I see it everyday in trans groups and forums like this one...all these pre everything mtf people who ask how to get on hormones or talk about how they think they might be transgender in a couple posts and then they disappear never to be seen or heard from again..i wonder like what happens to them usually? Do they transition or start than realize its not for them o something? I know a lot of people say trans women will transition than just blend in and never post in trans related things again going undetected by society, but I really think this is somewhat of a myth for many...most the trans girls I see and meet do not pass completely even if they have been on hormones for years so I just kinda wonder what happens to all these people as I think being stealth isn't possible for many at least without extensive surgery...my point being I am transitioning very young (started at 17) and many think im passable but transition is very hard and I can't imagine trying to do it alone with no support after the person starts hormones...am I the only one that finds this odd?
I guess some people think transitioning is for them, then do a 180 and decide it isn't, for whatever reason.
---
I also think that the idea of 'passing 100%' is something of a myth. I went into this in detail in another thread. For me, investing so much emotion into something which is essentialy a bit of a gamble - can really damage one's state of mind.
I am one of these annoying people who says ... 'embrace being trans'. Doing that has brought me peace, 'and passing 100%' is just not important to me anymore.
---
It's also been very surprising to me to discover that there are plenty of boys who will date a trans girl. That was one of the few things I thought would be a problem. Turns out it was all in my head! Again, that has helped me to feel comfortable *being trans*.
On that note, I'm also quite against 'stealth dating'. I've been in enough relationships to know that keeping secrets is asking for big problems down the track.
---
Support is hugely important, you're right there. I did not have my family for this first year, because they were busy having a meltdown. But I did have a supportive workplace. Had I not had either, yeah, things would have been far more difficult.
Quote from: SarahBoo on April 09, 2015, 12:10:57 AM
I guess some people think transitioning is for them, then do a 180 and decide it isn't, for whatever reason.
---
I also think that the idea of 'passing 100%' is something of a myth. I went into this in detail in another thread. For me, investing so much emotion into something which is essentialy a bit of a gamble - can really damage one's state of mind.
I am one of these annoying people who says ... 'embrace being trans'. Doing that has brought me peace, 'and passing 100%' is just not important to me anymore.
---
It's also been very surprising to me to discover that there are plenty of boys who will date a trans girl. That was one of the few things I thought would be a problem. Turns out it was all in my head! Again, that has helped me to feel comfortable *being trans*.
On that note, I'm also quite against 'stealth dating'. I've been in enough relationships to know that keeping secrets is asking for big problems down the track.
---
Support is hugely important, you're right there. I did not have my family for this first year, because they were busy having a meltdown. But I did have a supportive workplace. Had I not had either, yeah, things would have been far more difficult.
ditto
Most of my trans friends have a history of posting things on the internet, thinking they might be trans, only to go back into the questioning stage, bargaining with themselves over "do I really want to do this?"
I expect a lot of people who come here for information are doing the same thing.
A lot of people struggle with possible gender identity concerns. That doesn't mean that all of them are destined to transition right away, or transition at all, and that's completely okay.
Also, when you say "most of the trans girls I see and meet do not pass completely even if they have been on hormones for years," that one I believe is not necessarily true. Yes, to our own critical eyes, other trans people do not pass. But that's because we know they're trans, and we know what to look for. Most people don't. They accept people at face value. If they met that same person in real life, the thought that they might be a trans girl instead of a cis girl probably didn't even cross their mind. I mean, for God's sake, I look in the mirror at myself and can't see anything but a man on a lot of days, and yet I seem to pass completely at work, being properly gendered all the time, people automatically asking me questions about boyfriends and pregnancy and girlhood, stuff like that which I am completely shocked that they are asking me because to my own critical eye my transness is so obvious. We're our own worst critics.
true
I are around, 10 weeks and loving it. Im just not as obsessed anymore like before HRT. Now im calm and taking everything in still. I just don't find the need to post because I don't have as many issues as some of my brothers and sisters do on sites like this. I would love to chime in a lot but I also don't have as much experience either. I guess I could say most people are like that.
There is also a lot of smaller circle trans people who simply reach out in the beginning and then stay with a smaller support circle. Thats all you really need anyway.
I came here several years ago posting about transition and after a few posts left because at the time I just couldn't transition for a lot of reasons.. Now I'm back and 6 months into transition and am never looking back! I think it just depends on the person and their specific scenario. :)
I'm still here!
But yeah, every day I face thoughts, feelings, and anxieties that make me question what I'm doing. Yes, I often feel like I just won't pass- even though I'm pretty feminine looking. Because I just started HRT, I have a lot of new feelings around the fact that the days of living in hiding are numbered.
This whole thing isn't my fault and it doesn't seem like a choice to be transgender or to transition for that matter. I can see how people might *think* that these things are choices when they haven't lived through the experience. How I actually feel about my preferred gender is something that just is and seems to be non-modifiable. The little tiny steps I take a long the way to feel more comfort and less pain within myself are hard not to make when each one makes me feel better.
I am willing to bet a lot of people just can't get comfortable with coming out of hiding and stop transition. Having to come out to people was one of the hardest things for me but I was surprised when my parents were accepting. At this point I am just struggling with feelings about being out at work. I pretty much feel like everybody already knows and this instills a lot of fear and uncertainty. Lately I just keep coming back to the previous paragraph- that this whole thing isn't my fault and that it cannot be changed. But yeah, even if it could be changed, *should* it be changed? I don't feel good at all about losing myself for some miracle cure or reprogramming, God knows I've tried.
I think a lot of people just don't want to commit more of their time to a forum after they figure out the right path to start on. In that case, this site at least helped someone out.
For the record, I at least stuck around.
I tend to go on this forum in spurts and it can be a while between these times of interacting highly with the site. I think this type of thing could be mistaken for leaving. I tend to leave because at certain times in my life gender identity issues are much more prevalent than others.
They all get absorbed by the big vacuum cleaner of the holly bathroom, with the help of secrets agencies in the different nations of the world. This is a well kept secret, and for your own safety, you will be taken by special police forces in about 30 minutes. Please pack your things. (you won't take them with you anyway) Oh by the way, when you'll go to that place, please try to find my second blue sock. It probably went there too.
Joke aside... One thing that amazed me was the massive proportion of people on forums that actually don't transition. You go around looking for pictures and 95% of the pictures you find are quite manly. Then you realize most of them never started transitionning actually. Most of the people that actually are on HRT pass as girls, some of them are not beautiful but they totally pass as girls and if you're not trans, you have no idea that they are.
Another thing that amazes me is the number of people that actually transition and just live their life. You don't read them on forums because well, they are not on forums. They're done with transition. They know pretty much everything they need to know about it and they have trans friends that can help for this or that. Why would they go on forums ? (a lot of them just don't use internet) "It's a small world", well maybe, but there's a lot of people in it in the end.
But I am interested too in this "silent majority". :)
Quote from: Carrie Liz on April 09, 2015, 12:47:30 AM
Most of my trans friends have a history of posting things on the internet, thinking they might be trans, only to go back into the questioning stage, bargaining with themselves over "do I really want to do this?"
yeah thats pretty much where im at. my progress has been at a stand-still for a long time so I dont post very often. I do lurk a lot though, and I imagine a lot of other people do too.
Quote from: Deinewelt on April 09, 2015, 02:39:26 AM
I am willing to bet a lot of people just can't get comfortable with coming out of hiding and stop transition. Having to come out to people was one of the hardest things for me but I was surprised when my parents were accepting. At this point I am just struggling with feelings about being out at work. I pretty much feel like everybody already knows and this instills a lot of fear and uncertainty. Lately I just keep coming back to the previous paragraph- that this whole thing isn't my fault and that it cannot be changed. But yeah, even if it could be changed, *should* it be changed? I don't feel good at all about losing myself for some miracle cure or reprogramming, God knows I've tried.
this really hits home for me. I am very much afraid of coming out, and I too have to remind myself that this isnt my choice. I fear, though, that the need for that reassurance stems from an unhealthy mindset about transitioning. My biggest fear is that people will think that I transitioned by choice, but why would I be so afraid of that? whats wrong with choosing this? why does the thought embarrass me? hopefully this is something that I can work out with my therapist, cause if I cant change this mindset I have, I fear I'll never come out of the closet.
sorry, didnt mean for this post to turn into a diary entry :-\
I come here because I love the company but I wouldn't lie, maybe some day in the future I will want to put transition behind me.
Passing 100% isn't necessary to blend in either. Remember that "trans" isn't the first thing on people's minds when they meet you. It is also more complex than just looks. Body shape/size, voice and how you carry yourself makes you pass and people who master those things can blend in.
Remember Lynn Conway went stealth for years before she had FFS and she transitioned I think in her late 20s or early 30s. She even had a wife and kids which she lost when transitioning. It all came down to people not thinking about trans and she looked like a normal woman more or less.
Hmmm, some people bail out because they are not ready after all, some bail because of the fear of getting caught out (there are a number of people that just peruse, some may join, others not; some people may feel unsafe), some are just testing and reading, understanding and going away to re-group their understanding.
The support available here is second to non, I don't feel threatened, I am comfortable with myself and all the others here.
We all have a story to tell, we have all been desperately unhappy, some of us have had massive strength which is inspiring.... I think it is for all of this that many come, do a lot of looking and reading, then decide from there.
L Katy
I don't know I just find it weird that if you have transitioned at some point in your life and you've been on Susan's and you have a computer in front of you, It would seem to me a normal inclination to check in if only to see who's still around. I don't know how long I'll be around , but having been here I just can't imagine not taking a fly by if only for a nanosecond .
Quote from: stephaniec on April 09, 2015, 06:26:26 AM
I don't know I just find it weird that if you have transitioned at some point in your life and you've been on Susan's and you have a computer in front of you, It would seem to me a normal inclination to check in if only to see who's still around. I don't know how long I'll be around , but having been here I just can't imagine not taking a fly by if only for a nanosecond .
Me too... I joined only last November but the amount going on and the stories and variations on the theme, the funny side of life are all compelling, even when I do transition fully, I can't even imagine giving it up, after all my story is still my life and I believe that all of us can offer support, encouragement and fun to Susan's.
L Katy
I think some bail out of Susans because they don't feel they fit in or really have the need. Some may ask one question then quietly settle down, then read what we say and not post again because they get their answers without putting themselves out there. One transwoman I know personally posted here on one thread she started and never posted again that I've seen. She passes really well and doesn't worry if she does or doesn't anyway. When I first met her she was with a cis woman. I knew one of them was trans due to circumstances but I couldn't tell which one. Her concerns typically aren't our concerns and most of us are much older.
Quote from: Annabolton on April 08, 2015, 11:58:49 PM
.i wonder like what happens to them usually? Do they transition or start than realize its not for them o something? ..most the trans girls I see and meet do not pass completely even if they have been on hormones for years so I just kinda wonder what happens to all these people as I think being stealth isn't possible for many at least without extensive surgery...my point being I am transitioning very young (started at 17) and many think im passable but transition is very hard and I can't imagine trying to do it alone with no support after the person starts hormones...am I the only one that finds this odd?
When I transitioned I used the community mainly for information. Who are the good electrologists, endocrinologists, therapists, doctors, etc. Someone always has an answer to that question. Then I went and did that thing. The transition process itself was just a giant whirlwind of stuff happening to me personally, and I'm sure you understand it as well. I have not stepped foot in a support group for many many years now, probably 15 if not more years. I wouldn't recognize it anymore. In fact I wouldn't know how to participate to be honest.
I will say that in this community there are definitely types of people who show up (in person or online): The ones who are just playing around, some who will be unable to make that big jump (full time living), people searching for information, a few really serious people, people praying for miracles, people without 2 pennies to rub together, etc. There is a point I personally reached where I woke up one day and realized I didn't need support groups anymore. I was done listening to other people's tran-o-logues. I was all the support I needed. That was probably once I had hit a few months of living full time. That was the last time the TG world has ever seen me in the flesh. I didn't make any big deal about my SRS surgery, it was my own private thing. I didn't want to celebrate or make it into something it wasn't. I just wanted to do it and be left alone, without cheerleaders.
My own experience was that in the "community" there were a lot of people and only a tiny few who were just like me, serious and wanting to successfully get through the whole process without destroying one's life in the process. I could count on 1 hand the people who were serious transitioners, the rest weren't worth wasting a single brain cell on. My presence wasn't going to make a difference. They had to fail on their own and there was nothing anyone could do. Life is like that though.
QuoteI know a lot of people say trans women will transition than just blend in and never post in trans related things again going undetected by society, but I really think this is somewhat of a myth for many.
I personally don't think so, and I feel that it's a sign that their own transition was a success for them. I myself went years and years without any contact with the community. Now, almost 15 years past I have decided to reach back and let others know that there are people out there just like me. Blending in is not as hard as you might think it is. All it takes is time and the willingness to embrace one's true gender.
By the way, a lot of people (like me) just read a few threads every day and are done with it. I don't want my transition to become my life. I have a lot of others things to do and I don't have one hour per day to invest in it right now.
I don't post often but I'm still reading and lurking, opening some threads from time to time. I like this forum.
I'm pretty much 1 month into realising I'm transgender. I guess the reason I don't comment much here is I'm still largely unsure what gender I am. I know I'm not cis but that's pretty much it.
Besides that I'm dealing with lots of stuff at the minute. I guess I simply don't make the time or I don't really have anything to say.
I've started exploring but I've barely dipped my toes. The only one in my family who knows is my sister so that stops me doing what I feel most of the time.
I guess I should start posting more :P
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm still here. Mostly a lurker. I THINK I'm starting HRT on April 16th if not then soon after. I really don't have a lot of issues atm. My parents are... well they aren't dealing with it but they are standing by me anyway. My bffs are all cool with it and my work is supporting me. My boss is really cool and lets me talk to her about stuff. Mostly I just don't have any helpful advice yet unless it involves corsetry. Thats the only thing I have any real world experience with. I try to pipe up every now and then though :)
Obviously the terms "Transgender and Transitioning" includes a very wide spectrum of people. Many will only come here as explorers. Just look at the ratio of members to visitors. While all are valid users of the site many people who transition still do not want the Trans label or feel as obsessive as some of us. I know several trans woman in our local community that prefer not to associate with other trans people as they may be "outed." Others reject the label entirely as a former part of their lives that is over. Some of us need the opportunity to share with others in real time and some don't have that real life opportunity so this is as good as community might get for them.
The big picture suggests to me that this is just another indication of how very diverse and fascinating our community is.
I would think the term "reborn" would be apporiate. when one begins a new life, they tend to want to leave the old behind. I'm only just saying in opinion. some choose to keep parts of their old life but some will choose to leave it all behind. I'm sure though if they run into bumps in the road, they will come back if only just for a second
I'm here, and this site has been very helpful both for information and an audience for thinking out loud. I've done the same on a couple other sites as well.
I think at some point, though, I am likely to evaporate. Not because I'm abandoning transition, the site isn't helpful, or because I have any problems with the people here, though. Just because I am hopeful that transition will not be forever---that the process will reach a conclusion---and I think I will have less interest in talking about some of the topics after that. I suppose it'd be nice to stay around and help n00bs, but I'm not sure whether that's likely to happen for the long term.
I've had this experience with a couple of other forums on other totally unrelated subjects. I would be active for a couple years, rack up a few thousand posts, and then one day just stop checking in. One thing that happens is you lose track of the people who are active, so sometimes a short hiatus can make it hard to return.
My guess is that this is not a rare thing to have happen. It doesn't reflect poorly on the site at all, it is just a result of people essentially getting what they came for and moving on. Probably sometimes it's the reverse---not every forum suits every person, so probably some people find they are more comfortable other places and disappear quickly. Hard to know, but I think it's a normal phenomenon for any sort of long-lived Internet forum.
<pushing dustmop of green sawdust, whistling>
The site's like a school, if you come back later the only familiar faces are the principal and the janitor.
Hugs, Devlyn
Binge and purge.
You spend a bunch of time here and feel like you need to transition. Then start wondering if maybe the time you're spending here is making you want to transition on a faster timeline than you're ready for, so you take it easy. Then you're cured and purge. About a year later you're back on the site and can't remember your login info. Rinse and repeat.
I don't think its that odd. I've been transitioned for 26 years, and its only been in the past few months that I have contacted any forum about being a transgender. For me, it was a matter of wanting to blend into the cis world and just be like everyone else.
People's lives change, they get busy and stop posting, or just get tired of talking about it. This forum has a lot of good information on it, and is very helpful, but some people stop once they feel that they have the answers they needed. There is no right or wrong as far as staying on the forum or deciding to leave it. Its an individual decision.
sam1234
As others have said, sometimes people get what they need and move on, even when they *do* transition. (And sometimes, to be honest, they find what they need somewhere else - which is no insult to this place, as people from various somewhere elses wander over and find they fit in better here often enough too. But I know I occasionally see someone on ->-bleeped-<- mention that they popped in here but decided they liked it better on ->-bleeped-<-, for example.)
What new transitioners? I haven't seen any...
*burp*
I'm still here, for me i am waiting on my therapist. before i can start HRT. :(
i could transition but my cell phone bills and credit bills are draining my pockets but i could still get the ball rolling. if i ask my therapist for a letter, he's give it me in a heartbeat. awesome therapist i have how no doctors in my area do hormone treatment so i'd have to go to the big apple
Still here. I read every day and post occasionally. It seems that many decide transition isn't for them. Some wonder in, get what they need and leave. But, we loose some to suicide. That last one has to stop.
Hugs
Jen
Quote from: stephaniec on April 09, 2015, 06:26:26 AM
I don't know I just find it weird that if you have transitioned at some point in your life and you've been on Susan's and you have a computer in front of you, It would seem to me a normal inclination to check in if only to see who's still around. I don't know how long I'll be around , but having been here I just can't imagine not taking a fly by if only for a nanosecond .
Doesn't seem weird to me at all. After the point you're done you really don't have much to ask anymore. Life goes on and so do we.
I made friends here who I would like to be friends with me for a long time (hopefully for life) but I don't want to make transition my life after I'm "done."
Quote from: enigmaticrorschach on April 09, 2015, 07:18:30 PM
i could transition but my cell phone bills and credit bills are draining my pockets but i could still get the ball rolling. if i ask my therapist for a letter, he's give it me in a heartbeat. awesome therapist i have how no doctors in my area do hormone treatment so i'd have to go to the big apple
What state and county are you in?
Quote from: iKate on April 09, 2015, 08:43:39 PM
Doesn't seem weird to me at all. After the point you're done you really don't have much to ask anymore. Life goes on and so do we.
I made friends here who I would like to be friends with me for a long time (hopefully for life) but I don't want to make transition my life after I'm "done."
I can understand "riding off into the sunset". Personally, I have a desire to give back although that's not for everyone.
Quote from: JLT1 on April 09, 2015, 08:24:58 PM
Still here. I read every day and post occasionally. It seems that many decide transition isn't for them. Some wonder in, get what they need and leave. But, we loose some to suicide. That last one has to stop.
Hugs
Jen
I'm new so I don't post unless I have questions but I do read the forums everyday and there is always something new that I'm learning. I'm starting on HRT next month but the process of transitioning is so disheartening........recently, I have to admit that I've been constantly thinking about suicide and planning on how to do it so that it wouldn't look like a suicide but more like a accident...
i think whats going to cause me to leave is that fact i'm suddenly feeling uneasy, triggered almost to a point my mind is starting to blurry. i'm getting the urge to start my destructive tendencies again. i believe also that some leave because being here is also trigger inducing.
Quote from: Autumnleaf on April 09, 2015, 10:41:36 PM
I'm new so I don't post unless I have questions but I do read the forums everyday and there is always something new that I'm learning. I'm starting on HRT next month but the process of transitioning is so disheartening........recently, I have to admit that I've been constantly thinking about suicide and planning on how to do it so that it wouldn't look like a suicide but more like a accident...
Please please please call one of the hotlines listed here if you get any closer to that awful accident that someone will have to clean up. As an anesthetist I attended too many suicide attempts in the ERs that didn't work and maimed people and hurt others. Please hang on, you are worth it. You are just starting HRT and for so very many of us it really does get better. We understand the pain and the desire to stop it but please stick around and see what possibly fantastic experience awaits you. There are alternatives to get away that are not so permanent and you are smart enough to make em work....
All I am going to say is I am still here everyday giving to the community that has given me so much over the years.
I am doing what so many will never do and that is what is sad.
I have not forgotten my roots even though I have finished my transition.
Look around there is so much real useable information on the forums to make everyone's transition easier then they could dream.
All anyone needs to do is just apply things that are sound foundation advice.
Transition is not rocket science, just confidence.
to transition carries a steep price because it's considered unnatural no matter how you look at it. its considered unnatural because more and more people are being to feel like they were cheated thus eventually chaos will occur. the price one pays depends on that individual. some carry a price so steep, that they'll fall into the null state. the null state is a state in which the individual can not be saved no matter what you do or say. however there are those who dont have to pay a steep price and will go on living active full lives.
Quote from: enigmaticrorschach on April 10, 2015, 12:13:22 AM
to transition carries a steep price because it's considered unnatural no matter how you look at it. its considered unnatural because more and more people are being to feel like they were cheated thus eventually chaos will occur. the price one pays depends on that individual. some carry a price so steep, that they'll fall into the null state. the null state is a state in which the individual can not be saved no matter what you do or say. however there are those who dont have to pay a steep price and will go on living active full lives.
I disagree everyone can walk back from what you say is the null state in transition. Living proof!
Quote from: mrs izzy on April 10, 2015, 12:18:03 AM
I disagree everyone can walk back from what you say is the null state in transition. Living proof!
not here to argue or disagree, i am only simply stating what i've seen and experienced. believe me or not but i know a couple of people who tried to transition and it destroyed them completely. it may not be many but i've seen it happened up close and personal. everything comes with a cost for nothing comes free. its a give and take life. transitioning is basically like trying to evolve and those not strong enough to make the change, well, you can already guess what happens
Quote from: Tessa James on April 09, 2015, 11:54:51 PM
Please please please call one of the hotlines listed here if you get any closer to that awful accident that someone will have to clean up. As an anesthetist I attended too many suicide attempts in the ERs that didn't work and maimed people and hurt others. Please hang on, you are worth it. You are just starting HRT and for so very many of us it really does get better. We understand the pain and the desire to stop it but please stick around and see what possibly fantastic experience awaits you. There are alternatives to get away that are not so permanent and you are smart enough to make em work....
Thank you Miss Tessa for being so wonderful. All my thoughts in the last month have been a whirlwind of emotion, depression, and anxiety that I don't know if I want to keep going through this but I'll look for healthy ways to cope. I just want to say thank you so much for the kind words.
Quote from: enigmaticrorschach on April 10, 2015, 12:26:49 AM
not here to a :embarrassed:a couple of people who tried to transition and it destroyed them completely. it may not be many but i've seen it happened up close and personal. everything comes with a cost for nothing comes free. its a give and take life. transitioning is basically like trying to evolve and those not strong enough to make the change, well, you can already guess what happens
I don't know it seems if your transitioning because you need to it's neither right or wrong , just another door to open to find peace within yourself. So. you think the answer is transition , but it turns out not to be you keep moving and learning and try another door , neither bad nor good.
I initially joined this site and made a few posts back in 2008 before disappearing for several years. For me, I wasn't ready yet. Funny, I even found an old post in a topic about indecision in transition that is relevant:
Quote from: Shandralyn Alaia on February 26, 2008, 04:31:00 PM
I haven't started yet, I'm still struggling with the initial decision. However, if I do decide to do it, I'm sure I wont look back.
And that's how it was for me, once I did finally make the choice to transition I have never looked back or had any second thoughts. It took me several years to get to reach that decision though. It may be the same with many others here who sign up and then disappear for a while.
Less than 10% of the trans people I know here in Houston are involved with any trans related forum like Susans.
There are far more accessible ways to find what you want on the internet these days. Social media sites like Facebook provide personal interactions. Youtube provides videos from people who are transitioning to give out more information. There are dedicated
I generally find myself reading topics mostly and rarely posting, haven't even posted an updated picture since December. Mostly busy just living life and trying to think of ways to get GRS money.
I am absolutely guilty of making roughly one post (probably months ago) then disappearing. I'm still here and still intent on transitioning. It's just a long term project for me due to life circumstances.
I'm still getting electrolysis and feeling happier for it. My hair has grown out a bit and more feminine cut. I'm pre hrt but I gained 2" on my hips and lost 2" from my shoulders. Small steps, but as long as I'm making progress I feel much better.
I guess I just don't find too much time to post (but I'm and keen reader!)
I'll wade in (for a change :laugh:)
Accepting yourself is hard. Even posting on a forum such as this is terrifying for many new members.
They have finally bared their soul.
Staff and I try to greet everyone at least just to say "Hello".
But there is nothing stopping anyone from saying "Hello" I'm XXX from XX land nice to see you. I'm scared as well and I would like to make friends with people.
At some point in all of our lives I think we all have thought 'I'm the only person in existence to have these feelings or thoughts'.
Susan's is dramatic proof that no, you are not alone and there is no reason to be.
There is a funny thing about reaching out, you gain more than you ever lose. You find ways to relate to people, which in many cases allows you to relate to yourself. Dare I say, when you learn to relate to people, other benefits open, your job prospects improve, your personal relationships improve.
You improve, you are happier.
Maybe we should ask: Why do not we all reach out to new transitioners and help them?
From a personal point of view, I love it.
My closest friends, the people I trust with my life decisions are friends I have met here.
I know I'm not alone in that!!
No, you're not alone in that, Cindy. I collect friends very slowly. Locally I have three, counting Sweetie. Two from other online places. Many who are becoming friends from here. Funny, of the five, three are women, one is trans, one is asexual. I have no actual male friends. Huh!
Bless you all!
Truth be told I ran out of ideas on what to post so I have returned to forum stalker status. ;)
I usually read a thread every day on my phone or computer. I just dont feel the need to post unless I can actually help with the topic. I still enjoy enjoy seeing all the new and old faces. But the best part is still knowing I'm not alone and transitioning isnt really weird once you get over the "social shock" of other people. Its nice to finally enjoy life. :laugh:
I agree with a lot of the people in this thread. Early on, before and during the start of transition, I would post in the forums a lot because it helped me process things and it was good to read about others going through similar things.
Once I felt comfortable enough to go full time, I got really social in my local community and honestly was just so busy that I don't think I even looked at the forums for a few months.
Now I have a bunch of trans friends and a lot of them also used Susan's briefly near the beginning of transition bit also stopped using the forums after a while. I try to at least poke my head into either IRC or the forums once a week though just to keep updated.
I think the biggest reason for people who are transitioning and stop posting is that they probably have friends they now interact with in person and that reduces the need to use the forums, so unless they are the type that loves to help others starting out, then they tend to drift away.
Well those are my thoughts on the matter ^^
-Molly
I guess I fit this description.
For me though, there was this euphoria for a month or two after finally coming out, and I found this forum and was active. Then the euphoria wore off and the fear of everything that was going to happen (not the internal stuff, but all the external crud that comes with and all the doubts about ever getting to where I would look and be accepted as a woman, etc.) and as great and helpful as this forum is, for me it just became fuel for that fear. All the posts detailing some crap one of us had to deal with this time, and even all the success posts and such, which that pervasive little voice in my head would constantly say I would never get myself.
In a way the site became triggering and I had to step away while I dealt/deal with all that. I love this site and will return to full activity one day.
Well you don't necessarily want your transition to become your life. First, talking and thinking all the time about it is hard on the nerves ; Second, you have a lot of other things in your life. Transition is just one of them.
That's why I personnaly avoid to spend too much time on the forums.
I find myself lurking a lot but very rarely posting, which is mainly because I rarely have much to add to a thread; most of the time, someone else have already expressed my thoughts on the matter. It's also a matter of time, as I sometimes start writing a post but end up not posting since I don't have the time to finish it; I often do forum reading while drinking my morning coffee, and generally that means I have time to read but not post. So I often end up only posting about things which are important to me, or of special interest.
As for what happens, for me specifically, I started HRT slightly less than a year after joining here, and went full-time/started RLE a few months later, when I was certain that the psychological effects were beyond doubt beneficial (to say it mildly... "HRT saved my life" is more accurate). I plan on having SRS sometime around summer 2016, but have not made the final decision yet. I have been accepted by almost everyone close to me, and things are going well - almost scaringly well. My response to HRT is beyond what I expected physiologically as well as psychologically, I have had virtually no problems with things like changing my name, people at my university have been wonderfully accepting, as are the people I train martial arts with. If there are any naysayers, they have mostly kept their mouths shut. There are of course still challenges, but they are minor.
This also contributes to me posting less; I don't really have much to post about, as in I don't have many questions or issues that arise. If annoyed with something (or someone), I tend to vent to my friends rather than online (and I am fully aware that I am privileged to have friends I can vent to!). I do sometimes search the site for older threads to answer more specific (generally HRT or surgery related) questions, and I mostly find what I need. Other times, I do browse the forum to see if I can answer something in other posters' threads, but as I mentioned, most of the time someone else has already said what I wanted to say. So it more or less boils down to me not needing to post a lot, combined with feeling I have little to contribute to other threads.
I have only had an acount at Susan's for two months or so but in the past internet searches led me here and I would lurk for a day or two, then clear my browser history and try to forget. I often reach event horizons. I will only go so far because if I go one step further I will be all in. With transition I was forever hoping it would turn out that I wasn't trans that it was something else. After 20 years I had explored all the options so I crossed the event horizon.
I do expect I will drift in and out years down the road. Once I am further along. But I will always stop by to see how things are going. That's how I do on a sobriety forum. I don't participate as much as when I was first quitting booze but I stop in to leave a trail of crumbs through the woods for the others behind me. Share my story and progress, share how my life is going etc.
I don't always post but I read here every day.
Quote from: Kellam on April 15, 2015, 11:56:47 AM
I have only had an acount at Susan's for two months or so but in the past internet searches led me here and I would lurk for a day or two, then clear my browser history and try to forget. I often reach event horizons. I will only go so far because if I go one step further I will be all in. With transition I was forever hoping it would turn out that I wasn't trans that it was something else. After 20 years I had explored all the options so I crossed the event horizon.
I know this all too well. With more self acceptance for me, comes more happiness, and more likeliness that the event horizon will be behind me. The logical thing to do is to wait until all my variables are aligned, but what I really want to do is just start the RLE today even without hormones, something I never in a million years would have considered an option before. I'll still wait, but probably only until the end of the year or when my voice doesn't sound faked, whichever comes first.
Quote from: Emileeeee on April 15, 2015, 07:25:17 PM
I know this all too well. With more self acceptance for me, comes more happiness, and more likeliness that the event horizon will be behind me. The logical thing to do is to wait until all my variables are aligned, but what I really want to do is just start the RLE today even without hormones, something I never in a million years would have considered an option before. I'll still wait, but probably only until the end of the year or when my voice doesn't sound faked, whichever comes first.
Self acceptance for me was my event horizon, once that moment came I couldn't turn back. So I came out to everyone I know, threw all my male clothing in the trash and made the necessary appointments to start hrt. Not the most advisable path I'm sure but for me it has been wonderful, and so me. The happiness was too much to deny and the lie became too painful to bear. I'm learning to enjoy my awkward second puberty!
I've been here off and on for nearly a year. I've come out to one person IRL, but otherwise I haven't done anything. A lot of it has to do with feeling so overwhelmed about making a life changing decision.
Other reasons include:
- Doubts about whether my feelings are real. It came to me after Laura Jane Grace came out in Rolling Stone and part of me wonders if it's some sort of hero worship. Then again, as much as I loved the music of Against Me I didn't really know anything about the band members. I know much more about her and the band since Laura came out.
- Fear that I'll have trouble finding work. I considered going back to school for Computer Science, but will a trans person be taken seriously in a male dominated field?
- Fear that I'll be seen as some sort of novelty, and that no one would ever fall in love with me or see me as a real person.