Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: PhoenixGurl2016 on May 02, 2015, 09:58:47 AM

Title: I am finally out publicly
Post by: PhoenixGurl2016 on May 02, 2015, 09:58:47 AM
Hi everyone. I would like to share that yesterday I came out on facebook. It was something that I had planned for about 3 weeks. So far what everyone posted was positive and supportive, even from people who are not on my friend list. Most of the people who I am friends with made the switch to my new profile. Not only did I get old friends but I got people who were not friends on my old page sending me friend requests. The only downside on facebook was that my post got deleted in a group due to them saying it was not relevant to the subject that the group was devoted to. I did get upset because while my post may not have been relevant to the group, it was for those whom I am leader of. I did overact but otherwise all positives.


I did have something bad happen however. My youngest brother whom I told a month ago, refuses to respect my identity. When I 1st told him he responded with "I don't care" and "it will not affect our relationship". He sent me a text message saying that he can not call me by my correct name or pronouns and disagrees with what I am doing. I asked him if that meant he does not want anything to do with me and though he dodge the question, I could read between the lines. From what I hear from other people, it seems that he has told them flat out that he does not want anything to do with me because he would be embarrass. I am not as hurt by this as I am by the fact that he was not honest when I told him before coming out on facebook. We were kind of close but he does have a bit of an attitude and we were not too close. I did help him out a lot though. I will not put up with people who will not respect me, no matter who they are. It looks like I lost a brother, however my relationship with my sister has gotten closer. Who knows what the future holds.
Title: Re: I am finally out publicly
Post by: Laura_7 on May 02, 2015, 10:25:16 AM
Congratulations :)

Concerning your brother you could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186574.msg1661576.html#msg1661576

hugs
Title: Re: I am finally out publicly
Post by: Mariah on May 02, 2015, 10:45:44 AM
Congrats on coming out and it's wonderful to hear in the large part people have been supportive . It's always such a relief when you have friends and family that are supportive because they are so important to our lives. I did much of my coming out on Facebook too, but family of course were notified through other means. I'm sorry to hear that your brother isn't excepting. I can only hope in time he will see the light and come around later. It takes people a good amount of time to process everything. Imagine it took you awhile to figure it all out and now it's their turn to do the same in regards to understanding it. I have been lucky that my siblings have been supportive. Good luck and hugs.
Mariah
Title: Re: I am finally out publicly
Post by: Eva Marie on May 02, 2015, 11:28:24 AM
Hi-

Congrats on taking that huge step to come out - it is wonderfully freeing  :)

Your brother might not have been dishonest - his initial reaction might have been one of support, and as time went by and he had time to consider things what he is saying now is where his thinking is going.

The only way to possibly change people's minds is with kindness and education. Whatever your brother does always respond in kindness because that leaves the door open. Would your brother read material or watch documentaries that you might send to him? If so, that would be a good place to start. You have an "in" with him because he is family and he should be willing to listen to you. Maybe you can bring up the recent Jenner documentary as a topic of discussion and feel him out.

With that said some people will not change their thinking no matter what (and family members/religious people can be the worst about that) so that might be what is happening. If that is the case then sadly the only option left for you is to cut him out of your life. Removing negative people from your life is a part of a healthy transition; it is one of the things we have to learn how to do to protect ourselves.

As an example - I am experiencing rejection from my very elderly parents. I am trying to patiently drag them down the education road because they are family but they are resisting - my patience has limits and I am very close to  giving up and cutting them out of my life and moving on.