on March 21, 2015, 11:34:38 AM
Waitress: "Whispering to another waitress: that's a ->-bleeped-<-!" - on the 5th day I came out, so very fragile.
I HATE that word. I've never been called that (to my knowledge), but I think I'd punch that person if they did. I'm so sorry, hun.
OK, this one is popular, and possibly by extension boring, but I think the fact its so common and yet so glaringly stupid, earns it a high ranking place on the list....
"If its not to personal question are you having the op/other question about the contents of your knickers (or panties if your from the US)."
-- Erm, no, of course its not too personal to ask me about my genitals in a public space, in front of my friends and family as well as random strangers. Shall I make a powerpoint slideshow for everyone? I am sure you would love to discuss your labia in front of your loved ones, your mum, gran and the delivery man, so why don't we all join in? Or is it just me who is afforded such a privileged?
I think my least favourite ever was when meeting the wife of an old friend and she told me "You are totally pulling this off, you really act quite feminine", did not even know where to start correcting her.
I think I've had most of the silly questions listed here directed at me, but having a perfect stranger tug at my hair to see if was a wig and then being surprised on discovering that it was firmly attached to my scalp was perhaps the most upsetting for me.
My girlfriend's mum asked her a funny question about me:
'Now that he is a ->-bleeped-<-, are you OK with him transitioning?'
She is Norwegian and didn't mean anything by it, so I will give her a pass!
Back when my mom was in denial she brought up the fact that she knew I had been with my ex-fiance. "You do know you'll never be able to have that kind of sex again right?" "Yes mom I know."
She also brought up the fact that I got my ex pregnant (miscarried at the end of the 1st trimester) "You can't be trans because you got her pregnant".
Now days most of these types of conversations aren't with my mom. They are with some friends that genuinely have an open mind and are very curious. I get questions like will you be able to get pregnant. My personal favorite was "Hormones? What are hormones?" Hello we went to the same high school. Sex ed was mandatory. I know you know what hormones are. lol sigh.....
What she doesn't know (nor does she want to) is that the best sex was when my ex was in the dominant role. It made me feel more like a girl. I even joked around saying shes the guy and I'm the girl. Yet for some reason I couldn't admit I was trans. about 13 years later (last year) it was one of the many things that convinced me I was trans.
There was an episode of King of the Nerds in season 3 where sexuality came up. One of the girls said she was 60% into girls and 40% into guys. Another girl was 80 girl/20 guy. I'm like HELL YES!!!! please tell people that being gay isn't binary at all. Even though I'm 100% into girls.
Quote from: jeni on March 11, 2015, 09:00:14 AM
It's almost as though simple labels like "straight" and "gay" are inadequate to capture the complexity of human sexuality!
Quote from: awilliams1701 on March 25, 2015, 01:05:20 PM
She also brought up the fact that I got my ex pregnant (miscarried at the end of the 1st trimester) "You can't be trans because you got her pregnant".
Now ya tell me. I coulda saved a fortune on condoms.
Quote from: Lady Smith on March 25, 2015, 11:34:00 AM
I think I've had most of the silly questions listed here directed at me, but having a perfect stranger tug at my hair to see if was a wig and then being surprised on discovering that it was firmly attached to my scalp was perhaps the most upsetting for me.
The last time someone did that to me I put his front teeth through his lip
Another transwoman at electrologist: "Holy crap, that's your real hair!"
*le facepalm*
Getting trolled with the comment:
Pick a gender!
Uh ... obviously I have, dipstick :~p
OK, I can jump in, because I had one extremely upsetting online exchange this week. The guy seemed nice (he was unaware of my status and only had my profile pic) - still, he wanted to meet up and I felt like I needed to explain "something" to him. Once I told him, he still wanted to meet, told me that he used to hang out with CD and also started to gender me male in our exchanges. I tried to explain him the differences and he said: "Wow, this all is very confusing. So You are not into cross-dressing, but consider Yourself female - so You are a dude without a d*ck"???
I drew his attention to utter absurdity of that statement, per se, and stopped to communicate.
My mum said "You won't be able to have sex, sex is a big part of life"
Yup you convinced me, I'll live in misery now so I can have sex in the way I'd never want it
A few months ago I was offered male underwear because they were too big for the original owner. For one thing, I haven't worn guys undies since I was 13, and they weren't even new..ugh :-\
When I came out to my close friend as transgendered, he seemed to accept it, but it became clear that he thought I was MtF (I am FtM) and had already transitioned into this "girl body". When I told him that, no, I haven't transitioned yet. I'm going the other way... He stopped believing me right on that. It was perfectly ok for me to be trans as long as I was a girl. The second I said I was a man, he ridiculed me for even thinking about it; saying I must've been hit on the head when I was a kid or something.
"So basically, you used to be gay (I'm in a relationship with a woman) but now you're straight, right?"
*eyeballs performed a beautiful somersault in their sockets*
Some people just don't get it.
However, that guy's awesome. He's a good friend of mine, he just doesn't know about these things. :P
Someone who knew me prior to transition and is blind to their own bias saying that surely at least some of my coworkers "know".
Finding the taste of their own foot irresistably delicious, they proceeded to cram it right on down their throat saying that they can "always tell" (thinks they have transdar because they suffer from confirmation bias) and if they saw me in the street would think I was a "drag king". Finished off with a failed compliment of congratulating me on my adam's apple and saying "that's how you can spot the TVs." Setting aside the ignorant misuse of "->-bleeped-<-", they contradicted themselves. Would they think I was a drag king, or would they see my adam's apple and assume I'm male? Can't have it both ways.
I've experienced enough of people merely humoring me, and enough of people gendering me correctly, to know the difference. If this person "saw me in the street" they would correctly assume I'm male, like everyone else does at this point. The one reliable visual indicator of my condition is handily hidden with a device known as "pants", which I'm clever enough to always wear in public.
Yep, that made me mad.
Quote from: DanielleA on April 02, 2015, 11:41:36 PM
A few months ago I was offered male underwear because they were too big for the original owner. For one thing, I haven't worn guys undies since I was 13, and they weren't even new..ugh :-\
:o OMG that is so disgusting on so many levels
The most ridiculous thing was my wife asking if I transition who will fix the cars when they break down, fix stuff around the house. I told her that those abilities don't go away, besides lots f women work on cars, ect
Hugs
Marissa
Quote from: Jayne on March 04, 2015, 04:44:28 AM
One that i've just remembered from the first time a stranger noticed I had breasts
Idiot: "Bloody hell you've got tits!!"
Me: "Oh my God, I didn't have them when I left the house, there must have been a mix up at the supermarket"
OMG HYSTERICAL!!!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk