I'm afab and I didn't think I was trans until I was about 15 and I was a tomboy but I never had extreme discomfort with my body until I was like 15. Is it possible that I'm transgender or maybe this is just a phase? I'm 17 now btw and my feelings about my body and voice hasn't stopped. It just keeps getting worse.
Some of us didn't know until much older than you. I was 54. It's perfectly normal. Everyone hears, "oh, I said I was the other gender when I was 3 years old.". That does happen, but quite a few of us are a good deal older when we get hit with the clue-stick.
It's possible that you're trans. Not everyone experiences dysphoria during childhood. For some the dysphoria really kicks in around or after puberty when they don't experience the right changes like a voice drop or facial hair growth. Maybe that's what you're experiencing. Personally I did have dysphoria as a child but it got much more intense when I was in my teens then progressively got worse. It would be good to talk to a therapist, if you can, before it gets worse and so you can rule out whether or not it's a phase.
it first occurred to me at 9, i said flat out to my mom said i want boobs and a sex change when i was 13, again at 15, and just last year i figured out what that strong was and finally put a name to it, so i guess i can say, its more common when your younger but before we had entered a more heightened sense of awareness in the world, it was more common for older people to seek help than it is for younger people. maybe in the next few years, the age will drop more.
Perry, for what it's worth, most people would never even think to question their gender at any age. I think most of us will tell you that having those thoughts at all is a good indicator that you're gender non-conforming. Above all, you're you, a one of a kind original piece. Just go with that!
Hugs, Devlyn
Yep, it's very normal :).
Yea I was 22 when I started questioning my gender and 25 when I started T. Planning Top Surgery by September. I made myself crazy for 4 years going back and forth on transitioning. But after living full time for a while I knew I had to take the next steps because I was unhappy delaying it. That's me though. You just have to listen to yourself. Good luck with your journey.
I was 21 when I started my transition (I'm 25 now) but I pretty much always knew there was something wrong, so to speak.
You could have a look at this one posting, and the link there, for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187016.msg1665689.html#msg1665689
Its only in the media that people knew from early on.
People are individuals. There are no fixed rules.
And gender conforming people usually do not question their gender, apart from a little curiousity.
This all is a process, so I'd say take the time you need... but keep at it.
Asking questions might help, and writing about it might help.
many *hugs*
It's different for everyone and may depend on what their triggers are and how they come up as to when the dysphoria really kicks in. For me I was sort of coping pre-puberty but once I hit that age and found my life and the gender expectations on me were really shifting I became a reclusive basket case so I could avoid everything. I didn't even know I could question my gender until I was 19.
From looking at this forum it seems more common for trans woman to know from a younger age than trans men. My theory being that being a masculine guy is more enforced than a girl having to be girly. Also male parts are a tad more obvious than girl parts, hence trans women having early signs of dysphoria. I didn't know until I was 18, partly bcos of the reasons before mentioned, but also bcos of no LGBT stuff taught at my school or at home. If you're dysphoria is getting worse then you're likely to be trans. I think sometimes it may be a phase for me, but then I look at all the evidence and I realise it can't be.
Quote from: Elis on April 27, 2015, 07:57:48 AM
From looking at this forum it seems more common for trans woman to know from a younger age than trans men. My theory being that being a masculine guy is more enforced than a girl having to be girly. Also male parts are a tad more obvious than girl parts, hence trans women having early signs of dysphoria. I didn't know until I was 18, partly bcos of the reasons before mentioned, but also bcos of no LGBT stuff taught at my school or at home. If you're dysphoria is getting worse then you're likely to be trans. I think sometimes it may be a phase for me, but then I look at all the evidence and I realise it can't be.
I don't know, I've seen many women who didn't realize they were trans until later too. I wouldn't say female parts are less obvious than male parts either. Both are painfully obvious when they're not correct on you. Even before I knew the differences between male and female anatomy I knew something was wrong about mine, it was just instinctive.
If anything it may be more common for transmen to question their gender later because most female gender roles aren't as strictly enforced until puberty. It's usually considered okay for girls to be tomboys or play with masculine toys when they're young. It's unfortunately considered less acceptable for boys to be feminine and enjoy feminine toys or activities when they're young so it's easier for trans women to become aware of their gender identity or start questioning it earlier.
Also, once puberty hits anyone female bodied is thrown into a world of femininity and female gender roles as they're expected to mature into women and gradually grow out of the tomboy phase. That's probably why the teen years and puberty serve as sort of a wake up call for many transmen. Trans women on the other hand have already had masculine gender roles and expectations forced upon them from an early age.
It's highly variable. As many have said, some people don't know that they *can* question their gender until they're already adults. I knew that I felt like a boy at least from age 6, and I think even by age 4. But I never really admitted it to myself until I was about 11, and I began socially transitioning at 12.
Regardless of what may be floating around the interwebs, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to be transgender.
Dysphoria can manifest in many ways. When I was younger I only knew that I was different and that I didn't fit in with the other guys. I was a kid in the Stone Age so I had no information available to figure myself out. I finally started to unravel who I am in my 40s and I transitioned at 51. So yes, people figure it out at any age.
Normal is the name of a town in Illinois and a college in New York but not much help to us here ;D ;D
Seriously tho, many of us may know we are different or even transgender early on and then repress, deny, hide and shamefully stuff our real identity along with our fears in a dark closet. I have yet to meet the person that wants to be transgender as much as accept and embrace the truth, sometimes after a lifetime of rejecting ourselves. Most but not all transgender people experience dysphoria that becomes progressively harder to cope with over time. It may manifest in depression, anger, overcompensation or worse. This is a fascinating time with significantly improving knowledge and acceptance of TG people here and it seems that greater numbers of TG people are accepting themselves earlier in life and coming out into the sunshine. Accept it or not, if we are transgender these feelings are not going to disappear. We have heard people wish for a cure, a pill, magic wands, time machines and any number of solutions that can get around the work of self acceptance and transition. Effort is commensurate with rewards for most of us.
Quote from: Eva Marie on April 27, 2015, 10:53:31 AM
Dysphoria can manifest in many ways. When I was younger I only knew that I was different and that I didn't fit in with the other guys. I was a kid in the Stone Age so I had no information available to figure myself out. I finally started to unravel who I am in my 40s and I transitioned at 51. So yes, people figure it out at any age.
^This^ except later still. As a child I used to wonder if I was an alien or a different species. I feel human now.
Oh, and the overcompensation thing, I can't regret it. I've had some REALLY cool hobbies over the years.
Yes, in my case, I did ask at a young age and then I thought that that was something you just don't talk about (or think about). I believe I was right, in terms of the culture I was dealing with (1950s America). FWIW, i don't feel entirely "man". I think those who's gender may not be entirely in stark male-female terms might really not realize it.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on April 27, 2015, 02:09:20 PM
Yes, in my case, I did ask at a young age and then I thought that that was something you just don't talk about (or think about). I believe I was right, in terms of the culture I was dealing with (1950s America). FWIW, i don't feel entirely "man". I think those who's gender may not be entirely in stark male-female terms might really not realize it.
--Jay
Right on Jay. The 50s were a time in the US when kids were seen but not heard and virtually no one was out about ANYTHING! No gay people, no interracial relationships, no people with different abilities or presentation. I too asked and learned how repressive and brutally we police ideas about gender and sex. No one wanted to talk diversity then. It is becoming a better world now and I love being out in our cultural rainbow.
I didn't have strong indications until highschool (16+). I was in total denial about it until last year at 32. However after accepting it I looked back and realized there were many tiny indications WAY before highschool.
My parents have a hard time with this stuff because, as my mom says, "you never showed any signs, where is all this coming from?" But that's not true, I just didn't show it because I didn't have a name for it, I didn't know what this discomfort was so I just tried to fit in with the other girls. Miserable attempts they were. I would say since middle school, when I first heard about sex change in a conversation I'd overheard, they were talking about someone that was intersex and I just remember thinking "I wish I was in that person's position" and I spent the next few years wishing, in the back of my head, that I was intersex and was disappointed when I realized that I almost definitely wasn't. Where I'm from LGBT stuff are pretty much nonexistent (and illegal), so you don't really get exposure to anything. It wasn't until a few months ago that I was able to connect the dots. Everything suddenly made much more sense. It was always there but I couldn't identify it. And I'm 21 now.
I had some indicators when I was young, I always knew I was not like other kids, one of my earliest memories was walking to grade school, getting to the yard outside. The girl I had walked there with went to talk/play with her friends and I would have loved to join them but its grade school in the late 80's the divide between genders is horribly strong just going near her and her friends is out of the question, and I had no desire to play with the boys so I stood by myself alone, something that mostly continued forever.
It was around 16 or so and getting access to the internet that I was finally able to put a name to how I felt and see that I was not crazy, I was still unsure where I stood on transitioning but by 18 or so I knew that if I ever wanted to be happy I would have to transition, so instead I torchered myself for the next 15 years between family and fear and self loathing before I finally took action.
But I agree with some others due to how much more acceptable girls acting rough and tumble is compared to boys acting feminine its understandable that many transmen may end up being older before they realize why they are like they are.
--Serena