Hello all.
I want to keep this as on-point as possible as the topic of my transition and therefore my life can easily turn into a ramble. Growing up as male I identified with my birth name but only in third person; hearing my name I always saw this other person who only I truly knew and had to play middle-man to. I aways felt this was strange and wondered who I really was..
During grade school I was kind and quiet but cared little for making friends although I naturally had a few who were companions that I could simply joke with during school but not much outside during the homelife. This is when I started to really feel disconnected from my gender as I had no desire to be manly and often crude as many of my schoolmate boys were. I had a stronger connection to the girl crowds but also thought they were cute so felt nervous and made very few friends in that gender as well.
By the time I hit high school I was basically a loner though I had no bullies or strong opposition. I felt very much alone and confused about who I was and what my future held though I thought maybe I just resided within that normal outcast roll but felt odd that it seemed self created. This was the point I felt so far from my identity that I started looking online for answers..
There was a movie on TV I read the description of earlier that was about a transgender woman and the soldier who fell in love with her and was subsequentualy murdered for it.. so, hearing the word off-handedly online, naturally I watched it and loved the story and cried thoroughly. I identified with her so much and so easily saw myself in her position I had to continue reading online. Through my youth I felt a strong connection to feminine behavior and often admired them more than I desired them.
Family problems with my parents occurred and I surpressed my identity issues for a few years as I moved around, the stress too high to even think about myself deeply. At this point I was working and feeling wholly unfulfilled and empty. Near suicide I left home, blindly hitting a point on the united states atlas and taking a Greyhound there the following week. Here I pretended to be someone new but this of course could not work in the long run without legal name change so here I was in my birth name again feeling more empty than ever..
Anyway, long story but I suppressed the reoccurring gender identity issue until last year, some 7 years after I ran away, thinking about it constantly but telling myself it was an impossible dream. Now in my late 20s I have a strong surge of dysphoria and feel so lost and stagnant in my life that I feel now is the time to change; I finally want to allow myself the chance to find happiness.
I decided to be pro-active and take advantage of ObamaCare and sign up for health insurance. I found a family practitioner who regularly deals with transgender individuals and works with trans support program within same facility. I have read and researched options on this for years prior so I feel fairly confident in my early transition..
Thankfully I live directly next to a somewhat small yet very progressive, liberal and LGBT friendly college city, so I feel I can integrate somewhat smoothly. I am not on HRT yet but will be seeing my primary practitioner soon and hope to start within the year so I wanted to join the online community partly to look for community but also as a support system to back my transition. :) Of course I cannot relay all aspects of my life and gender discovery but this seems sufficient enough, if not too much, for an intro.
My name is Heather and I am a proud trans woman! Happy to be here.
Hi Heather,
Welcome to Susan's Place and congratulations for finding us.
Here's some quick links to help you along
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Hugs,
~Jill
Hi Heather :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi Heather... Welcome :)
You'll get plenty of support help and guidance here... Gender Dysphoria affects many of us in many different ways, e.g. some stronger than others meaning that managing it is very hard, those that are able to manage Dysphoria do eventually find it becomes over-powering, then choice is no longer an option.
e.g. I have lived with mine just about all my life, but now I find its not manageable now, or I don't want to manage it anymore ;) a lot of us have, like you, a story to tell :-*
Happy to have you with us...
L Katy
Thanks for the welcome and hugs, everyone :) Looking forward to this!
Welcome to the forums, Heather! ^_^
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Transitioning isn't easy, but that's why we're all here for each other.
Thanks Naomi, I appreciate it. Yes, transition is not easy but at this point most certainly worth it. ^_^
Heather,
Welcome to Susan's