Hi! I am in a very serious relationship with my boyfriend who is a ftm! We have been involved with each other for half a year on March 30th so we are really close. He has some problems with his family (specifically parents) being unsupportive and harsh, his mother occasionally drinks and then yells at him to go back to how he used to be before he discovered he was truly a male on the inside. My parents and I support my boyfriend and have him over to my house frequently and as much as possible, he even spent Christmas Eve with my family and I. My boyfriend and I are also very intimate and are remarkably comfortable with one another! As silly as this may sound we are almost certain we are soul mates and will spend the rest of our lives together even though I am still 15 and he is 17 turning 18 this September. I suppose my question has to do with how testosterone can effect him and the way he interacts with his parents, my parents, friends, and myself. I've done research and read it can cause mood swings and anger to loved ones. I'm worried when he starts T he might lash out at his mother the next time she says something verbally abusive and get himself into trouble as well as lashing out at me for some reason... I know this might sound insensitive to his needs, I'm just worried and don't want his loving personality to change. Does testosterone really cause that kind of behavior and should I be worried? I still have 6 months or so till he goes on it, I just want to be prepared. Thanks!
First off, welcome to the forums! You definitely came to the right place, and it's always great to see supportive loved ones looking to inform themselves for their S.O., friend, family member, etc. So go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back for that!
Now, on to your question: testosterone affects all men differently, and I guess the best way of thinking about going on T is that it's a second puberty for trans men; we might get moody, but no more than any other teenage boy. As far as I know, T does not cause the "roid rage" typically thought of when people hear that someone is taking testosterone, because the goal of Hormone Replacement Therapy is to get the patient into a normal male range of testosterone for his age. Now, a little pubescent, hormonal behaviour paired with an unsupportive/verbally abusive altercation with his mother? That might cause a storm or two, but it shouldn't change how strongly he feels about his family, friends, or even yourself. We don't love any less on T, in fact you may find that he finds himself even more at peace around you and can give you more of himself, since some of his internal struggles will hopefully be alleviated with his body running on the right "fuel," so to speak.
Another thought: if you have concerns, voicing them might not be the worst idea. That way, he can actively watch himself for behaviour he finds odd since starting T and can correct it as needed; it's something I've tried to be very aware of doing, even if only in hindsight in some situations. Retroactively correcting behaviour is way better than letting stuff slide and severing ties you're going to hit yourself for later, right?
Good luck, I wish you the best!
Hi Irene and welcome to Susan's.
T has actually made me calmer and my 'outbursts' of anger went away. The effect you have been reading about has been noted but is usually from steroid abuse.
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Its great that your boyfriend not only has your love, but that your family accepts him as well.
Most of the problems with T are seen when someone is using roids to bulk up and wind up with a much higher T level than they should. My guess is that your boyfriend's natural character won't change that much if his T is in the normal range. When I was transitioning, I knew three other F to M's and spoke to one on the phone that my surgeon wanted me to. One guy was totally laid back, one was as you would expect any guy to be and the other two were angry. The two that were angry had already been that way prior to transitioning or even just taking T. They were angry that they were transgenders and the world was unfair. Anyone can be like that and I wouldn't think it was the T that caused it.
Since you have met your soulmate, I can understand why you might worry that his personality might change. Once you find someone like that, you want to hold onto them, and fearing that they may become someone you don't really know or will have to be careful around is a normal concern. Since you two are going through this together, any changes that T may cause you will share the experience. If anything, T made me feel less aggressive because I didn't feel as though I needed to prove anything anymore. I wouldn't worry about roid rage from T.
Congratulations at finding someone that is so close to you both as a friend and lover. Just enjoy the journey.
sam1234
Hi irenedrinkscoffee welcome to Susan's. I want to thank you for providing support for your boyfriend and I really want to thank your parents for providing him with a safe place .
Irene
Welcome to Susan's Family
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As said it varies across the board has effects.
My spouse was more confident in his speech on T.
Did not let others walk over him as before.
Need to just keep a eye on how he reacts.
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Hi! You both sounds like really awesome and sweet people. :) I feel the same as LordKAT- my random rage and frustration actually went away a whole lot. I have anxiety and that wasn't as effected by T as i would have liked, but I do tend to feel less anxious overall when I am not suppressing my inclination to do what I want, not what society expects of me. Ironically, cross-dressing in feminine clothes is really cathartic when I am with friends who have supported my trans status from day one!
Hormones effect everyone differently- I have made a very specific point of asking my most trustworthy and rational of friends to PLEASE tell me if they think I am raging or being overly- aggressive. I've never felt any of my feelings have been solely caused by T and I feel a might higher sense of calm and well being since before starting hormones. I like to check with my friends and remind them to remind me if I am getting too worked up over something and we generally have a pretty decent system worked out for helping each other out in this kind of sense!