Hi Everyone
I am finally getting to this point in my life. I'm going to talk with my wife about by transgender and feelings to transition at some point. Like a lot of the people here I have been depressed most of my life with the depression getting really bad over the last 10 years. I have been in some very dark places.
My wife is a very wonderful caring women and has none I am transgender for about 20 years but I have not told her about my feelings of transitioning. Before becoming 53 years old on Monday I am finally going to talk with her about it. A large part of me says everything will be OK but it's that small part that tells me I will lose everything.
Mt depression has been getting so bad I have to do something. My daughters are going away for the weekend and I have time alone with her. I have tried to do this so many times and chickened out. I hope I can finally follow through with it. As is gets closer I feel like throwing up when I think about it.
Please say a prayer for me. I will need it. I know it will be a relief in some ways but it will open up other things which can be good or bad. I was really ready to talk with her a year ago and I was going to but then she had an emergency gallbladder surgery so I could not speak with her. Maybe that was a sign. I hope the appendix doesn't go this weekend :)
The day is almost here. Wish me luck!!! Please!!!
Hugs
Melanie
Good luck! Hugs! You're already ahead of the curve in the fact that she knows you are transgender. When you discussed it previously did the issue of how she felt about transition ever come up? It seems some women will accept their partner being trans but not if they transition - I presume your now seriously considering transition so if you have a sense of what her feelings and objections might be try framing what you need to tell her in that light.
Good luck Mel! Hope it goes well.
Looking out for you Melanie... Hugs to you hope it pans out well... I have still to do this, my SO is not aware of my GD, maybe she's suspicious, maybe does not want to know the truth... Either way because of where I am, I'll be thinking of you over the next day or so... xoxoxo
L Katy :-*
Thank you Grace and Katy
I spoke about being transgender with my wife many years ago and she told me there would be problems if I went on hormones but then a few years ago while a transgender documentary was on she commented that, that would be me in 15 years when they were showing a MTF transitioning. So I do not know where I stand right now. I have a very good loving marriage but just don't know where things will go.
I feel numb right now and maybe that's good. I feel I have to do this because if I don't I will just go into a deep depression which would end badly. I am considering transitioning but not next year or the year after. I would like to take a low dose of estrogen and laser.
Katy I hope things go well with you. I will let everyone know how things went.
Melanie
Good luck Melanie!
Hugs, Stanna
Hope it goes well for you honey. Hugs! :icon_hug:
good luck Melanie!
I know it's absolutley terrifying, but you can do it.
Good luck Melanie, sending positive thoughts your way! Best wishes.
My prayers are with you Melanie.
Dropping the T-Bomb is usually not pretty, even for a spouse who always knew of your GD as mine of 30 years. About the same age as you also, but a few months after my birthday. For my birthday I had my screening interview with my TG support group moderator. By my third meeting I knew the time was almost too late to tell my wife and BFF what was up
BTW - It went a surprising different direction then I thought. It has also been a heck of a wild ride since
Good luck. I am sending good thoughts your way, hugs.
You might have a look at this post for some thoughts:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184646.msg1641345.html#msg1641345
Good luck and hugs
See it all come to a good ending, it helps :)
I will be thinking of u.
I was just in your shoes 15 months or so ago.
I know how u feel and will never forget that day
I get emotional just thinking about it.
Just be honest with her
Dodie
Thank you everyone for your kind words and encouragement. It helps so much!!!!
Good luck and hugs! We'll be thinking of you.
Melonie
Hope ur day goes ok.
My wife and I are divorcing but best friends and really more than that
We so luv each other and are together all the time
We live apart now
I still cry as she does.
I even miss the old me even though I don't regret transition.
I just wish I could say more to help u and ur wife.
I know it will be hard.
Dodie
Melanie,
I hope it went well.
I had "the talk" last year. It wasn't easy. But we are working through it.
Even if that means we won't be together.
It may be for the best.
No news is good news I hope? Or still .....
I talked with her today after dinner. It took me that long. I thought I better do it now or I won't again. I told her how my depression is getting worse and we talked about what would make me feel better. I told her about my transitioning feelings and told her about how I was thinking about taking a low dose of estrogen and I would not want to do anything about transitioning if it comes to that until my daughters are out of college due to my job.
She agreed and said I should look into estrogen with the endo my doctor will recommend. Things went vey well. She is amazing and I love her so much. Also told me we will talk with my daughters after this semester of college finishes which I agree. I don't want to add any more stress to there school.
She said I am my own worse enemy and shouldn't beat up myself like I do and I should have talked to her sooner. Things will go slow from here which is OK with me.
I am very fortunate to have her. Sorry it took so long to let you know what happened. Thank you for your support!! It really helped so much.
Hugs
Melanie
So glad you talked to her and it went so well! Was wondering how it went all day!
Hey Melanie that's great news, went very well... Hugs to you for joy and getting over that hurdle...
L Katy :-*
Hugs and well done :)
Thank you chefskenzie Katy Laura.
U are blessed and I am sure a weight is lifted off your shoulders
Wishing u a wonderful future
Dodie
Melanie, it is good to hear that your talk with your wife went well. I too am fortunate to have a wife that is supportive and understands what I'm going through. I have told her many times that I don't know how I could go through this without her. To those here that do not receive support from their S.O., I must say that you are incredible people and I admire your determination and courage.
Best of luck on your journey, Melanie!
Hugs, Stanna
Stamina thank you. I am very fortunate. I have to take it slow and not overwhelm her with everything. I am very happy and yesterday I was walking on air most of the day. We will make through this I hope and there still is a lot to get threw but telling her was one of the scariest things I have ever done. Thank you for your support.
Melanie
Quote from: Melanie CT on March 17, 2015, 08:29:16 PM
I am very fortunate. I have to take it slow and not overwhelm her with everything. ...
telling her was one of the scariest things I have ever done.
^This^ It's hard to take it in all at once. You had your entire life to mull it over, so giving her as much time to process as she needs is awesome.
And yes, finally coming out to my wife was apparently more terrifying than death for me. So glad you got it over with.
Hugs,
Jill
These conversations will continue and sometimes it'll seem like it's all coming crashing down - believe me. Remember this conversation you had with her and the advice to go slow. It's abstract today but when you're full speed ahead on E you'll get your moment of practical reality when she looks up and feels the change viscerally.
Keeping a relationship in tact is an amazing reward but the road to get there is a winding one and has many rest stops along the way. Sometimes the rest is mandated after the wheels come off and the car hits a tree. I speak from experience.
My wife has been absolutely beautiful about my transition but even still we are around 50% there and have decided to slow for a bit re social transition (50% done) to let her catch up emotionally.
Your partner may be completely supportive but that doesn't mean she won't get emotional vertigo from time to time.
Breathe, support her, hear her, love her the way she needs to be loved - the exact specific ways - become an expert in her needs. To me this is the essence of transition into womanhood - being there for another person knowing what they need and giving it with ease, pleasure and without any difficulty on your end. Make it look easy and expect nothing in return and you'll get a transition and then some.
in the end you both might find the love of a good woman is exactly what you need despite whatever loss may accompany that new found love.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Great that you built the courage to talk with your wife Melanie. It's hard to do and scary but omg doesn't it feel like you just dropped a ton from your shoulders? I hope and pray that things stay going well.
Good luck!
Good luck Melanie! :)
After the initial expected shock of it all my lovely spouse said, well...I guess we need to go shopping! Off to the mall we went and she also gave me a bunch of her cute things that she hadn't worn for awhile or didn't fit her anymore. Three years later and we still love shopping together and we both make a point of asking each other if they want to add on to an online order we are making
Stana, I am very sorry for spelling your name wrong. I responded from my phone.
Things are still going okay. I know there will still be a lot to get through in the future but we will work on that. I am still feeling better. talking with my wife has taken such a load off my shoulders and I feel better about life and living.
I am very fortunate things went the way they did. From reading blogs here there are some of us who don't receive the same response.
I plan to attend a transgender health conference April 25th in Connecticut. I went once probably over 6 years ago and the depression stopped me from going following years. This year will be so much different. I can go in with my head up. I can't wait.
Thank you everyone for your support and I will be there to help support others.
Melanie
No problem Melanie :-) Glad to hear things are still going okay.
Hugs, Stanna
Quote from: Melanie CT on March 15, 2015, 11:12:40 PM
I talked with her today after dinner. It took me that long. I thought I better do it now or I won't again. I told her how my depression is getting worse and we talked about what would make me feel better. I told her about my transitioning feelings and told her about how I was thinking about taking a low dose of estrogen and I would not want to do anything about transitioning if it comes to that until my daughters are out of college due to my job.
She agreed and said I should look into estrogen with the endo my doctor will recommend. Things went vey well. She is amazing and I love her so much. Also told me we will talk with my daughters after this semester of college finishes which I agree. I don't want to add any more stress to there school.
She said I am my own worse enemy and shouldn't beat up myself like I do and I should have talked to her sooner. Things will go slow from here which is OK with me.
I am very fortunate to have her. Sorry it took so long to let you know what happened. Thank you for your support!! It really helped so much.
Hugs
Melanie
Good for you. That is great. I wish that my wife was accepting about it.