I've just got the most perfect guy on earth for me, perfect in all sense. Yet I still feel like going with others just for sex though sentimentally my heart is his 100%. I'm a sick nympho in my head, I wonder how can I fix this sh*t. This guy can give his soul for me and I'm struggling to bind heaven and earth not hurt him retaining all my vices but I wonder till when will I retain. I feel like imploding inside and soon going to break loose. Any advice how to deal with temptations...pfff! I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A SERIOUS & CLOSED RELATIONSHIP IN MY ENTIRE LIFE and this is costing me a lot of effort.
I've noticed ALL my other trans friends are not sincere with their partners at all neither. 1 is married but has secret affairs, another one a boyfriend but does things at his back and the rest no need to even mention the 'work'(& u know what) they do and yet have boyfriend, all this seems incongruous to me and doesn't seem to stick together.
So I am just wondering whether this is just me and my immediate surrounding or all other trans people out there around the world.
I don't know a single STRAIGHT trans who have been married for more than 10 years and 100% sincere with their partners.
Girls, be honest, are you 100% sincere with your partner?
Yes
Well I'd say its not a matter of being trans or not...
there are people in all kind of relationships, and being long term together has nothing to do with being trans or not...
you might think about communication... really talking about wishes and needs, making compromises where appropriate but talking about it... opening up more and more...
if you have other needs you might think about having them met socially... like going to a sports club, simply having friends there...
well its usually not possible to have all needs met by one person...
well or you might think about a poly relationship :)
hugs
It's a myth for me..
I know a previous partner was kind of seeing someone in the first few weeks of us being together, but that ended soon after we got serious.
If by sincere you mean being honest and not hiding anything then yes, I do believe it's possible. Also consider that monogamy is not the only successful relationship model out there. I know plenty of people in polyamorous relationships that are 100% sincere with everyone in the relationship.
Sincerity is a rule for me - not an option.
If I love him .... yes.
I only loved one man so far. He loved me too.... but not meant to be.
Ummm, I'm embarrassed that I have been insincere for years about my GID... but I will right that very soon...
I think the further down the track you go the more secretive you become, in my case it was an inconceivable thing to do during my childhood and well through a lot of my adulthood, with Kids and now grandkids, although the latter have come since my realisation of liberated views, I have not wanted to disappoint or destroy the family... anyway always been excuses, but no valid or real excuse for not opening up sooner....
Don't know what else to say! Except that I felt compelled to be honest and open up in this subject... god I hate myself :embarrassed: >:(
Katy
Update, by the way I have never been unfaithful to my wife, I can at least hold my head high on that one!
I'm not sure what you mean by "sincere"... if you mean does my partner know every single thing to go through my head, no. If you mean have I ever cheated or even seriously considered it, NO. I'd say I've shared everything important, everything interesting, and about 1/2 the totally trivial stuff in the 20 years we've been together. :)
I also know at least a few other trans women in relationships with men who have been faithful. But then, I have another very close trans friend who does poly (she's fully open and honest about her other partners, as is her husband) and maybe that's something to be considered if you find monogamy too confining? It doesn't *have* to be monogamy or cheating, with no other options.
Quote from: SarahBoo on April 10, 2015, 05:29:46 AM
Sincerity is a rule for me - not an option.
Same here
I didn't tell her everything, but I never lied and I was open about all the big things: Fidelity, partnership, parenting, etc.
A relationship is founded on trust. Without honesty, there is no trust.
100% myth.
I don't understand why you wouldn't want to be. The world would be a hell of a better place if people truly cared for one another.
Myth.
Being sincere applies to all people whether trans, cisgender, etc. I feel you will enjoy a much deeper and more meaningful relationship if you are sincere and open about your feelings and whatever thoughts you want to share.
Based on your subject, it seems as if you are having inner turmoil about committing to a relationship. Maybe you are not ready to settle down yet? I don't know how you are being tempted, so the only thing I can say to you is do not put yourself in that situation if you truly have feelings for your partner. Your common sense, love and respect for him will win over temptations. As for your friends being so frivolous with their relationships -- just remember what your parents told you growing up "If your friend jumps off a cliff are you going to do the same?"... ::) you know the rest.
The few transgender individuals I know are in committed relationships except for one and she has really a strict code of morals she lives by and I admire that. It sounds to me like you got some wild girlfriends which can be fun, but -- BIG BUT (refer to aforementioned parent's motto). Maybe it's time for a small change of scenery where your friends are concerned. I state this only because I have not experienced and cannot imagine my friend's, or myself, putting their relationships in jeopardy like that.
I have been in two long term relationships and the second one includes my present marriage. I've always been beyond honest in my relationships. I cannot think of another way to be. This is definitely a topic for a girls night at home with lots of wine and giggling! I hope it all works out for you once your gather everyone's input.
I think people here have the right idea, honesty is usually the best policy in my book, plus I'm a crummy liar anyways so I just don't do it if I can help it. Not everyone needs to know everything about you, but a partner should at least know the big things. What it seems like you are describing is the increasingly more "normal" behavior that cheating and loosed relationships have become. It just isn't as stigmatized these days and a lot more people do it. I'm all about that monogamy though =P
Let's step back a second. Lots and lots of trans women develop and have long term monogamous relationships with no thought of being sexually active with others.
However, there used to be common discussion of what was called the "slut phase" in transition (forgive me, but that's not a name I created). Older documents on the web sometimes talk about this.
The problem is this - you're hormonally and emotionally very like a teenage girl, but you're an adult and have no mother and father to reign you in, so you are tempted to give in to every wild desire you ever had.
Lots of us (not all but lots) experience this, but we also have to get a grip on ourselves. We need to mature, we need to respect ourselves as women, and we need to be more comfortable with our identities and not feel the need to "prove" anything sexually.
I actually spent some time working through this. I never mentioned it directly to my therapist but I think she sensed some of what I was driving at and she continued to focus me towards respecting myself, learning to be comfortable as myself, and figuring out my true personal needs versus fleeting wants.
You are not weird for feeling this way, but your conclusion, that we can't be honest with our romantic partners isn't true either. Lots of trans women do achieve that. Lots of trans women never experience the drive to be hyperactive sexually.
A question you might ask yourself is whether you are willing to lose him for your own behavior? Finding love is hard enough. If I get that fortunate, unless the guy has real issues, I plan to hang on as best I can. :)
I give total honesty! In my opinion there can't be a successful relationship built on lies, misdirection or whatever you call it.
Going for total honestly. I love my partner to bits. Can't lie to her.
Quote from: LizMarie on April 10, 2015, 10:29:40 AM
Let's step back a second. Lots and lots of trans women develop and have long term monogamous relationships with no thought of being sexually active with others.
However, there used to be common discussion of what was called the "slut phase" in transition (forgive me, but that's not a name I created). Older documents on the web sometimes talk about this.
The problem is this - you're hormonally and emotionally very like a teenage girl, but you're an adult and have no mother and father to reign you in, so you are tempted to give in to every wild desire you ever had.
Lots of us (not all but lots) experience this, but we also have to get a grip on ourselves. We need to mature, we need to respect ourselves as women, and we need to be more comfortable with our identities and not feel the need to "prove" anything sexually.
I actually spent some time working through this. I never mentioned it directly to my therapist but I think she sensed some of what I was driving at and she continued to focus me towards respecting myself, learning to be comfortable as myself, and figuring out my true personal needs versus fleeting wants.
You are not weird for feeling this way, but your conclusion, that we can't be honest with our romantic partners isn't true either. Lots of trans women do achieve that. Lots of trans women never experience the drive to be hyperactive sexually.
A question you might ask yourself is whether you are willing to lose him for your own behavior? Finding love is hard enough. If I get that fortunate, unless the guy has real issues, I plan to hang on as best I can. :)
CLAP! CLAP!! CLAP!!! You nailed it girl and said things very profound that touched my core. Coming to me well it's baffling my mind to choose between FREEDOM of infinite hot guys for sex who are wanting me but view me as an object and between COMMITMENT and to be LOVE but lose freedom and sensual pleasures.
A complete myth and it's worked out well so far for it.
Mariah
Yes, I am, I'm naturally monogamous.
My earlier years before fostercare taught my to pick my words carefully and only within the last 6 years I have learnt that honesty is a good thing. In a previous post I wrote that I wont ever tell my boyfriend/husband about my transgender thing but I am on the fence about it. Everything else though is honesty all the way.
My one and only knows, and is supportive. She's more straight than bi, but I guess in general we can love each other and still have nice sex, and be happy. We've been in soon 5 years.
I don't think trans people have a monopoly on infidelity.
Quote from: LizMarie on April 10, 2015, 10:29:40 AM
...fleeting wants.
You could argue that life is one long string of fleeting wants :)
Hi,
I had very few friends who I would call ether a boy or girl friend and really I was not interested age 24 I married Jos and we stayed to gather for 35 years , and we are still friends she has married a lovely chap over a year ago .
Im one of those people who have one mate /partner and that's it I never played around and did not wont or need to , I wont quite fit your description though does not matter as the ? applys to many in a relastionship if its a only give of your self to each other and be true to each other , Jos and I did , till marriage anuuld 5 years ago,
To me if you can not trust your partner to be true to each other then I don't see any trust and a real friendship relastionship is really not there and not worth much to the two concerned ,
So if that's the case why bother having a relastionship in the first place theres nothing to build on and wont last .
...noeleena...
Hello Evolving Beauty,
I couldn't help but read your post. I can say for sure that I can be 100 percent sincere with my partner. I tell her everything. We dated for 6 months but broke up due to several issues she was dealing with as well as my sexual needs which she kept putting off as well as the relationship. She was very high maintenance too. It got to a point where I had to tell her I wanted to break up with her. We did so. We were apart for 4 months.
Then a month ago she contacted me wanting to explain things. I had initially wanted to meet with her to hear her explanation but through talking with her I knew something was still there. We got back together and spend every weekend together. During the time we were apart my sexual needs got to a point where I was going to have sex with a coworker from work who is bi and knows that I'm transgender.
Normally I identify as lesbian but I was in such need of sex I was willing to try heterosexual sex. Nothing came of it cause I got back together with my girlfriend a week before it was supposed to happen. I did tell my girlfriend about the possible sexual encounter. I hadn't had sex in over 8 years. The last time I met up with my girlfriend we got really close to penetration but I couldn't get hard cause of my female hormones and due to performance anxiety. I'm 32 and my girlfriend is 38. I identify as lesbian and she identifies as pansexual. Both me and my girlfriend are monogamous.
You can be honest with your significant other. Just tell them about your desires and feelings. If they truly love you they will help you and try to find a way to ease the desires or find a way to spice up your sex life so that you don't need other encounters. I'm proof you can be sincere to your significant other.