I guess this is the part where I introduce myself.
I'm 19 years old and live in Sweden, also known as the land of meatballs and furniture. I have previously visited a couple of forums that helped me with a lot of my issues. (Said forums are not significantly related to the topic of Transgender, although some have addressed issues related to my own gender. I will not name or provide links to these forums as this is a violation of the Terms of Service). Recently however, I've felt as though the gender that was assigned to me at birth and later reinforced, is wrong.
For a very long time I have been deceiving myself by suppressing my sexuality and emotions. This caused me to become depressed and later worsened my insecurities and conditions. At least this was the case until I discovered I was not in fact heterosexual, this occurred approximately three weeks ago. This pretty much crumbled the facade I had created for myself and I was slung into a much deeper depression.
During these three weeks I've spent almost all my time either in emotional pain or deep in thoughts. The aforementioned forums did help me through a lot, and I've been much less of a wreck as a result. I've slowly started to come to terms with my sexuality, at this point I guess I identify Bisexual or Pansexual... still a lot of confusion surrounding it.
About a week ago I started considering my gender. I put very little thought into it at first, but I feel I've slowly begun to realize I'm not entirely comfortable as a male. Whenever I consider a more - for lack of a better word - feminine me, I feel happy. Like it's the real me. I've never talked to anybody in real life about it. Deep down I'm terrified what others will think, or what is going to happen.
I guess I've gone on for quite a while, sorry about that. I guess it's just my way of saying 'Hi'!
Hi Nyctelios welcome to Susan's. I might suggest that you try to find a gender therapist as soon as you can. As much as forums are a good resource to help you find your way, they don't replace the need for a properly trained therapist helping your discover who you truly are. I hope you are able to feel comfortable here.
I'm very glad that you were able to find Susan's. The forum is pretty laid back and helpful with no judgements as far as I can tell.
It sounds like you have entered that point in your life where your gender and sexual orientation are formost in your mind. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone neutral, like a therapist, but it also helps to compare your experiences to others. If for no other reason, you will realize that you are not alone.
You said that you realized that your weren't heterosexual. When you think of yourself as a female, do you still get that feeling, or , if you were to decide you were female, would you like guys? That would make you heterosexual.
I know that being where you are is hard. Its a difficult decision, but happily, you don't have to make that decision overnight. Go at your own pace and feel free to ask anything you want. There will always be someone to help you.
sam1234
Hi Nyctelios and welcome to Susan's. I'm happy that you found the site. There a lot of great information here. Discovering who you are is quite a process and journey. Continue to keep seeking and one day you will find your own niche.
:)
Hugs and welcome :)
You could look up the following resources for a few thoughts:
there is a website called gayteens dot about dot com where there is a quiz "am_i_trans.htm" . It might help you with a few thoughts, they state a few opinions of others, and explain a few terms. And it might help by showing you are not alone in this.
And you don't have to feel female all the time. A question would be would you prefer a more female body to be more happy ?
And you might look up a brochure for the british NHS called "doh-transgender-experiences.pdf" . Only thing I would disagree with is page 7, where they state stress, instead many experience relief.
It states that being trans has some biological connections, which is imo socially a bit better acceptable, and it might help with self acceptance.
Well its a big spectrum, for example from androgynous to full transition...
just take the time you need to find a position you are comfortable with...
and remember there are many who have gone through this and reached their goals eventually :).
You could play around a bit with hair and clothing style... womens or unisex trousers, sweaters one or two sizes bigger... second hand stores could be a good source. It can be really fun.
Please reach out...
You should think about talking to a counselor... preferably a gender therapist...
and you could call at the next lgbt center near you and ask for some counseling...
there might even be support groups...
you might say at home you want counseling, either for gender or for emotional purposes, and pick someone who has, amongst others, gender on their list...
and for immediate help you could look up helplines in your language... there might even be transgender helplines...
people are there to help and give advice ...
Well its a process... I'd say take the time you need, but keep at it... ask questions, alone writing sometimes helps...
and come here, people will support you :)
hugs
Thanks for the warm welcome and all the advice! I don't live in a very big town, the only LGBT group I could find online is in the next town over...
When it comes to gender therapists... I have no idea how that works or how I find one, I don't even know what it's called in Swedish!
I'd rather not have my parents or anyone close to me find out right now. I don't think they will hate me for it, but I don't have a great relation with them and I don't think they would understand.
To be honest, I really think I need to find a gender or sex therapist. I haven't been able to handle it that well when it's so sudden.
I'm really not proud of it... But at a point I started self-harming and I've done it a few times since.
I think I would be happier in a female body, with feminine mannerisms and acceptance. Since I've started thinking about it I've been a lot happier. I've started trying to grow my fingernails and yesterday I bought lip balm to see how it felt. And I liked it :)
I think I'll be able to get a lot of help from this forum, thank you.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hi Nyctelios
He he, I work for a Swedish company, but not one responsible for meatballs and furniture :D Welcome to our forum.
Previous advice to find a good therapist and spend some good time understanding yourself is totally correct. I too got hit by the gender and orientation thing simultaneously. It's terribly unnerving, but with time and patience you will come to understand yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Don't try to do it alone - a professional can really help you head forwards rather than in circles.
If you cannot find a gender therapist nearby, a good general therapist would be the next best thing. If you suspect that you are not feeling comfortable being male, I do suggest you work with a female therapist - it just brings you closer to a mutual understanding.
Good luck
Julia
Quote from: Nyctelios on March 19, 2015, 01:26:53 PM
Thanks for the warm welcome and all the advice! I don't live in a very big town, the only LGBT group I could find online is in the next town over...
When it comes to gender therapists... I have no idea how that works or how I find one, I don't even know what it's called in Swedish!
I'd rather not have my parents or anyone close to me find out right now. I don't think they will hate me for it, but I don't have a great relation with them and I don't think they would understand.
To be honest, I really think I need to find a gender or sex therapist.
Well you could look for a lgbt source close to you and ask them... simply saying you need someone for advice with gender issues...
like trans women groups, or lgbt groups...
or you might look for a therapist with experience in gender issues... or even a good general one...
you could look up a few and simply ask them...
and some people even do consulting via skype...
Nyctelios
Welcome to Susan's family.
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Hugs
Hi Nyctelios :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi Nyctelios, welcome to Susan's Place!mI'm from Boston. I'm hearing a lot of talking, but no one's out in the kitchen rattling pots and pans, so I did!
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See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hey!
Welcome to Susan's