Hey everybody! I haven't been on here in a while.... But lately I've been pretty depressed about not passing. I'm 6'2" and I weigh 140 pounds now. I'm pretty thin and don't have much in the way of cleavage... Ive been on hormones over half a year now and I don't know what to change to look passable... Please be honest, I have zero clue what to do :,( http://s288.photobucket.com/user/xxcarleykittxx/library/?sort=3&src=pb_unauth&page=1
Ok , brutal honesty , I see absolutely nothing wrong.
You look like you pass just fine! The only "un-feminine" things about your appearance would be your flat chest and your height, but plenty of cis women are tall and/or flat-chested, so that isn't a major concern. Honestly, if I saw those photos and didn't know you were trans, I would've assumed you were cis because you definitely look passing.
The only other thing I can think of that might make you seem less "pass-able" would be your voice, since I obviously can't hear your voice by looking at pictures of you.
Well you clothes look somewhat androgynous, I would still gender you female... Why do you think you're not passable, is it yourself, or someone else?
Well everyone always says I'm passable, in those pics i only ever wore eyeliner, but for some reason I still get called He and Sir out in public, I dont understand it, I think i have female mannerisms ???
When I saw your picture my jaw hit the floor as the thought went through my head "why the hell doesn't she pass??"
On a visual level i'd say you do pass 100% (at least you do in both those pictures), maybe there's something in your mannerisms or voice?
Height & breast size shouldn't prevent you from passing, the support worker I had last year was 6 ft like me & jealous of my measly chest but she'd never been miss gendered in her life
All I can suggest is to ask someone who knows you personaly & see what they say, i'm really sorry but I don't know what else to suggest
Carly,
I looked at your photobucket pic and you definitely pass. From a transgirl to another, I say you pass you definitely do pass even from a distance or a close look. I'm 4 weeks going into HRT and I do not have boobs yet. I'm older than you are I'm in my 30s. I could pass because I'm built like a little girl since I was small, that is my advantage, but not everyone's standard. You can definitely pass on many levels. But I still sometimes get mistaken as sir on the phone or sir by non-Americans (sorry I'm not racist, I do see people not from the US to be more observant of people's gender and they can tell who is guy in that dress) I have cases of middle eastern and pakistani people call me sir even when I told them I'm transgirl.
Who is it in society that is not allowing you to pass? Do you pass in the women's restrooom.
Sometimes, its all in the mind and the vibes we send out. You don't need to be flamboyant, just be yourself and the feminine beauty will show and that will pass. Just be careful when men start noticing because they can sense the feminine scent we transwomen give out and some of them get turned on by that and that gives them catcalls to us. Some men are ok with transgirls some are ignorant, just be careful. I ignore men I do not know.
You pass imo. That's the kinda look im going for tbh lol.
The voice maybe? It's hard to hear what you sound like through pictures if you know what I'm saying lol. But yeah you totally pass in my books. Do you skate/long board btw. Just curious. :)
Quote from: DelKay on April 28, 2015, 09:19:27 PM
You pass imo. That's the kinda look im going for tbh lol.
The voice maybe? It's hard to hear what you sound like through pictures if you know what I'm saying lol. But yeah you totally pass in my books. Do you skate/long board btw. Just curious. :)
Yes I used to long board, my long board got sold though, sadface. Yeah I think it's the voice... Idk :( I need to be able to change it but idk how
As far as looks you definitely pass. I know especially early on my voice gave me away so often that can be the reason. So if you think it's your voice, then it very well maybe. Have you tried working with your voice yet? Good luck and hugs
Mariah
You pass with your looks I would look at your voice or mannerisms as the possible culprits (if you get called sir on the phone its a good chance its your voice)
Not only man mannerisms prevent someone in passing over act as a woman prevent many people in passing too! Hey Snackattack I agree with you about saying some people can not realize of find out who is Trans or not, In Brazilian they can very easily recognize a Brazilian trans but not so easy a foreign trans, here in Austria they are absolutely blind I have heard many times that my documents have an error cause it says "masculine " and then I have to say " no, my documents are all right I'm the one with error " 😊
I know this is going to go in contrary to what others may think, but what people see in your pics, may not be reflective of your real life situation. You need real life social support, ie., some female/trans friends, who can support you in your real life assessment, that way, you'll start to doubt yourself less, about who you are. Next best thing, is online, but that will only go so far, IMO. :-\
Carley, from your PS Piccies you pass 100%! agreed that if you hang around other females your self confidence and comfort will go rocketing up... That is if your not already, in that case for mannerisms etc. just take it all in and practise. I wouldn't worry about your bust, with some folks it just takes time, you'll get there.
L Katy :-*
You visually pass in those pics but if you carry yourself like a guy and your voice sounds male you will be gendered male. Voice is the swing vote/deciding vote for many when their brain is deciding what gender you are. If there is any hint of doubt that you're female and your voice backs up that it is likely that you will get him, his, sir etc.
You are simply beautiful girl! I can't se anything wrong on you!
Maybe people know your past in your town/city because they knew you after your therapy replacement hormone.. but I only see an amazing girl..
Only I can say: You rock!
This is part of why I hate the whole "passing" thing: it is totally arbitrary sometimes. That said, the *only* things that I can think of are your height and voice, ya know because clearly all cisgender women are 5'2" and sound like Minnie Mouse... *rolls eyes* Obviously, you can't change your height (nor should you need to), but you can do thongs if you feel that your voice is difficult for you. If you have insurance, you could get a referral to a voice therapist; if not, there are apparently many instructive videos on YouTube(?). Depending upon where you live, choir directors or academic musicologists or speech therapists may be willing to at least meet with you and help you make a plan.
Sorry you're having this problem. :( I don't think you need to change anything. As some other posters have said, you're a very pretty girl. End of story. If other people refuse to see that, there's something wrong with them, not with you.
Concerning voice, you could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184812.msg1643045.html#msg1643045
and for a few helpful thoughts here:
nyspeechandvoicelab dot net/transgender/voice-feminization/
hugs
Quote from: Laura_7 on April 29, 2015, 08:08:33 AM
Concerning voice, you could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184812.msg1643045.html#msg1643045
and for a few helpful thoughts here:
nyspeechandvoicelab dot net/transgender/voice-feminization/
hugs
Everyone thank you so much... Mentally this has been such a battle, even y long distance girlfriends friends and family see my pictures and go wow! She's pretty... And I do feel like I have a pretty(ish) face honestly... That's been my problem, I'm starting to be more comfortable with myself in the mirror and think if I had bigger boobs I'd love my body... But then I'd walk outside and get gendered male. It has to be my voice honestly, I had feminine mannerisms before I transitioned, and because of starting hormones at 16 my hips are growing and I can't walk from my shoulders anymore ???I'm going to start working on my voice immediately, this was a huge confidence boost, thanks everybody :laugh:
You easily pass and I'm jealous :)
Passing is about more than just looks, mannerisms, or voice. Easily 90% of it is your confidence levels, so others might be picking up on something if you're walking around worried about how you're blending in. Maybe get some friends together and go out somewhere that makes you feel relaxed?
Remember: If you look like you know what you're doing, then you can get away with anything!
Well, you need to post more facially revealing photos (with good light), if you want to recieve a fair observation on face. By posting two photos like this, you will only get "you pass 100% hun, I'm jealous" here on this forum, and this is not very helpful when you go out and are still being misgendered, or is it?
Being 6 months on hormones (If I read correctly), that shouldn't really help with passing yet, other than helping you with confidence. It takes time, a lot of it, before feminine body shape is formed. Be patient, and be smart with clothing choices, some feminine clothes can work against you if you don't have enough curves.
I'm going to repeat what everyone else has said but you definitely pass in these photos :) I definitely see a cute woman and wouldn't have known if I had passed you in the street!! :) xx
Quote from: mmmmm on April 29, 2015, 08:48:48 AM
Well, you need to post more facially revealing photos (with good light), if you want to recieve a fair observation on face. By posting two photos like this, you will only get "you pass 100% hun, I'm jealous" here on this forum, and this is not very helpful when you go out and are still being misgendered, or is it?
Being 6 months on hormones (If I read correctly), that shouldn't really help with passing yet, other than helping you with confidence. It takes time, a lot of it, before feminine body shape is formed. Be patient, and be smart with clothing choices, some feminine clothes can work against you if you don't have enough curves.
I totally agree with this, if your personal experience in the real world, tells you that you do not pass, then no amount of these well meaning positive comments here at Susan's is going to change that. I looked at your photos from my iPhone, but they are small, and I could not zoom in on them for an honest evaluation.
Speaking of passing.
As I walked out of the dollar store in my neighborhood. A Woman was talking across the parking lot to a little girl (with her head out of the car window), not sure if they are related but, the woman said, oh she looks like my daughter, which I walked past between the woman and the car with the little girl in it. The woman referred to me as the daughter look-a-like (since I was the only person between them) and guess what the little girl clocked me and said, no "That's a boy!". The woman yelled at the little girl and said, no "Mira, me", that's a Girl, ya know. Look at her pigtails and slender body and boobs (my fake boobs). The little girl kept insisting, no that's a boy. The woman, yelled at her again and said, look, that's a girl "Mira me", look "Mira, thats a freakin girl".
So I walked past them and smiled, as I was read as a girl. The woman wins because she has the most life experience compared to the little girl (who probably around 5 or 6 years old), but little kids have been trained early on to be segregated into male and female boxes in school and toys. Who knows, the woman may have thought me as trans or both a girl passing in her eyes.
I live in NYC, so "Mira" is a word I keep hearing especially in hispanic communities.
Your beautiful. I'd be asking you out if you lived near me. appearance wise, your totally good. the only thing might be your mannerisms? without shadowing you for a day or two I wouldn't be able to tell you whats wrong. But I woulda never guessed. You look cis to me.
Yes, 100% passing in photos!
I honestly didn't read every comment, but if no one else has said it and you want honesty...I think perhaps (and I can't tell from the pic) but maybe people may be misgendering you cause they see an adams apple. Also how is your posture? that can give people away sometimes. Just the other day I came across a trans girl i'd never seen before and I immediatly knew. Maybe being trans allows me to see clues that might not be visible to others idk, but I had no doubt in my mind that that person was trans. Clues were posture, hairline, larger fingers and adams apple.
Well you seem to be in a position where pictures may not tell the whole story. Passing is such a overall package thing no matter what a picture looks like. If I may suggest and if you can feel comfortable doing it the best and most accurate feedback you can probably hope for is from the people that miss-gendered you out in the real world. If you ask nicely and explain why perhaps they will share what tipped them off and then you can focus on the things that have you caught up in the real world and you can attend to those things what ever they are. The gig is up once they have miss-gendered you so you could take the opportunity if it feels right to find out why, then there is no guessing and you can focus your energy on the correct things especially if 2-4 people keep referencing the same things.
Quote from: Carley Anne D on April 28, 2015, 08:57:02 PM
Hey everybody! I haven't been on here in a while.... But lately I've been pretty depressed about not passing. I'm 6'2" and I weigh 140 pounds now. I'm pretty thin and don't have much in the way of cleavage... Ive been on hormones over half a year now and I don't know what to change to look passable... Please be honest, I have zero clue what to do :,( http://s288.photobucket.com/user/xxcarleykittxx/library/?sort=3&src=pb_unauth&page=1
i saw this and literally all i saw was a girl.
I get gendered female all the time and you look way better than me!
I dont see anything wrong
only thing could be maybe your voice? Since non of us had heard it
but even then
I see nothing wrong with your overall image. Perhaps its not based entirely on female attire that might be throwing peoples perspectives off. But my best guess is that your height causing the issues. Look into some topics about tall girls and what they have to deal with and see if it relates to you.
Also six months is nothing for HRT changes. Give yourself a year or two to see the real effects. =)