A question for my post-op sisters. How did you know you were ready for surgery? I know that I want it. I have an awesome therapist who I see time-to-time. She told me she'll write the letter for me when it's time, but that I'm not there yet. I agree with her.
I've been on HRT for a year, and I've had one laser hair removal session on my face. Here are some things I want before my SRS:
• finish lasering the hair on my face
• legal name and gender change
• laser off the hair on my chest, belly, and shoulders
• further feminize my voice, until I sound like my mom
• allow my breasts to grow to their full size -- probably a large B
• roll in on that waterfall at 10th & Locust (this has nothing to do with transitioning, but seriously, that thing is so gnarly, and it could seriously mess me up, but I want to land that SO BADLY!)
Oh yeah, and actually be able to afford surgery... :-\
So how did you know it was time?
My therapist has advocated I move forward with GCS as soon as I can. Now, having said that, by the time I complete GCS this July, I will have been on HRT 34 months and living full time with legal name change for 10 months, and living full time (without legal name change) for 22 months. Much of this delay was financially driven. And the reason my therapist wanted me to do something about this as soon as I could manage is I've had, for my entire life, serious thoughts of genital self-mutilation. To her that was the key reason why I should get this done as soon as I can.
But then others don't have thoughts like that so I can see that the recommendations may vary widely and I would never presume to tell someone else when they are ready or not ready.
I knew it was time because I literally could not ever be intimate with someone due to my discomfort with my former parts. I knew that's what I needed to be happy and fulfilled in relationships and with my body.
Do take some time though. Surgery is not easy even outside of the expense. Recovery is tough, travel is a huge commitment and the post-op care is WAY more involved then I expected. Dilation schedules are incredibly demanding at first and you HAVE to be very responsible about them or you will LOSE everything you paid for and worked so hard to get. I was somewhat flaky about my dilations and lost about an inch and a half (which I can still work with but it's not ideal and I'm trying to regain depth now which is a painnnnn).
Also, know that it takes time to get to know your body. Before surgery, masturbating and orgasm were so easy, and it took me a full FOUR years to figure out how to orgasm again. This is not the norm, mind you, but I had a lot of trouble. Now that I know how to achieve orgasm its absolutely WONDERFUL but it takes time to get to know your new equipment.
Not trying to scare you, I have never once regretted having the surgery. Just know that this is an investment beyond money. It requires time, patience, diligence and self-awareness. I would recommend doing a lot of self-searching and becoming comfortable with who you are before you make that commitment. Best of luck to you! :)
Quote from: MugwortPsychonaut on March 07, 2015, 03:46:49 PM
So how did you know it was time?
This was a hard question. I never hated my genitals, so the decision whether to have surgery was not obvious.
Once I decided to have it, the "when" was obvious. As soon as possible, so I had more time to enjoy my fabulous new body.
I did it pretty much exactly a year after going full time.
Once I got started, there was never any hesitation. I went as fast as was possible for my body and the surgeons. I've never regretted it.
I may be wrong, but in a lot of ways, I think it is a little more complicated for M to Fs. More hormone, facial and larynx changes if you want them, hair removal etc. More than I had ever realized before getting on this forum.
Regardless, I think you will know it in your heart when you are ready. You may be nervous even then, but when its time, you just know.
sam1234
Personally, I'm ready for top any time. Would love to rid myself of the milk jugs, particularly since binding is only a very rare option for me due to already having a screwed up back that I'd rather not screw up any more! Bottom on the other hand.... That will take time, major surgery and I have a history, and too many too fast ain't something I'm keen on.
So this is mentally ready versus the practical aspects?
Ignoring the practical concerns like money, getting letters from a psych and family/work environment, I don't feel there's any reason not to have SRS. The only time I was mentally unready was before starting HRT, and that's out fear that its a mistake. HRT laid that to rest.
In that sense I was ready years ago. I don't feel any need to do things in a particular order, and SRS is good sooner has it has little bearing on the other things. Something I can do for me without any other impact on my life, except those practical concerns like family.
I'd have done it years ago, even knowing I'd present as male for all that time. The things holding me back are simply the practical ones, and being mentally ready is not one of them.
This doesn't seem to be a very common attitude, and I can't understand why. If you're going to do all of it, why does the order matter?
Quote from: AnonyMs on March 24, 2015, 05:40:44 AM
If you're going to do all of it, why does the order matter?
Everyone's reasons are their own. Some have higher levels of dysphoria related to certain of their anatomical parts that do not reflect their gender.
For me, this is how it lays out:
- I have been under the knife for major surgery before. Top surgery for FtM is less invasive (I feel) than bottom surgery and I'm thus less keen to deal with that until I know I can take the time to heal properly from it.
- I am majorly a-sexual in my desires, thus lower surgery is less of a priority, since -in this moment - all it would do for me is change the location of where I pee from.
- Commonly, there are reports of changes in libido and/or sexual desires and preferences on HRT. Based on this also being the least invasive, it makes sense to me to start with the smallest changes possible to allow the future to unfold without regrets.
- I'm in Canada, so money is less of a factor for me, but for many SRS is often precluded until one can gather the funds to pay for it. A fair pretty penny that takes time to gather, so HRT first is a cheaper option.
Hope that clarifies!
It can be both. It's mental for me since that area has been a problem since birth and as a result many surgeries were performed and has never functioned to the level they hoped. Secondly praticle in the since I know my income situation will change sooner than later so taking my time isn't a liberty I have. I wouldn't want to anyway. I've been told I'm ready and I can feel that I'm ready too. It's why both letters will be in my hands before I see the surgeon for the consult In May and why I have to head back to the Seattle/ Everett Area in April to finish up with the second therapist.
Mariah
Quote from: AnonyMs on March 24, 2015, 05:40:44 AM
So this is mentally ready versus the practical aspects?
Ignoring the practical concerns like money, getting letters from a psych and family/work environment, I don't feel there's any reason not to have SRS. The only time I was mentally unready was before starting HRT, and that's out fear that its a mistake. HRT laid that to rest.
In that sense I was ready years ago. I don't feel any need to do things in a particular order, and SRS is good sooner has it has little bearing on the other things. Something I can do for me without any other impact on my life, except those practical concerns like family.
I'd have done it years ago, even knowing I'd present as male for all that time. The things holding me back are simply the practical ones, and being mentally ready is not one of them.
This doesn't seem to be a very common attitude, and I can't understand why. If you're going to do all of it, why does the order matter?
LoriLorenz, I must admit I wasn't really thinking FTM before, but I can understand your reasoning.
I was thinking about the fairly common view that SRS (for M2F) is the last thing you do, and you certainly do it after social transition and the 1 year RLE. I've not done any social transition and zero RLE, and I'm not about to anytime soon. And yet mentally I'm ready for SRS, by which I mean I would do it, and I'd feel good about it.
My issues are normally more related to the entire gender rather than any particular detail, though I can't get by without HRT. I don't have a huge amount of dysphoria specifically focused on SRS at the moment, its more like I want to, so why not? I can't think of a why not. Plus my transition is stalled everywhere else and I'm having difficultly with that.
I totally understand if people don't have money, can't get letters, don't want to get divorced, and so on. Or not really sure, and want to be before that step. I'm long past that.
I think I may have forgotten what it felt like at the start, or possibly I've gotten myself into an unusual position. Maybe I'm just different.
There have been reports of people self mutilating their genitalia. They just felt trapped and unable to do anything to change the body they hated so they took it out on themselves. I think that is probable a sign that gender reassignment therapy is not yet a possibility. You aren't alone in your thoughts though.
Anger is understandable . People don't realize how awful it is to look in the mirror and see someone you don't know. You can make it. You've taken the step of reaching out to a therapist and that isn't always easy.
Have you ever been into meditation? There is a place online called wild divine online. Its a mixture of zen and eastern culture. You do have to get the and held device. It measures your heartrate and sweat on your palm, all the sypmtoms of being stressed. I find that it has helped me deal with the everyday problems and learn to forgive myself. Its a steep learning curve, but it has several levels. Easy to hard and a whole lot in between, Its kind of like an online game except you use your mind to make things happen. Saye you want to recover a ball from a pedistal potected by a cobra, you have bring down your heart rate, controls your breathing and the snake goes back into its basket and you retrieve it. The point is, it teaches you to use your mind to control your anger, depression and allows you to escape from this world for a while.
It you think that is something that interests you, look up wild divine online. It will give you all the information you need.
sam1234
Quote from: MugwortPsychonaut on March 07, 2015, 03:46:49 PM
A question for my post-op sisters. How did you know you were ready for surgery?
An insightful question which unfortunately to my mind has no right answer. It will be different for everyone. When I was going through, because my family had allowed me to grow up with considerable freedom of self expression I had no issues with gender or self identity. Back in the early 1980's my ONLY desires were a small amount of facial hair reduction, HRT and genital surgery, and those were ultimately the only things which were going to change my life. So argueably I was ready from more or less day one. For others its different. So I would say only you will really know. When the desire for surgery starts to outweigh the desire for other aspects of the process then that may be an indication.
Its much easier if one has no doubts. I was always very clear that I would happy to be a masculine, heck even an ugly woman, in preference to being a pretty or feminine man. For me it was more important to be authentic than attractive. As things turned up I made a pretty unremarkable middle of the road woman, but the point is I made no particular effort to be that, its just me...
To be honest as a possible future clinician, it might actually worry me slightly more if someone starts apparently going to huge and disproportionate effort, deportment classes, voice training, other feminisation classes etc. I'm not saying that these are no go activities at all, but everything in moderation is a good principle to remember. Fixing a few flaws is different from trying to completely change who you are. The former is a good sign, that latter suggests that life post surgery may not be that easy, because done to extreme that could suggest the possibility they trying to become something that they are not.
Now as it happens I read your post the other day about how you are glad you kept your male clothes, and can mix and match them. That suggests to me someone who is balanced and comfortable with themsleves and that, I would say, is a big positive indicator that psychologically at least you might indeed be ready for surgery if you want it.
In terms of your physical and financial preparations - well that is a whole other story, and there you may be right to delay, but personally I'm of the opinion that having your head in the right place is far more important than all the other stuff, because all the rest of can be fixed afterwards, whereas if your head is in the wrong place, then you are on a hiding to nothing. Good luck either way. I'm sure you'll do fine.
How did I know I was ready?
Well, living full time 5 years, being comfie in my skin, great support from friends and my church and not having worn a bathing suit - I knew I was ready.
Oh, and the fact the date was set by my provincial insurance that paid for my surgery also helped ;)