:o Wooooah, hello!
So when I first began my transition I had huge dreams and goals I set to accomplish. I spent much of my time working towards becoming the person I knew myself to be, in all aspects. Faced many ups and downs, and majority of the time it seemed as if it were always bad and a glimpse experience of life not being so terrible.
Still worn out and tired.. Exhausted is my favorite word now, describes my current situation perfectly. Minus still going forward to progress and make my life better, and it is better, good getting better.
Releasing all the barriers I set for myself, finally, experiencing the world.
Since the beginning of my transition as I started off with, I had huge dreams and goals.. Now, I understand the priviledge and luxury of just being a normal contributing person to society. Maybe next lifetime, the stage can be for me. I could have the energy and mindframe to accomplish artistic careers but never really saw myself there, just a shahow outline figure of myself through my imagination.
Now I have no goals! Aha, all jokes and much more love and flow of the currents.
This is align with where I was going, yay, the coincidence of that.. Well, I am typing.
I had these huge goals and now I am exhausted but my experience to becoming this exhausted, I now can finally get over the 'PTSD' I was constantly living through. Speaking to associates earlier I stumbled upon their conversation about relationships.
Me, myself I just want to attend school and work toward obtaining degrees all while being in a relationship in our own place.. Of course I would contribute, cook (need more practice but I get down), clean you know the cliche duties that were assigned to woman decades ago. A feminist viewpoint, from this woman is that if a man or woman wants to slide into a stereotype and let that be their normal, it should be accepted and respected. Maybe it is my age but I am getting to that age that I should have more structure, and I am an old soul at heart. I have always known it, now I am able to embrace it, maybe that is why I feel my bones hurt and I cry out how exhausted I am. A joke, but I am so serious to myself.
So being 'eye candy' and going to school, I like to obey and felt so much guilt because of it. Not dependency but in a mutual agreement we would compliment one another in the relationship based on our (aka his) expectations. Also typing this may not even happen, or happen exactly.. Maybe I may get a job and go to school and do.. ok that trail of thought seemed like an exhausting day, but you can get me!
I am just old and the past dreams and goals I once had are gone. Of course the beauty and what if floats around but not my route.. & to be glad with it instead of feeling defeated is a Ray of Sunshine!
7 months in and it may be a while but now I am actually trying to be 'normal', so yay.
Gotta get it together, with my depressed widow who cares about looks swag.. Aha, old lady I am. (0_o) Yoda?
:laugh:
Hi EtheralBotany, Welcome to Susan's. It's wonderful that you are 7 months in already. I look forward to seeing you around the site. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
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Muah!
Eternal Plants; You are not alone after a lifetime of struggling to make a life and to fit in.. Now
you find you are just really starting out on your true and real lifes journey?!!!..your not alone!