Hello all!
I'm starting transition towards a more androgynous identity and one thing that I've noticed that really sets off my dysphoria is Facebook. I'm not widely out yet and I don't imagine that most of my acquaintances would even understand what being non-binary or transfeminine is and as a result I am still occasionally to with male terms. While this can be quite dysphoria inducing I have found that the worst aspect of Facebook is that it now likes to display old pictures in my time line as memories. MEGA dysphoria inducing and then it becomes very difficult to ignore the fact that they are there and all of these people have an idea of who I am which is not in the slightest bit congruent with reality.
So my question for all you lovely people is, how did you deal with Facebook when you were transitioning?
Did you make one large coming out post and leave photos and similar things that refer to your previously presented gender?
Did you go through your profile removing things?
Or did you take the nuclear option and delete Facebook with potentially making a new one?
At the moment I am leaning towards the last option - it would also give me the chance to begin again with my correct identity - but I would like to hear how some of you coped with this rather mundane aspect of transitioning! Which tactic worked best? Is there anything you would avoid doing if you had to deal with a similar issue again?
Thank you! <3
I created a new facebook page with my new name. I abandoned the old one with a message suggesting people friend my new page. That way I could tell who was with me.
I left Facebook not because its dysphorically inducing but because I found no point in keeping one
I created a new one and abandoned my old one though it is still alive. I just have not been willing to go back and look at it to delete it. I was also very inactive before had so nobody really said anything when I didn't post for a long time.
Haven't fully transitioned yet but have already set up a pseudo for now, will become my new FB account, will redirect and delete the old one at some stage.
L Katy
Quote from: enigmaticrorschach on April 14, 2015, 07:17:44 AM
I left Facebook not because its dysphorically inducing but because I found no point in keeping one
This
I've been on there since 2004 or so. It was time to move on.
Thanks for all the opinions so far!
Quote from: iKate on April 14, 2015, 07:35:23 AM
This
I've been on there since 2004 or so. It was time to move on.
I would prefer to do this though unfortunately I still use it occasionally to keep in touch with people on a professional level and my fiancé has mentioned they would rather I didn't just disappear from it. :-\
First, I pruned my friends list. Got rid of people I haven't talked to in a while, people I didn't want to talk to, people who I shouldn't have added in the first place. Anyone who loves gossip and drama. It took me about a week, doing a little bit everyday, and I went from around 700 to about 250.
Then I pruned my pictures. Basically moved a bunch of pictures into a private album that only I can view. Deleted ones that I wasn't comfortable with. Removed tags from other ones.
Then I changed my name and made my gender visible. No coming out post or anything. My immediate family and close friends already knew at this point, and were the first to offer support and well-wishes. I honestly had no backlash from the way I treated Facebook. I got a lot of friendly, curious messages that were supportive.
For some people it makes sense to write a little note. For me, not so much. Ultimately you know your audience and yourself best.
Quote from: Erin.LE on April 14, 2015, 08:31:52 AM
I would prefer to do this though unfortunately I still use it occasionally to keep in touch with people on a professional level and my fiancé has mentioned they would rather I didn't just disappear from it. :-\
My wife has asked two things:
1. I don't change my name/gender on it because she doesn't want her relatives to know.
2. That I keep my account alive because it has pictures of us and the kids.
Couldn't do that, so in lieu of coming out and "alarming" everyone I just closed it down.
I came out on facebook and got huge waves of support. After I gave my sisters a chance to deal with it (and eventually reject me), I changed my name to Ashley and my gender to female. I don't see myself as an in between even tough I'm very early in transition. People seem to be accepting that change just fine. Even in the various groups I'm being accepted as Ashley.
I have never been in transition, but I seldom post my photos in which I was presented as a boy or a man.
I do not hide anything in Facebook. They all know who I am.
Honesty frees me.
barbie~~
I created a new profile and deleted the old one. This not only prevents old things from popping up, but also gave me a free friends list cleanup. A few people didn't see the announcement, but they have just re-added me later, when they realized what happened. Obviously, this option will shrink your friends list by quite a bit (in my case by around 75%), and it is important to remember that people who don't add your new account aren't necessarily unsupportive, it can also be because you never speak and they don't see a point in adding the new profile (one person actually wrote me and told me this, while expressing his support), or it could be that they didn't see the announcement. Facebook doesn't even show posts you write to everyone on your friends list, so it's almost impossible to reach everyone; I repeated my message thrice, with a few days in between each post, before deleting my profile, and still everyone didn't notice. Knowing that, it might actually be easier than seeing people unfriend you, since the latter is active while the former is passive. All in all, I'm happy I chose this option, it worked out nicely.
Quote from: iKate on April 14, 2015, 07:35:23 AM
This
I've been on there since 2004 or so. It was time to move on.
Me too!
Quote from: suzifrommd on April 14, 2015, 07:14:02 AM
I created a new facebook page with my new name. I abandoned the old one with a message suggesting people friend my new page. That way I could tell who was with me.
This is what I did, then after a month I deleted the old one.
I just changed my name and gender, for the last ten years I haven't relaly dressed or looked terribly feminine so the photos didn't bother me. I think FTMax's process is pretty close to mine, but I did post a note about would people please use male pronouns and explaining what kinds of things i was changing in my life. I really don't have anyone on there that I worry about offending, so now I tend to use it to post a bit of positive trans activism things once a month or so and so far have had no issues with it. I am also single and have no kids/spouse to worry about, so I think that makes things easier. If I did have problems with anyone they would be unfriended or reported to FB depending on the issues but so far everyone has been really supportive and honest :)
Quote from: Aazhie on April 24, 2015, 06:53:16 PM
If I did have problems with anyone they would be unfriended or reported to FB depending on the issues but so far everyone has been really supportive and honest :)
People in Facebook are surprisingly supportive of transgender people, including me. Facebook is a great place to come out.
barbie~~