I grew up a bastard child, and a few months ago after years of not knowing my father, my sibling sister called me.
I know her name and at the time was excited to meet everyone. Now though I have come to a understanding that I do not care about family, sure it has qualities and has its own importance, but I can continue my life as I have been.
To see my fathers face one day could be an experience but, gosh this true me has been uprising so much more. I really have no emotions or want to connect with the family I never knew.
Life goes on.
It was also troubling to twist back and forth at how I would present myself and build a relationship with them.
How do I go across letting it be known that I do not want the relationship, should I just keep living my life or should I be upfront so they can end the pursuit to find me.
Personally I hold no deep roots to family, I respect others and how they hold true to family, but I just do not care.
Living my life, transitioning, and passing peacefully.. No longer the pains or thoughts of how would I have turned out, who do I look like...
Just life in my eyes, and I feel no shame now admitting the truth. Rumor is that my grandmother who passed left something to care for me, but I want to give it away, if there was anything. Sorrow or the need is non existant and it is just blood to me, we live and we die. Sure this seems so bitter, or numb, but I have no plans of pursuing a relationship with any of them.
The moments becoming comfortable to meet them never came to settle and I guess I never really cared, it was just awkward and the sympathy for their search hit me, but even talking to my sister I was ready to get off the phone.
No animosity towards any of them, I just want to get my life in order and live it out. I could shake my head at this post but I feel no ill will in my actions, my intention is that we can move on, and that it is possible to live just not knowing..