Help :/
When I joined this all girls high school in seventh grade I was in total denial about being trans. I was considering moving schools this year, but my parents thought that my social anxiety would be too bad and I already have great friends at my school. My girlfriend and all my friends go here... I just feel so trapped. I can't come out here. I don't know what to do...
-Hayden
You may have to come out to your parents and perhaps they will understand how staying would like raise your anxiety. Another choice is to remain where you are close to your girlfriend and hope that is enough.
I joined an all-girls school, and have regretted it ever since. I've been at one for four years now, and understand how every little thing can get under your skin and make you feel down (Changing rooms, the whole class being referred to as 'ladies' or 'girls', being called 'she' all the time or 'good girl' for good grades, bathrooms, etc.). Not being able to tell your friends is the hardest part, from my experience. I plan on telling my closest friends on the last day of school, just because I'm afraid our friendship will fall apart.
The best you can do is to manage your time at school based on your personality and own experiences, for example some people might hate spending all their spare time alone working but I do it every lunch time because I'd rather go to another class than be surrounded by girls who don't understand me (I also have some awesome male teachers I get alone really well with who will let me in their rooms any day so then there's that...)
Things which waste time are the best, if you don't feel ready to come out at all. I would advise spending extra time doing things which you love to make something you can look forward to until you can leave/would be able to convey how you feel to staff. I think leaving is the best option, even if you are leaving close friends and your girlfriend behind. I'd just think that you're in school anyway, you have to spend most time working and not enjoying yourself in the least (especially given your circumstances). Moving gives you a chance to be open from the start and be treated like you want to be without disagreement because it would be 'weird to have a guy in a girl's school' and be ignored, I would think you would also enjoy your time outside of school more since you wouldn't have to worry so much about the next time you have school.
If you aren't out to your parents either, I think it would be best if you were- even though it is probably the hardest thing you can do.
I hope you can get all of this sorted out in the best possible way for you.
Thank you, this is exactly what I am going through. I am seriously thinking about leaving, thanks for the advice :)
-Tyler
Dear God, that sounds like a nightmare. Sorry, man. I'm a closeted FTM as well, but I go to an online school. The people there are fairly accepting (a lot of online kids have their own set of problems).
If you feel the need to leave, don't be afraid. Are your parents open-minded about the trans community? Is there a counselor you can talk with?
Is this school religious or something? Might be tough.
Good luck Tyler.
Quote from: CarrotInsanity on March 23, 2015, 10:25:29 AM
If you feel the need to leave, don't be afraid. Are your parents open-minded about the trans community? Is there a counselor you can talk with?
Is this school religious or something? Might be tough.
Good luck Tyler.
My parents are open (as far as I can tell) but from the responses I've gotten I think I might leave the school. It seems like the best choice. Thanks for the help everyone. :)
-Tyler
Hey Tyler,
I just wanted to share something -- I have a friend who works in a catholic all girls high school. And just recently she told me they had two or three transguys at the school who are now being called their preferred names and pronouns. I was really surprised and happy about this, I really wouldn't have thought this was possible.
I can relate. I was the only girl in an all male christian brother school.
I joined the alumni recently as my female self. They are going apoplectic. Great fun!!
I'm stirring them up like crazy. Love it.
Hold in, life will get better.
Quote from: adrian on March 24, 2015, 01:34:50 AM
Hey Tyler,
I just wanted to share something -- I have a friend who works in a catholic all girls high school. And just recently she told me they had two or three transguys at the school who are now being called their preferred names and pronouns. I was really surprised and happy about this, I really wouldn't have thought this was possible.
Wow. That's amazing. I'm actually in the same boat right now, but I am also closeted and can't come out mainly due to an unaccepting family & the fact that my school is very strict. I have no hope of trying to transition until after all of this ends unfortunately.
Tyler, I think that it's good that your parents are open about things! It seems like you're possibly going to leave your school, which I know how hard it is. Good luck!
I wish you good luck, and I know how you feel. I've been in am all boys school (I'm mtf) for two years, and it sucks... I am out to my parents, and I'm going to ask to transfer to a mixed school after this year (of school).
Godspeed and hugs!
Winter
Quote from: Cindy on March 24, 2015, 02:06:37 AM
I can relate. I was the only girl in an all male christian brother school.
...
Hold in, life will get better.
Run by Jesuits in my case.
Friends are important, especially if you are a sort of a private person. You allow next to no one within your walls. If they live nearby you can still be friends. Perhaps not as close as you are today, perhaps even more so. No way to know.
Changing schools is traumatic at any age. Many parents put off moving just so their children can finish at the h/s they are in. Only you can judge if staying or leaving may be best for your overall emotional health. If your convictions are sure that changing is best, it seems that with parents that are concerned for you and wanting to do what is in your best interest, you will little difficulty convincing them you NEED to change, not just want to
QuoteI plan on telling my closest friends on the last day of school, just because I'm afraid our friendship will fall apart.
Here's some food for thought: are they really your friends if they don't accept the real you?