Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm 14 years old male and I want to transition but the other day at my house came the topic. A friend of a friend of my sister transitioned and I heard that my mom was calling us crazy and that we should seek help. I haven't told her because I heard that. I'm afraid that she will hate me. But I don't want to wait. What shall I do?
Wait until I'm old enough go live to another place and transition without ever seeing my family again? Because I know for sure that they will hate me. My mom is not supportive at all and my dad gets angry every 5 minutes. I don't know what to do. Only thing I can think about is takibg birth control pills to slow down my puberty. Because you need preescription for androgen. What will block testosterone?

Hey Oranges

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

Unfortunately that decision is ultimately up to you. It sounds like you are not in a very supportive family environment so I imagine that reveal that you are trans might cause some problems. But you never know - people sometimes say one thing about others but when it concerns a family member they change their tune. It sounds like you have a fair of idea of your mother's reaction but the truth is you won't know until you know. Is it possible for you to talk with a school counsellor? Are they someone you can trust to keep it to themselves? They might be able to help. As for taking hormones, please do not go taking random medications - these are dangerous substances if not administered without medical supervision and you might end up causing yourself more harm than good.

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Cheers

Grace

It is possible that your parents need educating. Remember that most people are not familiar with what it truly means to be transgender. To someone who doesn't understand us, we can look a bit crazy.

If you plan on coming out to your parents, try to get them to understand:
* We don't choose to be transgender. It's something we're born with.
* It typically doesn't go away on it's own.
* It is serious. Anxiety and depression are common among people who ignore it.
* No one has ever found a way to get rid of it.
* Transition is an accepted treatment with a very good success rate.

I echo Ms. Grace's suggestion to involve an adult you trust, and to stay away from self-medicating. You can do yourself a lot of harm that way.

Is there a PFLAG chapter or other LGBT support organization in your area? They might be able to help.

Hugs, Oranges. Dealing with parents is one of the toughest challenges. We're here if you need us.

I was in your exact position when I was 14 years old. I would be nice to your mother, help her a lot with house work & everything, dress as feminine as possible, nicer nails,  speak more softly, help her cook meals & little by little let her know that you enjoy being female & to be her daughter would be so nice. Maybe ask her if she would like a daughter. Go slow at first but if she does not change, just sit down with her & tell her you are female, that's who you are. That you love her & respect her but you are female. Somehow get her on your side. Do not delay, T stuff is bad & it's so hard to overcome later in life. You need HRT as soon as possible. My mother always knew I was a girl & helped as much as she could however my father would not have any part of it, I was a boy, you will be a boy! I left home a week after graduating high school.

Good luck young girl.

Birth controle pills do not have much estrogen in them.

Please talk with your mother in any way you can. Show her you are a girl & need her help. She is your mother, she loves you & maybe she will understand & change.   

Again good luck.

Oranges, I know what you are going through. If I were to do it again I would go to a school counselor and get help. Do not settle.

You are who you are and the sooner you accept that you must advocate for yourself the better your situation. When you get older it does not get easier and you still have the same issues.

I agree, with Suzifrommd and Ms Grace seek help from an adult you can trust. Also, we are here for you.

 
Hello and welcome *hugs*
you could have a look here for a few thoughts:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403
Its for a ftm person, so a few things are the other way around... like clothing for women...
Know you are not alone in this, and not the only one...

You should see a counselor... a gender therapist, someone who knows the process and can guide you along the way... and they might help explain to parents...
no matter if you ask at plannedparenthood for example, at a lgbt center, or talk to your school counselor for a referral, or say at home you want some counseling for emotional issues, and pick someone who has, amongst others, gender on their list...
they all should keep it confidential if you say so, and are there to help... if you feel someone is not helpful, just look for another...

Well its up to you what you say at home, since you know them best...
talking in a relaxed manner might help... remaining calm and stating facts and a few needs...

Many people now say that being transgender has biological connections... so its not some kind of light hearted choice, or a whim...
Sometimes people have preconceived ideas for example by the media (which is changing now), and have no real understanding...

Well there are many transgender people now... and people are becoming more and more versatile, some women being more assertive and some wearing mens clothes... men showing emotions... its not like parents grew up... and there might be other transgender people, in groups etc...

its a process, but many have gone it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.

And you might keep asking questions, alone writing might help getting a better view...  :)


hugs

I haven't spoken to anyone about this and I don't think that she would want a fifth daughter. That's another problem I am me only son in my family and they have 4 daughters. We don't have in my school counselors unfortunately. And talking to someone in my family (uncle,grandparents,etc) mm I don't think so they would tell my mom right away. And how much does it costs to see a gender therapist? Just to tell my parents.

You could always tell your parents that you are depressed as a means towards setting the scene and hopefully getting them to help you see a therapist. You could then ask the therapist for discretion, to not tell your parents while you thrash out the issues.

Quote from: Oranges on April 04, 2015, 03:21:49 PM
I haven't spoken to anyone about this and I don't think that she would want a fifth daughter. That's another problem I am me only son in my family and they have 4 daughters.

Also it is best not to put thoughts into other people's minds - ultimately you have no idea how they will really react so best not to preempt them in these situations. :)

Quote from: Oranges link=topic=185902.msg1655173#msg1655173 daters 428178909
I haven't spoken to anyone about this and I don't think that she would want a fifth daughter. That's another problem I am me only son in my family and they have 4 daughters. We don't have in my school counselors unfortunately. And talking to someone in my family (uncle,grandparents,etc) mm I don't think so they would tell my mom right away. And how much does it costs to see a gender therapist? Just to tell my parents.

I would locate a planned parenthood in your area and ask about there lgbtq programs of help.

They deal with younger school children and get them help that many times is not given by families.

Welcome to Susan's Family,
Lots of topics to explore and posts to read.
Many fears are not warranted and leads to more stress then anyone can handle.
Hugs

Hi Oranges, welcome to Susan's Place! There may be some helpful reading in here: https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Family_and_friends  I agree that you are the best judge of what to expect from your family. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst is sound advice in all matters. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 04, 2015, 03:42:45 PM
You could always tell your parents that you are depressed as a means towards setting the scene and hopefully getting them to help you see a therapist. You could then ask the therapist for discretion, to not tell your parents while you thrash out the issues.

If it is connected with depression or emotional issues fees might be covered by isurance...
you might look for a therapist who has, amongst others, gender on their list...
places like plannedparenthood or a lgbt center might be good places to ask for a referral... or they might even offer some counseling...


hugs

Sometimes parents don't understand right away, but eventually come to understand. I was so afraid to tell my mom when I realized I felt this way that it took me until I was 21 to tell her. She spent years cracking jokes at my expense about it, urging me to pretend it wasn't true around my extended family, and asking me if I would change myself to be more like a man if I could. However, year after year, she saw that this was who I was, and that not transitioning was hurting me. Eventually, she started to ask me softer questions about it, and even urged me to transition. These days, she reads all the time about transgender lives to educate herself about me, and sends me positive news articles about being transgender. She's infuriated that there are people who treat transgender people the way she used to treat me.

It can take time for a family member to understand that this is who you really are - sometimes, it can take many years. However, the sooner you start telling them that this is who they are (and the firmer you are about it), the sooner they can start adjusting to it. At first, they may not believe you, but you are who you are - Neither you nor they can change that, and over time, they will probably realize that who they thought you were was just something they had made up. I wish I had told my mom years sooner, because then she would have believed me years sooner. I also wish I had been a lot more direct with my mom about it. I danced around the issue a lot, instead of just coming out and firmly telling her who I was - that made her question whether or not I meant it.

Another thing I have learned is that you never know how people will react to you being transgender until you tell them. I spent years hiding myself from family members, friends, and coworkers. When I finally came out, a lot of the people I thought would hate me for it totally understood. Some of those people had said things around me that made me think they had a real problem with transgender people. Some of the people I thought would never understand told me that they had known for years.

As others have said, these years are a crucial time for you. Going through male puberty when you are a girl is horrible, and you can't take back a lot of the stuff it does to you. Maybe if you tell your family now, they won't understand or believe you, but maybe they will by the time you're 16. If you wait until you're 16 to tell them, it may still take years after that for them to really believe you. I'd suggest involving them as soon as you can. Be up front about who you are. If they react badly, then just keep on showing them who you are. It might hurt, it might be really hard, but it's very hard to deny something forever when you see it every day.