Sorry for the constant posting...but I have a ton of questions and things to figure out.
I was wondering if anyone else here has experience with this. I'm on a college campus and there is a counseling center; however, there is nobody there that specializes in gender and sexuality issues, and frankly they just don't get it. One person I saw there even recommended I consider trying to be a guy again, which was really awful advice at the time. So-has anyone else been able to see a therapist that is really illiterate in trans issues and not left the office each week feeling more stressed than when they went in? Or do I really need to see a gender therapist? Given the cost of transportation (I don't have a car and trains in the NY metro area are incredibly overpriced) that isn't a great option either.
My therapist had never worked with a trans person before me. It can work if the therapist is experienced, compassionate, and willing to learn. Unfortunately, not something you're liable to find in a university counseling center, it's true. Where, generally, in the New York area are you? Perhaps one of us can make a recommendation.
I'm at a school near White Plains, in westchester county.
My therapist is in Poughkeepsie, not too long a walk from the train, but as you said, the train isn't cheap. I could send you her contact information if you like. She might be able to recommend a colleague.
Contact the nearest LGBT center and ask to speak with someone about Trans issues. Explain your situation. They may be able to offer assistance of some kind, or they may be willing to contact your therapist and give guidelines, or information. There are also online therapist that specialize in Gender Issues. See if your Doctor would accept this as a requirement.
Quote from: Dee Walker on March 07, 2015, 08:41:35 PM
My therapist is in Poughkeepsie, not too long a walk from the train, but as you said, the train isn't cheap. I could send you her contact information if you like. She might be able to recommend a colleague.
Hey Dee, if you wouldn't mind I'd gladly take her contact information down if you've had a good experience with her.
I might be moving to Poughkeepsie to live with someone I trust soon if my current living situation degrades, and I've been looking for more options in that region just in case.
Also, honestly I would suggest leaving the campus for counseling. I don't personally know any counselors in white plains, but from this listing here (https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?sid=1426328585.1259_27767&city=White+Plains&county=Westchester&state=NY&spec=187&lmore=22) it seems they all work with trans clients, and maybe if you call down the list of people who live close enough where transportation wont be an issue, you'll find some you mesh with well enough to begin seeing?
I wish you the best of luck in finding one who works well. It's taken me a lot of tries. >-<
And honestly, I haven't been able to talk to counselors who don't work with LGBT people openly about it. They seem to all have very backwards ideas about what it is, and what it means.
The only counselors I've been able to talk to, were ones who openly and happily worked with LGBT youth or adults, because they had the training, background, and proficiency to be able to tackle and empathize with the issues that are unique to us.
I sent you her info via PM. Good luck!
I had a similar problem, as my first therapist was someone covered by my employer but who was not a gender therapist. I did not have as much of a negative experience, as she was helpful after all even if not fully aware, but the sessions stopped being useful after a point and I did end up feeling more stressed after each session so I stopped.
I've just started online sessions with a gender therapist today. Posted about it on https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186020.new.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186020.new.html)
It seems to be the best option as of now, and a Skype chat is not that different from a face-to-face meeting I think.
AP, I know you posted this originally a month ago. Were you still having issues finding a good option? I've done all of my therapy online and found it to be the most cost effective and time efficient way for me to do it. Is that something you've considered? I know it doesn't seem like an option for some people because they aren't comfortable with the format.
I'd be happy to refer you to my therapist if you're inclined to give it a shot.
(Sorry, I missed this when you posted originally, hope my response is still useful)...
Yep, the psychologist I saw this time around seemed quite clueless about trans issues. I was originally referred to him for depression, I wasn't specifically contemplating transition... that resurfaced by the time of the first appointment though. A lot of his advice pre-transition - "have you tried wearing women's undergarments under your clothes when you go out" - seemed to come straight out of Treating Trans 101. He even talked about the need to present as female for a year before HRT (this isn't the UK or Europe, thanks) and when I asked if he had much experience with trans clients he said he had helped one person post transition, that I was his first pre transition trans person. He even referred me to another shrink for a second opinion, fortunately that one was greatly experienced in dealing with trans people and agreed to HRT after just one visit. I suppose if I'd gone to him first then I would have been on HRT much sooner but really the difference would have only been about two months anyway.
Mid way through the process I did find a counsellor at a Gender Center who was great to talk to about trans stuff, he was very supportive (obviously couldn't refer me for HRT though). I still see him every few months even though things are relatively good.
I still also go to the first psych that I started seeing - I guess though I don't really talk a lot about my issues with my transition, just personal problems (like family, work, etc).
On the balance I found that having some who was across trans issues was very useful. I was still able to make it work with someone who was more of a newb because at least he was willing to be open minded and supportive... sure, he occasionally said some naive almost offensive things but I was able to set him right. Ultimately he was there to make sure I was able to sort out my $#&%, not to sort it out for me.
I find though, with that kind of practitioner, as soon as you start raising doubts and concerns about transition they will almost always try to back you out of the process. Their logic being "if this is upsetting you then don't do it". What they don't understand, of course, is that not "doing it" is usually much, much worse. The gender counsellor, on the other hand, was able to make me examine my motives and my thinking (really helped me to root out and stare down my internalised transphobia and fear of not passing, for example).
It is always possible to steer therapy to your own benefit and having a clear realistic goal around it is going to pay dividends. You are an intelligent woman and I think you already have a lot of understanding about the issues involved with transition. For you it seems it is more about how the process is/isn't working for you, feeling that people are humouring you, that you don't "look right", that you are isolated in your journey. Make the therapy work for you around that - the practitioner doesn't have to have gender experience because many people (trans, cis, gay, straight, young, old) have those issues. I might suggest you approach any counsellor at college not specifically about gender but from the point of view of getting assistance around how you feel other people see you, about self worth, about feeling persecuted, about how to connect with people and how to move through difficulties. I might be completely wrong and I say this only because I care and would love to see you happy, but it seems those are the deeper issues at work for you and that your transition would benefit from that approach. :)
I was given a "gender therapist" initially who admitted I was her first transsexual client she's seen in years. She's actually a sex therapist who dabbles in trans stuff. Dumped her for my current one who is very knowledgeable about trans issues and sees a good few of us (I've seen "trans looking" people in the waiting room, mtf and FTM). Never regretted the switch. So I would say choose carefully.
And you're in the NYC area? Really we need to hang out... I don't bite... Unless you ask... Nicely lol
I've had friends who have had gender therapists that were willing to conduct sessions via skype after an initial in-person visit. Maybe there is a gender therapist in NYC on a sliding scale that would be amicable to such an arrangement. That way it would only be one train trip for you.