A year ago, I cried myself to sleep. I didn't want to live anymore. Because I didn't want to be a man, I thought. Changing gender would "fix" all of my problems.
Now a year later, I can see that there were other issues in my life as well. Life is about balance, and it's important not to make hasty decisions. Getting new problems in your life can increase the magnitude of other issues that you're already dealing with.
I have been (and will most likely always be) confused about my gender. Once I started to research the transgender subject, everything just "made sense".
I don't feel like a woman being trapped inside a man's body. Nor do I feel like a man. I am something in between.
And I have come to be aware of, and accept, that fact. I don't have to be either; as long as I learn to love myself, and accept who I am.
"Would I be more happy if I started to change my body into that of a woman?" Maybe... maybe not. The social and psychological implications of undertaking such a decision is huge, and I honestly believe that I'm not strong enough to go through it (as a matter of fact, I would probably kill myself). And that is being objective, not emotional, about things.
I will no longer hide that I am a metrosexual man. I probably spend more time in the bathroom than most women. And I love everything female about my person. Hey, that's pretty cool right? Who cares about masculine and feminine anyway? Be yourself.
I'd love to someday date a transgender woman. We would have so much in common and stuff to talk about. It does honestly scare me, but hey, you only live once.
Susan's place is one of the best boards on the web. Much love, you are all inspiring and amazing.
Xoxo,
Gandalf
Our transitions are all about discovering who we are and understanding ourselves. Along the way we have to deal with all the issues we have been packing along the way and by the end allowing ourselves to love who we are. This also means that some will learn that transition isn't need or isn't for them. I'm glad you have figured out the path to which you want to take and have come to terms with the person you are. I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Good luck and hugs.
Mariah
Well, it's good that you have had your epiphany now, rather than later and perhaps on HRT or have had some kind of surgery. Best wishes...
I totally agree, life is about balance. For some, gender expression is paramount. I put it at around 25% of the totality of what makes me me. After five years on this journey I still have no idea where I'll end up. Like you, I had my "I want OUT" phase and quite a few WTF Am I Doing ??? phases. I still present primarily as male. I know and feel with all my heart that I have the soul of a woman. I also know to keep as much as possible of what is important in my life and not sacrifice more then what I feel that 25% is worth.
Hi Gandalf, thanks for acknowledging the support and guidance you have found here... Good to know.
There is no right and wrong, or defined approach to Gender Identification, certainly I have been where you have many times through my life, but deep inside I was always certain who I was, really, eventually through Learning and understanding, like in my mid to late forties, I decided, I started HRT ! But was not ready for so many reasons to be " out" but it has taken me ages to be comfortable and of course each stage of dysphoria got heavier till, I am commited.
So it is you who will decide if, when and how, but as Kittenpower said, good you hadn't started HRT.
Hope to keep seeing you about the forums... Take care and best wishes for you moving forward.
L Katy :-*
My confusion goes way back to when I was around 8 years old or younger. I always felt that I had the wrong genitals and should have been a girl but was unable to do anything about it. Even now I would like to have female genitals and other body features, be accepted as such by my wife, and be able to appear publically with her as either female or male as appropriate.
I have always told people that you are the only person who can, and should be saying this is or isn't for me.
Here at Susan's Place it doesn't matter if you are Male, Non-binary, MTF, androgynous, or Metrosexual. You are still welcome here!
Transition isn't for everyone, and I am just glad you found "your path". We are happy for you!
I am happy for you.
Only you can define who you are.
Whatever you are or want to be is your own personal thing. My experience though is that people who've had transgender feelings and for a period of time, tried to accept their "birth sex" and corresponding gender, or denied being transgender, ended up transitioning eventually. It's all about what your most comfortable with, and whether your willing to pay whatever price it is to live like that. It takes some people many years to know for sure.
Congratulations on your realisation. I'm glad to see you're more comfortable with yourself now.
I am glad to know that you have come to accept yourself for who you are.