I've been pretty lucky so far , I've never experienced any level of hostility from anyone. I know about 20 years ago I was out at about 9 pm on summer night walking around in one of my fab dresses and I was walking down a very long block in Chicago and coming from the other direction was this youngish kind of gang banger looking person and I said to myself oh! $$$$ and as he passed me by he just looked me over and kept on going. I do remember on one of my other strolls down the streets of Chicago around the same time someone called me a ->-bleeped-<- , but I was wearing a dress with a man's coat over it because it was winter , so I'm not quite sure how he gendered me. I live in a quite friendly college town so it makes a difference.
i'm a person people dont mess me because i bite back and i bite back hard. i remember this one time, i literally bite this kid's hand and made him bleed, so i dont get any hostility anymore for being trans or not.
Only ever from kids, but more of them are plain curious.
I have my head up, and I expect respect.
Confidence and attitude is everything. It's because I am positive (and bubbly) that people receive me well IRL.
That's all there is to it ..
I started living full time at virtually the same time as I started HRT so the first two years were pretty darn tough due to being basically a guy in a dress. Catcalls from teenagers were very common, former workmates in the motor trade would twist their faces into a sneer the moment they saw me, but on the other hand there were some adults in the local community who were very kind and supportive.
Moving to another city did help a little, but again most of the problems were from teenagers. I was pelted with stones once by half a dozen youths which is an experience I don't recommend. It was while I was living in this city I was walking through a shopping mall when a teenager moved in close to say something hateful, I must've been having a bad day because I knocked him down with a classic punch to the jaw. Not sensible at all really, but fortunately despite the horror on the faces of those passing by nobody called the Police. I'm not at all proud of having done that (sigh).
Moving back to my hometown worked out reasonably well and I had few problems there. There was a large population of people there who had come to live in New Zealand and of course there were Fa'afafine who had come over with them so there was perhaps more awareness in the community about gender difference.
Going back to school to train as a social worker was a good experience though for a time there was a pretty young blond woman from another course who always seemed to be hanging of the arm of her jock boyfriend who would openly laugh at me whenever she saw me. Now punching her would have been no crime at all, but instead I did my best to ignore her and eventually she went away.
While working as a social worker I only twice had clients express repugnance at the idea of working with me. Once while working in disability employment I was bailed up in the toilet by a mental health client holding his manhood in his hand due to the inattention of the male nurse accompanying him. That was perhaps the most upsetting event I had to suffer during my professional career and it was largely caused by the belief that because I was trans the guy thought I'd have sex with him simply because he was breathing.
Mostly though to clients I was 'the tall Dutch lady' even though I'm not Dutch in the slightest.
These day living as I do in this quiet little country town people know me as the Sister from the local Catholic church and I really don't know if most of the locals know if I'm transgender or not because no-one has given me any cause to think otherwise. Ah I tell a lie, this last Christmas past I had a guy from one of the local Pentecostal churches march up to me in the street yelling out at the top of his voice, 'You're a man, you're a man! Wear men's clothes, not women's clothes!' At first I was understandably surprised, but then I said to myself with a sigh, 'Idiot,' and carried on my way.
I haven't encountered any personally. Everyone has been great or just minded their own business and stayed out of mine.
Mariah
No physical or verbal hostility here even when out at your typical straight guy sports bar. I have found that Phoenix is a pretty laid back place despite what negative media attention people see/hear. For the most part, my experience has been that most people just really don't care and let you go about your business.
I don't find this hostile, but I have had numerous guys hit on me at bars becuz they are "in to all that." Into what, exactly? Are you freaking kidding me?
Quote from: SarahBoo on April 13, 2015, 04:48:51 PM
Only ever from kids, but more of them are plain curious.
I have my head up, and I expect respect.
Confidence and attitude is everything. It's because I am positive (and bubbly) that people receive me well IRL.
That's all there is to it ..
I have to agree pretty strongly with this. I often tell myself to walk around like I'm the big girl on campus (If I'm wandering around it's probably at my college =P)) and it seems to work pretty well. I strut around campus in a London Fog trench coat and just try to keep a good posture and confident or neutral expression and I've pretty much been left alone or ignored. I do think being around a college or college town does give a safer experience. More likely to have educated people/younger people, and those are the ones who tend to be hostile.
Fortunately not. Living in a big city most people mind their own business and I avoid places where trouble might brew anyway - generally speaking I feel safe.
Occasionally in public someone will glare. I heard that a couple coworkers were badmouthing me. I also had a cousin declare his opposition to trans people transitioning.
But that's it. Definitely minor and inconsequential.
Quote from: Lady Smith on April 13, 2015, 05:39:29 PM
I started living full time at virtually the same time as I started HRT so the first two years were pretty darn tough due to being basically a guy in a dress. Catcalls from teenagers were very common, former workmates in the motor trade would twist their faces into a sneer the moment they saw me, but on the other hand there were some adults in the local community who were very kind and supportive.
Moving to another city did help a little, but again most of the problems were from teenagers. I was pelted with stones once by half a dozen youths which is an experience I don't recommend. It was while I was living in this city I was walking through a shopping mall when a teenager moved in close to say something hateful, I must've been having a bad day because I knocked him down with a classic punch to the jaw. Not sensible at all really, but fortunately despite the horror on the faces of those passing by nobody called the Police. I'm not at all proud of having done that (sigh).
Moving back to my hometown worked out reasonably well and I had few problems there. There was a large population of people there who had come to live in New Zealand and of course there were Fa'afafine who had come over with them so there was perhaps more awareness in the community about gender difference.
Going back to school to train as a social worker was a good experience though for a time there was a pretty young blond woman from another course who always seemed to be hanging of the arm of her jock boyfriend who would openly laugh at me whenever she saw me. Now punching her would have been no crime at all, but instead I did my best to ignore her and eventually she went away.
While working as a social worker I only twice had clients express repugnance at the idea of working with me. Once while working in disability employment I was bailed up in the toilet by a mental health client holding his manhood in his hand due to the inattention of the male nurse accompanying him. That was perhaps the most upsetting event I had to suffer during my professional career and it was largely caused by the belief that because I was trans the guy thought I'd have sex with him simply because he was breathing.
Mostly though to clients I was 'the tall Dutch lady' even though I'm not Dutch in the slightest.
These day living as I do in this quiet little country town people know me as the Sister from the local Catholic church and I really don't know if most of the locals know if I'm transgender or not because no-one has given me any cause to think otherwise. Ah I tell a lie, this last Christmas past I had a guy from one of the local Pentecostal churches march up to me in the street yelling out at the top of his voice, 'You're a man, you're a man! Wear men's clothes, not women's clothes!' At first I was understandably surprised, but then I said to myself with a sigh, 'Idiot,' and carried on my way.
that's a lot of experience
I had a guy at a walmart tell me he was gonna "kick my ->-bleeped-<- ass" while in line behind me...I turn around and he's got a cross on his neck and Jesus tattooed on both arms. Lit into him good for hypocrisy...wound up being removed by security because -I- was the aggressor, I was the one causing a problem. GOD'N'COUNTRY, YEEHAW.
And then there was the guy at one of my SO's former workplaces who was laughing, taking pictures with his cellphone, telling me I was gonna be a facebook star...managed to get that guy fired on the spot.
I've only actually engaged in self-defense over it once...back when I came out, my SO's stepdad called me every derogatory term under the sun, and then got angrier when he tried to tell me to get out of her life and I told him no. He told me he'd MAKE me leave, I told him I'd like to see him try, his wife begged him to stop, and, well, he got whooped.
Only from three people, my father and step-mother, and my next door neighbor. But they were all gay bashing, not trans bashing. None of them believed that I wasn't gay.
Used to be regular, now mostly confined to the workplace and my family.
My most recent experience of hostility was in my local supermarket, I had a group of young girls follow me around questioning my gender very loudly, when I entered the supermarket I was listening to my music but my batteries died & I didn't bother to take my headphones off, the girls kept crowding round me asking each other loudly "what is it, a man or woman?" & other vile stuff.
After a few minutes my patience ran out, I removed the headphones & informed them that my batteries had died & I heard every vile word they said, they instantly denied having said anything previously but launched into a tirade of abuse as I went about my shopping, one claimed to be on the phone top her mum so I held my hand out for the phone & asked to speak to her mum so I could inform her of this behaviour, the phone dissapeared into her pocket & I calmly informed her that she hadn't ended the call (the phone clearly wasn't on).
They then walked down the center of the store shouting that I was a "gaylord", "pervert", "peado" etc
I made a beeline for the security staff & asked that these girls be removed from the store & they were.
They then waited outside the store to continue the abuse when I left, I told them that their parents should teach them about manners & maybe their father should give them a clip around the ear, if they even knew who their father was, a complete stranger in his early 30's then joined in with a tirade of abuse becoming increasingly aggressive telling me that I should be ashamed of myself & deserved any abuuse I got for the way I dress.
After he had pushed me for the second time I told him that he should keep his nose out of other peoples lives & he asked me what I was going to do to stop him? He was ignoring anything I said & clearly wanted a fight so my response was to grab his nose tightly & slap my wrist hard, as the tears streamed down his face I informed him that my next move would result in the poolice being called & his nose being broken along with a few other bones whilst we waited for the police to arrive, his girlfriend then stepped in & dragged him to his car & they sped off.
Unfortunately my council flat is in a rough part of town, I normaly mange to talk my way out of situations but he was clearly winding himself up in preperation to fight so I decided to nip it in the bud, this time it worked but next time I may not be so lucky.
The group of girls trailed me three quarters of the way home shouting abuse, when I got home my last shred of self control abandoned me & I spent the next hour cuddling my dog crying.
I have returned to the store but only with my dog as a visual deterent against abuse & threats, my biggest fear however is that someone tries to get abusive even with Poopie there as he will protect me & could then be classed as a dangerous dog.
Quote from: Jayne on April 15, 2015, 11:16:25 AM
The group of girls trailed me three quarters of the way home shouting abuse, when I got home my last shred of self control abandoned me & I spent the next hour cuddling my dog crying.
Hugs, Jayne. This is one of the worst situations I've ever heard. I hope you do manage to get them in trouble with the local constabulary.
In person the worst I experienced was a teenager recording me on his phone. I was dipping my toes into coming out at the time. I realized I had no choice since I wanted to come out on my terms and not his. So I outed myself and was surprised at just how much support I got.
I get more flak for it online in the comments sections of articles than I ever do in person (which is no surprise). I even told this one guy what a coward he was because he didn't even have a picture and I was more than happy to proudly show and talk about myself.
Quote from: suzifrommd on April 15, 2015, 11:39:04 AM
Hugs, Jayne. This is one of the worst situations I've ever heard. I hope you do manage to get them in trouble with the local constabulary.
In the past i've gotten the police involved over any incident but this time I didn't, I just couldn't face having to relive the experience, it's why i've not visited Susans for over a month, I knew i'd end up posting the encounter & just couldn't deal with it I literally hid myself away & let them win.
The crazy thing is that I run an LGBT group & often advise people on how to deal with problems but recently struggle to take the very advice I dish out, several trans people in my group have had much worse experiences than me, my home town is not a trans friendly place.
It doesn't help that the typical outcome is that the police eventually respond with "we've checked local cctv & can't find enough footage/evidence to take things further"
Last year I gave chase to a group of men who assaulted me & the police said they couldn't find ANY cctv footage of the incident but asked me to keep an eye out & take a picture of them if I see them again, yeah...great idea
Quote from: Jayne on April 15, 2015, 11:16:25 AM
The group of girls trailed me three quarters of the way home shouting abuse
Omg. This is one of those things you worry about, but never actually expect to see it happen anywhere but in a movie. What they did goes way beyond bullying. It's criminal. Most times I'd let things go, but in this case I remain hopeful that karma the size of a freight train catches up with them, preferably in the form of someone else doing the same thing to them.
I have had all kinds of negative experiences including being physically grabbed but it is a very tiny minority of my overall interactions with people who have continued to impress me with support, acceptance and at least tolerance. Like many of you I believe our own attitudes of being confident, proud and unapologetic goes a long way. I like to be approachable and know that helps to further our visibility and educational efforts even more than just correcting the misgendering of some. I don't want to feed my fears so I use that "kill em with kindness" approach and being a happy girl it mostly works for me. Still, i can also imagine visiting great wrath on those that perpetuate hatred and abuse. I imagine sending some big cats, a trans person they can't resist, or maybe a dragon or two to inhabit their dreams. ;) ;D ;D
sorry to hear about that Jayne those are the things of nightmares
Only from a few people, and only online, but it never got to me. My brother-in-law used to be vocally against my transition before I started, but wasn't exactly hostile about it, just rude. He's mellowed though, now that he's seen that I'm passable and happier.
Quote from: Jayne on April 15, 2015, 11:16:25 AM
The group of girls trailed me three quarters of the way home
Hugs Jayne. This kind of things piss me off a lot. What a bunch of idiots, thought Bristol was a cool place.
Quote from: Jayne on April 15, 2015, 11:16:25 AM
The group of girls trailed me three quarters of the way home shouting abuse, when I got home my last shred of self control abandoned me & I spent the next hour cuddling my dog crying.
>>>>HUGS<<<< Jayne. That is just plain awful and my heart goes out to you. Once I had something similar happen in my second year of being ME and I told the girls involved that I hoped that when they have children they have one like me. A backhanded kind of statement for me to make to be sure, but it did make them look thoughtful for a moment or two.
For being trans - no
For being me? yes
School was hell, I was bullied because I wasn't like every other boy, they thought I was gay, I wasn't, they thought I acted like a girl, well..... maybe I held myself like a girl.
After coming out & moving, never had a single issue for being trans, not many know but its never been used against me in anyway.
Like Steph, live in a big city and no one really cares
My experiences are kinda similar - school was unpleasant experience, even when I learned to stand my ground. Later, I learned that a lot of my classmates thought that I was gay, though I never gave them reasons for that (apparently hanging out with girls and refusing to get naked in locker room was enough).
Now, I am not experiencing any outward hostility, because people here have little understanding about transgender people, so they are either confused or curious (did have my share of stares but very few of them very hostile). Now, people in most cases just assume that I am female, which brings a different type of issues, like drunken guys willing to strike up a conversation, refusing to take "no" for an answer and becoming hostile in response.
In public so far, among strangers, nothing really bad. A few questioning looks but those came when I was in the company of other (cisgender) women so I think people held their tongue on that account.
From family? Hostility galore, still going on to this day. But it could be worse, and I've written off those that have been abusive.
I've not had any hostility for being trans.. thank the gods! I'm amazed, as I live in a rural southern town.. anyway.. I am very thankful and feel blessed.. And Jayne, holy cow! What a horrid thing! I'm so glad you are ok, and lots of hugs to you!! <3
I haven't yet been able to test this theory, but I think a good defense against full-on harassment would be to just pull out your phone and start filming them. tell them you'll post their abuse on youtube. people get uncomfortable when being filmed, im sure it would prompt them to leave before their hate becomes viral.
at least thats my plan should the time ever come. much respect and sympathy to anyone who has had to live through such horrible abuse.
Sonson, I like this idea. I was gonna suggest pepper spray, but this may be better. Then again, temporarily blinding someone is also very effective.
I don't know if I "belong to this thread" since I'm not a trans... But I experienced something on high school for being not as feminine as most girls at the time and not kissing/showing interest in boys.
Once a group of girls tried to force me to kiss a guy (which I feel that didn't exist) because "every girl was doing it except me and everyone was thinking that I was a lesbian". I refused. Then they tried to pull me. I struggled and left. Later that day, they came again, saying that someone wrote " (my name) f*ng lesbo" on the girls bathroom and I should see it . Once again they tried to pull me like a hoard of savage hungry dogs, they were EAGER to take me. This time to bathroom.
I panicked because I felt they wanted to beat me. They almost dragged me. I panicked but managed to flee.
Few days after not going to the bathroom, I found out that there was NOTHING THERE.
It was scary...
how sweet life could be if people loved one another
Quote from: sonson on April 16, 2015, 04:15:25 PM
I haven't yet been able to test this theory, but I think a good defense against full-on harassment would be to just pull out your phone and start filming them. tell them you'll post their abuse on youtube. people get uncomfortable when being filmed, im sure it would prompt them to leave before their hate becomes viral.
at least thats my plan should the time ever come. much respect and sympathy to anyone who has had to live through such horrible abuse.
That could be risky though. It could easily push them to violence in attempting to stop you from recording them.
Family had been very against it and hostility is present In thw sense that they are very against it. Strangers have made comments and stared which hurt but you survive. What surprised me is how nice most people are. Even though i have major social fears, most people are outwardly very cool about it. Kind of gives me hope as that's the majority of people in my experience. Seriously, most people are good hearted and more thoughtful than our worst fears. But yeah, those negative encounters exist too and they sometimes have the biggest impact.
I've never had neither physical nor verbal abuse from strangers, but I have had some weird experiences, allow me to elaborate. I am a transitioning transgendered but I am not "out" so to speak. well by this I mean I still look for fully male, beard and all, however On occasions still dress in feminine clothing regardless of how my face or body looks, "That takes some courage huh". Anyway from time to time when doing so I may receive snide looks, but I have never heard any. Now there was this particular time when I was shopping at CVS pharmacy, I was wearing a long T-shirt, it could've been male or female, some yoga pants that were not tight or fitted and some sandals with 3 1/2 inch heels and my toenails were painted a pretty blue color. I went in to purchase a bottle of Gatorade and two bottles of nail polish, when I heard the electronic shutter of a cellphone going off. I turned around to see a young guy pretending to be texting on his phone, I said to him, "i'm not homophobic sir but I'm not interested in you!" And he says you're the one with the ->-bleeped-<-got ass shoes on, and I said so wouldn't your homey's and or your girlfriend look at you kind of funny with all those photos of a guys feet in your phone? He then said what if I just punched you in the ->-bleeped-<-ing mouth, and I said well that would be worse to start a fight with a guy wearing heels because he's wearing heels only to get your ass kicked by that very guy wearing heels, I'm from the north end so if you are feeling froggish leap(Which is a notoriously known dangerous area in the city all living in) The whole transaction happened in front of a very attractive young lady that was the clerk at CVS at the time. He turned beet red and just looked away from me, in the store clerk giggled almost uncontrollably. In hindsight I believe I handled that situation pretty well what do you think?
Actually now that you mention that, my youngest sister's husband once told me he wanted to stone all the gays. When I accepted my trans status I remembered that and it made me concerned about my sister's acceptance. I truely believe she would have been more accepting of me before they got married (2012) than when I actually told her.
I believe that even more so now than before. She wants to keep the door open to me, but he wants nothing to do with me. He himself cut off his own brother and doesn't even remember why. He doesn't want his daughter (but doesn't care about my sister's other 2 kids) to ever see me again. She's almost a year old now.
My sister and I used to be close. We played WoW together for years. After we both stopped that changed, but we still got along. She originally made an effort to talk to me monthly. Last time I talked to her on the phone was in February I believe. I talked to her on facebook about a month ago and she said sorry I've been too busy. For the record she's a stay at home mother. Her other daughter chose her dad over her husband and by consequence her as well. Her son made the same choice, but he's at college anyway. I would make the same choice. I don't like her husband. He is rooted in traditions that have been extinct for 50+ years.
Quote from: Ashey on April 15, 2015, 06:14:54 PM
Only from a few people, and only online, but it never got to me. My brother-in-law used to be vocally against my transition before I started, but wasn't exactly hostile about it, just rude. He's mellowed though, now that he's seen that I'm passable and happier.
Negative on the experience of hostility for being me. What I have experienced is an attempt to forcefully keep me in a relationship using my 'physical' situation against me. Didn't work. When you're fed up, you're fed up! How weird is that?
Quote from: awilliams1701 on April 17, 2015, 12:47:53 PM
Actually now that you mention that, my youngest sister's husband once told me he wanted to stone all the gays. When I accepted my trans status I remembered that and it made me concerned about my sister's acceptance. I truely believe she would have been more accepting of me before they got married (2012) than when I actually told her.
I believe that even more so now than before. She wants to keep the door open to me, but he wants nothing to do with me. He himself cut off his own brother and doesn't even remember why. He doesn't want his daughter (but doesn't care about my sister's other 2 kids) to ever see me again. She's almost a year old now.
My sister and I used to be close. We played WoW together for years. After we both stopped that changed, but we still got along. She originally made an effort to talk to me monthly. Last time I talked to her on the phone was in February I believe. I talked to her on facebook about a month ago and she said sorry I've been too busy. For the record she's a stay at home mother. Her other daughter chose her dad over her husband and by consequence her as well. Her son made the same choice, but he's at college anyway. I would make the same choice. I don't like her husband. He is rooted in traditions that have been extinct for 50+ years.
my sisters are like your sisters husband.
I've never had a problem, but I did have a surprise incident. About 3 years ago prior to coming out to myself as transgender, I identified as Gender Queer for many years prior to transitioning. I kept my body hair shaved, starting growing my hair out, dying it red and painted my toenails and always wore sandals in the summer time. However I dressed in male or androgynous clothes. One summer day with deep blue toenail polish with sandals wearing shorts and a T-Shirt and I was standing in line at the checkout line in the supermarket. This huge burly looking man that looked like he rode a Harley to the store and very tough looking asked if I was the one that painted my toenails. I said yes, it's just a way to express myself. He responds with: "That's really awesome. That's something I wish I had the balls to pull off! You certainly have more balls than I do!" I told him, I'm just being me. He said that the way to live life.
So far absolutely no hostility whatsoever. I expected it but it hasn't happened. I keep my fingers crossed that it stays that way.
It's never happened. Maybe i'm lucky? or just I stay safe.
Quote from: CB on April 18, 2015, 03:08:07 PM
It's never happened. Maybe i'm lucky? or just I stay safe.
I've found most people are pretty nice or tolerant . obviously there are pretty messed up people out there that will try to hurt you , you just have to do your best to be careful.
I haven't seen hostility I'm mostly invisible it's like "yeah you're a girl now so what? like 2,348,955,926 of the rest of them" :D
Although I know I've been read a few times though (even recently) when I was wearing top heavy male clothes (mens Zara anorak jacket) with slender jeans and womens booties and the proportions weren't right inviting closer scrutiny from a woman who was sitting across from me on a train. I was wearing makeup and my hair was tied back in a ponytail which tends to be masculinizing as well. I knew I goofed in my presentation and the dip in confidence SHOWED when I looked at her and away. I was read and afterwards she had a coy surprise smirk on her face. I won't make that mistake again. It's all womens clothes from here.
One of the truly rare times Evelyn got PWNED! :D
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi61.tinypic.com%2F2nbr7r5.jpg&hash=0ccf2f0c98d83cf3ac1420175008c861b5ce29e9)
It's nerve racking when another female clocks you. that happened to me last year when I was 5 or 6 months in walking down the street and this young woman kept staring at me smiling.
^^ Yeah. And what's more bewildering is being more attractive than said woman who just clocked you.
Talk about an absurd arrangement of circumstances.