I am happy to admit that so far my journey has been relatively smooth at least based on many stories I read here. Even still, its my turn to vent a little.
So, yesterday i called an electrologist for a consult on facial hair removal.
Me: Can I make an appt to consult about facial hair removal?
Her: You should really try laser.
Me: I might ultimately go that route but I still would like to get a consult to compare cost, effectiveness and duration between laser and electrolysis
Her: I highly recommend that you first get a laser consult, it is very successful in these types of cases
Me: But isn't electrolysis more permanent? I'd still like a consult so I can really compare the two options.
Her: Well I always first refer this type of case for laser. If laser doesn't work, call me back.
Ok, so I'm thinking either (1) she hates money, or (2) she knew I was one of "those" people. I'm guessing it was the latter.
So I have dealt with the stares and whispers, but this is my first time that I really felt someone did not want to provide services to me. I may have totally misread the situation, but I don't think so.
Would anyone like to vent and share a similar story (without identifying the name of the business)?
That sounds like a pretty lame interaction. I hope there's a much better doctor you can see that isn't too inconvenient!
The closest I have ever gotten was confusing the gal that worked at the automotive shop I have been going to for years. I had a credit card setup there and cancelled it awhile back. She said I could get a discount on new tires if I signed up again and I explained that my name and gender had changed. She was like: "What? I don't understand..." but was fine once I explained and apologized for being confused. It was amusing more than anything. The worst part was we couldn't get the card to process and she obviously felt bad. I still $50 off anyways for having to fill out the form, so she was nice enough to do what she could for me.
Later I found out one of my cards had not been changed, or rather the bank thought I was adding another person to my account ???? I don't know what happened but it got resolved pretty quickly, I have to assume someone made a mistake trying to edit my account info at the HQ.
There is a dress shop on the first floor of the building where my gender therapist has her office. For months I would look wistfully at the beautiful clothes in the window. I told myself I'd go in there and try something on once I became full-time.
Well the big day came, and I went in. It was early in my transition and I wasn't passable, but I didn't care. The shopkeeper told me that it was "between seasons" and she really didn't have anything for me to try on. Naive me thought that was a bit odd, but it wasn't until months later that it occurred to me that they didn't want to scare other customer away by servicing a trans woman.
A guy at the DMV was short with me. He really, really didn't want to deal with me. I was asking about retaking my driver's license photo, as I look nothing like the one I have now. He told me I couldn't and quickly got up and walked away. Trrransphobe!
This is the only experience I can think of. I'm actually refused services far more often for being a skateboarder, like say, the emergency room.
Absolutely not. Folks love me, I suspect it's because I'm completely open about being transgender. Ooze confidence and it bounces back on you.
Hugs, Devlyn
I went to a local compounding pharmacy with a prescription from my doctor (the price of the gel I had been on went up like crazy, and doc thought a compounded version would be more affordable). I had never been there before, but out of all the compounding pharmacies that popped up on my map, they had the best reviews. So in I go.
They read me as male from the moment I walked in. I handed them my prescription, explained the situation that had led me to them, and asked if they could give me a price without insurance. They told me to sit tight while they priced it out for me. Ten minutes later, pharmacist returns and quotes me a price that is still crazy high, so I ask him if they worked with my insurance company at all. Sometimes insurance is weird about compounded meds, so I wasn't sure.
He said they had worked with them before, and could attempt to run it for me and see. I gave him my insurance card and ID. And then he stopped being as helpful. I wasn't refused service - they were still totally willing to take my money. But he started to emphasize the Ms./she/hers when he talked about me, and I was really uncomfortable. Definitely did not feel as welcome anymore.
It has honestly been the only experience I've had since starting testosterone that has managed to get me close to tears. It takes a lot these days. I walked out of there and immediately called my doctor and had her write me a new prescription for injections so that I wouldn't have to deal with them.
Never.
Maybe because:
1. I pass
2. I patronize business run by or having trans women perform services (hair removal)
3. They want my money
Now, I have gotten misgendered in a few places but that happens less. I just roll with it.
Also I think people are afraid of lawsuits and stuff.
Yes, it was in the 90's at a couple different clothing stores, one in NC and one in SC. Since I went fulltime, I haven't been refused any services at all.
Quote from: ftmax on April 01, 2015, 06:35:21 PM
He said they had worked with them before, and could attempt to run it for me and see. I gave him my insurance card and ID. And then he stopped being as helpful. I wasn't refused service - they were still totally willing to take my money. But he started to emphasize the Ms./she/hers when he talked about me, and I was really uncomfortable. Definitely did not feel as welcome anymore.
Yeah I have gotten that, except as a MTF, it's sir/he/him and the emphasis is there.
In NJ by law we have mandatory full service gasoline. One time a gas station attendant at Costco was attending to my car. I was in guy drag, big winter coat etc and not really giving two hoots about my voice. Handed him my card, "fill up with regular please." I had handed him an expired card by mistake. He came back and said, "your card was declined." so I got out of the car to hand him my other card and he saw my whole body with the male clothes. He looked like he saw a ghost and every other sentence was sir this sir that, with
emphasis. The previous customer did not get any sirs at all. But they can't outright discriminate against you in NJ for being trans as we have strong laws against it.
Meanwhile at the pharmacy in wal-mart, the lady behind the counter asked, "may I help you?" Then I said, "yes, my name is <male name> and I have prescriptions to pick up." She got them, one was estradiol. She looked at them, looked at me then something may have clicked in her head because she couldn't stop smiling at me. It felt really really weird. Maybe she was wondering why is this guy taking estrogen?
I notice as well that some people will hesitate to say, "sir" unless they can positively clock me by either voice or something else (usually facial shadow). So they say it softly as a test and when I respond they go full blast with the sirs. I feel like I should be knighted or something... ???
Mind you this is when I present male. Presenting female I do not have any issues except with my voice or a couple days after laser where my hairs are raised and I can't get a good close shave.
No,I got refused service loads of times when I was a biker though.I had the chemist say"Ms Browns come for his prescription" once.I never went back there again,not because of that but because it's also a methadone clinic and full of smackheads
Not that I can recall. But places where I live are pretty open I think.
One time a beertender at a concert denied me a beer because he claimed I was intoxicated. I wasn't at all. I had just gone full time, I was wearing heels that were too tall, had only three laserings done and my makeup was coming off due to lack of air conditioning.
Or it was because he totally looked like a walrus and I might have said, "Coo coo ca-choo" after he gave me a dirty look.
Either way, being trans didn't help me. I just got a beer from the other beertender and gave the d-bag the finger.
Yes. In my first year I was trying to buy a raincoat in the women's area of Myers, the woman was very rude and I got upset and reported it to management.
I was given the raincoat for free, the woman concerned was fired (I feel bad about that) and Myers changed its national policy in Australia of how to treat transwomen in their stores.
It also was when I decided to become an advocate for the rights of transgender people.
All over a raincoat :laugh:
Fortunately not. But I think they'd be on pretty thin ice doing that sort of thing in Australia these days.
As far as the OP's post is concerned - I wonder though, laser is pretty effective and a lot cheaper and a lot faster than electro. I know I would have gone with it if it would have worked for me but I'm too fair haired. Maybe she was just trying to save you some money? Dunno. Just throwing it out there.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 01, 2015, 05:46:44 PM
Absolutely not. Folks love me, I suspect it's because I'm completely open about being transgender. Ooze confidence and it bounces back on you.
Hugs, Devlyn
Lol I think it's just because your personality makes you a pleasant person to be around. Sometimes I wish I could hang out with you!
I've never been refused service because of it. People have been more than helpful and willing to sell to me.
Mariah
Quote from: ImagineKate on April 02, 2015, 07:37:25 AM
Lol I think it's just because your personality makes you a pleasant person to be around. Sometimes I wish I could hang out with you!
We will! There's got to be a big Susan's Hooliganza someday. As long as we can find a place that will have us! :laugh:
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 02, 2015, 07:47:35 AM
We will! There's got to be a big Susan's Hooliganza someday. As long as we can find a place that will have us! :laugh:
Hugs, Devlyn
Oh no worries I'm sure I can find my way to Boston some day. It's not that far.
I've never been refused service. But I have been served very poorly. In early transition, I wasn't passable. But my friends and I used to hang out at a particular very popular chain breakfast type restaurant a lot. I would have things happen like people staring, people pointing at me and laughing out loud, etc. I found that I could never get them to gender me correctly even when everyone else started getting it right. It really bothered me. It hurt.
So I played a Halloween trick on them. I went there on Halloween Day right after work, which was still requiring me to present male. A Trans guy friend of mine, also in very early transition, decided he thought it would be fun to join in on what I was about to do, so he showed up dressed as a girl. So when the waitress came back to check on us, I said, "can I ask you a question? My friends don't think my Halloween costume is believable. Would I be able to get you to think I was a guy?" Her eyes promptly went to my chest, which was covered under a dress shirt and a suit jacket, both of which fit me like a tent so they didn't show much. She said, "oh my gosh, yes I would have believed it! In fact, you came in and I was going to greet you as ma'am, but then I saw how you were dressed and I was like oh, that must be a guy." Then my trans guy friend said, "what about me? Would you believe I was a girl?" And the waitress waid, "oh my gosh! You two have the greatest Halloween costumes! You two totally had me fooled!" She left. And then she came out and asked my trans guy friend, "so did you cut your hair short for that costume or--oh wait! You're the guy! You two have me so confused!"
When the time came to pay, I realized that I would have to pay with a credit card and I had not changed my name on them yet. So my trans guy friend and I agreed that I'd slip the card to him under the table and he'd use it to pay. And the restaurant never misgendered me again after that.
I don't go there anymore. I fell in love with a different place because they always gendered me correctly from day one. But the experience there taught me something about respecting the people in our community who don't and won't pass. It takes strength to deal with that for a brief period in transition. People who have that experience as their routine permanently must be far stronger than I.
Quote from: ImagineKate on April 02, 2015, 07:51:31 AM
Oh no worries I'm sure I can find my way to Boston some day. It's not that far.
I can do Boston. When I have money for travel again. :(
I pay with apple pay wherever I can so that solves the problem of showing my name. I am strongly considering getting a second card on my main Amex account with my girl name but I'm changing my name soon so why even bother.
Quote from: Jill F on April 02, 2015, 01:30:14 AM
One time a beertender at a concert denied me a beer because he claimed I was intoxicated. I wasn't at all. I had just gone full time, I was wearing heels that were too tall, had only three laserings done and my makeup was coming off due to lack of air conditioning.
Or it was because he totally looked like a walrus and I might have said, "Coo coo ca-choo" after he gave me a dirty look.
Either way, being trans didn't help me. I just got a beer from the other beertender and gave the d-bag the finger.
AAAAAH! You're awesome! Seriously, you have such a badass way of making your way through life.
I've never felt uncomfortable or been turned away. I've encountered a couple of curious employees who were very respectful about asking me a few questions (starting with do you mind if I ask you a few questions?) and they were genuinely curious. I've had a couple say sir and then "I'm sorry ma'am". Today at the car dealership (minor recall issue + service) there was an old lady in the waiting room that gave me a look, but left me alone.