I am lying in bed, unable to get to sleep, absolutely terrified, feeling like I'm going to have a panic-attack and I just need someone to comfort my worries.
I have never received hormone therapy.
I am 20, VERY lucky, extremely feminine, have never lived, identified with or been clocked as a male, have a naturally higher-pitched voice than most cis-gender women (it irritates my parents). The downsides: I have facial hair, it's pretty pathetic growth, but I still HATE it, I have very small breasts, my hips are wide for a male, but not wide enough for my liking.
My concern is my libido. I absolutely LOVE having sex with my boyfriend. I'm what you'd call a "top", where I like to GIVE the penetration. I really enjoy my very frequent, extremely firm, effortless erections. To put it candidly, he makes me hard all the time, as do I with him. We're extremely sexual people and we live to sexually pleasure each other.
I am literally shaking as I type this, as the date of my first hormone prescription is coming up and I'm very excited to feminize my body, but I'm absolutely terrified of losing my sex-drive, my libido mentality, my virility, my erections. The thought of losing that part of myself makes me feel sick and I just want to cry.
Taking hormones is non-negotiable, I NEED to feminize my body and I will go through anything to reap the essential, feminizing benefits of HRT, but I desperately don't want to pay such an awful price for it. The concept of losing my sexuality repulses me. I'm so scared, I feel like I'm being FORCED to make a choice between being a woman and being sexual.
Can I not just be a feminine, horny woman with a big penis that can get erect?... I'm terrified.
Is there any way for me to retain my fully functional penis? I'm NOT talking about pleading with my body to muster a pathetic, soft erection. I'm NOT talking about needing my boyfriend to kiss my neck, whisper in my ear, light some candles and tickle my feet for 20 minutes to be able to have tender "love-making" with him.
Just to add: I'm sorry for how badly written it is. I'm just not feeling up to writing with scrupulous grammar or articulating what I'm saying well. I'm feeling very emotional and scared, not to mention that it's 2AM, I'm really tired, but I can't sleep with all this worry.
you are still able to be functional while on hrt. It may not be instantly or wake up "happy". but arousal should be no trouble. I will say that ejaculation will be minimal to non existent.
im three months in and I still have full functionality. there are no guarantees with hrt. I was talking to my friend who recently got bottom surgery and she has been on hormones for years and she said that she was still fully functional up until she got bottom surgery. Also she has a ridiculously high sex drive lol. also if you are worried about it u could always use Viagra.
I'd say if you have a strong drive now, it should be okay, of course I don't know this for sure.
I remember having a very low drive when I started a very low dose, and while sex is usually never on my mind, everything still works down there. Just about three months here as well Lol so yeah.
I agree with amber, talk to your doctor about getting a Rx for the little blue pills.
Thank you all so much for putting my mind at rest. Obviously it didn't help that I was by myself at 2AM, but it was an hour after I had the most amazing sex with my boyfriend, and I don't want to lose that. There are things I'd like to clarify that I neglected to write this.
My hormones were tested: I have low testosterone and high estrogen. My libido is extremely high, I could happily have sex 8 times per day, ha! But that leads me to believe that this isn't necessarily hormonal (or is it? someone help clarify, please.) since my hormones are feminine, yet I want to have sex all the time. Also, another indicator, I've been extremely horny since I was a very young child, which also leads me to believe this is psychological instead of hormonal.
What I just ADORE about being transgender is the sexual compatibility with men. I have the same parts, I know exactly how to use them and a knowledge of what feels good, I have the high sex drive, the strong erections and the dominant libido mentality. I can get in, get out fast, and I love that I have the capability of doing that.
When it comes to ejaculation, I've never been one to shoot copious amounts, but I and my boyfriend love that part about sex. I know these desires are quite unconventional when it comes to transgender woman, but I'm comfortable with my sexuality. There's something very intimate about ejaculating deep inside him, I love it, he loves it and I just don't want to lose that.
At worst, I could live without semen, but simply not the other qualities.
Masturbate EVERY DAY.
When I started blockers, and later estrogen, my sex drive went down to the point where I would only masturbate once a week, or a week-and-a-half. On top of that, the orgasm was underwhelming. Within the past few months, I've been making a point to cum more. The orgasms are getting better and better, and my sex drive has gone way up, and my orientation has moved around, oddly enough.
Vibrators help, too! :)