Hi, everyone. A while back, I had posted a thread asking for advice on teaching university (undergraduate) classes as an 'out' transwoman, since I'm a teaching assistant and must teach two classes each semester. I came out to my department and all of my friends in the U. S. in December, though my family--excepting my parents--still doesn't know I'm transgender because they largely live in a part of the Caribbean that is fairly homophobic. And so I'm out to everyone but my family, more or less. I hadn't been sure about teaching, though, since I was uncertain how my students would react to me. My voice is still largely masculine, and I'm only (hopefully) going to start HRT this month or early April, depending on what my meeting with my endocrinologist goes like. I've only now filed my petition to legally change my (unambiguously male) name to my preferred one, Gabrielle, so my students would see me listed under a male name in all their emails, server listings, etc. And I'd encountered homophobic undergrads in my classes before, which made me warier.
I was so scared that I went to teach the first day of the semester presenting as a male. And I hated myself for it. So, so much.
So much that I pushed myself to simply come out to them on the second day, which I did. It was nerve-wrecking, but I worked up the courage to wear a bit of makeup, flats, and a subtle pair of dangle earrings, and I told them I was transgender. Fortunately, queer issues are tangentially part of the course--it's about global literature--so it wasn't completely out of left field, but I still remember my heart feeling like it was going to leap clear out of my chest as I walked to the department building, then to the classroom.
And since then, I've simply been myself with my students. Although virtually none of them appeared to know what it meant to be transgender (most of them also struggled to define the letters in LGBTQIA in a subsequent class, though I understand the QIA is a tad more obscure to the general public) when I asked them what they understood by the term (one kid thought it meant 'sexually different'), they took me well, for the most part, in that they didn't show me any disrespect and simply called me by a neutral-gender title, as I requested.
I did lose a few students who dropped out immediately after I came out, and a few later due to absences. I suspect at least some of those were put off by having a non-gender-conforming teacher in front them, since I've been teaching for five years now at this university and have never before seen that many kids leave. (It's a large class, so it's not a very noticeable loss overall, but still.)
But beyond that, I feel so much happier with myself, having come out to my students. One of them told me I was brave in an email; another came out to me later and thanked me for the LGBT education I'd provided so far. While I still have a long long long way to go, I feel so much more at peace.
Thanks to everyone who had written in with suggestions and feedback to that earlier post, and I'm sorry for not replying sooner--I've been tied up with a lot of problems from my parents (can't return home, am an abomination, won't accept children from me even if I bank my sperm and marry a woman, am a freak, should forget I have a mother, etc.--almost the usual, at this point, sadly). Despite those issues, I feel like I'm moving towards something, and I just wanted to thank everyone here for that.
Congratulations, and best wishes!
Don't beat yourself up too badly for presenting male the first day...in fact that could be a "teaching moment" showing just how agonizing it is to be TS/TG..."should I? Or not? OMG I don't know....maybe I can, but...*gasps*..."
The students who cut and ran upon hearing you're trans have squandered an excellent growing opportunity, imho. Their loss!
:)
Congrats! You'll only ever need to do the transition coming out the once and it's over now. In a few years no one will remember the male version of you.
Congrats. I dreaded coming out to my students, but it turned out to be a non-event. Of course high school students don't have the option of dropping, but there really were no problems.
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 17, 2015, 01:04:14 AM
Congrats! You'll only ever need to do the transition coming out the once and it's over now. In a few years no one will remember the male version of you.
This is what I keep thinking of and what others keep telling me. My best friend, who met me about two years before I began to transition, had a moment a month ago where we were walking, and she suddenly turned to me and said, 'For a second, I forgot you were ever a male.' By that point, she had stopped calling me by my male name by accident (she made an effort with my preferred name, but kept slipping up). And as I stopped to think of it, I realised almost everyone in my department had called me by my female name without hesitation in the last month, as well. I had feared the worst about coming out to my department. But, with a few exceptions, the people around me have surprised me in the best of ways, and I learnt that coming out is as much a test of you as it is of those around you.
It feels so jarring now to see my school emails, my cheque book, my driver's license, etc. with my legal male name on them. I can't wait to change them!
Quote from: Beth Andrea on March 16, 2015, 11:02:15 PM
Congratulations, and best wishes!
Don't beat yourself up too badly for presenting male the first day...in fact that could be a "teaching moment" showing just how agonizing it is to be TS/TG..."should I? Or not? OMG I don't know....maybe I can, but...*gasps*..."
The students who cut and ran upon hearing you're trans have squandered an excellent growing opportunity, imho. Their loss!
:)
Ha! That's how I tried to frame it in my head. 'It was all part of my plan....'
I also made sure that the first text we read was about being queer in Jamaica, which allowed us to talk about both trans* and non-heteronormative identity, and so it ended up working out well, pedagogically, that I came out early in the semester. I admit it still feels really really awkward to speak in my masculine voice while presenting as female--I'm still slowly working on voice--but I hope that will end up as a teachable moment in the end, as well: the fact that a transitioning trans-person won't be fully through one gender door or the other, but that you, the student, should still accept him or her as they are, and not expect the stereotype that trans* people will all look either entirely un-passable or so passable that you couldn't tell they were trans* unless they told you.
I *hope* they get that out of all this!
I admire your strength and commitment to be your self. It is a big step and I trust you are in a place that has your back with non discrimination policies and state law? I found, coming out trans as a college trustee, what was so huge for me was mostly no big deal to others. Way good for you, congratulations are certainly in order.