Short version: How do you get a decent masculine haircut? Any tips on DIYing it or talking to a stylist?
Rant/personal details: I'm guessing I don't have to explain why going to a hairstylist is an issue. So a few months ago I decided to buy an electric razor to buzz cut my own hair. But I'm doing it with no experience and half-blind (my glasses have to be off, and doubled mirrors are really awkward). Every time I'm done I'm afraid I've screwed it up. Just now my poor mom was telling me, "any more and you'll practically be bald. Please, don't go bald". (She's had a hard time with my transition but is making an awesome effort to understand and support.)
I live in a small conservative town just a little too far from Seattle. I'm at an awkward stage where I've transitioned only in name and clothes, and only pass maybe 5-10% of the time (until I speak in my shy girly voice). I've never had a really obvious feeling that I Am A Man, but since I've begun transitioning as a college student, I've started to feel at peace with myself. When I let my hair grow out even a tiny bit, or consider getting a pixie cut, I feel gross and sad.
So either I murder my hair and feel ugly but physically good. Or I go to the small-town stylist and look good but feel awful. I swear if I could tastefully get away with it I would go Buck Angel on my head and shave it all.
Also, greetings. :P
There are a LOT of androgynous hair cuts that are not strictly speaking male haircuts. Pixie is so completely feminine that well, it can't be read any other way. I would get a picture of one and give it to the stylist. I don't know if you are trying to go short but here is a nice link: https://www.google.com/search?q=men%27s+haircuts+on+women&espv=2&biw=1039&bih=621&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=36cIVZOCLsezoQTMj4LgAw&ved=0CEAQsAQ&dpr=1
Or just take any picture in of a haircut (even if of a guy) and take it in and ask that they do it. Or you could go to a barber and ix ney your stylist.
--Jay
I started by getting an androgynous style as aleon515 suggested. That I had done close to home. Once that was done, I wore a loose shirt, jeans and my hiking boots to a hair cutting place about a half hour from where I lived, put a guy's name on the sign in sheet, and when my turn came had them cut my hair in a masculine style. Since everything I did said "guy", they didn't question it. All my haircuts were at that place from then on. It was a little out of the way but worth the emotional comfort of being addressed as a guy and getting a guy's cut with no raised eyebrows.
sam1234
Quote from: TayBay on March 17, 2015, 03:57:16 PM
Short version: How do you get a decent masculine haircut? Any tips on DIYing it or talking to a stylist?
Rant/personal details: I'm guessing I don't have to explain why going to a hairstylist is an issue. So a few months ago I decided to buy an electric razor to buzz cut my own hair. But I'm doing it with no experience and half-blind (my glasses have to be off, and doubled mirrors are really awkward). Every time I'm done I'm afraid I've screwed it up. Just now my poor mom was telling me, "any more and you'll practically be bald. Please, don't go bald". (She's had a hard time with my transition but is making an awesome effort to understand and support.)
I live in a small conservative town just a little too far from Seattle. I'm at an awkward stage where I've transitioned only in name and clothes, and only pass maybe 5-10% of the time (until I speak in my shy girly voice). I've never had a really obvious feeling that I Am A Man, but since I've begun transitioning as a college student, I've started to feel at peace with myself. When I let my hair grow out even a tiny bit, or consider getting a pixie cut, I feel gross and sad.
So either I murder my hair and feel ugly but physically good. Or I go to the small-town stylist and look good but feel awful. I swear if I could tastefully get away with it I would go Buck Angel on my head and shave it all.
Also, greetings. :P
Welcome to Susan's Place! Go to a barber, not a stylist. A barber only gives men's haircuts, so there's no explanation required other than length. He'll square the back so you don't have that wispy female stuff. If you're lucky it will be done with hot lather and a straight razor. God, I do miss the barber shop.
Hugs, Devlyn
I might look into going to a barber (maybe one further from home and closer to the city). But do you think it would be safe? They seem pretty male-exclusive and my voice is a bit of a giveaway.
For reference (both for passing ability and at-home handiwork):
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs30.postimg.org%2Fimuzoaha5%2F20150119_135846.jpg&hash=406c1c0714732ca5de10a79fc4a17c8f19c68992) (http://postimg.org/image/imuzoaha5/)
Unless you run into a real stick in the mud, he's going to be more interested in your money than you. Call, or scope a place out and ask when it's empty. Barber shops are great, it's definitely a manly environment, but it's just another business.
Hugs, Devlyn
I'm looking at your pic, I used to keep mine a little shorter than you. My favourite line when he says "What are we doing today?" was "Just make it so I don't look like a hippie anymore!" Barbers generally love banter, it's part of the experience of going there for you, as well.
I think one of those styles where it's short on the sides but long up top would look nice on you. :)
I live in Asia, so what hairstyles I can have is a little more broad. But, when I was in the states, like Devlyn said, I went to a barber. My barber was on my university campus and all I had to say was "Up off the ears and something I can roll out of bed with". Most barbers aren't going to go into detail and ask you why you want a certain hairstyle. Hair salons are where the chatty-Cathy's and nosey-Nancy's work. Barbers are more laid back in my experience. I have been going to them since I was a little kid in pretty much exclusively conservative states, and I find them much more comfortable. Typically you'll get mostly small talk about the weather, sports, local news.
I recently cut my hair again and I found that I didn't have to ask for anything male when I went to great clips and used a male name. I wasn't passing well at the time but since I used a male name and they tend to only cut men's hair, (though they do ladies cuts sometimes) the lady did my cut as a male cut without asking me. (Funnily enough it was my first time gettinrg charged for a male cut and that day there was a special so ladies cuts were cheaper haha) And that was in my conservative state, Georgia, and to get to the great clips I had to drive out of my little college town safety bubble. So I would recommend going to a place like that or a barber shop like everyone else suggests and using your male name. Also for your cut, I think it'd look nice if you kept the same length on the sides but grew the top out a bit. I like my hair super short too but I've found I pass the best when the sides are clipped and the top is around 2-3 inches. Though 3 starts to push it in what length I can tolerate myself.
Just want to say you have lucked out in the hairline department. I had a REALLY feminine hairline so I had to wear bangs, and at 6 months on T my hairline has finally changed enough that I can wear my hair how I want. Your hairline is nice and square already.
My experience was a lot like Sam's. With some of Ayden's too. I first went to a decent stylist and got it all chopped off and very androgynous. I went in with a bunch of pictures, male, female, and androgynous and said these were what I liked. She did ask me why, but I actually do respect her for it. I have very curly hair and you can pretty much only do long or ultra short with it. If I changed my mind it would be years of awful hair to undo it. But I told her that my long "pretty" hair wasn't me and I wanted to finally be me and she went right to work after that. I'm in Asia as well so gender cues are a bit different and I was immediately read as male with the androgynous cut. When it came time for a trim, I walked into random hair cutting place, and gestured for the length I wanted. The guy read me as male and gave me a very standard male cut.
I think going somewhere they expect you to be male would help a lot. If your voice will give you away, can you pull off teen boy? It may not feel very empowering to play that young, but having the right haircut makes up for it. I still do a doubletake at the difference when I see myself and it's been the difference of not passing at all to passing 90%+ for me. When looking at possible barbers, pay attention to what other guys are looking like. Is he giving everyone the same exact cut? Scissors or clippers? Someone who is cutting to the individual with scissors is more likely to do well with you. Especially pre-t, we don't tend to look good buzzed, it can make you look more female. A talented barber with scissors can flatter your face to look more male.
Just a guess, but i seriously doubt many women would go to a barber to get a haircut. On top of that, people tend to be very wary of questioning someone's gender regardless of voice. I've heard some cis guys with fairly high voices that almost sound female. I think if you went into a barber shop and asked for a standard cut, they would just assume you were male. They might think you were young, but its highly unlikely that they would misinterpret your gender.
sam1234
I went to the barber and was expecting old black guy. I got a middle age white women cutting my hair.
There are women barbers, actually I have a woman barber (well much of time as she also works with men). Their training is different than stylists.
There are some women that go to barbers. It says men's and women's hair on the door, but they don't get too many women.
--Jay
It depends on your face shape. Some styles can/can't work for some. But I think bringing in a picture as reference will get you usually what you want to get and also just relax and enjoy the haircut.
I personally sport an undercut right now and I'm pre-everything and went to a barber shop myself. Nobody said anything odd to me and I guess I passed to them (even if I didn't they wouldn't say anything because it's a business and they're just glad to have customers).
Quote from: Alexthecat on March 19, 2015, 07:39:34 AM
I went to the barber and was expecting old black guy. I got a middle age white women cutting my hair.
My barber was a woman. She was excellent. Cut my husband's hair for years too and always had him looking sharp.
It's funny that female barbers have come up, because my therapist just recommended one she knows to me! Which could be awesome because then maybe I won't feel as self-conscious.
Now I just have to wait for my hair to grow out again so I can do that short-on-sides, long-on-top thing.
Thank you for all your suggestions. :)
Hi, guys! I already had a male haircut for eons, but it wasn't as masculine as it could have been. Now that I am out at work, I changed my hair style a bit. In fact, I just got home from my hair appointment. It really isn't THAT different except the sides are shorter (the Ivy League). I could style it the way I always have, or I can roll with what she thought looked best (the style worn by Leonardo DiCaprio in The Great Gatspy).
The Ivy League is a very versatile style. You can wear it conservatively or go more casual with it.
I have very little money and courage, so I just get my mother to cut mine. (She does my brother's hair as well). Unfortunately, she only knows how to do one style - the pudding basin ;D But I'm seventeen and have a face younger-looking that that so I don't mind looking a bit puerile. And it does make me considerably more masculine in appearance. Of course, most of you are grown men who would hope for more than a pudding basin cut from Mummy ;D
Yay for small towns just a little too far out of Seattle.
Barbers are great.
I just go to any person who cuts hair and request a businessman's haircut. It's the standard/classic/1950s-style professional men's cut that you see in old tv shows and Mad Men. You basically need to use pomade on to make it look right, but it's honestly the first time I've actually cared to style my hair, and I'm actually enjoying it.
I started by looking up a bunch of men's cuts on ftmguide.org (a wealth of information) and then just sorta picked one.
I go into the barber all the time but then again there is nothing that reads female to them, and my dad has actually refered to me as my birth name but they still refer to me as a man, bro, ect haha its really not that bad but going into barber shops, I acutally just got a touch up today, I can't recommend a haircut though cuz I am black but I have a hi top fade kind of.
Do you have any guy friends you can ask about where they get their hair done?
This may be way too involved, but when I got my first "guy" cut, I asked my friend Josh where he went, and he gave me the specific name of the barber he went to.
I called ahead, made sure that he was working, and made an appointment (some shops take appts, some don't).
When I came in, because I specifically asked for that person, he asked me if he had cut my hair before, or how I was referred.
I told him that he cuts my friend Josh's hair, and I was looking to get a similar cut so I thought I'd try him out.
To me, this was kind of a safety net - if he did have a problem cutting a "woman's" hair into a guys style, he should know that he would loose one potential new customer as well as regular. I think when you can mention a current, regular customers name, you will probably have a better experience because referrals are important to those with a regular client base.
Again, maybe that's a little too much as it is just a haircut, but I felt the plan worked out well for me.
JesseO, that's a good idea. Maybe I'll ask my friend too.
I've been going to barbers for quite a few years now and find it handy to know the jargon when I go to a new one. Knowing the clipper length they use on you, how you like the back and burns finished etc, seems to make them at ease with me. Just ask what they are doing a time or two and you'll get it to use anywhere. Most of them seem to want to talk about other stuff besides hair anyway. A few months ago I moved to what is thought to be a conservative city (it really isn't) and walking in with the confidence makes a difference. BTW, I don't pass all the time and frequently am taken as ??? hybrid.
I just go in and say 2 on the sides taper to 1, block the back and burns etc.. I have a great guy now, he always finishes me with a hot lather shave on the neck. ;D
So, I got lucky here.
I've been going to my stylist for years. She's my age. We are very close, so I got up the balls to come out to her and explain that I wanted all haircuts to be masculine from now on. And that was it. She charges me for a men's cut too (holy crap so much less expensive). I've never felt better about how I look.
Good luck!
THE worst thing you can do is buzz your hair. If youre early in transition you wont pass with short hair itll just look like you cut it for charity or something. if you dont pass it might be hard going to a male barbers, unless you go in saying you need a male hair cut for a play youre doing or something. Short/medium hair tends to be best, if its really short you will look butch (unless youre on T). Also please look at your face shape and find a haircut like that, if you are a little on the larger size, that skinny emo hairdo wont suit you very well.
Also colours. unnatural colours tend to make you look feminine especially bright blues/ purples etc.
Quote from: The_Gentleboy on March 30, 2015, 11:36:59 AM
THE worst thing you can do is buzz your hair. If youre early in transition you wont pass with short hair itll just look like you cut it for charity or something. if you dont pass it might be hard going to a male barbers, unless you go in saying you need a male hair cut for a play youre doing or something. Short/medium hair tends to be best, if its really short you will look butch (unless youre on T). Also please look at your face shape and find a haircut like that, if you are a little on the larger size, that skinny emo hairdo wont suit you very well.
Also colours. unnatural colours tend to make you look feminine especially bright blues/ purples etc.
I don't think that's true. I buzzed my hair pretty early in transition (before I started T anyway) and I've never had a problem passing. OP has a great face for shorter hair.
OP - I went to a hairdresser I've been going to for years and asked her to cut my hair short last May. It was the shortest I'd ever gone. Went back a month later for a trim and had her shorten it even more. Went back one more time and got it done even shorter. Then I bought some clippers and started maintaining it myself. Ultimately got fed up with needing to use product to make it look decent, and buzzed it. I've been playing with lengths the last few months. I'm currently growing it out with the intention of going to a barber to make it nicer once it's long enough.
I think heading to that female barber is a great idea. JesseO also has a pretty excellent idea there. Let us know how it goes :)
Quote from: The_Gentleboy on March 30, 2015, 11:36:59 AM
THE worst thing you can do is buzz your hair. If youre early in transition you wont pass with short hair itll just look like you cut it for charity or something. if you dont pass it might be hard going to a male barbers, unless you go in saying you need a male hair cut for a play youre doing or something. Short/medium hair tends to be best, if its really short you will look butch (unless youre on T). Also please look at your face shape and find a haircut like that, if you are a little on the larger size, that skinny emo hairdo wont suit you very well.
Also colours. unnatural colours tend to make you look feminine especially bright blues/ purples etc.
Decent place to start with these tips, but not a one-size-fits-all.
My own suggestion, wearing the hair messy-short or spiked up on top doesn't usually assist with passing. Smoothing it/wearing it cleaner might.
I don't usually follow my own advice though because I like my hair how I like it and the T will be kicking in for me.