I've been a lurker for a while. Susan's has been a terrific learning resource for me, and I want to thank you for that.
I'm throwing myself in the Q phase right now, but currently in MAAB-mode...
Reading the stories of other married folks with children has helped me discern and I feel like I'm not the only schmuck who came (out?) into this thing later in the game.
Short elevator speech version now -
Minnesotan. 26. Currently in Seminary pursuing ordination in a mostly-affirming Mainline Protestant denomination. Married to a beautifully wonderful woman for nearly 4 years. Together, we have an ambitious and rambunctious threenager.
On our first wedding anniversary, I told her I was gay. She didn't believe me, so I didn't believe me, and I dropped that idea. Started occasionally crossdressing in secret - I hated/hate the secretive nature of it...
2.5 years later, after going through really intense introspection in counseling (required for my future career goals... and now necessary for other obvious reasons) and my chaplaincy process - I knew I was meant to be a woman... well, at least I thought I did... so I came out to my wife again. She didn't believe me the previous time, so why should she believe me this time, so we talked it out, and shoved those thoughts away - for a brief period of a couple months.
Then, a couple months ago, my Gender Dysphoria kicked into high gear, along with stressful and sleepless nights, anxiety running high, and life going in new directions... I wrote her a letter and came out to her a third time.
This third time was last Thursday. She saw my distress, and decided to make this an open conversation between us. I would tell her what I was feeling, when I was feeling it, and rather than jump right to the finish line for MTF Transition... I told her that we'd feel this out together, with an open line of communication between us. Whatever conclusions we came to, it would be together.
And this - this is where I am now. Again, I am so very thankful for this community. I'm so very thankful for reading you married/formerly married folks' stories - It has provided me with peace and reassurance.
Thank you for keeping the lights on.
Hi Metanoia, Welcome to Susan's. I'm glad to hear you have open communication lines with your spouse. It's a great start as both of you work through where ever your transition ends up taking you. I look forward to seeing you around the site. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
Hi Metanoia :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
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Hugs
V M
Welcome Metanoia to Susan's, its nice that you have spent time viewing some of the topics and post, you are not alone! You'll definitely find support and friends of diverse backgrounds who will be able to be with you all the way (virtually speaking of course).
We look forward to seeing you around the forums :-*
L Katy
Hi Metanoia trying to transition when Married is always Going to problimatical I keep making the mistake of going too fast and my Wife stars baulking or I am happy to tell people about my transition and the Wife wants to keep it under wraps .I have had a couple of times I have caused her to get cross with Me .But If Your relationship is deep enough and You have enough in common in interests and thoughts You should be able to pick your way around the Minefield and come out the other side
Hugs
Anita brown
Welcome to Susan's! Many of us here are married to women, and many of them seem unsure how they feel about it. But, everyone is different, and everyone's experience is different.
My wife was actually more bothered by me NOT coming out to everyone at once because it put her in the awkward position of not knowing what words/pronouns/names to use for me around other people because she didn't know if I was out to them or not. And, using male words/pronouns/names for me (or not correcting others) around some people was making it hard for her to figure out how she really felt about my transition.
I have no idea about your specific situation, but I firmly believe that being open and honest and communicative is always the key to a healthy relationship ^_^
Thank you for the feedback. I enjoy being able to hold this open conversation between my wife and I, and am thankful that she's willing to learn alongside me. She's mostly straight, so she knows my possible transition would mean divorce, but she's willing to go along for the ride now.
I talked to her about asking my therapist to start low-dose HRT... And she seemed amicable to the idea. Gotta wait to hear what the therapist thinks tomorrow.
She bought hair, skin, and nail vitamins for me last night so we could see who would grow their hair out the fastest.... We shall see. Thank you again for everything.
In the immortal words of Red Green (Canadian TV show), "just remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together."
I wish you all the best in the world on this journey. It sounds like you are very fortunate to have a wife that is not only willing to go along with you on this ride, but willing to assist in what little way she can, even though she is aware of all the potential outcomes. You have a real life partner there that will hopefully stay with you in one capacity or another regardless, be there as a shoulder to cry on when times get tough, and be there to share the joys and happiness with each milestone.
Maybe my wife will come around like that one day. She's not keen on HRT at all right now, or even seeing me in any makeup other than mascara, and I haven't even tried to broach the topic of clothes yet. Granted I haven't spoken to a therapist yet either, but that will hopefully be in the next couple weeks.
Welcome to Susan's Metanoia, Good to see that your wife is understanding. Really glad you found us and hope we can be of some help to you. Transition isn't always easy and being married with child - AND in Seminary, that's amazing. Actually there are more than a few transgender people in ministry and even pastors, so know that gender dysphoria can touch anyone. Hope we can be supportive and informative. Don't be shy, ask some questions and hopefully make some friends.
Hugs,