Hello everyone.
Recently I came across some internet forums and websites(nobody on this one) where the people are homosexual yet seem to hate(or at least strongly dislike) bisexuals. This blew my mind because didnt know that some homosexuals are extremely against bisexuals. What is the reason for this? Why would gays, who have gone through so much discrimination, discrimnate against bisexuals? Has anybody came across such people before?
I believe it is quite common unfortunately. As to why, who can say. Being the victim of discrimination does not automatically stop someone from discriminating against others.
It's a gayer-than-thou thing. Some exclusively homosexual people feel envious of or invalidated by the bisexual community.
At a lesbian meetup, I sat with a table of women, all of whom said they would never date a bisexual. "She'll want something from a man that I can't give her."
Being a gay man myself with a bisexual best friend of around 8 years now (I think, lol) it really is beyond me why my fellow homosexuals would have any valid reason to hate bisexuals, especially since it seems in recent years that bisexuals often get more flack from even the more "liberal" folks, from what I've seen. I do my best to speak out against the misconceptions (e.g. "She says she's bisexual but she's been married to the same man for 30 years...") as a true ally of ALL gender & sexuality minorities. Love and let love, that's my motto.
Yep. I've been told I'm just afraid to come out but "really gay," straight but pretending b/c it's trendy, making gay people look bad, indecisive, "sleeping with the enemy," and other stuff like that. Basically, some subset of the gay community doesn't believe it's possible to be neither gay nor straight, and gets angry that bisexual people can choose whether to *present* as gay or straight (which is a fundamental misunderstanding based on the idea that you pick your partners on purpose to present a given orientation). Not to mention that bi people are non-monagamous (to put it as politely as possible) and will always cheat.
It's tiring. Mind you, straight people have a lot of the same misconceptions, so I can't win...
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2015, 04:37:30 PM
It's a gayer-than-thou thing. Some exclusively homosexual people feel envious of or invalidated by the bisexual community.
Sad but true :/
Quote from: Jenna Marie on March 04, 2015, 05:25:09 PM
Yep. I've been told I'm just afraid to come out but "really gay," straight but pretending b/c it's trendy, making gay people look bad, indecisive, "sleeping with the enemy," and other stuff like that. Basically, some subset of the gay community doesn't believe it's possible to be neither gay nor straight, and gets angry that bisexual people can choose whether to *present* as gay or straight (which is a fundamental misunderstanding based on the idea that you pick your partners on purpose to present a given orientation). Not to mention that bi people are non-monagamous (to put it as politely as possible) and will always cheat.
It's tiring. Mind you, straight people have a lot of the same misconceptions, so I can't win...
I have been with many Bi men (before my transition). And every single one of them has cheated on me with a cis-female :/ Maybe just coincidence, or maybe thats just the grain of the wood... Nonetheless all forms of discrimination are B.S. especially if you have personally been a victim of it! :(
Serenity : That absolutely sucks, but they're not representative of all bi men out there. The truth is, being bi only adds about 5% to the dating pool - assuming 10% of people are gay and of those half will prefer whichever gender you're not - so statistically if someone's bi and gonna cheat, they're probably going to do it with the opposite sex to themselves. Plenty of straight men cheat, too, because some men want variety even if they're not interested in other men.
(My wife and I are both bi and have only ever been with each other, though I guess she did get to be with a man and then a woman...!)
I'm sorry that happened to you, though.
I'm sorry that happened to you Serenity but it is a very negative sterotype that bisexuals cheat because they want more. I am bisexual. I am also single but I guarentee you that I will never cheat on somebody just because they are different sexes or as some biphobic people say "greedy because they want both. Bisexuals are just attracted to both.
Quote from: Jenna Marie on March 04, 2015, 05:50:49 PM
Serenity : That absolutely sucks, but they're not representative of all bi men out there. The truth is, being bi only adds about 5% to the dating pool - assuming 10% of people are gay and of those half will prefer whichever gender you're not - so statistically if someone's bi and gonna cheat, they're probably going to do it with the opposite sex to themselves. Plenty of straight men cheat, too, because some men want variety even if they're not interested in other men.
(My wife and I are both bi and have only ever been with each other, though I guess she did get to be with a man and then a woman...!)
I'm sorry that happened to you, though.
You're so right. I guess from my personal experiences I figured that that was just the norm. But since dating more cis-men, I find that they are cheaters just the same (not all! but there are bad apples in every bushel no matter the kind of apple)--(hold your tongue, makes saying that much funner! and the insult fits well!). Its sad that our minds automatically stereotype, but with training I've learned to not think like so. Thank you Jenna it hurt a lot back then because I didn't want "me" either which just added insult to injury. And I always wondered why they wanted to cheat, but it comes down to being purely physical, even though back then they still got the emotional side of a woman and the hardware of a guy from me, but maybe they wanted the opposite of either.. Sucks but hey, C'est la vie!! I hope eventually those guys find happiness. (im sure they're probably still bouncing around) haha who knows.. people do change!
Biphobia is real and unfortunately (from what I have seen) comes from the LGBT* community the most specifically the gay and lesbian community (this is not always the case). The roots of biphobia come from common myths such as ' they will just cheat on me with the opposite gender ', which is completely untrue and also some gay or lesbians may not want to be with someone who has dating or had sexual relations with the opposite gender before, the reason for that is beyond me.
Interesting that this subject has resurfaced again. I have a slightly different take on the subject, based on what happened to Cynthia Nixon.
Cynthia is most likely bi, and when she announced she was in a lesbian relationship she said that she'd chosen to have a relationship with a woman this time round after having been with a man for many years. This caused massive uproar, particularly in the lesbian community. They were angry that she'd said it was a 'choice' for her to be in a gay relationship.
You know why?
Because all their lives they've been told by ignoramuses that being a lesbian is a choice - and a bad one at that - and they've had to fight back against a lot of hatred because of this. Having someone in a lesbian relationship say that she'd chosen to do so made those lesbians feel invalidated, because they felt it gave their haters more ammunition to use against them.
But here's the thing: Cynthia has no choice but to be bisexual, just as lesbians have no choice but to be lesbian. She was born that way. But what bisexual people do have is the freedom to choose between dating a man or a woman. That's not the same thing as choosing your sexual orientation, and it deserves to be fully respected and celebrated. But you try telling that to the knuckle-draggers who think being gay is a choice.
I have several female friends who are bi and several lesbians (none of which are biphobic), but they all agreed that there is such thing in LGB community. As for bisexual girls, they told that they had experienced it and from their perspective this is an issue related to insecurities of gay people (which they have in heaps). For example, bisexual woman will always have more options in dating pool, depending on where her preferences and attractions are (one of my friends said that she is more like into 80% F and 20% M but if she would find the right guy she would fall for him immediately), besides her lesbian friends are clearly aware that men can offer a different range of things and emotions in everyday life and bedroom (lol) and never will be able to compete with men in that regard.
So, depending on previous personal experiences and degrees of everyday negativity this can boil down to attitude ranging from "dont care/whatever" to "they need to settle down and realise they are gay/straight" and "I f...in' hate them all and would never date one". Ironically, the last category are also those who come out with transphobic statements as well and dont want to be educated - which pretty much supports the statement that some people (about 95%, well hopefully less) are just born as closed-minded bigoted idiots and are going to die that way and there is nothing that could be done about it.