Susan's Place Transgender Resources

seeing that stealth seems to be on the mind of all those thinking of transitioning at one time or another what would you guess the most likely percentage of  stealth or how close do you believe you can come to 100% of living stealth. I think realistically without surgery I can get to 85%, Of course that could be an inflated number because I'm judging myself. Honestly I'm just happy living as a woman and doing my best without agonizing over whether I'm invisible or not. Most people don't care about your " passibility" and most of the rest just want to be decent people and accept you as who you are. I think there's only the 1 in a thousand that are the trouble makers , but those people don't need much of an excuse to hate anything.

So far, after 11 years, its 0-10% for me.

Me 100% stealth now.. however.. I have a tendency to out myself to people so they can learn about us.
Example, A woman or man compliments me and I say thanks so much.. this was me 2 years ago..and whip out my phone. 
I thought I wanted to be stealth.. but now I am so bold I just want to change the world about being transgender.. I want to stop the hate of ignorance..
Dodie..

yea, I know what you mean I get a kick out of being trans

I never purposely set out to be stealth, it has just happened. I had to disclose my prior name for my background check, but that information was not seen by anyone at my work site, only corporate HR. I have been working in my current job for 5 months and have not been misgendered once. I don't even get the vibe that some people are using female pronouns just to humor me.

I don't deny being trans, but I don't shout it from the mountain top either. If anyone were to find out and start asking questions I'd be open and honest, but I don't have it in me to be an activist right now. At this point I think opening a conversation with "Hi, I'm Allison and I am trans" would be just as odd as "Hi, I'm Allison and I had a roast beef sandwich for lunch".

My looks, voice and mannerisms probably won't out me once I'm far along enough. I may opt for some FFS but to be honest I'm dreading the pain. I'm going to see what 2 years of hormones does first. VFS is happening soon too.

What may out me is my history.

I have no need/desire for extreme deep stealth but I do want some degree of stealth. Maybe just at work when I change jobs. Sort of like Lynn Conway to a lesser degree, except the part about being fired for transitioning, which probably is less likely to happen these days.

    Allison you look great !
  Personally for me it is a non issue, I just don't care. Went full time July 2013 and HRT Dec 2013.Have lived and worked in the area  for 40 years a lot of people know me. When away from here I guess I kinda pass don't really know.But guys do give me their phone numbers on occasion.

The only reason I am not 100% is my political activism for our rights. Otherwise people have told me they had no clue!! :)

200%

I'm one of the most paranoid stealth. Except to my boyfriend and my closest family I'm shut down to the rest of the world. I've even cut off with part of my family and previous friends.

About 70% on the outside.

Accepting that I would forever be seen as a transwoman by the world was a big part of reaching self acceptance. It made it possible for me to just come out and turn my back on my closet for good. I'm transitioning before the eyes of everyone I know. I do not care what people see, I know how I feel and having my friends and colleagues begin to treat me acordingly has been wonderful.

I would find it hard to hide my past too, in part because I just don't want to. 20 years of hiding was too long. I don't want to hide ever again about anything! And although I am only a few weeks into hrt I am getting a mixed bag of responses from the general public. Some "sirs" but a bunch of "ums" and general ungendered language and I just got my first ma'am yesterday.

I am a woman, but I am also a transwoman, I think I might be a uniquely suited loudmouth/show off/ex activist. Maybe my oppinion will change, and passing most of the time would be just fine, but I like the idea of trying to change the world for the better. We loose so many trans siblings because of how society treats us. If I can do one thing that makes it easier for someone else in the future, I will do that.

I'll never be stealth. Everyone on my job and my old friends remember when I was male. I came out to my church when I had SRS, and most of my new friends are through there.

Personally, I like being out. You really can't know me without knowing my history.

    Had to say one more thing.  To me personally being out equals total unrestrained FREEDOM. I march in parades at the front of the VA group carrying a 8' banner telling people the VA supports LGBTQ and work in the VA booth at Pride fest and other events passing out literature about the VA. Also in my area I am the only TS to do so.Many of my friends would like to be involved but for reasons we all know so well they literally cannot because of the negative consequences. Life is really the pits like that for so many of us. In the end I just hope that every one of us that is out and active makes it easier for those who follow in our footsteps.   Patty

« Stealth » isn't something that I want, nor care about. I live in two of the safest cities in one of the safest countries, and it's really a non-issue here.  That being said, I have told a couple of acquaintances, and they got mad at me for « making fun of trans people » (I guess they thought I was joking?), so I think Stealth could be an option if necessary. 

Quote from: Evolving Beauty on April 21, 2015, 11:06:50 AM
200%

I'm one of the most paranoid stealth. Except to my boyfriend and my closest family I'm shut down to the rest of the world. I've even cut off with part of my family and previous friends.

My mom is the most supportive person I have and I cannot abandon her. I owe her a debt of gratitude for this. My dad I will leave him to figure out things on his own. He can't accept his daughter, fine. My brothers are supportive as well. They just want to see me alive and well no matter what the gender.

I already cut out some of my so-called friends. F'em. If they can't even try to accept me and then go talk sh*t behind my back I don't need them in my life. Anyone else who can't accept me for me lose me as a friend too. I am my authentic self, love it or leave it.

I will most probably 'pass' completely soon enough, now that my HRT has been maxed out.

It feels a little unfair because, as I've said elsewhere, I don't value 'passing', and am openly trans.

I hope that I don't become invested in stealth later on. I feel it would be a step backward from the progress I've made in accepting my transsexuality.

Quote from: suzifrommd on April 21, 2015, 11:51:10 AM
Personally, I like being out. You really can't know me without knowing my history.

And yes, I feel exactly the same.

0-10%
but starting so late in life, and not caring about how I look but how I feel. I would not want it any other way
I have not relocated nor changed jobs, I would have to give up so much again to even try stealth, I like being involved in public awareness events about who we are, and that we are ok,
most of all when I started I knew then my beginning was to be a 57 year old female on my best day, LOL

0% for me.. I'm quite happily openly trans. It's part of who I am.

I said 70-80%, but honestly that's probably just me being pessimistic.

I'm really paranoid. And since I do still get stared at by people, and people are constantly treating me, well, a little bit too nice for lack of a better term, I find it hard to believe that I'm not tipping off some people's radars. I'm taller and larger-framed, so I think that fact alone probably has some people questioning the possibility that I might be trans. I think that's really where I'm at with a lot of people, is where I'm more than female enough where they can't see me any other way, and they'd never not gender me female or treat me like a woman, but at the same time maybe they're suspicious that I might be trans, they're not sure, they might go looking for confirmation, or it takes them a while and takes them some careful study to figure it out.

This is all speculation. I'm also constantly asked about whether I have a boyfriend or not, random guys have hit on me at work, people constantly ask me about "when I was a little girl," or about whether I'm a mom, or if I have a husband, etc, etc, things that you just wouldn't ask someone who was obviously trans.

So I'm probably stealth to most people, but just transy enough to make some more-observant people question the possibility.

(Also, some people at work do know I'm trans, but mostly because I didn't move far enough away from my old hometown, and I still work in the poker/casino industry, which is one where the same people are constantly going back and forth between different casinos depending on tournaments and where the action is on any given weekend, so I had no chance of being 100% stealth, I still see a lot of people who knew me pre-transition, and word traveled through the grapevine because people don't know how to keep their mouths shut, so yeah, although I'm probably not instantly read as trans by people, lots of people know simply because of other people I knew telling them.)

I'm okay with that for now, as long as those who are seeing me as trans are seeing me as a trans WOMAN, and not interpreting that as "a guy dressing up as a woman."

100% at this point in transition "being out" is kind of impossible unless I out myself to everyone I meet. I pass for cis so the only time I come out is if I'm going to be intimate with someone but I'm not dating right now so it's not an issue being pre-op. I have to say that when I was dating, it was emotionally taxing constantly coming out to people. I'm really over talking about my transition stuff unless its like discussing it with my parents. For the past 5 years transition has been my main focus and I'm finally at the point where it's not consuming every aspect of my life anymore. I've settled into myself and life is grand. All the hard work I've put into transition has paid off and now I'm just enjoying life, the way it should of always been. So I'm moving on, all that's left is bottom surgery.

congrats

I've been interning at a company, and they only know boy me.  Once I graduate (boy name on my thesis is unavoidable), I hope to land a job at this company (they'd be dumb not to hire me and have said so).  And then, I'll feel free to start my transition.  Alternately, I'll find myself back in academia, where my history is open and public.  So in work, stealth is impossible.  Any friends worth keeping will accept a transperson, so stealth is pointless.

In day-to-day interactions with people: I hope somebody asks me if I'm ftm or mtf some day.  I hate the idea of FFS, so I think that's the best I can hope for.

I have a few friends who knew me from before, and my fiance knows.

Aside from that, I don't tell anyone. Maybe people notice, who knows? lol probably not since they always ask if i have kids.

And when its anything medical they really want to know if Im pregnant...

I voted 90-100%.

I guess it depends on how we're defining "stealth" in this conversation. (Not saying one way is better than another, just - it depends.) If it means "no one knows unless someone tells them," it's apparently 100%. If it means "what percentage of people *do* know I'm trans, because they knew me before or from gossip," I think excluding strangers it's like 50% right now. I have a lot of friends I made online *because* I'm trans, plus friends and family, and a gossipy boss.

good point

Im not transitioning yet so my answer is just my best guess of what I'll be able to achieve. I was gonna say 70-80, but I changed it to 80-90 based on what I've been told by my therapist and the Do I Pass thread. I still have trouble seeing it sometimes, but I believe it. ...maybe with a nosejob... :P

regardless though, I dont even necessarily want to be 100%. I'd rather be openly trans.

Quote from: sonson on April 22, 2015, 06:31:30 PM
Im not transitioning yet so my answer is just my best guess of what I'll be able to achieve. I was gonna say 70-80, but I changed it to 80-90 based on what I've been told by my therapist and the Do I Pass thread. I still have trouble seeing it sometimes, but I believe it. ...maybe with a nosejob... :P

regardless though, I dont even necessarily want to be 100%. I'd rather be openly trans.

you look like you'll do pretty good

Hi All, I would say between 80 to 90% as I have been noticing that I have never been misgendered for a good little while now. I would agree with some of you all that I still get some looks from women I'm not sure if it's them clocking me or just finding something interesting - who knows I am not a mind reader. However, I always get miss and ma'am even in close contact with people. Even today as I was cashing out this pants that I bought from a store, she even addressed me as "Ms. Insert Last Name - thanks have a nice day!"

As a defence when I feel I am almost getting clocked, I will open my mouth and talk and often my voice is the sway vote to the femme world. Thank God, I have a high pitched voice LOL.

Love,

April

I'm finding my voice getting better. I was with my therapist yesterday walking towards her office and this bag I have hanging from my side do to a infected gall bladder started to leak and I started swearing in a very feminine voice.

I dunno, I assume we are talking about stealth level with random people out in public? I put 80-90%, but I could be overestimating. Almost all strangers treat me as a cisgender woman, but I have no idea what percentage of those have no clue vs. the ones that are just being nice and respectful.

As for the people that know me, I'll never be stealth. I'm very happy to be who I am and completely fine with being open to others about it.

Quote from: Alaia on April 22, 2015, 10:09:53 PMAlmost all strangers treat me as a cisgender woman, but I have no idea what percentage of those have no clue vs. the ones that are just being nice and respectful.

Then you're passing pretty well.  When I go out presenting as female, nobody even hesitates to call me 'sir' or use male pronouns.  Now that I've got a pushup bra, I've had a few guys look up... get to my face, and flinch hard.  Before the bra, I just read as a man wearing a dress.  Sometimes, I can have some fun with that.  Today, I'm in a foul mood & feeling dysphoric about it.  :(