I have been lurking on these forums for the last month or two and finally decided to take the plunge and register, so without taking too much time talking about myself I am 33 MtF, I spent most of my childhood knowing something was wrong but it wasen't till I was in high school and had access to the internet that I was able to piece together what that something was or give it a name.
Though at first i was not really sure where on the spectrum I fell by time I was 20 or so I knew that I was transsexual and that if I ever wanted to not hate myself and wish myself harm I would have to transition, but i encountered a great deal of resistance from my parents at the time. I even ran away and lived in Michigan for 6 months which was a terrible failure and eventually had to move back home under the understanding that I would hide this part of me from everyone.
Then a Decade passed and things got worse I felt terrible all the time, and suicidal thoughts where regular things, every 6 months or so it would get to the point where I didn't think about if I should kill myself but how. Luckily I guess I often found things to distract myself, I am a huge geek, video games, fantasy and sci fi, Table top RPG, and with my head focused on anything besides my depression, dysphoria and life i was able to keep going.
A lot happened and I might get into it some other time but for now I will skip the story forward to about 8 months ago things got bad, as bad as they had ever been and I realized i had to do something I have known what i need to do for so long I even had the Mass State health insurance which I knew would cover at least some of the costs of therapy but I never did anything with it even after years of having it. I was largely in a state of mind where nothing mattered and all I wanted was sleep and to be left alone with my depression.
As I said things got bad and in a fit of desperation I reached out and found a therapist who had dealt with Transgender people before, and it was the best decision I had made in a long time, perhaps the only good one. after a few months of therapy and with urging from my therapist coming out to a few people. (I had come out to people i gamed with before but then basicly fell back into the closet, though I usually leave the door opened) Around that time I started painting my nails again something I have done in the past, one little thing that helps fight the dysphoria. I also made an appointment to see a doctor for the first time sense I was 19. This first required I pick a Primary care provider and after a bit of research I decided that if I was going to do this I would try and do it right and I choose one with LGBT experiance who operates out of the Fenway center in boston. Its a bit of a ride and parking can be a pain but its been totally worth it.
Really if anyone reading this is looking for a doctor and is even roughly in the boston area go to the Fenway Center my enrollment forms included spaces for preferred pronouns and name which they have been fantastic about useing. My first visit I told my doctor about my need to transition and desire to start HRT as soon as possible and she had me get some blood work done that day, but the first problem she wanted to address was my lethally high blood pressure, like seriously it was around 180/120 sometimes spiking up over 200. But after a few different medications that is now looking much better.
So lets see where was I yes, I have sense come out to several people, most of whom I deal with regularly as well as my mother who seems to be taking things much better than before, though I still have to have a serious talk with her about my current very rough plans to transition. I started HRT two months ago, I also bought a treadmill and started walking a few weeks back, my weight also being a real issue.
Now Things are looking terrifingly good, there are still some big problems my weight/body shape is awful, but I have hopes that in the next 8 months or so between walking and hrt that will get better. I also need to find somewhere hopefully south of boston that dose laser/Electro and get started on that, my biggest issue really though is my voice, I am just awful about doing voices and controlling it, though there is no medical diagnosis I often tell people I am tone deaf, music is just clashing noises that give me a head ache after a while so learning to make my voice work often seems impossible and has led to several boarderline and one full blown panic attack
My big hope now is that by sometime around Christmas I will be ready to start living my life as myself. IF that works out then all I will have to be concerned with is if they ruin Star Wars on me. :-P
::Hugs::
Serena
hi Serena and Welcome to Susan's
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Lovely to have you on board and best wishes for your journey!
Hi Serena :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi Serena,
Welcome! I'm glad you joined :). I'm in Europe but spent some time in Boston and beautiful Pioneer Valley -- loved it there :).
Looking forward to seeing you around the forums!
Welcome to Susan's.
I will be going to Boston in a little bit for a day or two. It is a very nice town.
Hi Serena, Welcome, good to have a plan and target in place, you'll get all the help and support from all of us here :-*
L Katy
Hey from Somerville, MA Serena! Welcome to Susan's! I use Fenway Health too, they're fantastic.
Hey, Serena! Welcome to Susans, from a fellow Massachusan geek girl :D I'm from Norwood myself, just SSW of Boston.
How far south of Boston are you looking for laser/electrolysis? I've been seeing this really wonderful older woman in Norwood who does laser/electrolysis, but sadly she's retiring relatively soon. http://www.yelp.com/biz/ferrazzani-electrology-and-laser-hair-removal-norwood is her business's Yelp profile.
And OMG is voice work hard :( I also always tell people I'm "tone deaf" (no medical diagnosis, just no ear for music/tone/etc) and am having a really hard time with my voice. I talk a ton, and lately, after talking for a while, I'll get super depressed and have to go do something unsocial where I don't have to talk.
If you find a good voice therapist in the greater Boston area, I'd really appreciate it if you shared who they were! I've been too nervous about it to start looking...
So far all the advice I have got about voice therapists involves skype. There is a place very close to me that dose electrolysis but I haven't checked to see if they do laser, I also don't know if they have ever dealt with transgender individuals before it's a rather small town mostly just fast food and hotels, when your on your way to somewhere better. :-)
This message sent whail hanging out at my game store playing Battletech, yes it still exists, yes people still play it. I get to roll dice to blow up tiny giant robots.
--Serena
Hi Serena, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm in Weymouth. I don't think you can go to an electrolysist, wig shop, or breastform place that doesn't see transgender customers. They want your money, not your story! :laugh: See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
on the one hand electrolysis is more sure and known to be permanent, laser is much faster but not always effective, and I am not rolling in money so wasting a grand to find out it did not have the effect I was hoping for its a concern. So I may cave and just go for electrolysis, there is a place with good reviews like two or three blocks from my house and there website lists 1 hour sessions 60$.
I have a weird concern, I have been coming out to people a lot lately and it had been going too well, no exclamations of disbelief no sudden hate, most people seemed to go with, "it was brave of you to come out like this, if you need anything feel free to ask". Today my mother even told me she had talked to my father and uncle, and that was after I have her a letter explain my hopes for the next year or so.
I keep wondering if I just know awesome people or am I not explaining myself properly, but I can't imagine how I an taking testosterone blockers and estrogen, can be that badly misinterpreted. Perhaps they just saw it coming after all my closet door is often left opened. I haven't had a hair cut sense 1999, my hair it's held in a pony tail with a often pink scrunchy Today my nail polish is glittery pink and a bit too chipped for my taste, and there are probebly other signs as well. But still I expected some sorta reaction, I blame it on men not knowing what to say.
Ok that's allot of rambling that probebly should not be in the intro area.
--Serena
I was kinda thrown off by the overwhelming positive reactions I got when I came out too. And my closet door had been firmly shut, just a draft at the bottom. Everyone was shocked but instantly supportive. And yeah, for the majority, men hadn't a clue how to respond. My whole couple weeks of coming out I was in a general daze of euphoria induced disbelief. I couldn't believe that it was finally over and that it had been so easy!
Well, Massachusetts is the most liberal state in the nation, contrary to what Californians might think. Even my super conservative, gun-nut boss has been totally accepting of transgender individuals so far (not that I've come out to him yet, but when a transwoman on my floor transitioned, he pulled us aside in small groups to say, "Look, she's doing this thing, and yes, she will be using the women's restrooms, and if you have a problem with any of that, find a way to deal. If you do or say anything unprofessional, we will take action against you."). Not that conservatives are all transphobic, but that's the stereotype I keep hearing.
The only two people from MA who haven't been accepting of me so far are my Mormon Mother-in-Law (who is still willing to use gender neutral terms at least), and a very conservative and religious acquaintance who sent me an email to say she thinks I should do what's right for me, but to be honest, she doesn't feel comfortable around me anymore (that's fine, I no longer feel comfortable around her!).
So yeah, people around here are pretty darn welcoming, from what I've seen so far, especially in geeky communities.
As far as Laser vs Electrolysis goes, generally, laser is significantly cheaper, faster, and less painful than electrolysis. However, it only works on dark hairs on light skin. If you have light hair (blonde or red) or dark skin, electrolysis is your only option. While it may look cheaper, it takes many more sessions to get all the hairs. Generally though, what you want to do is laser as much as you can and use electrolysis to get the rest.
There are three types of "laser" treatments currently in use: Diode, Alexandrite, and IPL. IPL (which is not actually a laser) is the worst by far and it is not recommended anymore (it's the old technology). Diode lasers are slightly more effective than Alexandrite lasers, but they are also much more likely to cause adverse skin reactions. All adverse skin reactions to laser treatment are temporary though. For instance, for me (using a Diode laser), I get pimples and some crusting on my face after laser, as well as a raw feeling like the skin was sunburned (which it basically was), but it goes away after a week or two. Even if an Alexandrite laser would have fewer side effects, I wouldn't want to use one for me. I want this done as fast as possible and don't care about side effects that are only temporary no matter how bad they are.
The people who say that laser is only good for hair reduction, not hair removal, are generally comparing electrolysis with IPL, which doesn't even technically involve a laser. Laser and electrolysis both do the same exact thing - they superheat hair follicles until they liquefy. Laser sends the heat down the hair itself to the root, allowing it to get multiple follicles at once. But, if your skin is dark or the hair is light, your skin will burn before the follicle liquefies causing it to not work. Electrolysis, from what I understand, involves the technician putting a needle into every single follicle one at a time and then shocking the root itself with current until it superheats and liquefies. This difference allows it to work on any skin or hair color, but it's slow and reportedly more painful. A friend who had both done told me that, for her at least, electrolysis hurt more each session, instead of less like laser did.
So, if you have the right skin/hair color for laser, it seems from what I've researched that the best thing to do is to start with laser, get as much cleared as you can, and then switch to electrolysis for anything that the laser can't get. A good hair removal specialist should be able to tell you which is right for you though.
In theory laser should work well for me my hair it's brown on the darker side and my skin, well I burn like a vampire at noon. But I want to go to a place that dose both because I feel that if I see someone who dose just one they will tell me there method is perfect for me and I will end up wasting money. Then again I am always very suspicious of anywhere that the price it's determined after you go there, I understand the reasons why they do it but it comes off as very sleazy used car salesman. I know that's not the case it just feels that way to me. But I am painfully pessimistic so that's to be expected.
Thanks
Serena