I've been struggling with my sexual identity for the past few years but kept it mostly to myself out of fear of being disowned by my parents (who I am out to but are deathly in denial). They are slowly warming up to the idea that I most likely will end up with a girl in the future, but at any mention that I would like to transition into a male, they become very upset and refuse to talk about it.
However, lately I am growing more and more certain that I would like to transition eventually. I just started university and am finally on my own but still remain financially dependent on my parents. Keep in mind that I come from an Asian family and so most of them, especially my grandparents, are very conservative. In fact, my mom made it clear that if I were to wed a woman in the future I would have to wait until my grandparents passed away, a thought that really upsets me because I really do love and respect my parents and grandparents.
But now I am left with two choices: wait until I am financially independent and cut all ties with my family before starting T or stay uncomfortably pre-T for the rest of my life. Whenever I think about having to sever my relationship with my family, I feel sick and afraid of being alone in this world. Aside from my identity issues, they are completely supportive of me and have always believed that I should do what makes me happy career-wise (something rarely seen in Asian parents). But as of now, I can't imagine either of my parents agreeing with me on beginning HRT or undergoing any surgeries.
For what it's worth, I don't think you'll have to worry about being Pre-T for the rest of your life. A lot of things can happen in a lifetime, or even in the next few years. Your family might start warming up to your identity, other transition options might come up, or you might be able to reach a compromise...
Though I can empathize with how much it sucks to wait things out and try to be diplomatic. I'm in a similar situation too, waiting to finish college and become financially independent before I start doing major changes. At least now we can both take comfort in not being the only ones. :)
I believe that anyone with an unsupportive family who is planning on transitioning should become financially independent as soon as possible before they pursue transition. Once you're independent your family will recognize that you're an adult and that you're free to make your own decision even if they don't agree with them. Also as an independent adult you'll naturally gain a little distance from your family anyway as you become busy with focusing on your own life. Not being able to transition right when you want to is annoying but it may be better to wait until you're finished with school and you're independent.
In the mean time, have you started socially transitioning yet? For a lot of people college provides the perfect environment to try living as your chosen gender plus it'll ease your dysphoria and may even help your parents adjust to the idea of you medically transitioning in the future.
I don't think you'll have to go your entire life without transitioning and cutting ties with your family so suddenly seems pretty drastic. They may just need time to process everything, especially if they're more conservative. If it does ever come down to cutting all ties with them, don't be the one to make that decision. Unless they're abusive and cutting them off is necessary for your safety allow them to be the ones to decide whether they want you in their lives anymore. Always love them and be available for them and if they do cut you off that will be their emotional burden to carry. You'll be able to react with a clear conscience knowing that you did everything to remain in their lives but they were the ones who cut their ties with you. At this point though I don't think you need to worry about something like that happening.
Being FTM instead or being MTF you have the ability to dress and present as unisex and be accepted as either female or male interchangeably. That way you can experience being either female or male without the need for either HRT or SRS, and before making your ultimate choice known to others.
Do you feel that if you were to become financially independent and chose to start hormones that your parents would disown you? It doesn't really matter what the answer is. If they accept you, fantastic. Even if they aren't active in your transition, it's a win and you should slooooowly start to head in that direction. You don't want to shellshock them, but the more they see it and the more it becomes reality, the better. Most parents say that they'll "disown you" but in truth, they would have a harder time than you letting go of their child.
If your parents WOULD truly disown you, then you have no choice but to go it on your own soon. You have a right to be happy, but they have the right to opt out of your choice. It shouldn't stop you from being whatever you'd like to be, you have to live your life, my friend.
I started my transition during college and i am very grateful for all the support i have got, when my family wasn't supportive.