Sometimes you can be going along just fine when all of a sudden a trigger just pops out at you from nowhere.
The other day I was walking through the park and there were a whole bunch of young school kids that a teacher was trying to organise into two lines. She said "girls in one line and boys in the other"... something inside of me kind of went...
(https://www.blogher.com/files/Nooooo.jpg)
I mean, I wasn't traumatised but somehow it made me feel really uneasy and I was so, so glad I wasn't one of those little kids being forced to sit in the boys' line.
You...?
Just happened today!
I had an email to update my details on the Australian Charities and Non for profit Commission (ACNC), I had to put in my previous name.
I don't remember who he was, but he wasn't me.
Seeing a girl about 7 dancing with joy coming out of Build A Bear with her mother.I realised I was never that happy as a kid,not for 1 second
Needed the toilet but not allowed to go between lessons. *Walks past boys toilet.* Uuuurrggghhhhh. Something in my brain went NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
A very recent morning I had morning wood. I haven't had that in months. I thought I was past that. I guess not.
Ten minutes ago after coming in from trying to get the mail. Before I went out I made an attempt to hide my beard shadow with makeup for the second time. Looked in the mirror by the door and ahhh! Not as good as I hoped, but, perhaps, not as bad as I feared. You decide.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi244.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fgg39%2Fbabhdail%2F201503311507242.jpg&hash=cd69c7035d9ad8de83ffed4b1ca2de602ec096a0)
Darn it, I look like... a... 55 year old... lady... Oh!
Still a trigger when I came in the door, though.
Quote from: Dee Walker on March 31, 2015, 02:22:48 PM
Darn it, I look like... a... 55 year old... lady... Oh!
You do look like a 55 year old lady ;D I mean that is the best way possible. It may be the magic of the camera but don't really see anything if that helps
I think some of the worst of my triggers are self inflicted. When I answer the phone and almost say "This is she," in response to my name, or when I am not wanting to correct someone on pronouns. Usually digging through my old art is often the worst! I tried to create cartoon versions to represent myself and the failure attempts are always the female characters. I ended up going with something primarily male and not even human. Technically he was my first character I ever created and I should have stuck with him, but I kept trying to pigeon hole myself more than anyone else in my life. Even when my mother wanted me to draw, "still lifes and landscapes" which I took as an insult to my dragons and monsters, it was mainly because that was the kind of thing she could frame and hang on the wall. It wasn't because they were more feminine subjects. Rather it is just hard to explain why your kid is drawing demons and gore to a stranger and have them not think the kid might be a touch unbalanced... I know now she just didn't want people thinking me and my sister were abused, or whatever it is that disturbs people about creepy kid drawings. Kids just draw weird stuff sometimes XD
The effing "SRS" light in my car that pops up every damned time I start the engine. Every. Damned. Time.
It's like totally mocking me.
Here, all the time. Seeing all the passible/stealth girls leaves me crying on a daily basis
This past fall I was walking with my girlfriend through her college campus when suddenly a group of shirtless guys came jogging towards us out of nowhere. They were from one of her college's sports teams. My girlfriend suddenly grabbed my hand and tugged on it, making me look at her. When I asked what was wrong she just kind of nodded towards the guys and I realized that she was distracting me because she knew how bad of a trigger that could have been for me since I haven't had top surgery and I'm not sure when I will. She kissed the back of my hand then we started walking again. It turned out to not be so bad because instead of being triggered I was reminded of what an amazing girlfriend I have.
Quote from: Jill F on April 01, 2015, 03:46:06 PM
The effing "SRS" light in my car that pops up every damned time I start the engine. Every. Damned. Time.
It's like totally mocking me.
Freaking hysterical!!
My oddest place is a positive trigger rather than a negative one. Occasionally, I drive by an airport that has an actual F-4 Phantom on a pole, making it look like it is in flight. I could never figure out why seeing it would always make me happy since I haven't been into military stuff in a long time. The other day, everything clicked. When I was a teenager, I built a huge model of an F-4. I didn't care about the model so much; I was really more interested in the box. Building this model gave me a really large, obviously male oriented box that I could hide my girl stuff in. I used this box for years to hide my girl clothes, makeup, and hair accessories. So seeing this plane reminds me that I don't have to hide my girl stuff anymore. That just gives me a wonderful warm feeling.
Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on April 01, 2015, 04:16:42 PM
Here, all the time. Seeing all the passible/stealth girls leaves me crying on a daily basis
I guess statements like this are triggering for me. Realizing that being stealth and passable can be it's own curse. Feeling like I'm more shunned than embraced by my trans sisters and I'm more or less on my own.
My biggest trigger is and probably always will be anything to do with motherhood. Anything from being called a MILF to having my boyfriend sleepily ask me to rub his back and sing to him 'like his mother used to' (which in itself is a whole other can of worms for another topic :laugh: ). It just comes up in some subtle and unexpected ways. Obviously I can still be a mother, and will be eventually, but yeah... just won't be quite how I want it..
Morning wood sucks, especially being off my t-blocker and having it return in full force.
My boyfriend's occasional squicked-out attitude towards me having the same nether-gear as he does.
Getting carded (haven't gotten a new ID yet), and the minor feeling of impending doom as I wait for a reaction. Thankfully I almost never get one as they never notice the gender marker. But I swear, one of these days......
Hearing my former name and gender, especially coming from my parents when they slip-up.
I guess those are the big ones for me. And even then a lot of those don't bother me much anymore. With something like switching your whole freakin' gender, I've learned you gotta just roll with the punches, so to speak.
Quote from: DrummerGirl on April 01, 2015, 04:35:13 PM
So seeing this plane reminds me that I don't have to hide my girl stuff anymore. That just gives me a wonderful warm feeling.
There definitely is that. :) I remember having a backpack full of girl stuff that I kept hidden in my closet that I would take with me to my friends house when I wanted to dress-up. In fact, I have a friend who is doing the same as she heads on the path toward transitioning. Also had a 'travel-bag' which I brazenly wore around like a purse. I certainly am appreciative of being able to have all my stuff out in the open now. Though now it's the opposite issue, sometimes I feel like I gotta hide the guy-shorts I still sleep in! :laugh:
This was a good trigger, but it occurred last night. We received a phone call from a company that does survey's of voters and they were calling for registered male voters. I told them just a minute and handed it off to my brother. It felt good to be able to do that knowing he is the only registered male voter in the house. He didn't want any part of the survey so I have no way of knowing beyond that what it was about, but I wouldn't want to anyways.
Mariah
Nothing really triggers me these days which is really odd.
Quote from: Ashey on April 02, 2015, 04:15:23 AM
I guess statements like this are triggering for me. Realizing that being stealth and passable can be it's own curse. Feeling like I'm more shunned than embraced by my trans sisters and I'm more or less on my own.
My biggest trigger is and probably always will be anything to do with motherhood. Anything from being called a MILF to having my boyfriend sleepily ask me to rub his back and sing to him 'like his mother used to' (which in itself is a whole other can of worms for another topic :laugh: ). It just comes up in some subtle and unexpected ways. Obviously I can still be a mother, and will be eventually, but yeah... just won't be quite how I want it..
Morning wood sucks, especially being off my t-blocker and having it return in full force.
My boyfriend's occasional squicked-out attitude towards me having the same nether-gear as he does.
Getting carded (haven't gotten a new ID yet), and the minor feeling of impending doom as I wait for a reaction. Thankfully I almost never get one as they never notice the gender marker. But I swear, one of these days......
Hearing my former name and gender, especially coming from my parents when they slip-up.
I guess those are the big ones for me. And even then a lot of those don't bother me much anymore. With something like switching your whole freakin' gender, I've learned you gotta just roll with the punches, so to speak.
There definitely is that. :) I remember having a backpack full of girl stuff that I kept hidden in my closet that I would take with me to my friends house when I wanted to dress-up. In fact, I have a friend who is doing the same as she heads on the path toward transitioning. Also had a 'travel-bag' which I brazenly wore around like a purse. I certainly am appreciative of being able to have all my stuff out in the open now. Though now it's the opposite issue, sometimes I feel like I gotta hide the guy-shorts I still sleep in! :laugh:
It's not a curse hon, it's a blessing. A blessing I would kill for.