Hi all! So I need advice.. My grandma passed away this morning.. she was pretty much my mom. I am pretty distraught, but besides grieving her loss, I am getting anxious about her funeral.
I live in rural Arkansas and essentially everyone who will attend this is a backward close minded person, who new me "before." Part of my dilemma is my face. I wish I could go without wearing any makeup as I know I will probably cry it off+hugging people tightly with faces against clothes is a no no.. could be limiting.. but without it I'm going to look like a "man in a dress" and that is going to distress me as well..
I just wish I was done transitioning before this happened so I could focus on what really matters.. :( Anyway, thanks all! <3
Oh dear Damara,
My personal condolences. Hug.
I know from previous posts that your Grandma accepted you as you. Maybe respect her respect and go as the young lady she loved?
If that is too hard go gender neutral. Maybe a black tunic top and nice female pants?
I have to admit being Australian I do not know what Arkansas may be like so do temper my advice with reality.
My Love and Condolences
Cindy
Hugs, somehow death is never timely.
I think the make up is acceptable, without worrying about it getting on clothes. Maybe use less than usual.
Quote from: Cindy on March 12, 2015, 01:45:40 AM
Oh dear Damara,
My personal condolences. Hug.
I know from previous posts that your Grandma accepted you as you. Maybe respect her respect and go as the young lady she loved?
If that is too hard go gender neutral. Maybe a black tunic top and nice female pants?
I have to admit being Australian I do not know what Arkansas may be like so do temper my advice with reality.
My Love and Condolences
Cindy
Thank you, Cindy! hugs to you too!! <3 Grandma loved me for me and she would want me to go as I feel comfortable. :) No one is going to
do anything at the funeral even if they don't like me being there... I think I am more worried about my makeup getting wiped away than anything.. lol!
Quote from: LordKAT on March 12, 2015, 01:51:19 AM
Hugs, somehow death is never timely.
I think the make up is acceptable, without worrying about it getting on clothes. Maybe use less than usual.
That's a good idea! I think I will do that! Waterproof mascara!
Well go get a pro makeup job and tell them you are going to a funeral and will cry. They know what to do, and you will look gorgeous for your Grandma and you can celebrate her life and her love for a lovely Grand daughter :-*
Hugs, Damara -- I'm very sorry for your loss!
I think getting a pro makeup sounds like a good option.
Pro make up things aren't an option for me sadly, but that is such great idea!
One of those free store makeovers maybe.
In that case, light/waterproof make-up! You will look great and if it smears, so what!
Damara, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hang in there, kiddo.
My grandma was pretty much my mom, too, and I still think about her all the time.
Hugs!
My condolences to you Damera. It's never easy, loosing someone that's so significant. I will say a prayer for you and your grand's spirit. As for your relatives, prepare for them to treat you poorly, but realize you may also be surprised by who may accept you as well. Be your beautiful self.
Hugs,
-Alana
Damara,
I wish I could give you an answer but my gut says go as Damara. Are you full time? If so this is part of the journey and something good will come out of it.
Sorry about your Grandma, so happy you found love from her.. I know it was pure love because she loved you as you are from what I heard.
I think she would be proud of you and would be nice for others to know she accepted you. After all, they are there to show respect for her and being respectful to you would be part of that.
Dodie
Hugs, wishing you strength in this time of loss.
Remember the funeral is to honour your grandmother, it is you and your memory of her that matters. If others can't be accepting then screw them you are there for your grandmother not them.
Go in a manner that would make your grandmother proud. But as others have said I imagine waterproof makeup might help.
Big hug! Sorry about your grandmother, hon. Stay strong.
Hugs, Devlyn
*hugs* for your loss.
*flowers*
I'd suggest going as yourself, sounds like your grandma would've wanted it that way.
Quote from: Damara on March 12, 2015, 01:37:20 AM
Hi all! So I need advice.. My grandma passed away this morning.. she was pretty much my mom. I am pretty distraught, but besides grieving her loss, I am getting anxious about her funeral.
I live in rural Arkansas and essentially everyone who will attend this is a backward close minded person, who new me "before." Part of my dilemma is my face. I wish I could go without wearing any makeup as I know I will probably cry it off+hugging people tightly with faces against clothes is a no no.. could be limiting.. but without it I'm going to look like a "man in a dress" and that is going to distress me as well..
I just wish I was done transitioning before this happened so I could focus on what really matters.. :( Anyway, thanks all! <3
Sorry for your loss. I would go in what you feel comfortable in...maybe instead of a dress do a nice blouse, slim trousers, and pointed toe flats. When it comes to ur makeup, skip the liner and eyeshadow and use multiple coats of waterproof mascara. L'Oreal Voluminous Miss Manga is AMAZING! Ive cried in it...slept in it, it stays put. Use concealer to cover what u want to cover and powder foundation to set it. Bring the foundation with u so u can discreetly touch up if u need to. You can still feminize your face by contouring your cheekbones, blush, and shaping your brows. For me, Ive found that less is more. I look more feminine with less make up...the same for cis women. Look at Nicki Minaj for example. You can still look feminine with minimal make up, dont worry. Just remember waterproof, powder, contour, blush.
1) Sorry about your Grandma.
2) Setting spray
Quote from: Dodie on March 12, 2015, 09:58:23 AM
Damara,
I wish I could give you an answer but my gut says go as Damara. Are you full time? If so this is part of the journey and something good will come out of it.
Sorry about your Grandma, so happy you found love from her.. I know it was pure love because she loved you as you are from what I heard.
I think she would be proud of you and would be nice for others to know she accepted you. After all, they are there to show respect for her and being respectful to you would be part of that.
Dodie
I've been full time for half a year now! :) I am going as myself, I have a lovely simple black dress, and some pink shoes (one of her favourite colours) Thanks so much! <3
Thanks so much, everyone! Funeral is tomorrow! My heart is sad.. I wish I cried prettier. lol! I sound like a barking dog.
I don't think anyone ever looks their best when bawling their eyes out. Hugs. Hope the funeral goes well. My very much loved grandmother passed away a few years ago, the funeral was a blur.
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 15, 2015, 02:27:57 AM
I don't think anyone ever looks their best when bawling their eyes out. Hugs. Hope the funeral goes well. My very much loved grandmother passed away a few years ago, the funeral was a blur.
I'm so sorry, Grace! <3 My grandma was my mom pretty much, I may have already said that but it bears repeating. lol! She was present for 97% percent of my life and now that she's gone I am so confused.. but it will be ok! The wheel continues to turn..
And yeah, I'm pretty much betting (and hoping) on no one caring about anything superficial but you know (or may not know) how southern women are hyper judgmental about minor superficial things!
Since finding out she died, it's like time has slowed down 90%... the last four days have felt like a month..
It should be interesting.. I've not really been around most of the people who will be there since I've been transitioning... In a morbid way I'm kind of excited to have this context to "meet" these people for the first time. It's an environment where I will be relatively safe from harsh words or actions of closed minded conservatives while I'm within arms length. Lol!
Forgive me, my method of coping with grief is sort of atypical.
Damara,
Everyone deals with grief in different ways.. our own ways.. you are no different.. I am excited about one thing.. is that you found yourself.. I love that and that goes for others on the forum.
Love your attitude.. just remember the ones who don't accept just don't know and are uneducated.. they have probably never questioned their gender.
I can tell you have a love for life.. and hears to a long and wonderful one kiddo.
Dodie
Quote from: Dodie on March 16, 2015, 11:39:51 AM
Damara,
Everyone deals with grief in different ways.. our own ways.. you are no different.. I am excited about one thing.. is that you found yourself.. I love that and that goes for others on the forum.
Love your attitude.. just remember the ones who don't accept just don't know and are uneducated.. they have probably never questioned their gender.
I can tell you have a love for life.. and hears to a long and wonderful one kiddo.
Dodie
Oh gosh, Dodie! Not sure why, but this brought out the tears! Thank you for your sweet words of support! <3 *hugs*
I'm sorry for your loss, Damara, and for the dilemma you have to face in that small town. I realise I'm late to this, but I hope you got through it all--and it takes strength to be yourself in a place where people might not understand or wish to understad what that means. Keep being strong, and you will be remembered by the right people for it.
Regarding the makeup: you can try using a primer that will really keep your foundation glued to it (the best I've tried is Philosophy's The Present, though be warned that it contains lavender, which some people have a reaction to). Also, try using (if you don't already) less foundation/bb cream; sometimes, using even half the amount you might use for a full-coverage look can do wonders to keeping the makeup from moving on your face as much. Finally, using a setting spray, like Urban Decay's All-Nighter, after you've completed your look, can do wonders for keeping your makeup from moving about. It won't make your makeup transfer-free, but the setting spray really does make a difference in terms of how the makeup lasts. A lip stain that won't transfer as much as a lipstick can work for kissing relatives on the cheek, but a gloss is probably your best option, or just kissing near the person rather than against the skin, if they won't be offended. Hope that helps a bit!
Damara so sorry for your loss. I have no doubt she would want you to go as you are in the most comfortable way. I have no doubt that is what she would have wanted. As others have said each of us deal with grief in their own way. I don't even want to begin to think how I will handle when my mom dies. It won't be easy and will even be harder since some of my family have been purposely been left in the dark and the fact I will be the one arranging it won't make that any easier. I was only just barely thirteen when I lost my dad and my way of grieving was to go to school that day. Big mistake and I know that now, but I just didn't want to think about and go about my day as I usually did. He fought a long and hard battle that was painful to watch with cancer. To this day the funeral is a big blur, but the graveside sticks in my mind. Probably doesn't help that since he retired from the military that it was a military funeral and that the graveside was filmed either. Hugs and cherrish the fact that your grandma loved you for who you are.
Mariah
Thank you both so much! The funeral went well.. and I heard that my dad even defended me and explained to some questioning fellow about me.. That made me so happy! Such contradictory emotions! I wore a long black dress, a black slip that was my grandmother's and black floral fishnet stockings.. I also wore some of my grandmother's perfume. It was a bitter sweet thing in a way.. She touched so many peoples' lives and was such a great mom to my sister and I.. anyway, thanks all so much for the advice and beautiful words!
Hugs Honey :-*
Hugs. Glad it went well and that your father stood up for you.
I am so happy to hear that it went well for you!
My father has cancer and he took a sudden turn for the worse this past Thursday. I worked up the nerve to talk with him just before that and he was so scared I wouldn't be okay after he passed on. I promised him no matter how hard it was I would do what I need to do to be happy.
So I made the choice to stop pretending to be something I am not. Clinging to being a male has slowly taken me down a path that would have ended in self-destruction.
I have been sitting in his hospital room all night reading posts. They have all offered me hope in different ways but your is special. I am also in Arkansas, the Little Rock area. I have been very worried about what I might face in the days, weeks, and years ahead. I am so relieved to know that even here you can still be surprised by how understanding people can be.
Samara, I am so sorry for your loss. Concerning your grandmother, be the person she loved. It doesn't matter if you shed tears. Take a compact. But honor her as you. No one will make a fuss. Take care, sweet one.
Cindi
Quote from: Aubrey1day on March 17, 2015, 01:08:47 AM
I am so happy to hear that it went well for you!
My father has cancer and he took a sudden turn for the worse this past Thursday. I worked up the nerve to talk with him just before that and he was so scared I wouldn't be okay after he passed on. I promised him no matter how hard it was I would do what I need to do to be happy.
So I made the choice to stop pretending to be something I am not. Clinging to being a male has slowly taken me down a path that would have ended in self-destruction.
I have been sitting in his hospital room all night reading posts. They have all offered me hope in different ways but your is special. I am also in Arkansas, the Little Rock area. I have been very worried about what I might face in the days, weeks, and years ahead. I am so relieved to know that even here you can still be surprised by how understanding people can be.
Hugs my darling, we are here for you. Tell your Dad that we are all praying for him.
Love to you both
Cindy
Hugs! I'm glad it went well.
Quote from: Aubrey1day on March 17, 2015, 01:08:47 AM
I am so happy to hear that it went well for you!
My father has cancer and he took a sudden turn for the worse this past Thursday. I worked up the nerve to talk with him just before that and he was so scared I wouldn't be okay after he passed on. I promised him no matter how hard it was I would do what I need to do to be happy.
So I made the choice to stop pretending to be something I am not. Clinging to being a male has slowly taken me down a path that would have ended in self-destruction.
I have been sitting in his hospital room all night reading posts. They have all offered me hope in different ways but your is special. I am also in Arkansas, the Little Rock area. I have been very worried about what I might face in the days, weeks, and years ahead. I am so relieved to know that even here you can still be surprised by how understanding people can be.
Aubrey, my heart goes out to you! <3 *hugs* I am so glad that you are going to be true to yourself, this is a thing I can never regret.. and yes it is amazing and surprising the love and support that has cropped up in this largely backward and conservative state.. so don't ever feel hopeless! Also, I'm not very good with words, but if you ever need someone to just listen or offer support I'm here! <3
Quote from: Cindy on March 17, 2015, 12:07:55 AM
Hugs Honey :-*
Thank you, Cindy! <3
Quote from: Cindi Jones on March 17, 2015, 01:17:57 AM
Samara, I am so sorry for your loss. Concerning your grandmother, be the person she loved. It doesn't matter if you shed tears. Take a compact. But honor her as you. No one will make a fuss. Take care, sweet one.
Cindi
Thank you, Cindi! Being open with my grandma and having her never withhold her love was such a blessing.. Glad she got to know the real me!
Quote from: adrian on March 17, 2015, 01:50:03 AM
Hugs! I'm glad it went well.
Thank you, Adrian! ^_^
So happy for u
And ur Dad defending you is a wonderful thing.
Dodie
Once again I am sorry for your loss but I am glad it went well and I am sure your grandmother would have been proud.