Hi all,
I went to a social meetup a couple of weeks ago. It was specifically for LGBT people, and only women turned up. One of them asked me by text a few days after if I'd like to go to the cinema with her, and I said yes. On the profile for the social group I described myself as a trans woman.
Last night we went for some food and then to the cinema. I didn't know if it was a date or just friendly but some things she said suggested it might have been a date. Anyway we had a really nice evening and after the cinema we went back to mine. Then, she asked me what I meant by 'trans'. I explained that I was transitioning from male to female and she said she hadn't realised. She was really nice about it although clearly a little flustered and asked a few '101' style questions. She went home, and then texted that she'd like to see me again. I still don't really know if she is interested or not, and I was a bit set aback at the realisation that she thought she'd been talking to a cis-gendered woman.
Then today, I went to the super market, and I felt like I was getting a bit of attention from two members of staff. At one point I had to wait for them to pass and as they did I thought I heard one of them say 'alright mate'. I walked a bit further then turned, and they were at the other end of the aisle seemingly looking in my direction and laughing.
I really don't know what to make of it all, had they clocked me? And if that was the case how is it that the girl I went to the cinema with, plus a new girl at work, hadn't? Am I being paranoid?
Somehow I've managed to come out of this weekend with rock bottom confidence again, dwelling on negatives.
hi Squircle,
Two woman in very close prolonged contact saw you as a woman and two guys in a supermarket glanced at you and one vantage point was at a distance. The guys most likely saw a beautiful woman. Guys, especially young, sometimes are clumsy and gawk at woman.
I would not make anything out of it other than you are seen as a woman.
Absolutely no idea about what the boys were thinking, but I'll bet that girl wants to date you again.
more than likely one was attracted and the other was giving him a hard time. doubt you were clocked at all.
I don't know, I have a feeling they had clocked me, but I do get paranoid about these things. They certainly didn't fancy me.
I was a bit more surprised on my night out how little lgb people know about trans issues. And I felt panicky because I thought she'd asked me in full knowledge of my history, but instead I had to explain everything which completely killed the evening as a date. I kind of thought 'will it always be like this?' And then the incident in the supermarket came along and I really felt the weight of being trans, if always having that hanging over my head at every date, event, any time I meet new people.
I feel better now but it really got to me yesterday.
Well, that was one quite affirming experience, wasn't it? :)
And as regards LGB-people, most of them are very very ignorant about trans issues (not deliberately, just they have entirely different issues to struggle with and completely different needs). A year ago I ended with giving some transgender 101 lecture to chairpersons of our LGBT NGO, cause it turned out that they had 0 transgender knowledge and experience. Well, to be honest, I have very little knowledge of gay or lesbian lives either.
I think it's ok to be paranoid. I consider it to be part of the process.
Think about it, you spent x number years presenting as one person, now you're trying to fit in as another person. It's only natural that you see yourself one way and others see yourself another way.
I learned early on, whenever I see someone looking at me, I smile back at them. It'd be too easy to second guess their thoughts and then become self conscious.
Smile, the whole world smiles back.
Quote from: Squircle on March 08, 2015, 01:30:06 PM
... She went home, and then texted that she'd like to see me again. ...
I know this wasn't the focus of your post, but the suspense is killing me. Is it a date? :)
Quote from: Eveline on March 09, 2015, 08:31:55 AM
I know this wasn't the focus of your post, but the suspense is killing me. Is it a date? :)
In fact it was the focus of the post for me >_< :D
Yes we will see each other again, not sure of her intentions but I am hopeless at knowing when someone is hitting on me :D
Quote from: Squircle on March 09, 2015, 07:34:29 AM
I was a bit more surprised on my night out how little lgb people know about trans issues.
This is so very true. As I've mentioned before, I've been to coming out support groups and they are
not on the same wavelength as trans folks. There's no transitioning for them (I could be wrong). Most of my trans friends share my struggles and our experiences and stories are the same in many instances. On a related note, I have met many genderqueer/non-binary people and I don't get them at all.
Quote from: Christine Eryn on March 09, 2015, 02:49:06 PM
This is so very true. As I've mentioned before, I've been to coming out support groups and they are not on the same wavelength as trans folks. There's no transitioning for them (I could be wrong). Most of my trans friends share my struggles and our experiences and stories are the same in many instances. On a related note, I have met many genderqueer/non-binary people and I don't get them at all.
I guess that us and the LGB community go through very different things, but the crossover in spaces and social perception would make you think that they'd be a bit more aware. However, this girl whilst a bit clumsy in how she asked about it is clearly an ally and I think we have to be careful not to lumo all types of ignorance in with each other.
My main fear is that every new relationship will have to go through this stage. I just want things to be easy. If I liked men I think it would be easier but I just can't seem to gather any enthusiasm for them :D